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02 Mar 2010
A New Name For...
OK. A question I posed on Twitter regarding Orlando Pace that I think you guys will have some good ideas for.
We need a word for players who leave the team they spent their entire career with, only to spend one ignominious season playing well below their expected level of performance.
Popular submissions on Twitter included the "Namath", the "Curtain Fall", "Unitased", and my personal favorite, "Businessman" -- because he still got paid.
I'll do my best to make sure the winning name shows up somewhere in FOA2010.
70 replies , Last at 18 Mar 2010, 11:40pm by Dan
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"Being Outpaced by history?"
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The Matt LeBlanc Factor - 10 years of award winning success on friends, faceplant on his solo series, since then - nada.
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To a bigger degree, the Seinfeldian factor. It seems like they failed no matter what they try to do after the show ended
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Does that make Julia Louis-Dreyfus the Fred Taylor of the group with one small but good role in Arrested Development?
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Judging by the fact I still see commercials for it, her "Christine" sticom's been on for four or so years now.
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"Franconian." Used to be HUGE in Europe, now an empty shell of its former self.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franconia
See also: Franco Harris, Seattle, 1984.
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Moneyshooter?
/returns to dowloading porn...
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A subprime loan.
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Asterisk.
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Gets my vote.
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Brett Hart reunion tour?
Yes, I realize he returned to the same company...
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how about "in the glide path" (at the other end of the spectrum rookies of course would be "wheels up")
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The Rick Reilly.
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Used car salesman....he knew what you were paying for wasn't worth it, but took your money anyways.
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"Lonely Man Season" in honor of "The Lonely Man" aka sad walking away song from the Incredible Hulk.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Incredible_Hulk_(TV_series)#Music
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Cloth-touchers, because they pushed it too far.
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Logan's Run
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I think we have a winner here
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Turning 30 this year, I approve this message.
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My wife and I were amused by (and occasionally reference) the random orgy scene that was just kinda thrown in there. Other than that, pretty bad movie.
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Consultant - they are brought into the corporation, very well (over-) paid and everyone thinks they will bring about sweeping change. They do not, and then just fade away.
Water Cooler Guy - he sits around telling stories about the big program he worked on 10-15 or 20 years ago that was so successful. Lately? Middle management.
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I like consultant.
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I guess the repeated ignominies of Drew Bledsoe are a whole different category.
(I also like the Eagles)
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"Off-Color Zombie" or even just "Zombie"
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It's chronologically misleading, but I think the purest option would be Star Wars Prequel'd.
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Orlando Pace just Citibanked Chicago.
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He went "The College Years" (think Saved by the Bell).
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Postdoctorate.
They earned their credentials somewhere else, and spent a year or two at another institution.
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Pace took a fellowship with the Bears.
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"Fellowship of the Ring" would be an excellent name for the guy who joins a team late in his career for the purpose of trying to win that Super Bowl.
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The "broken fuel gage".
He says he's still got something left in the tank, but its obvious by the speed he's moving that tank is bone dry.
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Waste of Pace
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Another 48 Hrs. (aka the unnecessary sequel)
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I'll continue that thought and go with Godfather III. Nobody who appreciates the first two acknowledges that it ever existed. Actually, I don't know what I'm saying. There were only two Godfather movies.
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Two Godfather movies, three Star Wars movies, only even-numbered Star Trek movies, and so forth.
"Unnecessary Sequel" as a concept works. Appropriately enough, "The Phantom Menace" would be perfect in more ways than one.
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I throw my hat in with "The Phantom Menace," it's close to perfect.
Only some play on Generations and William Shatner could top it.
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Phantoms aren't really there, which is bad. Menace is bad too. Its a double negative. Also The use of menace doesn't describe who they're menacing. Their own team, or the opposition? Confusion.
Consultant is better.
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Godfather II and Star Wars III are awesome. The rest you can include.
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Final Destination 2.
Or in Brett Favre's case, Final Destination 3.
(I also like the Eagles)
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Pace was like a captive Giant Panda: one of the last of a dying breed ('97 draft class), he was unable to reproduce his accomplishments in a new environment.
Sorry, fairly lame, but it's the best I can do. This is the type of question that Bill Simmons excels at answering ... maybe Aaron can ask him the next time he does a podcast?
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Is this a name for the player, or the act itself?
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How about dot.com - everybody made money until I put my money in...
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Squeezed Juice.
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Erstatz.
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Facade
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I don't think Namath is fair, because his final season, with the Rams, was actually better than his previous year with the Jets (In fact, I'm not sure there is a worse season in history by a good, much less great, QB as bad as Namath's '76.), but I'm sure my idea will be roundly criticized: The Falstaff Maneuver.
Falstaff is widely considered one of Shakespeare's greatest characters in both Henry IV plays, but his appearance in The Merry Wives of Windsor is generally considered a mistake, to the point that Harold Bloom said something like (this is from memory), "The Falstaff who appears in this play is an impostor."
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"Surreal Sunset"
The sun is setting on their careers...and it's surreal to see Unitas in a Chargers uniform...or Namath in Rams gear. Everybody has a sunset season...it's a surreal sunset for the small number who have that one year in a weird uniform after a career somewhere else. Instead of referring to the player, give the phenomenon a name. Can't you hear John Facenda saying the phrase in the NFL Films biography about either guy? Or, Pace? The ultimate choice should pass the Facenda test...
From the franchise's perspective...maybe "cash for clunkers" would be best...
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I'm not sure how you could go with anything but 'Cash for Clunkers'
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What about the "Norma Desmond" players who refuse to accept that they aren't stars anymore?
"All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."
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That gets my vote.
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"Norma Desmond" is pretty damned good. Nice job, Hurt Bones.
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So the Cowboys release Emmitt Smith so he can Desmond for the Cardinals for a couple of years, Shaun Alexander signs with the Redskins to complete the Desmond to his career, and Orlando Pace Desmonds with the Bears in 2009.
Bill, I think you can close this Forum now.
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The problem with "Desmond" is that everyone will think you're talking about Desmond Howard (Heisman Trophy winner and NFL player). And, "Norma Desmond" would only be ideal if the character had played Lovie Howell for a year on Gilligan's Island or something. The pop culture ideal would have to be past their prime AND spending time doing something way beneath their past level WHILE getting paid by somebody who didn't fully grasp how it wouldn't work. Tough to find all three at once. Some of the Orson Welles TV appearances doing magic tricks for Merv Griffin long after directing Citizen Kane are at least in the neighborhood. Not really ideal either.
"Orlando Pace Desmonds with the Bears in 2009?"
John Facenda is poetically describing himself rolling over in his grave.
"2009 in Chicago marked a surreal sunset for the legendary Rams lineman" works well in basso profundo.
Easier to title the phenomenon than the player...
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Washington Redskin.
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As a Washington fan, that's as funny as it is painful.
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A "Brendan Scolari".... What, that doesn't make sense? You're right, I just wanted my name in the book. Damn.
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surrleal sunset only one good so far
if drink enough tonight might be able to come up with soemthign good myself
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Overdressed.
In relation to the player being dressed for too many games in that sorry final season.
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Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!!
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This always makes me think of Unitas with the Chargers (oddly, I wasn't alive during the era he played in, nor am I a Colts fan, so I'm not sure why I connect the two so strongly), so nothing is going to beat a verb form of "Unitas" as far as I'm concerned. Maybe it's a little unfair considering that he was traded, however.
--
There's a place I want to be. It's the NovaCare Center. That's in Philadelphia. One NovaCare Way, where the Eagles practice and then they eat cafeteria food and they watch film and we eat and we have fun.
-Donovan McNabb
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Al Bundy. Sure, he once scored 4 TDs in the city championship at Polk High, but now all he's good for is selling ladies' shoes.
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Hit-on-21
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If you want a pop culture reference...best karma might be Orson Welles. Storied career...but his latter days were kind of as a parody of himself...and, fittingly for this theme, his final TV appearance was on...believe it or not, "Moonlighting."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orson_Welles
If the goal is a Bill Simmons type pop-reference, I'd vote for calling that last year an "Orson Welles". If you want Facenda type prose to describe that last season to melancholy music...then I'd submit "surreal sunset."
Okay with Nora Desmond...from the aptly named "Sunset Boulevard." Think a guy makes more sense though since these are men we're talking about...and Joe Namath was in as many TV commercials as Orson Welles was when I was growing up (lol).
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Bill, you've used 'ignominious' twice now. Do you needs words like that to make your point?
Find it in the dictionary and see if it still fits.
It's not a 'disgrace' or 'shame' what Pace did.
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Tim Brown?
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My first two thoughts were Prodigal and Juice.
Prodigal. Plus: Like the Prodigal Son, the player invariably returns home to sign a phony contract so he can retire as an Original Team. Minus: Unlike the Prodigal Son, the resources are needlessly spent upon the son's leaving rather than his return.
Juice. Plus: Similar to Unitas and Namath, a star who went west to demonstrate that his washeduppedness was not a function of the Eastern Time Zone. Minus: Unlike Unitas and Namath, the tag suggests the possibility of being, beyond a contractual disappointment, a likely double murderer. Plus: The player can, years after retirement, reveal the secrets to his garnering one last fat contract in a creepy memoir entitled "If I Did It". Oh, wait. That's not actually a Plus.
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"The Decider" - as in he is the one that will decide when it's time to retire, not his lifelong franchise...
"Transitioned" - as in this is someone that probably once was tagged with the franchise or transition tag at some point, but in the end decided to 'transition' his way to another team and another paycheck...
"Own termer" - as in retiring on his 'own terms'...
"Game retirer" - as in "I don't want to let the game retire me...", common athlete cliche, although this is mostly used for guys going out on top, so I guess this isn't quite as appropriate...
"Billmunny" - a reference to Eastwood's character in Unforgiven, hired gun out for one last mission, also sounds like a reference to money (i.e. that last paycheck)
Karl, Miami
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Pamela Ewing Dream Season
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I think saying "The Bears got Olajuwoned by Orlando Pace" has a nice ring to it
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I'll second the "gucci handbags" suggestion. As in "The Bears signed Orlando Pace? Sure, he has the name, but at this point I'm afraid he's just a gucci handbag." Or "Whoever signs Westbrook would be lucky to get anything more than a gucci handbag."
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