oh doctor z.....you gotta love that he does stuff like this, but to be honest, do you actually believe that a real hang-time record was set? can you honestly trust the record keeping of a guy who calls his wife the Flaming Redhead in his column?

I was all set to make the requisite ROBO-PUNTER comment, but I'm tapped. I think we killed the joke.

Wow, Dr. Z keeps track of some weird stuff. Color me weirded out.

I gotta tell you guys, the catholic match girl just isn't that hot.

I'm not seeing it.

You'd think hang time would be an important statistic. Time for the coverage team to get in place and all that.

re #4

Concur.

Re:#4

Agreed.

It's not even the creepy factor; she's just pretty average looking.

Re #4

Absolutely Hilarious!!

Although I bet she is a frickin babe in real life!

She'd be cute if her eyes didn't steal your soul.

Has anyone ever clicked on that Catholic Match girl? I did once out of curiosity and the 4 humors categories were hilarious.

Me thiks the catholic match girl was sanguinary not sanguine though...

I'd totally let her squeeze my bird.

That's 6 comments in a row about Match Girl, and 7 out of 11. Don't think you aren't being counted.

I want to see her in the schoolgirl uniform. Or maybe a habit.

Kind of an unusual record. The number of posts about the Catholic match girl, I mean.

She kinda looks like an old housemate of mine, only much better looking. I dunno, I'd do her.

Maybe the Colts can trade Vinatieri & Gramatica to get Raymer back.

I kind of like what Catholic Match Girl brings to FO though. She's become a staple of our football lives. It just wouldn't be Football Outsiders without her.

The Catholic Match girl's name is Virginia.

I loved the Z article. He's a nut, but a sincere one and this is the kind of quirky stuff you'll rarely see from most mainstream outlets.

I say the record is legit. Which means of course... now the SECOND-best thing in the world about Dave Rayner is that his very existence pisses off Mike Vanderjagt. (Indy spent a draft choice on a kickoff specialist, thereby insulting Vandy's manhood.)

Catholic Match Girl is so airbrushed, she could look like Audrey Hepburn.

Looks to me like Zimmerman has OCD.

We're at 15/20 comments about Catholic Match girl now. That's just uncanny. I'm not sure that will ever be topped.

I presume you guys are using a browser that shows adverts? This thread makes no sense otherwise.

I think it's more shocking that 3/22 comments are about the amount of comments about the Catholic Match Girl.

Somewhere David Rayner is weeping.

I prefer the girl advertising the handbags to be honest, she looks far more innocent than Catholic Match girl.

Does the girl whose face is used in the Catholic Match advert even know her face is being used on a football website to attract horny catholics?

Regarding the Catholic match comments, advertising is all about getting noticed and remembered, so I suppose the placement of this ad here is a great success.

A couple of years ago, my son installed a free international dialler on my computer and told me to try it out, but because of the time difference it was 4 AM in the US and I couldn't try anyone I knew. So having lived in Chicago thirty years earlier, I dialled 312-588-2300. That's an ad that always worked.

So, Israel, what kind of carpet did you get from Empire?

I vote in this thread we start MSPainting our favorite internet advertisements of all time.

Tom, I got a recording.

Maybe there is a ROBO-Catholic Match Girl out there too?

well, seems like i'm in the minority here, but i'm actually going to talk about Rayner.

I was actually at that game, with my dad, both packers fans and both attending our first game ever. Awesome time, and I had no idea at the time I was witnessing history, lol...

Seriously though, one of the first things I did notice was that Rayner was bombing the kickoffs. He must've had 3-4 kickoffs go for touchbacks including the one Dr. Z talked about. There was a helping wind in one direction, but he was still drilling them. Once he hones his accuracy a bit more, I think he'll be a very dangerous weapon on special teams, a guy who can kick it out of the endzone and kick long field goals to boot.

It'll be interesting to see how easily he'll take to kicking in the bad weather and crappy field in Green Bay later in the season. That was definitely Longwell's strength, IMO.

Houlie, could you please stay on-topic

Agreed: the Catholic Match babe is not a babe. She's not that pretty and she has schizophrenic eyes. Can't you just see here dropping a live rabbit in a pot of boiling water?

Longwell sucked at Kickoffs though. At least something seems to be going right for GB.

GB had a shot at Vinietieri and passed. I don't think they'll trade for him now.

And I always thought the girl is creepy. Her eyes look 12 and her mouth looks 35.

Would this make Rayner ROBO-KICKOFFSPECIALIST?

I wonder if Dr. Z clocked the Philly game from a couple years back when Akers boomed a kickoff from the 15 through the back of the endzone. I think he had to start 15 yards back because of excessive celebration on the preceeding touchdown (maybe the one where Mike Bartrum caught a TD and long snapped the ball back to McNabb?). That was the most impressive kickoff I've ever seen.

Another glorious thread at Football Outside Hers.

23.
Somehow, I don't get the handbag girl.
And although I don't think the catholicmatch girl is anything special, I'd hit it.

she has schizophrenic eyes. Can’t you just see here dropping a live rabbit in a pot of boiling water?

Hott.

I feel guilty for not clicking on CMG. It looks like she is almost saying, if you don't click me, then you are going to go to h3ll.

Must be that Catholic upbringing rearing its nagging head again.

I'm glad someone finally said something about CMG -- she gives me the creeps.

I dunno, I think it's a pretty lame ad. You'd think that if catholic match was that great, someone like catholicmatchgirl would have been spoken for long ago.
Or maybe the tagline should be:
Catholic Match: where the girls are hot and the guys. just. ain't. bitin'.

Somewhere David Rayner is weeping.

Catholic Match Girl will cheer him up.

Or throw him into the pot of boiling water along with the live rabbit.

Whatever works, you know....

lol @ 38

Or where the girls are hot and then guys are all in the closet.

Yes, there is something very wrong about Catholic Match Girl. However, they're still using the ad so I assume she's effective. That must say something about the type of people who use online Catholic dating services. Not that there's anything wrong with that, right. There are a lot of different tastes out there, hey, I have the internet after all.

29

She already looks more machine now than woman. Twisted and evil.

Aaron, please start a new "Irrational Catholic Match Girl Discussion Thread" to go along with the Brady vs. Manning thread. I know content providers aren't supposed to address their advertisements, but this ad is just too creepy NOT to discuss.

36: very, very funny

With the amount of airbrushing involved, CatholicMatchGirl could BE David Rayner.

Say what you will, but I prefer Catholic Match Girl to the old AVP ads they used to have here. At least now I'm not embarassed to have it up on my screen at work (at least, not any more embarassed than I am about not doing work at work).

#25-26: Now that friggin' 'Empire' jingle is stuck in my head. And since I didn't bring my iPod today, my only choices are to either belt out a random tune right now, or sit quietly and hope I don't start humming the Empire jingle at the wrong moment later in the day. Damn you all.

She's not creepy, she's hot. And she's got smokey doe eyes. Can't wait to see her starring in "Catholic Match Girls in Trouble".

Actually, I think the cognitive dissonance is resulting from the fact that her skin has the wrinkles and crow's feet of a 30+ woman, but her parted-in-the-middle hairstyle is typically associated with young girls.

So, to summarize, giggity giggity goo.

CM's eyes are the Devil's control tower.

perhaps we can introduce Catholic Match Girl to T.O.?

He could sure use a new "publicist"!

37 the handbag girl only occasionally appears as part of the last advert on the right, shame really.

Boo! You spoil all our fun!

She's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes.

49. Dude, you've stared WAY too long at that picture.

Re: #56

By this point, we ALL have stared too long at those eyes.

Maybe its time for BuddhistMatch or JewishMatch or even AtheistMatch ?

I opened up Internet Explorer while commenting precisely so I could see Catholic Match Girl. I even registered over there, albeit for the sole and express purpose of taking their silly quiz. And she does creep me out a little, even if I would do her.

And seconded #19. Z is a cranky old guy, which means you get the great historical pieces and idiosyncratic miscellanea like this.

Everyone loves hypnotoad.

[60]

My goodness ... a "Futurama" reference?

I'm waiting for Catholic Match Girls Gone Wild or Wild Party Catholic Match Girls.

Should be some good videos.

Futurama is the funniest show on TV, and quite possibly my favorite cartoon every created.

58:

Something tells me that those sites would not reek of despair. Then again, they ARE dating sites.

At least we don't have an eHarmony advert here...

[63]

sadly, they never did a football version of "Blernsball" ...

Re: 65

True, but at least both sports have the same "Worst Player Ever" (well, at least they used to anyway).

FIVE SIX FOUR four four SIX four (while we're on the subject of ads that effectively implant telephone numbers in your brain).

Mattress Max could tell you 694-5570:Houston::588-2300:Chicago.

Re 68:
588-2300 is for Indy as well.

That's about the only number I remember from advertising. Of course, names are easier, like Bob Rooooooooohrman. Whenever I say his name it has to be in the ad's voice.

Call me. 867-5309.

"Can’t wait to see her starring in 'Catholic Match Girls in Trouble'."

That movie is scheduled to be released in June 2007.

Maybe it's a hoax. Maybe Mel Gibson haters are smearing catholics by putting up fake ads with possessed demongirls.

Just think, if it was REALLY the world's largest catholic dating site, wouldn't they have a proofreader? Not short on cash, are they? I mean, they did proofread the Bible, right?
"exicitng online enviroment"?

seriously, exicitng? code for exorcism, no? I smell conspiracy.

[72]

nah .... just anagram practice

next up ... WiccaMatch!

Oh ... and btw ... seeing the words "hang time record" immediately plopped the opening them music to that teenNBC show "Hang Time" into my head

(Dick Butkus? as a BASKETball coach???)

#65 - Sure they did. It was called the 'XFL'.

1-800-54-GIANT (Call...Giant Glass!).

Who do you call when your windshields busted??

this thread is slowly turing into the most random thread ever.

Does anyone else get the 'Mate 1 Intimate Dating' ad at the bottom of the line of ads?

That girl kind of blows C-M-G away! Swing!!! (why the golf reference at all though?)

No, but apparently Uncle Sam thinks ESPN sucks.

Factual interlude: The biggest roster of names in a credit sequence belongs to Matrix Reloaded I believe. Or Lord of the Rings: Return of the King extended edition, if you count the members of the LOTR fan club. Interlude over. Back to Catholic Match Girl

This interlude was sponsored by Catholic Match Girl - behind her girlish exterior beats the heart of a ruthless, sadistic maniac. Apparently.

New interlude: Quoting english TV shows on an American board - recipe for responses of "...Wha?" and "You idiot". End of interlude.

This interlude sponsored by Podge's insanity, created 97% by the Official Catholic Match Girl Thread on Football Outsiders.

The CMG's name is Jenny. She can be reached at 867-5309 e-ine.

Am I ruining the internet advertising business model if I click on CMG just so that the ad will keep showing up and I get to see her at work every day? Or am I just a sick, sick man?

It could be worse ... we could be on a Catholic Match discussion site, and talk about only football

Paul: See post #70.

Catholic Girl?

I'd hit it like a pinata at Cinco de Mayo.

I'd hit it like a steel drum in Jamaica.

Dude...she's a vampire...look at her mouth on the right side...there's a fang there I know it.

*sigh* I confess: i configured Firefox to 'load images for the originating website only', so I haven't even seen Catholic Match Girl in ages. I'm going entirely by memory as I read these comments...

Now that I think of it, the fact that we're so wildly off-topic seems somehow appropriate for a Dr Z discussion.

I can't believe it's taken me this long to make the obvious connection. Of course we're talking about Catholic Match Girl - she's a fan favorite!

Apologies for the triple-post, but does anybody if there's a latin equivalent for shiksa?

Man, I really need to get back to work.

I must agree with #59. Yes, she's a demon succubus, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't hit it. Judging by that crooked half-smile, I suspect her profile page lists Lorena Bobbitt as one of her influences.

Marko 85 - Sorry about the copycat stuff. I scanned by Item 70 without seeing it.

This is sad that blogging about the CMG is making this one of the longest posts. It's always so obvious when the Patriots have a bye-week - nothing else to talk about...

bah, that ad just stares at you. CMG's STARE ALL Day long saying "you're getting paid HOW MUCH to look at FO all day"! BAH!

re: 18. Cool. Sounds like you already met her.

Still seeing beanner ads? C'mon guys, jump on the firefox/adblock wagon already!

OK now I look like a crazy person because the ad I mentioned has been replaced by a highlighter ad

Re 95

Why the hell would I want to do that? I wouldn't be able to see CATHOLIC MATCH GIRL!!

You know, if I saw a little roach leg twitching out of the corner of her mouth, it wouldn't shock me.

From Z's follow-up mailbag:

This is his question, and before I forget, let me thank you, Matt, for the nice things you wrote -- "Now that you've recorded a 5.12 kickoff, do you think you'll ever see a 6.0 punt?" Well, I know what one looks like, but I don't think I'll ever see one. Says which huh? When I was a beat man, covering the N.Y. Jets, I used to hang around practice at the end to watch the returners field punts from that automatic punting machine. One day I asked the ball boys to set the thing at max, all out, to see what would happen. They did. KABOOM! A fourth of July rocket. Went from deep in one end zone to deep in the other one. The hang time, which I made sure to record, was 6.5. So that's how long a 115-yard punt would hang. No, unless they sign Elmo the Kicking Kangaroo, I don't think I'll ever see anything like that again.

Proto-ROBOPUNTER??!

Apologies for the triple-post, but does anybody if there’s a latin equivalent for shiksa?

I think "gringa" works.

Oh wait, did you mean "Latin American" or Latin like Cicero and Virgil? In the latter case, I can't help you.

#100!

Dave Rayner is mocking my Loser League selection.