If your going to draft fictional players you have to think out of the box, why focus only on football players ? Cast your net a little wider for unique talents. Me, I'd take Mr. Incredible #1 and put him at LT for the next decade.

Just movies? Lame. They need to include literary characters as well.

I mean, I can't be the only person who read all of those Chip Hilton books.

My 1st round draft pick: King Kong at MLB.

You've got to love Forrest Gump at #26 for the Eagles. What a steal. Will anchor their KR teams for years to come.

Funny. We at 18to88.com actually published our own mock draft a few weeks ago. Check it out.

And how is it that the Chargers didn't trade up to grab another roid warrior?

“Footsteps� Falco is already in the league under the pseudonym Joey Harrington.

Congratulations, Jets fans, your team has just jumped the shark.

How does Paul Crewe not end up on either the Raiders or the Bengals?

Where is Robo-Punter? He should at least crack the top 10...

8 QBs taken and 5 players from "The Program." No Delmer? No Joe Bob?

Am I the only one that finds it interesting that the only actor that shows up more than once is Adam Sandler?

Gene Collier, a local Pittsburgh scribe, tells a great story about how one year he and a group of football writers from Philly held a mock draft during the real NFL draft.

The rules were simple: You could pick anyone who ever lived.

The story is fantastic and if I can find an online link to it somewhere I'll post it.

No, no. He has the Cowboys all wrong. We can surely get Joe Pendleton in the second round to develop behind Romo and Johnson.

What the Cowboys need in the first round is a difference maker. Someone who can change the course of a game. Someone with attitude, maybe even a swagger. I'm sending an email to Jerry Jones right now with two words: Spearchucker Jones.

Man, Steamin' Willie Beamen's stock really plummeted as we approached draft day- I never would have expected him to fall all the way to 10th. If being involved in horrible rap videos is really a valid character concern, then why did Deion Sanders go so high in '89? Hey, we are the Seminoles of Florida State...

Also, I know he wants to stay close to his Mama, but if it's up to me, I'm definitely grabbing Boucher #1 overall. And if anyone from the replacements deserves to be drafted in the first round, it's the kicker- he's the closest thing to RoboKicker that we'll ever see.

Al Bundy, HB. Polk High.

College:
Four touchdowns in one game.
He also won the 1966 city championship for Polk High by scoring a touchdown in the final seconds vs. Andrew Johnson High School.

"Robo-punter should crack the top-ten". That's madness.

He's a 'can't miss' number one pick.

#16 - In a normal draft, maybe, but I'm with Kibbles: Boucher isn't just once in a generation, he's a flat out one off, streets ahead of even Lawrence Taylor. He single-handedly stops the opposition passing, allowing you to have every other player on defense selected solely to stop the run. And that's without even considering his impact on special teams blocking kicks and punts (perhaps even ROBO-Punter's) and busting the wedge.

As for Beamen, the only thing stranger than his fall is the Texans picking him when they just traded for Schaub. I know Beamen's all-action playing style makes it likely he'll miss some time at some point, but you still don't spend a first round pick (or equivalent) on a back-up quarterback.

I also can't see the Patriots or Eagles, two of the league's savviest franchises, using first round picks on non-robotic special teams players. I know Gump has Devin Hester speed, but history clearly shows that return men rarely maintain their effectiveness for long enough to be worthy of even a first day pick on that basis alone.

Djordevic, meanwhile, is simply not an NFL talent. He has neither the speed to play corner nor the hitting ability to be a safety. I know he had a great high-school career, but sometimes you have to look at the measureables too.

Only a few years ago, Sentinels K Nigel "The Leg" Gruff would have been that rare species: a kicker who was actually worth a first round selection. However, with the suspensions now being handed out for off-field bad behaviour, I think it's questionable whether he'd ever play in a game. A team with a low first and a high second, like the Bears, could consider using them on guards Jahmal Abdul Jackson and Andre "Action" Jackson, but would have to be wary of one of the teams in between playing spoiler by taking the second and holding out for a king's ransom, Monopoly style.

Despite his serious knee injury, I believe that Wendell Brown's astonishing talent makes him a better pro prospect than his Coyote team mate Tweeder. Besides, the Vikings would likely be wary of acquiring another wide receiver with drinking problems. Former Coyote quarterback and Brown alum Jonathan Moxon would be worth a late round flier. Although he has not played football since high school and lacks prototypical NFL arm strength, he is a smart team leader who makes great decisions under pressure and is a coach on the field. He could be the next Doug Flutie.

Finally, even in an age where the running back position is somewhat devalued, and in a loaded draft class, it is astonishing to me that a Hall-of-Fame calibre talent like Gavin Grey could fall all the way to #31, and there be snagged by a team that see him only as a platoon back. The Ghost is clearly a superior back to Washington, and unlike the Sharks rusher is a supreme competitor who leaves it all on the field. I can only assume this is yet another case of scouts paying too much attention to the 40 time (not that Grey is a slouch) and not enough to the game tape. Non-college RB talent Narvel Blue is also criminally under-rated and worth a selection at some point.

How could Boucher not be #1 overall? The guy single-handedly destroyed vastly superior teams, and has a good chance of knocking out the opposing QB on any play. If nothing else, you'd take him just so he doesn't hurt your players. And while every team wants coachable players, here's a guy who doesn't even need coaching - he barely knows the rules and is able to dominate.

What could possibly hold him back? Maybe teams would be worried about his age, but if he gives you even a few dominant years, isn't that enough? Maybe the mama issues would be too much - fear that she'd manipulate him into not playing at a bad time or something. I think that's a risk worth taking. The only thing I can see is that maybe they think married life will make him soft, and he's losing all that rage that fueled him. I don't know, we'll see how that plays out.

Just give me Bill Lattimer #99 and let me build my defense. STARING DEFENSE!

Brian Murphy from Gallaudet is very clever. In the movie, didn't he actually play for a D-1 school? In any case, he sorely lacks Graham's blocking ability. He is, however, blessed with deceptive speed.

Paul Crewe played for the Seminoles. And Nellie's character from the re-make certainly had first round skills. Not Bill Romanowski, though.

Spearchucker Jones and Al Bundy are unforgivable omissions.

Danny Bateman should be maybe a second round pick as a poor-man's Bobby Boucher.

No love for Jimmy Lee Dicks (Dix?)(Dukes?). Best arm in the league. Remember that.

It's a shame Boobie Miles tore up his knee, but he's worth a late-round flier and a stint on the PUP/IR. But Ivory Christian and Chavez are possibilities.

I suppose drafting Billy Dee Williams' character from Brian's Song would be cheating?

Didn't Jimmy blow his talent on Demerol (sp?) and gambling?

I mean, I can’t be the only person who read all of those Chip Hilton books.

no, you're not (blushes)

Chip Hilton--top 5 perhaps

Biggie Cohen--low 1st, high 2nd round

Speed Morris--3rd or 4th round (questions about size)

Soapy Smith--undrafted free agent; could help on special teams

draft, shmaft. i just want to see ROBO PUNTER vs Gus the mule at the combine.

For some reason this draft requires that the Rams trade for J.P. Losman first.

Can we get some kind of plug for the annual FO mock draft? Sid is still trying to fill a few spots and its something I find immensely enjoyable, look forward to it every year.

we do have a thread on it over on the discussion boards, but the more visibility the better...

"The only thing I can see is that maybe they think married life will make him soft"
Uhhh, Bobby got married to a crazed Cajun chick with ESP and a criminal record (played by naughty looking Fairuza Balk.) The Schmoo couldn't go soft under those circumstances.

#9 - ROBO-PUNTER is not fictional! You shall be smitten for such blasphemy!

#15 - dammit, that was going to be my joke.

Re: 12

That is a great story. I think Genghis Khan was a top 5 pick but the game ended when one guy picked Jesus. He can turn water into wine, he can easily pick apart the 4-3. It's a great story and if you can find the audio, him telling the WDVE guys about it is very funny as well!

Give me a first-round pick and I’m drafting Johnnie Rico from Starship Troopers. Moves like Vick, throws like Marino, and the dashing good looks of Johnny Unitas. True franchise QB.

Where's Randall "Pink" Floyd? I know he's only got experience as a high-school QB in the 1970s and a history of drug abuse, but INSERT BENGALS JOKE HERE.

Adam H, When was Faruzia Balk ever NOT naughty looking...?

NO love for Predator or Alien? I think they'd make fine defenders. Is eating your opponents a penalty? Who would dare throw the flag?

Finally, for the book geeks out there, there was a book published 18 years ago called The Man Who Ruined Football by Elston Brooks, about a middle-aged guy off the street who could kick a FG from anywhere on the field. (Sort of ROBO-Punter's estranged dad) I thought the premise was great--his team scored at least 3 every time they received the ball. All their D had to do was hold up a few times after his inevitable TB KOs, game over. (Bonus: edited by an ex-girlfriend.) He'd be a helluva high pick. Fire your offense, stack the D. Win every game 30-10.

#27 I think you meant "smited," unless ROBO-Punter has a crush on #9....

What about Jimmy Dix' former teammate Billy Cole? Sure, you'd think Goodell's new personal conduct policy would be a problem, but I think I've found a loophole - it doesn't say anything about being involved in onfield criminal activity.

David Dunn from Unbreakable would also be a good pick, assuming you could convince him to play - he'd be dominant as a pass rushing linebacker with that speed and upper body strength, and he'll be the only guy in the league guaranteed never to go on injured reserve.

"Dollar" Bill Casey is worth a midround pick, though it's possible he was made to look good by throwing to Rod Tidwell.

The Detroit Free Press is reporting that the Lions plan to select Air Bud: Golden Receiver with the 2nd pick.

Uncle. Rico.

Stan "The Boy" Taylor.

Pfft. Professional athletes.....always wanting more.

28.

Yeah, I believe the top five picks were Benjamin Franklin, Moses, Attila the Hun, Ghengis Khan and Jesus.

Absolutely fantastic story.

34 I am beating myself up for not saying that.

Jo Bob Priddy and OW Shaddock could solidify the Oline. B12 shots are still legal and all.

Lance Harbor? He's got an injury hisory, but worst case, he'd be a great QB coach.

Flash Gordon. Quarterback. New York Jets.

We need a defensive guy that can get pissed enough to kill the opposition. Gotta go with Charles Jefferson from Ridgemont High. All they do is call his name after beating down the ball carrier.

#29 - There's no denying Rico's talent, but you have to think that his profound patriotism, his love of his girl, his rebelliousness and his need to avenge the deaths of his parents will likely lead to him serving with the Mobile Infantry before resuming his playing career, if he ever does. After all, it's not like he needs the money. If and when he finally does decide to go pro, your rights to him will have lapsed, and whoever does get him will have the headache of working out what being stabbed in the shoulder by a 10 foot spider has done to his arm strength. By all means take a flier on him in a supplemental draft a few years down the line, but now is not the time.

#40 - Can Harbor even walk? By all means add him to your coaching staff, but the only outfit that should be using a draft pick on him is the Paralympic team.

What about that receiver from the Nike Briscoe High commercials?

If we're counting fictional characters, wasn't Booster Gold over from DC Comics formerly a football player?

There's also Kickers Inc. and NFL Superpro from Marvel.

Oh god, kill me now.

What about coaches? My vote would be for the stainless steel rat...

Considering that Shelley Marcone is Al Davis and the L.A. Stallions are the L.A. Raiders (it was 1991, remember), it's clear that Jimmy Dix has to go to Oakland.

Would Robo-Punter consent to join the NFLPA and subject himself to the draft? Or would he declare himself a Free Agent?

What about Hank Hill and Bill Dotrieve from King of the Hill?

Re #33: David Dunn from Unbreakable would also be a good pick, assuming you could convince him to play - he’d be dominant as a pass rushing linebacker with that speed and upper body strength, and he’ll be the only guy in the league guaranteed never to go on injured reserve.
Ooh, that's a good one, I didn't think of him. He's the only guy I'd even CONSIDER taking over Boucher. In fact, thinking about it, I'd definitely take him over Boucher. I mean, Boucher is an absolute unstoppable force capable of single-handedly winning every game... but Dunn could be the best Runningback, Linebacker, Kick Returner, *AND* Gunner in the entire league... all at the same time. Play him two ways, play him three ways, it makes no difference. Count on him being a cornerstone of your franchise for the next 40 years. And talk about a short-yardage back- he'd be unstoppable on 3rd-and-1. And this isn't even getting into the advantages you'd gain by saving on salary (he could make as much as the highest paid RB and the highest paid LB *combined* and he'd still be a bargain). And what about all the roster spots you'd save? You know how teams devote 3 spots to RBs, 2 spots to MLBs, and sometimes even a spot to a return specialist? Well, instead of 6 roster spots, with Dunn you'd only need 1. No backups necessary.

If it were only a 1-year deal, I'd take Boucher, but given career length considerations, Dunn would have to go #1.

Duff-Man can be the mascot.

Oh-Yeah!

#43, Are you confusing him w/the QB from Friday Night Lights? I thought Lances' injury was recoverable....I could be wrong.

Proof how rotten the moivie of Semi-Tough was: Dreamer Tatum a QB? Dreamer was the nasty blitzer safety has ever seen. He put more quarterbacks to bed than Demerol, the Bible and red-headed whores combinbed!

How & why Billy Clyde Puckett and Shake Tiller weren't drafted, I haven't a clue.

Detroit Lions: Air Bud, Wide Receiver, Ferfield High School

#13:
Dude, you have a movie mixup there (see link). And no way does Spearchucker Jones last until the Cowboys, he is the only 'proven winner' out there! (AFL champion 1965 with KC)

good call, Digit! Walter Langkowski, aka Sasquatch, with the Marvel superhero team Alpha Flight was a former NFL player. A Packer if I am not mistaken.

While researching, I found a pretty nice website detailing the helmets of all these fictional teams. Great effort.

Does Hayden Fry get the nod as HC?

I think you need a rule against comic book movie characters. Superman and Spiderman versus the X-men could get ugly fast...

I'd pick Napoleon Bonaparte. He could contribute some as a kicker and become a great coach for my team after his career was over... great value at 15-20.

The Stainless Steel Rat... I doubt anyone will know what you're talking about. Try Conan the Barbarian at TE...

Here's another obscure reference: Mr. Furious, SS, late in the 1st, could be a steal. Not great size or strenght, but nice attitude.

And if you already have Casanova Frankenstein at FS -one helluva dirty player-, you could have the best safety pair in the league...

And how about the Luggage as a FB? Easily worth the 1st overall pick. I can see it now, Two-Flowers running behind the Luggage... not even Superman or the X men could handle THAT!

References:

stainless steel rat: Fritz Leiber fantasy books

Mr. Furious and Casanova Frankenstein: the epic Mistery Men movie with Ben Stiller and Geoffry Rush.

The Luggage: Disc World series by Terry Pratchet

Napoleon Bonaparte: made that up myself. Purely fictional character.

Bo Whitley, Quarterback, Minnesota State Screaming Eagles.

Woah, I thought the SS Rat series was written by Harry Harrison. Unless there's another. (link at my name)

Dryheat, do you mean Hayden Fox from "Coach?" (The show's creator was an Iowa alum and big Hayden Fry fan.)

Indeed I do. Mea culpa. Although to hear Iowans talk about him, Haden Fry may have also been fictional.

#45: I still have a copy of NFL Superpro #1 somewhere in my collection. I don't know that they every made a #2, but the only comic I'm more embarassed to own is "Jason Krider, Toy Boy."

Back when I was a wee geek, I imagined a football game between the heroes and villlians of the Marvel Universe. Spider-Man played QB (impossible to tackle, spider sense means he'll always pick up the blitzer) , the Hulk was my nose tackle -- meaning Juggernaut had to play center -- Thor at the Mike, Colossus at the Will and Hercules at the Sam and Mr. Fantastic would be the greatest WR ever with his incredible hands and deceptive speed. Yeah, I had problems.

60-How about the Luggage at Nose Tackle? He'd be the best 3-4 DT ever. No way can you run up the middle, and exceptional closing speed.

#31

If you're looking to upgrade the special teams, wasn't there a TV movie about a garbageman who could kick 70 yard field goals starring Tony Danza about 10 years ago?

Yes, IMDB confirms it: Barney Gorman, "the garbage picking field goal kicking Philadelphia phenomenon". He should come cheap too.

#60,#65 - I'm pretty sure eating an oponent is not only a personal foul but liable to result in ejection and a hefty league fine.

#51 - Pretty sure Lance was never football fit again. In Friday Night Lights (which, coincidentally, I just watched like two hours ago) it's FB James "Boobie" Miles who gets injured, not QB Mike Winchell. What I may in fact have been getting mixed up with is LB Gerry Bertier from Remember the Titans. Of course, neither Miles nor Bertier is a fictional character. All that said, even healthy all Harbor's been is a very good high school quarterback. Sure, he's a 1A prospect; that doesn't make him worth drafting in the first, especially not in a draft this loaded. He's nowhere near NFL ready.

Boucher vs. Dunn is a toughy. My gut just says that Dunn wouldn't play (what if someone needed saving while he was on the field?), and that Boucher's momma could be talked into letting him go pro, so I think I'll stick with Boucher as the #1 pick.

I'm sorry, but if Chris Weinke can get drafted at age 36, Paul Blake (Necessary Roughness) ought to get a sniff.

By the way, all the characters in the book/movie Friday Night Lights...real people. Not eligible for the fictional team.

64.

The Blob would be an awesome LT.

70-

He'd be an even better run-stopping DT a la Gilbert Brown. He's 2,000 pounds and literally immovable. He'd also force your opponents to acquire personnel to counter him - somebody would have to acquire the Juggernaut or a similarly unstoppable force to play OG, just to keep him in place.

re 4

pretty lame