Wow, that's just great?

And you know what makes it so damn funny? It's simple. In and of itself, it's not that funny, but it becomes hilarious because it is so deadly realistic and accurate.

When I read that stuff, I can easily picture Emmitt saying all of that junk.

Hilarious.

I didn't know where to put this, but as this thread is given over to comedy, PFT are reporting that Wade Smith, the turnstile that still gives Dolphins fans (and Jay Feidler) nightmares, has been signed by the Chiefs. As a center.

Ah, now I remember that Wannie, in his infinite wisdom gave the Pats a second round pick to move up and get him. Suddenly it's not funny any more...

the emmit [anti-spam word] anthology made me cry.

now i know who taught raiderjoe how to speak.

Did anyone else get the impression Raiderjoe ghostwrote this?

This killed me. I kept thinking, "any moment now, this is going to get old", but it never did.

"The reason Donovan McNabb have great arm strength is the fact that his arm is so strong. But it might as well not even matters because his receivers cannot catch a fly with their Chinese toothpick."

There is the Emmitt we all know and love :)

What is sad is, I could actually see him saying that.

Wow, I figured that a millionaire ex-running back, NFL commentator, college grad could possibly write better.

LMAO!
very nice!

The shame of it is that he really is "well-spoken," but it's gotten to the point where it's impossible to say as much without sounding condescen. . .

Oh, we're not doing that one? This is the other thing? Gotcha, sorry.

re 6: 100% correct, so to speak, right! I was laughing throughout, but the Eagles comment pushed up the laugh-o-meter so far that I had to stop reading for awhile.

As an Eagle fan, I daresay the man has a point.

Mendenhall is going to get paid. He got drafted, what, three times?

Now I now why the Bear's offense is doomed to suck forever, it got "devastationed."

I think my favorite bit was seeing Matt Ryan drafted by the Dolphins AND the Ravens. Completely in character.

Is Emmitt really that out of it? Damn this was funny. The guys getting drafted multiple times, Raiderjoe syntax, and "my son carries the ball with both hands. With his right hand and his... other hand."

Now off to read it again.

The Chiefs' pick made me laugh so hard that I was in tears.

OMG, his actual Emmitt quotes and snarky commentary are amazing too. Link at my name. What have I been missing by avoiding the pregame shows!

Laugh away, but remember Emmitt picked the Giants to win SB42 (before the game, no less!). Recall many here who did not. He also won a few. I envy him more than any conceited geek who bothers to read this,

Before reading this, I never knew Emmitt had a brother named Tom, so to speak.

I associated the misnaming of players more with whichever Gumbel it was than with Emmitt, but hell what do I know. I don't even own a TV anymore.

good ex player does not equal good analyst.
The funny thing about Emmitt is that not only is he a poor analyst, his English is so bad, it makes his horrible analysis much more fun. And this walterfootball site doesn't even include his now infamous pre-NFC Championship game statement, "if they (Giants) win today they possibly go on to the Superbowl"
I might envy him as well, but only because the guy keeps a job that requires good analysis and good communication skills, neither of which he possesses. And in the "ignorance is bliss" category, you know he doesn't realize it and no one has the stones to tell him. Otherwise he probably would have quit halfway through last season. Or maybe he did, but no one understood him.

Kudos to "clear as a stapler." It opens up a world of office supply-based understanding that felt so hidden before. All is clearinated to me.

Emmitt is not very bright. Although, smart enough not to hang with Michael Irvin. For some reason we as fans will listen FROM SOMEBODY IN THE PROFESSION, as opposed to a little nerd who got a degree in broadcasting because he could never get off 4th or 5th string on the depth chart. NERDS!~

"Last year, they averaged 17.2 points per game every week on the season. An offense can only get more debacled from that point on."

Nice. Its about time somebody introduce "debacle" as a verb into the football lexicon. I can see Darrell Waltrip using it in a NASCAR race now.

His Skin's commentary is a trip too. The irony is, the Skins did draft a receiver who was the son of a former Sec of Agriculture.

When Matt Millen is out of football, who do you think will sign him to do a mock draft? Better yet, who will read is mock draft?

Put an ex-player on TV if you have to, but put someone on who can analyze and can speak the same language as the other people around him (Shannon Sharpe's marblemouthed speech abortions notwithstanding).
I think this site has done articles and polls proving it can be done.
I would, however, pay a premium to watch an all-idiot panel, mixing our least favorite baseball and football guys.

My favorite part was that every player...EVERY one...plays offense. Apparently "Emmit" isn't much of a fan of defensive football... :-)

"A part of a man's body can only be explosioned so many times." The Pittsburgh Steelers explained in full. Awesome!

Herm?

In that case, Joe Buck would be doing double duty!

man, when I saw him draft Matt Ryan for a second time at #8 I thought I was going to die from loss of breath I was laughing so hard. oh god that was funny.

#25 - Right. Even if you restrict it to guys who were Hall of Fame calibre performers, there knowledgeable, eloquent guys you can use - Marshall Faulk, Deion Sanders. Widen the net to take in good but not great players, like Rich Gannon, and there's simply no reason to employ a clown like Smith. Favre will probably be nearly as bad if and when he takes a broadcasting gig. UK readers will be familiar with the terrors of Alan Shearer and David Pleat (though at least Pleat's continued presence in the commentary box means no team's fans have to endure his coaching).

"With Roy Rice in the backfield, the Seahawk can right the score and get rid of Shaun Alexanders, who fall down before he get hits."

See, there's real wisdom in here too!

Ah, this is just a shame. I loved Emmett as a player. Despite the fact that he hung on too long, he was a fantastic back. (I think Mr. Tannier may roughly cited as despairing that Smith would seem to be stopped cold, yet still somehow get 4 yards. If an Eagles fan says that about a Cowboy, it truly is respect.)

He was a great player, and stayed out of trouble. He was an enthusiastic dancer on TV.

Emmett should open a grill in Florida overlooking the water and regale people with NFL stories while they watch the games on 20 big screens. He should own a fishing charter boat and book expeditions for awestruck Dallasites. He should perhaps compile a cookbook.

He should never, ever, be allowed to hold a microphone on TV again, except at Hall of Fame events.

Re 20:

"Otherwise he probably would have quit halfway through last season. Or maybe he did, but no one understood him."

I think this made me laugh even more then the article.

If Byron Leftwich can lose his job to a guy with Chrome Disease, he ought to retire.

good lord that was funny. Reading about the Texans' need for a QB and then seeing them slotted to draft a TE... I almost couldn't read the whole thing from laughter exhaustion.

Then his stomach blow up.

No response to the fact that Emmitt predicted SB42 correctly when all the mouth-breathing qwerty jocks at FO blew it big time?

ha! Fake Emmitt was right, Alexander was just cut by Seattle. Maybe there really will be 31 offensive players taken in the first round.

I play football Dallas Cowboys an now I announce. I like to thank my supporter as it were. yes it true. I predict Supabow win. I predict if Giants win NFC Championship game, they go to Supabow, then I say they goin win. I din't understood why he so mad. He like a locomotive down the runway. Thanks Tim. Like Johny Z say, "Don't quit. Don't even quit."

#39 - Well played, sir.

39 - We'll need X-rays to confirm it, but I believe Tom might have just gotten served.

You people are just haters. Leave poor Emmitt Smijt alone.

Yeah, leave his alone, as it were.

oh... it were, my friend. it were.