Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

30 Aug 2008

'Ocho Cinco' Is Now His Legal Last Name

Chad Johnson is dead. Long live Chad Javon Ocho Cinco! This man must never be allowed to retire.

Posted by: Vincent Verhei on 30 Aug 2008

28 comments, Last at 02 Sep 2008, 5:10am by Richie

Comments

1
by TomHat (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 3:20am

seriously, its funny to watch, but think about it, this is a real guy, not a caricature in a cartoon.

I seriously think he has a mental problem.

2
by lionsbob (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 3:55am

Our modern day Rabbit Maranville.

3
by Insancipitory (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 4:01am

Chad Javon Ocho Cinco "Johnson" is the answer to the question: What would Andy Kaufman have been like as a world class athlete? The degree of his self-awareness is unknowable, his commitment to his art is unquestioned, his actions ultimately unpredictable, and to the sophisticates among us, he's always entertaining.

4
by Bobman (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 4:44am

#3 wow. what he said.

My main concern is how it'll get alphabetized... under the O's presumably.

5
by glengarry (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 8:48am

now if he'll just change his first name to Domanack...

6
by Harris (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 9:27am

We've replaced the Bengals #1 receiver with Tracy Jordan. Let's see if anyone notices.

7
by Raiderjoe (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 10:03am

this guy has problems. what will he do when he cant play football anymore? maybe become pro wrestler or crappy movie maker guy like Brian Bosworth or Ronnie lott or Fred Wllaimson.
If make it to 2009 seaon, Chad Ovcho Cinco going to eb shut down by Hall and Asomugha in Raiders vs Bengals game. Going to be called Chad Nada after game.

8
by throughthelookingglass (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 10:05am

#3,6

Exactly. It'll be a sad day when he retires.

9
by Eric J (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 10:35am

2: And remember, Maranville was hired to MANAGE at one point. We can only hope...

10
by justme_cd (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 12:01pm

YES!!!

11
by RickD (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 2:08pm

So now he can wear "Ocho Cinco" on his jersey and the NFL cannot fine him! That rules.

12
by tally (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 2:11pm

I remember hearing someone on the four-letter network remark that Goodell should at least be happy Chad didn't change his last name to "Goodello Sucko."

13
by dbt (Bears fan) (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 2:12pm

As far as comparisons to other pro athletes after retirement go, I'd say his best comp is probably Dennis Rodman at this point.

14
by ZSGhost (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 3:47pm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chad_Johnson

Sometimes, wikipedia is just too good.

15
by Purds (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 4:35pm

Boy, now I really want the Bengals to trade him ... to a team with a number one receiver who wears #85! I can't think of any team that applies, but it sure would be funny if they traded him and he couldn't wear #85 with his new team.

16
by mm (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 5:23pm

As soon as he retires, he can always change it back (if he wants). It's not like he won't be able to afford the fees.

17
by jayduck (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 6:00pm

Wait...can you have two non-hyphenated last names on the back of your jersey? Wouldn't his jersey just say"Cinco?"

18
by elhondo (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 7:02pm

I totally understand this. I've had a strange urge to change my name to Mooseburger the last couple of days.

19
by Schuyler (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 7:06pm

It will probably say Ocho Cinco, not Cinco. Antwaan Randle El's jersey doesn't say "EL"

20
by MilkmanDanimal (not verified) :: Sat, 08/30/2008 - 10:54pm

I have no words to describe the deep, abiding, massive man-crush I have on Chad Johnso . . . er, Chad Ocho Cinco right now. Hilarious.

21
by Fred (not verified) :: Sun, 08/31/2008 - 1:45am

I'm getting an Ocho Cinco jersey. Anyone else?

22
by Justin Zeth (not verified) :: Sun, 08/31/2008 - 3:27am

Boy, now I really want the Bengals to trade him … to a team with a number one receiver who wears #85! I can’t think of any team that applies, but it sure would be funny if they traded him and he couldn’t wear #85 with his new team.

You should understand, I'm not asking for Chad Ocho Cinco to be traded to the Chargers right now. I have tactical nuclear weapons, and I'm demanding it.

23
by panthersnbraves (not verified) :: Sun, 08/31/2008 - 9:19am

17, I immediately thought of the "Van's" - Van Dyke, Van Pelt, etc.

Although it would be funny if the NFL pressed the issue, and made him go back and change it to hyphenated.

24
by sam (not verified) :: Sun, 08/31/2008 - 12:21pm

whats funny is that ocho cinco doesn't even mean 85 five. It means 8, 5. but it does sound better than ochenta y cinco.

25
by Mr B (not verified) :: Sun, 08/31/2008 - 5:04pm

Please tell me Madden 09 is already updated?

26
by Waverly (not verified) :: Mon, 09/01/2008 - 8:08pm

The commitment to "85" means he is more vulnerable to the team's reassigning him to a different number, such as "13". Will that make him more docile on issues important to the team?

27
by Xeynon (not verified) :: Tue, 09/02/2008 - 12:22am

I see NFL.com has yet to update his player page. Hmmmm...

28
by Richie (not verified) :: Tue, 09/02/2008 - 5:10am

Tonight, ESPN had some ticker news about Chad Ocho Cinco, but called him Chad Johnson. I wonder when/how the media outlets will determine to officially recognize his name change.

I think all this is frickin hilarious. Go Ocho Cinco!