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10 May 2010
Why would the Lions do this to themselves? After exposure to Will James and Jason David this year, Detroit's signed C.C. Brown.
Posted by: Bill Barnwell on 10 May 2010
26 comments, Last at
13 May 2010, 9:12pm by
These jokes just write themselves sometimes...
Mental note--draft NFC North WRs in fantasy.
This makes me giggle.
Sometimes your only choices are a turd sandwich (CC Brown) and a giant douche (Pacman). At least they won't be hungry.
as a giants fan, all i have to say is... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA have fun with with that waste of life. he might be able to cover dennis northcut during practice, but thats about it.
I have been one of the strongest defenders of Martin Mayhew since he became the GM of the Lions.
This is something I can't defend. I can't defend it at all, sort of like CC Brown can't defend a deep post route.
You know, signing a guy in the offseason doesn't guarantee he'll have a large role on the team. Sometimes, you're just throwing a body into the mix for camp.
The problem is that CC Brown has, like, some sort of mind control power that encourages otherwise-sane coaches to start him. It's horrible.
It's not so much that he convinces otherwise-sane coaches to start him, as he seems to emit a level-5 Gilooly field that pushes him into the starting lineup.
Nope. Brown went into multiple seasons in Houston as a presumptive starter - it wasn't just injuries.
Go ahead, Lions fans. Kid yourselves he's just a camp body. Then when he makes the roster, stick your fingers in your ears and sing "la-la-la-la-la, he's just a special teamer, he plays great special teams". Then you'll wake up on September 12th in a cold sweat, gasping for breath, until you realise it was all just a dream. You'll eat your breakfast, mow the lawn, maybe pick up some groceries, and check your fantasy match up. You'll wonder, "Why the hell is he starting Jay Cutler, Earl Bennett and Johnny Knox?" and a slight feeling of unease will begin to creep over you. 1 o'clock. The Lions win the toss and will defer. Kick off. Knox beats the gunners and your heart rises in your throat . . . but he's downed at the 32.
"Jay Cutler, Vanderbilt."
"Matt Forte, Tulane."
"Devin Hester, Auburn."
"Johnny Knox, Abilene-Christian."
"Earl Bennett, Vanderbilt."
"Greg Olsen, The U."
"Chris Williams, Vanderbilt"
Seriously, you think, are we playing Vanderbilt? Even the Lions should be able to beat Vanderbilt.
"Josh Beekman, Boston College."
"Olin Kreutz, Washington."
"Frank Omiyale, Tennessee Tech."
"Kevin Shaffer, Tulsa"
"Forte with the carry, met almost immediately, and that's the first NFL tackle for Ndamukong Suh. Loss of two on the play, second and twelve."
"Cliff Avril, Purdue."
"Ndamukong Suh, Nebraska." (Go, House of Spears)
"Corey Williams, Arkansas State."
"Kyle Vanden Bosch, Nebraska."
Hey, that doesn't sound too bad. Best defensive line we've put out there in years, you think. So why are the hairs on the back of your neck standing on end?
"Julian Peterson, Michigan State."
"Landon Johnson, Purdue."
"DeAndre Levy, Wisconsin."
Jeeze, it's cold in here. It's only September, for goodness sakes.
"Chris Houston, Arkansas."
"Louis Delmas, Western Michigan."
Bile rises in your throat as the awful realisation turns your brainstem to ice and paralyses you in your seat.
"CC Brown, Louisiana-Lafayette."
The room swirls away into gaping darkness as the set expands to fill your vision. Cartoonish parodies of huge men in pads and garish uniforms seem to stroll languidly across the livid green behind and above the awful grinning visage. "J-aw-a-n-a-tha-n . . . W-ay-e-d . . . T-e-nn-e-ss-ee-ee" - deep, distorted, impossibly slow and trailing off into inaudibility. There is no sound now. Not here. You watch, seeing every detail with horrid clarity. Trips bunch right, with Olsen split out. Cutler takes the snap, and drops back, making the shoddiest pretence of a play-fake to Forte, and far to the right of the screen a player leaps incomprehensibly forward. Olsen breaks sharply inside just short of the marker, a linebacker struggling to stay with him. Knox stops sharply and turns just past it, but Houston's coverage is good. Bennett hits the 45 and posts inside, and the nickelback hands him off to . . . empty space, yards behind a flailing Brown. Hit in stride with a perfect spiral, fractions of a second before Suh and Vanden Bosch meet at the quarterback. Delmas, haring across from the other side, is the last chance to prevent a touchdown. He's going to get there! This might only go for 25 yards or so! But wait, what's that, sprinting back franticly on a hopeless angle, no chance of reaching the ball carrier, tripping, stumbling, sprawling, throwing out a desperate arm to catch at the ankles of . . . Delmas. The darkness rises mercifully to meet the tumbling fragments of your mind.
Well played sir!
That was positively Lovecraftian. Do they give comment-of-the-year awards on this site?
on the contrary [apologies - currently using a computer with a severely defunct keyboard, hence no caps]; if the texans signed kthulu tomorrow, i'd be booking my superbowl flights about now.
You have too much time and I am glad for it. *golf clap*
Genius. Absolute genius.
I just want to add to the praise. Well done sir, well done.
Brilliant. Kudos to you, good sir, and may one day the therapy sessions help you forget the CC Brown era in Houston.
Very well written!
The only thing that takes away from it is that the secondary has been a disaster the last few years anyway. It would be more noticeable now that the rest of the defense shouldn't be nearly as bad, but still ...
Allow me to present an illustrative scale:
Stubbed Toe-->Titanic-->Global Thermonuclear War------------>CC Brown
Is this insight from Aaron secret mind meld connection with Jim Schwartz?
My thoughts and prayers go out to Detroit's secondary.
A) He won't necessarily make the team; the Lions top two options to play alongside Delmas are both coming off of microfracture surgery so Detroit is hurting for camp bodies.
B) Ko Simpson will probably be the starter next to Delmas and while he's adequate in coverage, he's awful against the run. Brown is adequate against the run but awful in coverage. If Schwartz uses them strategically (i.e. only playing Brown as an in-the-box safety), he might be able to massage some marginal play in the aggregate from the two of them.
To be fair, the Lions were starting Marquand Manuel at safety the day before.
I don't care if they were going to have a lottery every week to pick a fan to suit up and start: it would be better than CC Brown.
is Martin Mayhew durnk?
Joe, do you draw a comic strip?
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