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12 Oct 2012
Tag! You have Elite Cooties. I also have a college basketball article up at Sports on Earth, if you are in to that sort of thing.
Posted by: Mike Tanier on 12 Oct 2012
24 comments, Last at
14 Oct 2012, 3:11am by
The Seahawks piece nearly got me fired because I was laughing so loudly in the office. Thanks, Mike.
EDIT - the cows eating iPhones line got me too. My boss wants you to be less funny, or for me to not read your column at work. You should probably start being less funny.
LLOL'd at the Seahawks bit as well. Fortunately I'm on an early lunch break.
I literally laughed out loud at this line: "The guys dined upon many delicacies, including Wagyu beef, which costs $35 per ounce (the cows are fed a strict diet of iPhones)."
I think you are missing a decimal point in the number of humans who ever lived.
No, 106 billion is about right (unless that was a change from an earlier number).
I have the number at 106 billion EVER from some scientific sources that point out, well, there is a lot of fudge in the estimate.
Sorry, double post, because the captcha won't display for me, which is confusing.
Good job with the Seahawks' score.
I can see Jeff Ireland drafting a Wagyu cow. This might let him slide if he asks if its mother was a heifer during the interview.
(I can also see Packers and Bears fans wishing that their GM would draft a Wagyu cow, as it might take more time for defenders to get around than their current left tackles.)
Right now, Lions fans would take a Wagyu cow as a running back. It might be slow to hit the hole, but at least it would plow forward for a short gain rather than dancing at the line for a few steps before being tackled for a 3 yard loss.
-I'm not Billy Bad-Ass.
If he would ask if its mother was a heifer, he's probably too dumb to be a GM. Of course, plenty of Dolphins fans seem to know that answer independently.
As a Dolphins fan, oh yes, I am quite aware of that.
The Cards-Bills section was the funniest, I thought.
Pats/Seahawks was awesome, but loved the section on the Jets as well
Phil Simms is a Cretin.
Great writeup, especially this part:
"...wildcat backup Colin Kaepernick, an oddly assembled athletic specimen who runs like he was edited into the game tape during post-production by Ridley Scott."
This is possibly the most accurate description of Colin Kaepernick ever, outside of "wow, that dude runs like a gazelle."
Unless he runs on four appendages, it's probably a more accurate description.
He runs like a gazelle would if it ran on its hind legs
That put an amusing image in my head.
Oh. I thought they said he "runs like a Gisele".
When I try to read the article on my phone, there's a floating black transparent field (ad?) that I can't close. Anyone else have that problem?
My phone is a samsung galaxy s3.
22½ to 5π...
so that works out to about 22.5 and 15.70796325..., right?
I know I should be grateful that we get teh two links a week, but it would be great if we got the links to all of Tanier's football columns. The Jets one on tuesday was the best football column I've read all year.
Phil Simms is to analysts what Ryan Leaf is to NFL QBs
In which the FO staff tries to make sense of whatever the hell the Titans are doing.
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