Thanks for putting the line back in my head, Mike.

I think we can safely set the odds of Norv Turner working at the University of Colorado to some-ridiculously-high-number-plus-one to one. Frankly, I'm not sure he could successfully manage the IHOP, either; have you seen the crowds there on a Sunday morning? It's much like the NFL - if you can't rush, you're in trouble.

Oh God, I can't believe you referenced the "we're gelling" commercials. Some of the dumbest ads ever. Next thing, you're going to reference the Empire Carpet commercials and I will have to hunt you down and beat you about the head.

The Batman reference was great, though.

Did Shotty really say to Shula "I wish I knew how to quit you."??? What does this even mean? Are the next words out of his mouth from Jerry Maguire: "You complete me." and "You had me at hutt-hutt."

Also, Mike, Chris Simms pinata party, I assume you meant, not piata. Aside from that, top rate as usual.

Though I wonder about the letdown effect with the Hawks facing a lot of second stringers and knowing they can pretty much cream Green Bay the following week to secure HFA... will Jim "the 6-5 stickman" Sorgi, who threw for two scores against a good Denver D last year, surprise them? (seriously, the guy is listed as Manning's height, but 40 lbs lighter, and Manning ain't no Jared Lorenzen.) Plus Rhodes is a former 1,100 yard rusher (in his rookie year when started only 10 games!), but I think Indy's loss will be secured by a D that will miss about a third of the starting unit against a potent Seahawks O.

not only will the revolution not be televised, - it will not be brought to you by Xerox in 4 parts without comemercial interruptions either.
Also, I enjoyed the not so subtle joke (?) about TO's family relations. but, hey. you might actually be right...
anyway. entertaining update as always

Maybe it's the eggnog that was left out of the fridge talking, but this could be a preview of the 2007 NFC championship game.

hahahaha... well said.

Nice Admiral Stockdale reference. Haven't seen that one for a while. And I laughed at the gelling joke.

David Carr called plays in the first half and the OC called them in the second half? I wonder what the DVOA was for the Texans offense in each half.

I also wonder why they did this. I'm guessing it was to see if David Carr could call plays better than the coaching staff. Was he sacked less in the first-half then usual?

"Perhaps LeBetard should take a longer look at the guest list at this receiver's recent birthday function: Will Smith, Paris Hilton, War, Michael Irvin, Famine, Ray Lewis, Jamie Foxx, Lito Sheppard, Pestilence, and Jessica Simpson."

"...don't fear the reaper-don't fear the reaper-don't fear the reaper..."

I thought of that song when I read that sentence.

I thought of no Soft White Underbellies song, but the T.O. birthday guest list was brilliant.

Wouldn't YOU want to go to that party. The song that comes to mind for me has a line:

"I think my time's arrived at last,
I was doin' cocaine off Miss October's ...".

-Sean

Holy Toledo!

Did Jim Sorgi just walk out of Dachau after he was captured in that picture in this article?

Get that man some protein shakes before his cheeks sink into his throat!

Did Shotty really say to Shula “I wish I knew how to quit you.�??? What does this even mean?
I think it's a Brokeback Mountain reference.

Great Rundown this week, except for one instance of shoddy journalism. I don't think Pestilence or Lito Sheppard were actually at the party. They must have just told you they were going to be there.

Re #8:

First Half:

24 pts
0 sacks
0 picks

Second Half:

6 pts
3 sacks
1 pick

Hmm...

Dude: It IS the eggnog talking.

Maybe it's the age talking, but when I saw the third name on TO's party list, the immediate thought was, "Good god, y'all! What is he GOOD for ?"

Re 13, No JonL, what most people don't realize is that Pestilence & Jessica Simpson are the same person.

I always thought Paris Hilton was pestilence.

18 -

I think she used to be famine. Though I'm hoping for T.O.'s 4th horseman to handle her for us, now that she has abdicated...

-Sean

Since we're talking about LeBatard, we'll mention something I picked up off the Internet yesterday. Gus Frerotte said that Chris Chambers was a "better all-around" receiver than Randy Moss.

This year's performance aside (and Gus hasn't played with Moss this year), who in their right mind would volunteer such information? Not that we think Captain Headbutt is any kind of a braniac, but seriously, Gus!

-Sean

Patriots at Jets: [...] Playoff-bound teams around the AFC are counting on the Jets to pull off an upset; no one wants to travel to Foxboro for a playoff game if they can avoid it.

Uh, the Patriots have clinched the division. Thus, they will host a playoff game, regardless of what happens in the Jets game. The end.

Failure to comprehend playoff seeding and tiebreaking rules is something that we've all come to expect from every other media source. (Paraphrase of CBS during the Steelers-Vikings game Sunday: "The Steelers control their own destiny and will make the playoffs if they win out." Or not.) But please, Football Outsiders, aspire to a higher standard!

A Great Santini reference?! What do you think the average age of your Fox readership is?

The subtle GoodFellas wink, on the other hand, was perfect. ("I'm gonna go get the papers, get the papers.")

19: The Olsen twins can fill in nicely as famine.

Based on nothing, I wouldn't be surprised to see Norval end up in Houston, either as a head coach or an OC (although I don't really see him taking another OC job).

Hmm. I always thought of Kate Moss as famine, but at this point in her career, that's probably beating a dead horse.

Hmmm, is there a chemical dependancy horse?

Re: Brokeback Mountain:

Don't go see it, I hear the good guys get it in the end.

HLF --

At the risk of introducing religion to this thread, you're gonna burn in hell for that one. :-D

HEhehe good one HLF :)