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04 Sep 2011

Final Week of the Preseason: Theater of the Absurd

My goofy rundown on the final days of the preseason.

Posted by: Mike Tanier on 04 Sep 2011

11 comments, Last at 06 Sep 2011, 11:21am by P

Comments

1
by Waverly :: Sun, 09/04/2011 - 2:28pm

Very entertaining, as always.

But don't let our appreciation get to your head and pull a Chris Johnson.

2
by erniecohen :: Sun, 09/04/2011 - 4:28pm

The rundown isn't nearly as goofy as the TYSABRI ad.

3
by akn :: Sun, 09/04/2011 - 7:07pm

"New England’s Chad Ochocinco, feeling one-upped for the first time in his life, is presumably trying to upload his electroencephalogram results to Skype."

This one didn't quite work (EEG doesn't make sense and Skype is past its prime). Should have been something like:

"In related news, ailing free agent Terrell Owens released a new iPhone app of his Achilles tendon scans on his official website. I'm told the white spots represent non-selfishness, which he claims will be gone by opening day with the help of frequent hydrocodone treatments."

4
by John (not verified) :: Sun, 09/04/2011 - 7:57pm

I'm reminded of a dissing competition into which I stepped, briefly (because I'm slow-witted; perhaps the price one pays for being an only child, or perhaps I'm just sad that way).

My fellow Pizza Hut employees were weaving long-winded insults; by the end of an insult, I'd lost track of where it started. I pointed out that brevity is the key, lofted a short but effective line, then dismounted and left the field of competition before they could figure out I would absolutely suck at any protracted battle.

My decidedly long-winded point? Pithy is good, and your version decidedly isn't.

5
by Insancipitory :: Sun, 09/04/2011 - 9:19pm

So "Brevity is the soul of wit"?

7
by akn :: Mon, 09/05/2011 - 4:34am

The first line was pith, the second a cherry on top. I'm sorry your ADHD-riddled mind couldn't concentrate for an entire two sentences.

My point? The hippocampus is a terrible thing to waste.

8
by dbostedo :: Mon, 09/05/2011 - 12:46pm

My vote (not that anyone should care)? John wins this one. Tanier's line was much better than yours, partly because of brevity. Also, uploading an EEG to Skype doesn't really make sense, which is part of the humor; It's not a problem with it.

9
by Sidewards :: Mon, 09/05/2011 - 3:19pm

It's not often that "electroencephalogram" is part of the briefer statement.

6
by tuluse :: Sun, 09/04/2011 - 9:31pm

That’s right: Vick is now so amazing that he can simultaneously play and watch himself.

I don't know about "now," that kind of explains his whole career.

10
by Dean :: Tue, 09/06/2011 - 10:04am

Except for the whole "amazing" part.

11
by P (not verified) :: Tue, 09/06/2011 - 11:21am

"The Vikings hope to secure public financing for a Ramsey County stadium with a roof that can be opened on a pleasant autumn day in Minnesota, one of which is tentatively scheduled for September 2015."

I dunno, Mike. This looks pretty nice to me: http://www.weather.com/weather/tenday/USMN0503

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