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30 Dec 2011

Week 17 Matchups: A Playoff Handshake

Last full-size matchups of the year. Where does the time go? It seems like only yesterday I was watching lockout coverage.

Posted by: Mike Tanier on 30 Dec 2011

26 comments, Last at 01 Jan 2012, 4:48am by Jerry

Comments

1
by Dean :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 1:06pm

That Chargers logo seems so small now.

11
by bubqr :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 3:41pm

I lol'd

2
by Eddo :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 1:33pm

"Physical therapists know that grip strength is now measured by the Garrett-Jones Handshake Firmness Rubric, which goes from 0 (the wealthy dowager is not at all pleased to see you) to an average score of 5 (eager realtor) to a maximum of 10 (your wife’s jealous ex-boyfriend at the high school reunion)."

Great line, Mike. Especially the "wealthy dowager" imagery.

12
by TomC :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 4:22pm

Indeed. For me, it conjured up the Simpsons moment when Mr. Burns (having forced himself onto Homer's bowling team) puts his hand above the air dryer in the ball return carousel, and his fingers ripple in the breeze.

21
by BroncFan07 :: Sat, 12/31/2011 - 2:10am

"Oops, lost one. Well, that's leprosy for you."

16
by galactic_dev :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 7:05pm

Displeased wealthy dowager FTW!

The 5.0 should be Adrian Peterson's handshake, however.

17
by Jerry :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 7:35pm

My first reaction was "Why is the handshake scale named for the Pirates' first baseman?" The hyphen set me straight.

18
by TomKelso :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 7:55pm

I'm afraid to ask where Jim Harbaugh ranks on this scale --

3
by Raiderjoe :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 2:08pm

cheifs 21, Broncos 12
Raiders 41, Charferrs 21

Any qustions?

4
by NYMike :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 2:20pm

Yes. Is that a typo, or do you really think that "cheifs" is spelled that way?

7
by There is no Santa Claus (not verified) :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 3:02pm

Yeah that was a RJ typo. It's spelled "chefs".

19
by TomKelso :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 7:56pm

Great googly moogly ... be nice to the newbies -- NY football fans are in a very foul mood these days...

8
by IAmJoe :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 3:06pm

Welcome to Football Outsiders!

9
by LionInAZ (not verified) :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 3:18pm

Yes -- will the Raiders commit the 4 penalties they need to break the NFL season record? Seems like a shoo-in to me!

13
by Raiderjoe :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 4:39pm

Chiegs spelled Chiefs. Was typo earlier. Raiders will gey penaltu record

23
by Theo :: Sat, 12/31/2011 - 5:19pm

If you're gonna make a penalty, make it full speed.

5
by dryheat :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 2:24pm

If the third alternate punter is needed, then the Secretary of Agriculture gets to be president

Which alternate punter is needed in order for the former Texas Commissioner of Agriculture to become president?

14
by Intropy :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 4:45pm

Bill Adama

6
by MatMan :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 2:48pm

I've been wondering all season: are these picks straight up or against the spread? I don't gamble; I'm just curious.

10
by Arkaein :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 3:24pm

These picks are always straight up.

15
by justanothersteve :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 5:11pm

The Packers will probably play Rodgers about a quarter and there's a good chance Graham Harrell will be QBing in the fourth. Matthews, Woodson, Starks, and (of course) Jennings will be inactive. There are also rumors Finley will sit. Raji will probably only play about half the snaps. If the Lions don't win by at least 14, I'll be shocked.

20
by Zheng :: Fri, 12/30/2011 - 9:24pm

I can think of several team HQs that could benefit from a fire ant infestation.

25
by Raiderjoe :: Sun, 01/01/2012 - 1:19am

Anfs in their pants mifht make the Ramms get movinv fsster. Boy foes that tram play like consgipated old people.

22
by dbt :: Sat, 12/31/2011 - 8:16am

Only one coach (coordinator) is actually due to get fired in Chicago. Uncharitable souls might also look at the inability to develop anybody at the receiver position, but Drake seems unlikely to leave.

24
by Raiderjoe :: Sun, 01/01/2012 - 1:16am

happy New Yeat to all and to all a good night. Not a cteature was stirring not even a drunk Bronco. All tbrough the house childrne weer dreaming. Sugar plums and chiegs wins dancced in their eyes. Or soketjing. Amgetting drunk over here in 2012

26
by Jerry :: Sun, 01/01/2012 - 4:48am

Happy New Year, Joe.

Everybody else, too, albeit with less Sierra Nevada.

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