The Week in Quotes: November 8, 2007

compiled by Ben Riley

WHEN THE LEVEE BREAKS, HENRY HAVE NO PLACE TO STAY

"[Expletive] you ... [Expletive] this ... don't you know who I am?"

-- Comments allegedly made by suspended Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry to a parking attendant working at the "Newport on the Levee" complex in Newport, Kentucky, after Henry allegedly left his car without paying

"You better pick that up bitch."

-- Alleged statement of Henry after throwing a $5 bill on the ground

"[Expletive] you, you better hope I don't see you again."

-- Alleged statement made by Henry and/or his companion before leaving "Newport on the Levee: A World Away From the Everyday." (1530 Homer [1])

ALTERNATIVELY, MARC ECKO COULD HAVE BILL BELICHICK LAUNCHED INTO OUTER SPACE

"The Spygate thing has diminished what they've accomplished. You would hate to have that attached to your accomplishments. They've got it. Belichick was fined $500,000, the team was fined $250,000 and they lost a first-round draft choice. That tells you the seriousness or significance of what they found."

-- Don Shula, personally trying to diminish what the Patriots have accomplished this season, even though "Spygate" occurred in Week 1 of the 2007 NFL Season

"I guess you got the same thing as putting an asterisk by Barry Bonds' home run record."

-- Shula, still diminishing

"I guess it will be noted that the Patriots were fined and a No.1 draft choice was taken away during that year of accomplishment. The sad thing is Tom Brady looks so good, it doesn't look like he needs any help."

-- Shula

"I don't know how people can't agree with that."

-- Shula, when asked if an asterisk should be placed on the Patriots' accomplishments this season

"You have to acknowledge what they accomplished, but I don't know how you disregard Spygate. It's there. It happened. You don't know what was on those tapes and how much it helped. I think the commissioner just wanted it to go away."

-- Shula

"You guys put forth the myth that we are pathetic losers down here clicking champagne glasses and clinging desperately to a record set 35 years ago. Somehow we've been portrayed as being evil. We don't ever blow our own horn. It's a great record, but the record doesn't get beaten. The Patriots have assembled a powerhouse of a team. They are a classy bunch of guys and play ball the right way. If they want to join the unbeaten club, come on aboard."

-- Jim Mandich, tight end for the 1972 Dolphins, blowing his own horn

"We would not be unhappy. We're not trying to be obnoxious about it, but we're proud we have a record nobody else does. If New England does it this year, we will sit and raise a glass of champagne to them."

-- Dick Anderson, safety for the '72 Dolphins (New York Daily News [2])

KEEP CHOPPING WOOD, BUT MAKE SURE YOU COMPLETE SAID CHOPPING BEFORE 9 P.M. THURSDAY

"We need to get this thing tightened up."

-- Jaguars head coach Jack Del Rio, after suspending Jaguars rookie linebacker Justin Durant and second-year offensive lineman Richard Collier after both players were arrested in separate incidents on November 3 (Collier for DUI, Durant for resisting arrest). Also, left tackle Khalif Barnes was fined an undisclosed amount for arriving late to a team meeting, and defensive tackle Marcus Stroud was suspended for violating the league's substance abuse policy.

"We have rules, and we have discipline. Let me clarify that for you. This a misunderstanding out there. We have tons of rules. We have a booklet of rules, just like every other team. We have a manual on rules."

-- Del Rio

"Be on time, be prepared and be a professional."

-- Del Rio, describing his all-encompassing "three rules" of good behavior

"If you do those things, you're not going to have these issues. A professional wouldn't think about making the choice to be out late as opposed to being in bed."

-- Del Rio (Florida Times-Union [3])

"I am disgusted with the irresponsible behavior that some of our players have demonstrated. They are embarrassing themselves, our organization and their peers. Any time there is alcohol involved and being out in early-morning hours shows a lack of respect for the code of conduct we expect from everyone in the Jaguars organization."

-- Jaguars owner Wayne Weaver (Jaguars.com [4])

PEOPLE TALKING WITHOUT SPEAKING/ PEOPLE HEARING WITHOUT LISTENING

"CBS has informed us that the unusual audio moment heard by fans during the Patriots-Colts game was the result of tape feedback in the CBS production truck and was isolated to the CBS broadcast. It was in no way related to any sound within the stadium and could not be heard in the stadium."

-- Official statement from the NFL regarding the "unusual audio moment" during the Patriots-Colts game that sounded to some as if the Colts were pumping artificial crowd noise into the RCA Dome

"We trust this will put an end to the ridiculous and unfounded accusations that the Colts artificially enhanced crowd noise at the RCA Dome in any way."

-- Statement from the Indianapolis Colts (Colts.com [5])

TO KICK IS EXPECTED, TO WIN IS DIVINE

"You'll get compliments once in a while. 'You're the kicker. Nice kick. Your team stinks.'"

-- Lions kicker Jason Hanson, describing what it's like to play for the Lions until this year

"People will be like, 'Are you still playing?' Because nobody cared. That used to burn me up."

-- Hanson

"They do it because I'm their neighbor. Outside of family, nobody is pumped to wear their Lions shirt."

-- Hanson, describing the reaction to his usual Christmas gift of a Lions t-shirt (Detroit Free-Press [6])

YOU MEAN, APART FROM HAVING THE FRANCHISE QUARTERBACK GET INDICTED ON FEDERAL RACKETEERING AND CONSPIRACY CHARGES?

"I don't know what's happened since [I left the Atlanta Falcons] ... I left there thinking that team is going to be a hard-driving team to be reckoned with for the next 10 years."

-- Tim Ruskell, former assistant to Atlanta Falcons president Rich McKay (Ruskell is currently the Seattle Seahawks general manager) (Atlanta Journal-Constitution [7])

AT A MEDIUM PACE

"You've got to pace yourself. If you do too much, then it's useless. I did hear about a baseball player hurting himself or straining a muscle. I don't play it too much because I'm afraid of that, even though I don't see how that could happen."

-- Jaguars punter Adam Podlesh, describing his approach to ... Guitar Hero (http://www.jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/110707/jag_215634712.shtml [8] " target="_blank">Florida Times-Union)

THE WEEK IN HERM

"Damon's the guy ... He's done OK."

-- Herm Edwards' tepid endorsement of Chiefs' starting quarterback Damon Huard

"We're just going along, going along, and now we're going into our ninth game ... but what's great about it is we still have a shot at winning the division. That's the good thing."

-- Edwards

"I don't like going in at halftime when it's 6-0 or 10-3 ... It's too much pressure because you're always one play away from being down two scores when you play games like that. I'd like to have like a 20-point lead, and go in there, and say, 'Wow.' I might not come back. I might go home."

-- Edwards (Kansas City Star [9])

"He's got a swollen foot ... That's not good."

-- Edwards, describing the potentially season-ending injury to Chiefs running back Larry Johnson. Thou art a cruel mistress, Curse of 370. (Kansas City Star [10])

THE REST

"We've got to start beating teams that are good."

-- LaDainian Tomlinson (San Diego Union-Tribune [11])

"Loose bodies."

-- 49ers head coach Mike Nolan, describing what will be removed from the high-priced ankles of 49ers left tackle Jonas Jenning during his season-ending surgery (San Jose Mercury News [12])

"I played like [crap]. He [Ben Roethlisberger] played real well, and I didn't."

-- Ravens backup cornerback Derrick Martin, accurately assessing his play against the Steelers (Baltimore Sun [13])

"I got my head knocked and got a little dizzy."

-- Panthers quarterback David Carr, perhaps unsurprisingly, after suffering another concussion last Sunday (Gaston Gazette [14])

"Man you're short. I thought I was short ... You're shorter though, shorter than the ref! He got heels on."

-- Saints defensive tackle Hollis Thomas, talking to Jaguars running back Maurice Jones-Drew (from Inside the NFL)

"I am on my fantasy team. I think I'm gonna bench myself."

-- Lions wide receiver and TWIQ MVP-nominee Roy Williams, commenting on his play after notching a three-catch, 44- yard performance against the Broncos (Detroit Free Press [15])

Remember to send your quotes to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com. Incidentally, in the opinion of the TWIQ compiler, track eight on "IV" is arguably the best rock song ever recorded. Listen to it, and revel in the genius that was John Bonham.