The Week in Quotes: February 9, 2010

compiled by Rory Hickey

IF I HAD ONE GUESS THEN I GUESS I'M JUST NEW ORLEANS

"This thing laid in my bed next to me last night. I probably drooled on it."

-- Saints coach Sean Payton on sleeping with the Lombardi Trophy on Sunday night. (The Huddle [1])

"You gotta be kiddin' me. It doesn't get any better."

-- Payton, who wore jeans and a t-shirt to the press conference.

I DIDN'T KNOW COACHES TALKED TO THE KICKERS AND PUNTERS

"Coach told me as soon as we got here at halftime. So I sat here at my locker terrified for about twenty minutes scared to death."

-- Saints punter/kickoff specialist Thomas Morstead on his thoughts after coach Sean Payton told him they were going to attempt an onside kick on the kickoff to open the second half. (NFL Nation Blog [2])

JOHN BONHAM PLAYING MOBY DICK FOR REAL!

"It's the Catalina wine mixer!"

-- An unknown Saints player in the locker room after the Saints' 31-17 victory in the Super Bowl. (The Huddle [3])

HE GAVE TRACY PORTER A GREAT GIFT ON SUNDAY

"Watches. Suits, custom suits. Stereo systems. Sony Blu-ray players before they even got on the market. He takes care of his guys."

-- Colts lerft guard Ryan Lilja on quarterback Peyton Manning‘s gift-giving abilities.

"He took me to Augusta National, and it was the time of my life."

-- Colts center Jeff Saturday. (The Huddle [4])

THAT'S NOT WHAT KIM KARDASHIAN WAS THINKING ...

"Man I was thinking ‘We're Super Bowl champs, baby,'. But I was thinking, ‘As long as Peyton Manning [5] had that ball'... he had that ball for a little bit. He scared us at the end. ... We were all a little nervous when he got the ball back in his hands because we knew three minutes can be an eternity."

-- Saints running back Reggie Bush on what his thoughts were after Tracy Porter‘s interception for a touchdown. (The Huddle [6])

SOMEBODY SHOULD REALLY CALL THE COMPETITION COMMITTEE. OH WAIT ...

"I don't know if he wants me to say this, but the whole game plan was me getting 2,000 yards. He had a meeting with the whole team and he told us that we don't have a chance to make the playoffs, so us winning the game really don't matter. So if it causes us to lose the game to get 2,000 yards, then we'll do that it. So I give a lot of credit to Jeff Fisher."

-- Titans running back Chris Johnson on coach Jeff Fisher‘s game plan to get Johnson to 2,000 yards, as opposed to winning their Week 17 game. (Pro Football Talk [8])

THAT'S NOT THE THREE THAT TIGER WOODS WOULD PULL OUT ...

"It's almost like being a caddy. What club should I use? Oh, maybe a three-iron."

-- Saints quarterback coach Joe Lombardi, grandson of Vince Lombardi, on what it is like coaching a veteran star like quarterback Drew Brees. It's the last TWIQ of the year. I needed to reach my Tiger Woods joke quota. (USA Today [9])

DO WHAT I DID AND JOIN THE TODAY SHOW. LOOK HOW WELL THAT WORKED OUT FOR ME.

"Adrian Peterson, I think, needs to be told directly, almost as an affront to his pride, ‘You are hurting your team. You're becoming more of a liability than you are an asset to your football team.' And that hurts. When Coach Coughlin told that to me, it hurt me and I had to find a way to correct it, but … he told me how to fix it, and I took it to heart and it really helped me craft my game. And Adrian Peterson [10] needs some of that same tough love, because right now it's hard to get tough on Adrian Peterson [10] because he's so damn good."

-- Former Giants running back Tiki Barber on Vikings running back Adrian Peterson‘s fumbling problems. (NFL Nation Blog [11])

THE NEW ORLEANS BUS DRIVERS WERE CERTAINLY NOT MARCHING TO WORK ON MONDAY. NO ONE'S EVER USED THAT JOKE RIGHT?

"This year we don't think canceling is an option. The kids need to be in school. I can't tell a bus driver you should get to bed early, but we want to avoid an issue like in 2007."

-- Indianapolis schools spokesperson Kim Hooper on Indianapolis potentially starting school two hours later than normal the day after the Super Bowl. When the Colts won the Super Bowl in 2007, so many school bus drivers called in sick on the following Monday that officials cancelled classes system-wide. (Indianapolis Star [12])

CONCUSSION JOKES ARE NEVER NOT FUNNY

"I have came to the concussion it is time for me to retire from football."

-- Seahawks left tackle Walter Jones, presumably joking around about his potential retirement on Twitter. (Twitter [13])

I WILL HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL YOU PUT ME IN THE GAME

"I'm not going to be a back-up player, I can promise you that. I'll stop playing football before I do that ever again."

-- Giants defender Osi Umenyiora on not wanting to be a backup. (Newark Star-Ledger [14])

YOU'VE JUST WON THE SUPER BOWL, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT? I'M GOING TO HISTORY CLASS!!

"The fleur-de-lis symbol dates back to the French monarchy. So much of New Orleans' culture comes from the time when we were under French rule. That's just a big part of the culture. It's a big part of what New Orleans is all about. So when you look at that symbol, it is the symbol of the city. It's just like when you look at the American flag when you sing the National Anthem and you stare at it, it makes you well up with pride a little bit. When we see the fleur-de-lis, it makes us well up with pride."

-- Saints quarterback/historian Drew Bress enlightening us all. (NFL Nation Blog [15])

PETER KING THOUGHT HE SAID "NUMBER FOUR"

"Not bad for number 24."

-- Saints coach Sean Payton to Sports Illustrated's Peter King, after King had ranked the Saints #24 in his preseason power rankings. (Monday Morning QB … obviously [16])

WHO LIKES JOEY PORTER OTHER THAN JOEY PORTER?

"You got a Pro Bowl player, asking to play. If you let us just fight for the job, it's not even an argument. No shots to nobody, but it's not even an argument. All them guys in my room, love them to death, but at outside linebacker, I'm the best one we got, period. There's nothing to even talk about. Who am I switching with? Why should I be switching out with any of them guys? If you want to put Cameron Wake in the game, go ahead and good luck to you. Let me go find a new job somewhere."

-- Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter on his playing time, or lack thereof. (NFL Nation Blog [17])

SIMON COWELL MIGHT KILL LARRY PLATT TO PROVE A POINT

"As a songwriter I know we all aspire to write something that is catchy and has a message. And I think the youth of America can learn a lot from Pants on the Ground. And they can pull their pants up ... because it causes all kinds of back problems. I've seen the studies."

-- National anthem singer Carrie Underwood on the cultural significance of Pants on the Ground (Perez Hilton [18])

THE DOG BOWL IS TO THE PUPPY BOWL AS THE UFL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME IS TO THE SUPER BOWL

"Oh, man, it definitely stinks, to be honest."

-- Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward on judging Dog Bowl 2010 Thursday in Miami instead of playing in the Super Bowl, as he did last year. (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette [19])

PEYTON MANNING HAS AS MANY TITLES AS TRENT DILFER

"Hey I'm sure when Peyton Manning [5] was growing up he always wanted to throw the TD pass that gave the Saints a Super Bowl win. Now he has."

-- ESPN's Jorge Arangure on Colts quarterback Peyton Manning‘s interception in the fourth quarter which was returned for a touchdown. (Twitter [20])

IF I WERE PEYTON MANNING I WOULD NOT THROW AN INTERCEPTION RIGHT HERE

"If I'm the New Orleans Saints, I would not blitz here -- I would put the extra men in coverage."

-- CBS color commentator Phil Simms right before the Tracy Porter interception. Obviously, the Saints blitzed. (Shutdown Corner [21])

This Week in Quotes is no more for this year. It's not you, it's me. Leave your favorite headline of the season in the comments section, or the one you hated the least, if you're into that type of thing. And look for The Month in Quotes sporadically during the offseason.