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» Futures: My Expansion Franchise

You've just been awarded an NFL expansion team and must build your personnel department. How would you do it? Matt Waldman takes on the exercise.

21 Oct 2010

Walkthrough: Hair Care

by Mike Tanier

If you listen to ESPN Radio, you are probably aware that Troy Polamalu's hair has its own website. But being an intelligent, busy person, you wouldn't dream of visiting a site that's nothing more than an extended shampoo commercial.

That's why I am here. I headed to www.Troyshair.com on Monday morning expecting to see Shockwave games of shampoo bottles blasting dandruff flakes. With expectations that low, I didn't think it was possible to be disappointed.

Once Troy's Hair loads, you are greeted by a giant image of Polamalu, from the nose up, staring at you intently through your screen. His famous mane flows out to the corners of your screen, giving his head a shape somewhere between a trapezoid and an earthen burial mound. Polamalu's facial expression is supposed to be intense, but instead it looks like a mixture of anger and confusion. He's not thinking, "I can't wait to sack Joe Flacco." He's wondering, "How the hell did I get roped into this?" Move your mouse around, and Polamalu's head turns so that you can see his profile or a three-quarters view. You can even turn it completely around if you want to know what it's like to sit behind a Steelers safety in church.

There's stuff in Polamalu's hair. I would expect the Head & Shoulders people not to load their spokesman's hair with foreign objects since their product is supposed to make hair, you know, clean. Head & Shoulders fights dandruff, but apparently it's powerless against MP3 players, magic markers, and miniature helmets that become lodged amid your curls. Yes, Polamalu's famous hair is horribly infested with links.

Those links lead to the kind of interactive stuff you would expect from this kind of site, except with "clever" names. You can take part in the Polamalooza or play Quizamalu, which allows you to "prove your superior man-knowledge" (important, because your sperm count drops 97 percent the moment you visit a shampoo website). There's an Appamalu for your phone and a Polamalizer for your photos. There was probably more, but all of the polamarketing made me barfamalu.

After a healthy purge, I was ready to explore deeper into Polamalu's hair. First up, that man-knowledge. Question 1 asked: "How long is the average career of an NFL running back?" The choices were 2.5 years, 5 years, 7 years, and 10 years. I chose 2.5 years.

Wrong: The computer says 10 years. "Try another question and see if you can save yourself from further embarrassment," the Quizamalu card taunts.

Really? Ten years? The average running back? LaDainian Tomlinson is in his tenth season. That's an average career? Eddie George played nine seasons. I guess he had a below-average career, length-wise. The Head & Shoulders marketing people can't possibly be wrong.

Next question: Which one of these is not one of Troy's hobbies: growing flowers, making furniture, cross-stitching, or playing piano? I guessed piano, because the only football player I can remember who admitted to being a decent piano player was Joey Harrington. Wrong! Making furniture, the only truly "manly" of the four pursuits on the list.

Clearly, I had the wrong idea about man-knowledge: It's not about facts, it's about random guesses and how intimately I scrutinize the finishing-school-worthy hobbies of an immaculately coiffed male athlete. I am starting to think I am not the target audience for this site.

By the fifth question, I was asked which of four players was involved in the Immaculate Reception. I chose Franco Harris, since Frenchy Fuqua was not on the list. The computer told me the answer was Jim McMahon. No kidding.

Time for a different link. The Polamalu Playbook promises to show "Troy's gameplan for ridiculously thick looking hair" and introduces visitors to three "enemies" that can make hair look thin. No, age is not one of them. Oil and sweat buildup can turn hair into "lifeless clumps," but Head & Shoulders has surfactants that zone-blitz the buildup and deliver helmet-to-helmet molecular hits that send those oil and sweat globules straight to the locker room beneath your shower drain. Your girlfriend's shampoo is another enemy. It may contain too much conditioner, but Head & Shoulders is "tailored-conditioning for a man." Men, of course, scratch their heads like lice-ridden cave dwellers because of dandruff, but guess which shampoo has a Hyrda-Zinc formula, plus the electrolytes that plants crave? Screw hair care -- I'm drinking shots of this stuff to preserve my masculinity before it's too late! The Playbook also has video that I couldn't get to load. It's probably of Jim McMahon throwing to Wayne Gretzky during the Immaculate Reception.

OK, now to the good stuff: polamalizing my photo, or troycapitating myself, or whatever. Before I could upload a photo of my face embedded in black curls, I had to register with the website. And oh, how I had to register. My password needed eight characters and numbers. I was asked two verification questions about my elementary school and my first girlfriend's name (Our Lady of Unspeakable Penance, conveniently, is the answer to both). It then asked for my address and phone number. I have a mutual fund with a major international firm, the kind that hires computer geniuses to discover new prime numbers to ensure site security, but I don't think their site asked as much personal info as this site devoted to a Steelers' hair, all so I could engage in some cut-rate Photoshop exercise.

But I love you, dear readers, love you enough to give them two credit card numbers and an imprint of my house key. I then had to scroll through a 453-page Terms of Service agreement confirming that I was authorized to use my photo, that it wasn't part of my elaborate plot to get rich by selling hairy caricatures of people at carnivals, and so on. Sure enough, once I registered, the application was easy to use, and voila! I created a version of myself with swathed in surfactants and Hydra-zinc.

Except that I couldn't just grab the photo. The site told me I had to wait until I got an e-mail link. Twenty minutes passed and nothing happened. I got scared. I gave the shampoo people a lot of personal information. Was my bank account getting drainamalued?

While I waited, I voted in an all-time NFL hair tournament. I chose Polamalu over Brian Bosworth. McMahon, Mark Gastineau, and Bob Golic were also among the Field of Eight. Sadly, it appeared that the contest was completed. I wasn't allowed to cast any other votes, or to write in Tom Brady as an alternate candidate. An hour passed, and no photo. A day passed, and no e-mail link. It's just as well. The disclaimer probably prevented me from profiting from the picture, so I wouldn't be allowed to post it here anyway.

Two days after my experience on Troy's hair, I'm still lamenting the lack of surfactants on my soul, but I am also wondering who thought the site was a good idea. Also, do people really think of football fans this way? I can see the market research team now, sitting around a table brainstorming for Polamalu ideas. "Football fans are stupid, so just put anything you want on the trivia cards. They are also hyper-macho trash talkers, so make sure you insult their manhood constantly, making jokes about man-knowledge and girlie shampoo. Just make sure they have to enter a 43-digit PIN to enter the site, because we wouldn't want some hacker to tunnel in and make us look bad."

I also wonder if Proctor & Gamble, who makes Head & Shoulders, knows that the ESPN morning team is sending listeners to a poorly constructed website that makes their company look pretty terrible. Usually, I rope my kids into exercises like this, though I am a little gun shy after the Ochocinco cereal sex-line incident. My son would probably love a polamalized photo of himself; he would print it and bring it to school for laughs. Luckily, I didn't show him the site, because he would have been disappointed to learn that the photo would just disappear into the cyber-ether. Kids are about the only people who would get anything out of a site like this, but there's nothing really on the site for kids, or adults, or real humans.

This marketing campaign is probably running its course, anyway. I have a feeling that next year we will discover that Head & Shoulders is offering the chance to have our hair Lincecombed. I'll decline.

Not-So-Long Distance Addai

Joseph Addai had a 46-yard run before injuring his shoulder on Sunday night. It was the longest run of his career. Addai's longest run before that was a 41-yarder in his rookie season.

Don't those career highs sound a little low? Addai has been a featured back in a great offense for more than four seasons. He's had 954 rushes, and he's a fast guy -- the kind of back you'd expect to peel off a few 60-yarders. But while Addai has had some long receptions, including a 73-yarder, he's ripped off an amazingly small number of longer runs.

Addai inspired me to look up the longest runs by history's greatest backs. Walter Payton's longest run was a 76-yarder; Emmitt Smith had a 75-yarder. Tony Dorsett had the longest run in history, of course, a 99-yard run in 1982. All of the Top 10 rushers in NFL history recorded at least one 70-yard run. Of the 10,000-yard backs, Ricky Watters had the "shortest" long run, a 57-yarder in 1995.

You would expect a pretty close correlation between players' all-time rushing yardage and their longest runs, at least at the top of the list, before lots of other random factors kick in. I didn't run the regression, but it looks pretty tight. The 10,000-yard backs typically have 70-plus yard runs to their credit, but as you dip to the next tier, you see guys like Terry Allen (32nd all time, 8,614 yards, 55-yard high), Earnest Byner (34th all time, 6,261 yards, 54-yard high) and Larry Csonka (39th all time, 8,081 yards, 54-yard high). To have the kind of long career that gets a back into the all-time top 50 in rushing, he must have some explosive big-play ability early in his career. In today's football, a guy who leaves college as a step-slow piledriver just won't last long enough or get enough opportunities to crack the leader boards.

The highest career rushing total for a back whose longest run was fewer than 40 yards belongs to Mark van Eeghen, who was one of my favorite players up until Super Bowl XV. Van Eeghen was an old-school fullback for the Raiders who rushed for 6,657 yards (58th all time), but his longest carries were two 34-yarders. Van Eeghen was cool, but he was about as un-Addai like as can be. He made his living off fullback bellies, not stretches and draws.

Addai ranks 184th on the all-time rushing list, right between Anthony Thomas, whose longest career run was 67 yards, and Barry Foster, whose longest career run was 69 yards. On Sunday night, he passed Bam Morris, Gerry Ellis, Jon Arnett, Wilbur Jackson, Clarke Hinkle, Timmy Brown, Rocky Bleier, Randy McMillan, Walt Garrison, and A-Train. Let's see, you've got a Hall of Famer, a war hero, and a guy who liked to drive around with six pounds of weed in his trunk, among others. Quite a night's work. Garrison was a legendary plodder, a fullback whose longest career run was 41 yards, same as Addai's once was. In fact, Addai is now 45 yards ahead of Garrison, so his 46-yard run almost exactly marks the difference between them.

Addai needs 12 yards to pass Foster, a one-year wonder who suddenly lost the will to play football in 1994. Once Addai gets healthy and off the bye week, such luminaries as Harvey Williams and Leroy Hoard are within his sights. A 100-yard game will vault him all the way past Nicholas Vincent Pietrosante, a nice Irish kid from Notre Dame who played fullback for the Lions in the 1960s in 173rd place. Pietrosante made the cover of Sports Illustrated as . Pietrosante asks his toddler daughter why he plays football. "To make money to buy me salami," she replies. Tremendous. Addai may be catching up with a legendary lunchmeat provider, but he shouldn't get too full of himself. Julius Jones is still ahead of him on the all-time list, as is Michael Vick.

As Addai climbs the all-time list, he'll almost have to add some more long runs to his repertoire. The days when van Eeghen could grind out a 10-year career on four-yard gains is gone. Addai has had a unique career, but he's already on the downside. Every 40-yard run counts as he battles to get past the Fosters and Pietrosantes of the world.

Tiffin

Chris Ivory, the Saints' leading rusher with 233 yards, attended Tiffin University.

Nate Washington, the Titans' leading receiver with 227 receiving yards, also attended Tiffin University.

Where?

Tiffin Univeristy, 3,422 students, located in Northern Ohio, somewhere between Cleveland, Ohio, and Fort Wayne, Indiana. The Tiffin Dragons are a Division II team with a 1-6 record. The Dragons lost to the Northwood Timberwolves on Saturday, allowing 399 rushing yards in an important GLIAC shootout. They face Ohio Dominican on Saturday. It's Homecoming.

The Dragons went 0-11 last year. The fact that Ivory only played four games probably had something to do with it, though one running back can only do so much in a 62-0 loss to Northern Michigan or a 38-8 loss to Wayne State. Ivory wound up at Tiffin after getting dismissed from Washington State University, so he didn't get a chance to rewrite the Dragons' record book. Washington, on the other hand, holds most of the school's receiving records: receptions (212), yards (4,214) and touchdowns (47).

No Tiffin player has ever been drafted by the NFL, and despite the success of Ivory and Washington, it appears unlikely that the team will become a talent pipeline -- unless they can stop GLIAC foes from enjoying 400-yard rushing days. But that doesn't mean that Tiffin is completely off the map. Troy Vincent is scheduled to speak at the college on November 5. The topic is "Cool Solutions." Vincent's current NFL job is to operate as an "early warning system" to teach incoming players about becoming better citizens. So naturally, he's taking this important message to the GLIAC.

Tiffin sounds like a lovely, sleepy little campus, and the Homecoming events list features a pub crawl, which sounds like the perfect cure for a possible loss to a Dominican college (the Ohio Dominican Panthers are 1-5 but coming off a win against Findlay). A little low-level football might be just the cure for a week spent staring at hair shampoo websites, or whatever. On Sunday, Nate Washington takes on the Eagles and Chris Ivory takes on the Saints, and Tiffin alums can take heart that their football program is no laughing matter.

Posted by: Mike Tanier on 21 Oct 2010

52 comments, Last at 05 Jan 2013, 9:07pm by Bali Mojo

Comments

1
by Arren (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 11:30am

Even better than usual this week, Mr. Tanier. There were several literal lulz.

I don't think there's any legitimate competition for the title of best humorous football columnist.

13
by John (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 12:49pm

I made the mistake of reading it while eating lunch. Thankfully, my iPad cleans well.

43
by Noah of Arkadia :: Fri, 10/22/2010 - 11:32am

+1

2
by Athelas :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 11:34am

You MUST be lying about that website.
Please tell me a multinational corporation couldn't produce such crap.
Please.

46
by kamchatka (not verified) :: Sat, 10/23/2010 - 2:39pm

Clearly you've never worked in advertising.

3
by Dean :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 11:41am

I started to wonder, just for a moment, what sort of subhuman would actually be enticed to visit the website; the decision based solely on the advertizing assault. Then I mentally revisited a typical trip to the local sports bar.

Now I am depressed.

4
by MVPFF (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 11:52am

Re: Addai

I don't think Addai is a very good running back, but I wonder how the defensive looks the Colts effects his high-carry number. There aren't many plays where the Colts line up and don't have basically every non-lineman worried about the deep pass. Addai basically has a free pass to the second level on every play, but that second level still has 7-8 defenders on darn near every play. Most backs will have some lucky plays where the run just happens to be at the right point of attack, the blocking will be good...and the second level is a couple safeties with a WR blocking.

Essentially, on any average team, Addai would average 3.4 yards per carry, but his high carry would probably be 60+. That's my theory at least.

23
by Shake (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 3:28pm

Running the ball is definitely the weakest aspect of Addai's game, but that's not a serious slight since he's a fantastic pass blocker, great receiver and that hit that injured his shoulder also forced just his 6th career fumble in over 1,000 touches.

Addai's low YPC, high success rate, few big runs has a lot to do with how he runs imo. He has this odd side to side bounce in his step that really slows him down, but also makes it really hard for defenders to get a good shot at him (and he powers through arm tackles well). The best example I can think of is against the Ravens last year where on the goal-line Ray Lewis was waiting for Addai on the other side of the hole. The hole was about two maybe 2.5 players wide. RayRay lunged and only got fingertips on Addai.

51
by floressalicis (not verified) :: Thu, 11/04/2010 - 10:31am

Addai also runs behind one of the worst offensive lines in the NFL. They pass block passably because Peyton makes them look better than they are, and because Addai is amazing at picking up blitzes. He's critical to the Colts - but behind a line as shabby as that, you'll find few running backs who can get any kind of yardage. Consider Addai's rookie year. He ran fine behind a competent line. Since then, Tarik Glenn retired, then Jake Scott retired, and that was pretty much the death of decent run blocking.

5
by MVPFF (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 11:53am

Er...I meant "the defensive looks the Colts GET..."

Sorry.

6
by NJBammer :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 11:59am

Considering he's pretty well known, Troy Polamalu has the worst presence I have ever seen. He has absolutely zero ability to speak natually in a scripted situation. I've never seen an interview with him, so I don't know if this is all the time, but watching him in commercials or even listening to him on the radio commercials is just brutal.

29
by Jerry :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 6:03pm

As long as he continues to exhibit the presence that he does on the field, I don't care about how he comes across in (bad) commercials. In the interviews I've heard, he comes across as a soft-spoken, very religious guy.

42
by MidnightAngler (not verified) :: Fri, 10/22/2010 - 9:54am

Polamalu is extremely soft-spoken off the field. He talks in the same monotone that he uses in commercials pretty much all the time. Of course, his job is to play football, not act. Note that the commercials star troy polamalu's hair, not troy polamalu... the implication could be that troy polamalu's hair has more personality than the man himself. Polamalu seems like a nice guy though.

I've been surprised at how bad of a spokesman Tom Brady is. He's awful in commercials. Maybe it is the hair.

45
by drobviousso :: Fri, 10/22/2010 - 5:32pm

"But when Polamalu, who will lead Pittsburgh into Indianapolis in an AFC Divisional playoff game Sunday, sheds his uniform and wraps his hair into a bun, it's as if he's transformed, from warrior to ascetic.

He speaks softly and gently, as if in an amplified whisper. If the subject is not Xs and Os, for which his answers are brief and rote, he is thoughtful and engaging.

``He has an intellectual bent to him. He likes to know the why and wherefore,'' Pittsburgh defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau said. ``He's probably the exact opposite on the field.''

In the locker room, Polamalu is considered a good teammate, but not one of the guys. When teammates at USC tried to drag him to parties at the Playboy Mansion, he passed. Not once in his three years in Pittsburgh, he says, has he been out to a bar or night club."

and

"He hasn't cut his black, wavy locks, which hang down over the back of his shoulder pads, since he was a sophomore at USC. Actually, the idea started out as a lark.

``In college, you don't care about these things,'' Polamalu said. ``Then all of a sudden, it started to become my fifth appendage. I'm too scared to cut it off now.''

Most of the time, Polamalu keeps it under wraps. In practice it's tucked under his helmet. Afterward, he dresses at his locker with it wrapped up in a towel and leaves with it tied in a bun. As a rookie, he planned to keep his hair under his helmet until he had earned a starting role.

``Then we go to San Francisco on a Monday night game and Ronnie Lott was there, I think getting his number retired, and I was back in California, the air was great, the energy was there - I finally just let it out,'' he said.

``Some people say it's a Samson thing, but I don't think so. I didn't take a Nazarene vow or anything. It's just hair. The best explanation is that throughout history, every great warrior - the Greeks, the Samurais, the American Indians, the Mongolians, you name it - had long hair and would dress it before battle. I don't know why today is so different. In the military, you've got to have short hair. "
Link

7
by Thunderbolt of ... :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 12:01pm

A bunch of nerds have figured out how to talk to plants using fancy nerd equipment. I dunno about you, but this paves the way for ACTUAL SCIENCE EVIDENCE that Brawndo's got what plants crave.

33
by Vet_Nick :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 7:52pm

That film is actually a documentary, right?

38
by Pied :: Fri, 10/22/2010 - 12:05am

That electrolytes line had me in stitches.
Thank you, Mr. Tanier.

8
by nottom :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 12:06pm

"On Sunday, Nate Washington takes on the Eagles and Chris Ivory takes on the Saints"

Might want to check that.

9
by Thunderbolt of ... :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 12:10pm

Also - a guy named "Nicholas Vincent Pietrosante" whose daughter loves salami? I'm guessing he's Italian, not Irish.

10
by Dean :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 12:16pm

I don't know if Mike was making a joke there or not, but I do know that the rent is too damn high.

11
by Athelas :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 12:38pm

I JUST got that out of my head--please don't get me laughing again or I'll be useless at work this afternoon.

17
by Mike Tanier :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 1:45pm

Must be a Philly joke. Whenever you hear someone with an extremely Italian name, you refer to him as a nice Irish kid, and vice versa.

22
by MCS :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 3:26pm

It was pretty clearly a joke to me. I just thought it was a play on the fact that he played for the Irish.

20
by Dean :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 2:19pm

It's Thursday. Walkthrough and Word of Muth Day. You really think you're getting anything done anyway?

12
by Raiderjoe :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 12:47pm

Edgerrin Janes anotger guy with no really long runs

14
by MVPFF (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 1:15pm

I think that would support my theory...he did have a 72 yarder his rookie year though. He also had a 60+ yard TD against my Eagles...who tried blitzing Manning a lot if I recall correctly...which definitely didn't work while they allowed 44 points. Bah.

16
by NJBammer :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 1:21pm

What about my theory, that Germans love David Hassellhoff?

26
by Snack Flag (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 4:50pm

Kudos on the Norm reference

44
by NJBammer :: Fri, 10/22/2010 - 2:54pm

Kudos for getting the reference.

47
by The Ninjalectual :: Sat, 10/23/2010 - 7:15pm

I don't know what "Norm" is, but the Germans liking Hasselhoff isn't anything new. Shows like Saturday Night Live and South Park have been making fun of it for years, as well as countless humor columns, newspapers, the onion, etc. So I don't know why you'd all assume "Norm" rather than any one of the hundreds of places that have made this joke...

48
by Jerry :: Sat, 10/23/2010 - 7:24pm

If you remember which Weekend Update anchor made it a running joke on Saturday Night Live...

31
by Raiderjoe :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 6:41pm

talking cars and bathoing suits very popualr in Germany for some reaosn. Haselhoof invovled in TV shows with both those things so that is why guy very popular there

39
by Pied :: Fri, 10/22/2010 - 12:10am

FO: Come for the stats and Tanier, stay for the Raiderjoe.

Nice, RJ

24
by Shake (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 3:31pm

Edge totally lost his big play ability when he blew out his knee. Reinvented himself as the grinder/passing game back he's mostly remembered as.

18
by Bobman :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 1:50pm

Good point. Let's see, Edge James, Joe Addai... Edge James, Joe Addai. What the heck could those two have in common?

The Colts favor consistency over the more volatile big gain/no gain runners. They'd much rather have a high success rate guy than a guy who gains 1, 1, 1, 20. They NEED a blitz pick-up back, and a guy who can catch well. The OL is primarily a pass blocking bunch and has been for years. So the cushion provided by the threat of Manning as well as the OL and the RB's own efforts will get a LOT of runs in the 3-5 yard range, and very few over about 12. Also very few under 2.

I don't think downfield blocking had been a big point of emphasis for them (last year's downfield blocking was new to me and cool to see). But withthe threat of pass always looming, the D has second-level defenders roaming zones. This allows for more runs up to 4 yards (fewer LBs stacking the box) but fewer 10-yarders because all those LBs are five yards deep to start the play.

Even now with the old Edge Stretch not working so well since Manning's knee infections a few years ago (and therefore a different style of play being called), the results are somewhat similar.

28
by Dork Matter (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 5:44pm

I second Bobman's comment on downfield blocking. Most long runs involve one or more good blocks by receivers, and the Colts don't emphasize run-blocking by their WR corps.

With Manning able to choose run or pass on every play, the Colts may be the team most dependent on having a true every-down back behind the QB. Addai has mastered an offensive game plan that I would guess is more complex than most RBs must absorb. He can pass block, he's good at settling down as a receiver, and he's elusive after the catch.

One other point about Addai and long runs: the Colts average fewer offensive drives than most teams, and their defense tends to spend a lot of time on the field. This makes their offensive drives very valuable. It struck me watching Addai (the WAS game notwithstanding) that he's good at ball security. Where others see Addai "avoiding contact" or not "finishing runs," I see an RB who seems instructed to avoid lost yardage, get what yards are there, get to the ground, and hand the ball to the official. I think the only Colt authorized to turn the ball over is Peyton Manning.

40
by John (not verified) :: Fri, 10/22/2010 - 1:45am

I think the only Colt authorized to turn the ball over is Peyton Manning.

Indeed! Just ask Kenny Moore.

I suppose Manning is the ultimate franchise quarterback: the Colts have molded virtually every aspect of the franchise around their quarterback.

15
by Mike B. In Va :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 1:19pm

Chris Ivory takes on the Saints? By himself?

19
by Bobman :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 1:53pm

Talk about a locker room cancer. On the plus side, that's a LOT fewer Christmas cards he'll have to buy....

34
by The Ninjalectual :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 8:23pm

Tiffin alums can take heart that Chris Ivory playing his own team is no laughing matter.

21
by Mansteel (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 2:54pm

"Usually, I rope my kids into exercises like this, though I am a little gun shy after the Ochocinco cereal sex-line incident."

As you all know, that is not a joke. As such, it is the one of the funniest things I've read this year.

30
by AudacityOfHoops :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 6:33pm

the Ochocinco cereal sex-line incident

fantastic name for a band. Or maybe just "The Cereal Sex-Line Incident."

41
by peachy :: Fri, 10/22/2010 - 1:56am

Or a Loser League team.

25
by basmati (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 3:46pm

Mike Reid, a very good DT for Penn St. and the Bengals, was also a concert pianist.

27
by Shylo :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 5:42pm

I thought I heard some commentator say that Marion Barber III is a classically-trained pianist.

32
by Overrated (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 6:55pm

Ever taken piano lessons? So are you!

35
by The Ninjalectual :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 8:25pm

Somebody verify this guy!

36
by Overrated (not verified) :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 8:42pm

Do I get a free credit report out of it?

37
by Greg Trippiedi :: Thu, 10/21/2010 - 8:50pm

Not to overtly defend Tiffin University, but the GLIAC is more or less the SEC of Division II Football.

Well, if the SEC was expanding every other year by adding teams from the Sun Belt.

49
by anymouse (not verified) :: Mon, 10/25/2010 - 7:32am

ha, props for the Brawndo/Idiocracy reference.

50
by starzero :: Mon, 10/25/2010 - 3:53pm

i knew someone from tiffin. however, i attended a larger school near columbus, oh, that has probably sent no one to the nfl. which makes me kind of sad.

--
hail damage

52
by Bali Mojo (not verified) :: Sat, 01/05/2013 - 9:07pm

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