compiled by Alex Carnevale

THEN HE ASKED ME TO BE HIS BRIDE/AND ALWAYS BE RIGHT BY HIS SIDE/I FELT SO HAPPY I ALMOST CRIED

"I had no idea he did it. I was just so into the game and we were just talking, and then someone tells me he kissed me."

-- Cowboys safety Keith Davis, on coach Bill Parcells' reaction to the Cowboys comeback victory over the Panthers on Monday Night Football.

THAT WON'T BE THE ONLY REASON YOU'LL BE GETTING BREAKFAST IN BED

"I think they just wanted a spark. Just change it up a little bit and give the defense a new look."

-- Davis, on his playing time.

"I wanted to wait before I brought it out. I wanted to wait for the right time, when I sensed the momentum changed and then unleashed it. It's a real weapon."

-- 'Boys kicker Mike Vanderjagt

DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT IS A EUPHEMISM FOR

"You know, when he first got here, his girlfriend wasn't winning many teddy bears at the arcade."

-- Parcells, on Tony Romo

IF HE WERE IN BROADCASTING, HE'D BE FIRED AND SENT TO INSENSITIVITY TRAINING, BUT INSTEAD HE'S AN NFL HEAD COACH

"I got that because I got a couple of St. Bernards on this team. You know why they're called St. Bernards? Because I got to hit them with a stick to get 'em to do anything.�

-- Parcells, on the baseball bat in his office. (The New York Times Magazine)

“It's a laboratory. You get a real feel for human behavior under the strongest duress -- under the threat of physical harm."

-- Parcells, on the boxing gym he visits in New Jersey.

TO BE FAIR, THE ONES WHO WERE DIVORCED MOSTLY GOT IT

" My old players didn't want me to take the job. They were afraid I'd embarrass myself. They didn't get it. It's not about your legacy."

-- Parcells, on agreeing coaching the Cowboys.

"It's a cloistered, narrow existence that I'm not proud of. I don't know what's going on in the world. And I don't have time to find out."

-- Parcells

FIRST LESSON: DON'T LET YOUR KID TOKE THE DEVIL WEED. I'VE BEEN THERE. IT IS WHAT IT IS.

"They have set the standard of what an organization should be like, and we hope someday to be like the Patriots."

-- Vikings owner Zygi Wilf (TwinCities.com)

"He's brought people of character together, and he's made people really feel that this team can really beat anybody. And that confidence is all over Winter Park, and we're very happy to him and the staff lead us.It's going to be a matter of continuing to build on success. As I've said, we want to be consistent, and we want to be a class act, and we want to be a gold standard, just like the team we're facing today."

-- Wilf, on coach Brad Childress

THANKS FOR THE INPUT, BUT WE'RE GONNA THROW ON SECOND-AND-LONG.

"We won the first three and I was just the same. We're not going to change. Unfortunately, there is only one team that has gone undefeated in the NFL. You are going to come up short once in a while."

-- Bengals coach Marvin Lewis

"Do what works. I'm not saying I have to run 50,000 times, especially if it's not working. I'm just saying you move up and down the field with what's working. You do what you do until they find a way to stop it."

-- Rudi Johnson (Columbus Dispatch)

"We try to figure everything out every week. We have no identity."

-- Johnson, on the Bengals' struggles.

"It comes with the territory. It certainly doesn't surprise me."

-- Marvin Lewis, on his players' comments.

"We did pound Atlanta until they hit us for a seven-yard loss in the third quarter. Second-and-17, I don't know how much pounding we are going to do at that point. We did pound. We went up and down the field. We do certain things on offense. I appreciate their thoughts, and if they were always 100 percent right, then we would really be in great shape."

-- Lewis

I'M COMING OUT SO YOU BETTER GET THIS PARTY STARTED

"I'm taking a risk. I'm coming out. Coach Lewis has told me to tone it (down). He's told me to be quiet. I've been quiet all year. I haven't said much. I'm back. I'm back. I'm going to let it rip. My name isn't Chad no more. We're celebrating Spanish heritage month in October in the NFL. Ocho Cinco from now on. Anybody that writes about whatever I say today, you call me Ocho Cinco. Do not say Chad. You're going to get a pay cut. I'm not playing. Questions? DeAngelo Fall. Do not say Hall or I'm going to stop the interview."

-- Bengals wideout Chad Johnson, on what he was going to do against Falcons CB DeAngelo Hall on Sunday.

"It started in Hawaii. He told me he was the best defensive back ever. How? How can you proclaim yourself the best ever when you haven't been against the best?"

-- Chad Johnson

"Big Willie Anderson owns a Fatburger in Atlanta. When I'm done with you, I want you to quit playing for Atlanta and go work at Big Willie's Fatburgers. That's what you're going to do when I'm done with you."

-- Johnson

MY FAITH IN OCHO CINCO IS FLAGGING

"Any time you get a great receiver and a great DB hooked up, it's going to be a great game. Chad actually pulled me aside and actually said I was the first guy to say something back to him in two years. I guess I earned some respect from him for that. I'm just going to come out there and play, man. Talking aside, at the end of the day, we still have to line up on the field and play a game."

-- DeAngelo Hall

"Marvin, I know you're mad. You might fine me. But it's not about the money. This is for the better of the team. You always said the key word was team. I'm doing this for the team."

-- Johnson (Cincinnati Post)

"I know for a fact that those guys have tremendous respect for each other. If they didn't have the respect for each other, they probably wouldn't challenge each other the way they are."

-- Falcons coach Jim Mora Jr

MY ENDORSEMENTS INCLUDE COCA-COLA, BUD LIGHT, AND THE KKK. IT'S NOT A RACE THING THOUGH

"I can't figure it out. It's probably because I play for the Bears, one of the most popular teams in the NFL. I really don't know. I've done OK. I've gotten better every year. And I got some national endorsements and stuff like that to get myself out there. Maybe because I'm from a small town, a small school, I don't think I'm cocky in any way. I don't try to talk bad about other players. I just do my job, play football and have fun with it. As a middle linebacker here in Chicago with the way we play defense, fans are going to take to me."

-- Bears DL Brian Urlacher on why he's so popular (The Sporting News)

COULD A TRADE TO THE COWBOYS BE IN THE OFFING?

"I'm having fun. I think it shows in the way I play and the way I fly around. I'm having a good time, there's no doubt about it. It's not just in the game, in practice too. We're always jacking around."

--Urlacher

"There's no reason for an NFL player to take a poll on who is overrated. There are a few guys who, for whatever reason, have a feeling about Brian. It's time to grow up. To me, that stuff is silly.''

-- Bears defensive coordinator Ron Rivera (Chicago Sun-Times)

JOE PAT, THIS IS YOUR DOCTOR. I'M SORRY TO HAVE TO TELL YOU YOU OFFICIALLY WENT BRAIN DEAD A FEW YEARS BACK. GIVE ME A CALL WITH QUESTIONS. BUH BYE.

"I haven't talked to him. I have been thinking about calling Bob. Bobby will handle it. I don't think he needs my advice. I think all of that junk about what may be going on, which went on with me for a little bit, I guess. I thought I was smart enough not to read any internet, email and then the president called me up and said he was getting complaints that I don't answer my email."

-- Penn State head coach Joe Paterno

DAMN JOE, YOU IS BAD!

"I said, "I didn't even know I had an email address." He said, 'Everybody at the university has an email address.' He said, 'You must have a thousand letters.' I said, 'Good.' I never answered them."

-- Paterno (GoPSUsports.com)

IF YOU'RE THINK THAT YOU'RE THAT SMART, YOU COACH THE TEAM. I'LL BE OVER HERE MYSPACING MY GIRL 'NESSA

"You guys would know more about that than I do. I only look at this game. This Wisconsin team and this Penn State team playing this Saturday. I couldn't tell you who won more games or lost more games. I couldn't tell you the score last year. I know we won, but I couldn't give you the score. I haven't got time for that. I can't seem to get that across to you. What does it mean to me? Nothing. It doesn't mean a darn thing to me. It depends on how we play on Saturday. If we play real well and they don't, maybe we will win. Does that mean it is up there? Does it mean that it is Saturday night? No. It is a football game. We have to get ready for it. I know that sounds like I am being a smart alec, but I am just trying to be honest with you."

-- Paterno

YES, TOO MUCH COACHING, THAT'S THEIR PROBLEM

''Too many. It's not needed. And there could be confusion -- one telling you this, another telling you that.''

-- former Dolphin RB Mark Higgs, on the 19 coaches employed by Nick Saban (Miami Herald)

AT THIS RATE HE'LL WIN COMMISH OF THE YEAR FROM ME

"The point is the pace of the game, making sure that the game has as much action as possible."

-- commissioner Roger Goodell, on allowing coaches to communicate with their quarterbacks through headsets.

"We don't want Star Wars electronics taking over the game."

-- Mike Holmgren

"We were going with a silent count the whole game."

-- Holmgren (Bloomberg.com)

AND COINCIDENTALLY THAT IS THE EXACT PHRASE THAT BRINGS A PESTILENCE UPON THIS EARTH. KELLEN, WE WILL NEED SOLDIERS LIKE YOURSELF TO BUILD A NEW SOCIETY.

"I compare myself more to a Shockey."

-- Kellen Winslow (San Jose Mercury News)

WITH A PURE LOGICIAN LIKE HERM, I'M SURPRISED IT'S NOT HERM EDWARDS, CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE SUPREME COURT

"You've got to be proud of the guy. I keep telling Trent, 'You have to win a lot of games because he's won all our games for us.'"

-- Herman Edwards, on backup QB Damon Huard

LET ME PARSE THIS MIKE: YOU WANT US TO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT'S NOT THERE. THAT IS DOWNRIGHT GENIUS, COACH HOLMGREN.

"I want [the players] them to focus on what they need to do, and not worry about who's not there. Let me worry about that."

-- Seahawks head coach Mike Holmgren

COACH HOLMGREN, THIS IS COMING OUT OF NOWHERE. I THOUGHT WE WERE REALLY CLICKING.

"No one feels sorry for you."

-- Holmgren, on the injuries his team has faced.

I'M GOING TO SAY THINGS ARE BETTER UNDER THE CURRENT COACH ... I'M NOT CONCUSSED, WHY DO YOU ASK?

"The energy level and attention to the little things has been raised since he took over. I sense everyone likes what he has put in, and the way he called the game in New Orleans."

-- Steve McNair

WHEN YOU LOSE IT SULKS AND MAKES YOU WATCH 'OPERATION DUMBO DROP'

"You can't shy away from adversity. It's something that's right in front of you every day. It's like an elephant in the middle of the room. It's always there. The only way you can get it out is to win."

-- Cardinals fullback Obafemi Ayanbadejo

"In talking today with some of our leaders in the locker room and the coaching staff, it is clear they share the same frustration and disappointment that we all do because we are not winning. But it is also clear they plan to keep fighting to win through the second half of the season and have no intention of giving up. This is our approach as well. I do not believe a coaching change improves our chances of winning against the Cowboys or any game in the second half of the season, and winning is our No. 1 goal."

-- Arizona Cardinals president Michael Bidwell (ESPN.com)

YOU HAVE BEEN AFFECTED BY THE BELICHICK PRIME VIRUS. STEP AWAY FROM THE MICROPHONE AND GET YOUR KIDS OFF DRUGS.

"When you see somebody come out of a bye week and have 19 people questionable, it is what it is. It speaks volumes to what that thing really means."

-- Vikings head coach Brad Childress, on the abuse of the injury reports by the Colts, in this case.

"The injury reports are monitored by the league office each week. Teams that have been determined to have violated the policy have been fined."

-- Randall Liu, NFC information manager. No one has been fined this season.

"The [injury report] prevents teams from hiding injuries. That is the overriding concern."

-- Randall Liu

"It's just trying to preserve a competitive advantage. If I give them an edge that I don't need to give them, then I think that is counter-productive to what our goal is."

-- Jim Mora Jr. (San Jose Mercury News)

CONCUSSIONS SEEM TO BE GOING AROUND

"That was a bad play by me. I was trying to force the ball to Andre, and I didn't get away with it. I let it bother me the whole game, but I've got to shake it fast. That's an elementary play, a play I won't try again."

-- Texans QB David Carr

"It's the simple thing of holding the ball when guys are around you. We've got to work on it, and I've got to be aware of what I'm doing when the ball's in my hands. I will fix it."

-- Carr

"They go hand in hand. Our defense was on the field for 43 plays. This league is about turnovers and protecting the ball. Even though we're playing well on defense, we need to get some turnovers."

-- Gary Kubiak (Houston Chronicle)

COME ON, THE GUY'S A VP! LA 4 LIFE

"There's no meeting with the commissioner. It's a courtesy meeting ... given at their request. They initiated the meeting and it's not with the commissioner."

-- NFL spokesman Greg Aiello, on a group claiming they had a meeting with the commissioner regarding the prospect of bringing and NFL team to LA. The highest-ranking NFL official scheduled to be at the meeting is Neil Glat, senior vice president for corporate development.

"I wrote it, but I didn't write it that carefully. They didn't issue any invitation. We thought that at one time we would be able to talk with the bigwigs. We'll be glad to talk with anyone who's willing to talk with us as long as it's with the league."

-- McHenry T. Tichenor, multimillionaire Valley communications mogul, owner of Weslaco-based Tichenor & Associates, on the press release claiming a meeting with the commish.

"It's gonna be a check-in meeting. This is what we've done so far. What do you think? What are our prospects?"

-- Tichenor (TheMonitor.com)

I'M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS, JUST LIKE THE ONES I USED TO KNOW

"It just depends on the situation, if it's warm and you've got a wind behind your back, I'm trying to kick a touchback. If it's just a normal day, I'm trying to get it as far and as high as I can to give the coverage the best chance I can."

-- Patriots kicker Stephen Gostkowski

"I'm not really good at them. We practice them once in a while, but it's not something I've had that much experience doing. I kicked two in college. I was one for two.�

-- Gostkowski, on onside kicks.

HOW DARE YOU USE THAT AWFUL SLUR

"That's kind of gay, but hey ..."

-- Former TE Brian Kinchen, during a Northern Illinois-Iowa game on ESPN. He's been suspended for a week.

"The comments were inappropriate, and we apologize for them."

-- ESPN's vice president of public relations Josh Krulewitz

"They were completely inappropriate and not at all a reflection of who I am or the way I perform my work. I have learned from my mistake and look forward to continuing my broadcasting career."

-- Kinchen (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

THE REST

"Frankly, the fake field goal looked so good on film, I just got overzealous with it. If I didn't think it was going to work, if I didn't think it was high percentage, I wouldn't do it. The pace of the game has a lot to do with it, field position. Particularly early in the game, I felt really good about our defense and the pace they were playing with, the aggressiveness. They were capturing the line of scrimmage. Those are all calculated risks. I wouldn't say it's gambling."

-- Packers head coach Mike McCarthy (ESPN.com)

"I'm really a simple guy. I'm complex but simple. That's because I want my privacy."

-- Panthers DE Julius Peppers (San Jose Mercury News)

"The media darling, aka the golden boy of the NFL, tried to take a cheap shot at me, so I told him I was going to put some extra on it. He can do all those shakes he wants, but I wasn't going anywhere. I put a little hot sauce on that ankle."

-- Ravens DB Bart Scott (Philadelphia Inquirer)

"That's something that comes with the territory. The guy could not make a play all day, and he gets one tackle on me and all of a sudden he's satisfied. His day is done. That doesn't bother me."

-- Reggie Bush, on Scott's hit.

"You give the guy a year and a half and run him out of town? You brought him in like Jesus last year with the palm leaves and the parade. Give the man some time. It's amazing. When the stock goes down at Microsoft, I don't call Bill Gates and say impeach him and start [griping] and moaning about that, either. Be patient and it will work out.''

-- Dolphins LB Jason Taylor (Miami Herald)

"Obviously, there's a lot of disappointment to be sitting here at 2-5. I accept full responsibility for that. It starts with me. There's been a lot of frustration in the different ways we have found to lose. The bottom line is we have lost."

-- Steelers head coach Bill Cowher

"He had very, very small amount."

-- Weston, Mass., police Sgt. Danny Maguire, on how much marijuana Bill Belichick's son was apprehended with. (Telegram.com)

Send suggestions to quotes at football outsiders dot com.

Posted by: Alex Carnevale on 02 Nov 2006

22 comments, Last at 04 Nov 2006, 7:44pm by RecoveringPackerFan