Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

Most Recent FO Features

ReplayIns14.jpg

» Scramble for the Ball: Getting it Right?

Instant replay review is one of the cornerstones of the modern NFL. The process and its myriad special rules have been internalized and constantly debated. Mike Kurtz wonders: is it worth it?

09 Aug 2007

The Week in Quotes: August 9, 2007

compiled by Ben Riley

IF THEY ONLY HAD A BRAIN (AS SUNG BY HERM EDWARDS)

"Way to go, Will!"

-- Fan attending Kansas City Chiefs practice after watching offensive lineman Will Svitek and defensive lineman Turk McBride get in a scuffle

"No, that's not the way to go. It's embarrassing. He just got kicked out of the game. That's the way to go, huh?"

-- Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards, heckling the pro-fight fan

"I hear and see everything. When people make silly comments, they need to know about it. It's never good when a player gets kicked out of a game. I don't want a player to all of a sudden think it's good to fight."

-- Edwards (Kansas City Star)

"I think this is really a situation where you have a day off and the young guys just sort of shut their brains off. "

-- Edwards, describing the lackluster performance of younger players during practice

"Guys when they get to a certain age their legs go on them. Their brains still work; they know I need to get over there but their legs won't get them there."

-- Edwards, describing the lackluster performance of older players during practice (Chiefs.com)

AT LEAST HE'S TRYING TO PLAY IN MIAMI INSTEAD OF, SAY, GREEN BAY

"I hurt my butt cheek."

-- Dolphins rookie WR David Sutton, describing his injuries after making a diving catch during practice. Sutton is fighting for a roster spot.

"Too cold."

-- Sutton, explaining his decision to transfer from the frigid University of Missouri to a California junior college

"[T]he world of volleyball is a whole different world. People don't know there's a lot of racism and I just got tired of hearing all that."

-- Sutton explaining why he abandoned his pursuit of of playing for the U.S. Men's Olympic Volleyball team (ESPN.com)

FORGET OCHO CINCO. MEET SEXY JOHNSON.

"I tried being a normal guy last year, and I think it hurt me as a player. I can't be the guy who just does what he's supposed to, and nothing way out there. It's not me.''

-- Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson, talking about his new, non-normal approach to football this year with Sports Illustrated's Peter King

"I tried it everybody else's way. Now I'm going back to my way. I've got my sex back.''

-- Johnson

"I've got my sexy back. That means, I've got me back, I've got my own way back. And I promise you, it'll be more fun. You know me. I won't do anything to disrespect the game. I never have. I love this game more than anything. I might do something that'll cost me a game, but believe me, everybody will love it. The memory of it will last a lifetime.''

-- Johnson

"My blocking? It sucks. I'm not gonna lie.''

-- Johnson (SI.com)

BUMP RONNIE BROWN UP YOUR CHEATSHEETS. DO IT NOW

"I know my workload is going to be turned up a little bit. The expectations, not only for myself ... is going to be pretty high."

-- Dolphins running back Ronnie Brown, describing how he's going to overcome the PFP 2006 cover curse this year (we hope)

"I love running the football. There's been times in this league we've run it over 50 times a game. I mean, there's no better feeling."

-- Dolphins head coach Cam Cameron

"Everybody knows this system is running back-friendly and gives you the opportunity to touch the ball -- not only from the running back position, but also to be able to catch a lot of passes and be involved in the passing game as well."

-- Brown

"Coach Cameron has always had a featured back, and it is what I have always wanted to be. I look forward to the challenge. It will take us a little time to get all the pieces put together, but I like what this offense promises."

-- Brown (South Florida Sun Sentinel)

CEDRICK THE COMPLAINER

"I come out here and work hard just like everybody else. I deserve a couple of passes."

-- Steelers wide receiver Cedrick Wilson, complaining about the lack of passes thrown to him during practice

"Yeah, then you all talk about how I ain't [expletive] and I never get the [expletive] football."

-- Wilson, complaining about an underthrown football from Charlie Batch

"I can't help if the quarterback doesn't throw me the ball. I'm running my routes, I'm doing the right things. You can't help if the quarterback doesn't throw you the ball."

-- Wilson, griping about the lack of balls thrown to him

"You tell me. You watch the games. Don't you watch the games?"

-- Wilson, after being asked whether he's ignored when open

"I didn't do anything last year to have my job taken away from me but get hurt. You shouldn't lose your job on account that you got hurt, know what I mean? Plus, you only lose your job on account you got hurt with a first-round pick behind you. At the same time, I caught all the balls that were thrown to me last year."

-- Wilson, complaining about (1) getting injured and (2) having to compete for starting job with Santonio Holmes

"I just have to focus on the balls I get, I guess, because there ain't a lot of them, I'll tell you that much."

-- Wilson, complaining about his lack of targets (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

STATEMENTS OF ACTUAL KUBIAK DO NOT REFLECT OPINION OF COMPUTER PROJECTION KUBIAK

"He reminds me of Terrell [Davis], when I watch the way he runs."

-- Delusional Texans head coach Gary Kubiak, describing running back Ahman Green

"He's a downhill runner. He's bigger than you think. He likes the physical part of football. He likes to bang around, and if he gets a big enough crack, he's capable of going the distance. He reminds me of [Davis] quite a bit."

-- Kubiak on Green

"I know there's been questions about his age and how many years he's been playing and those types of things, but you guys are seeing the same thing I'm seeing. This kid looks like he's got a lot of big plays left in him, and I know it's going to be important for us to get the ball in his hands. He's doing a heck of a job."

-- Kubiak (Houston Texans)

THE PLAYMAKER'S CONVERSATION WITH HIS MAKER

"You know the Bible speaks of a healing place. It's called a threshing floor. The threshing floor is where you take your greatest fear and you pray for help from your great God. I want to share something with you today. I have two sons. Michael, he's 10, and Elijah, he's 8. Michael and Elijah, could you guys stand up for me. That's my heart right there. That's my heart. When I am on that threshing floor, I pray. I say, 'God, I have my struggles and I made some bad decisions, but whatever you do, whatever you do, don't let me mess this up.'"

-- Michael Irvin, accepting his induction into the NFL Hall of Fame

"I say, Please, help me raise them for some young lady so that they can be a better husband than I. Help me raise them for their kids so that they could be a better father than I. And I tell you guys to always do the right thing so you can be a better role model than dad."

-- Irvin

"I doubted I would ever have the chance to stand before you today. So when I returned home, I spoke with Michael and Elijah . I said, 'That's how you do it, son. You do it like [Hall of Famers Troy Aikman, Warren Moon, Harry Carson, Rayfield Wright, John Madden, and Reggie White] did it.' Michael asked, he said, 'Dad, do you ever think we will be there?' And I didn't know how to answer that. And it returned me to that threshing floor. This time I was voiceless, but my heart cried out. 'God, why must I go through so many peaks and valleys?'"

-- Irvin

"I wanted to stand in front of my boys and say, 'Do it like your dad, like any proud dad would want to. Why must I go through so much?' At that moment a voice came over me and said, 'Look up, get up, and don't ever give up. You tell everyone or anyone that has ever doubted, thought they did not measure up or wanted to quit, you tell them to look up, get up and don't ever give up.'"

-- Irvin (NFL Hall of Fame)

HIS FIRST WRESTLING OPPONENT: BLINKY

"[It's] something to do, to keep me out of the streets while I have my little off-time from my real job, and, I'm a big fan of wrestling, so I wanted to give it a try."

-- Adam "Pacman" Jones, explaining his decision to join Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling during his one-year suspension from the NFL

"It will help get my mind off a lot of stuff that I'm going through. It's sort of a way to relieve some stress."

-- Jones (USA Today)

"Pacman is a gifted athlete and though he has had some serious off-the-field issues, he has a chance to take his suspension and turn it into a positive, something good. We met with him numerous times before signing the contract, and each time we were thoroughly impressed with his desire to change his image, train hard and his commitment to take this opportunity to show a different side of himself."

-- TNA President Dixie Carter

"We are well aware of the controversy that might surround this signing, but it is our goal to help Pacman during his time away from football."

-- Carter

"Pacman wants to change his life, so we will do everything in our power to surround him with a positive work environment and people who will help him achieve his goal."

-- Carter (TNA Wrestling)

TWO ROADS DIVERGED IN THE WOODS, AND I? I HAVEN'T DECIDED WHICH ONE TO TAKE YET

"Like all athletes, I knew this day would come when I would have to stand before that proverbial fork in the road. But I must admit that it's not until you're actually staring at the two diverging paths do you really grasp how impactful and painful this decision can be."

-- DE Michael Strahan's statement to fans regarding his potential retirement

"I went into this off-season with every intention of entering a 15th season with the Giants, the only team I've ever played for during my career. But I am human, and despite the images of me grimacing and tackling opposing quarterbacks and running backs, I have to face my mortality like anyone else."

-- Strahan

"What's been most disappointing has been all of this nonsense that I'm holding out for more money ... Despite what some might believe there are those of us who make decisions that have nothing to do with money."

-- Strahan (Newsday)

THE BARITONE WAS THIS GUY NAMED MIKE WILLIAMS, BIG FAT GUY, I MEAN, LIKE ORCA FAT

"You can write [247 pounds] but it doesn't mean it's true."

-- Sapp, describing rotund Raiders wide receiver Mike Williams (Inside Bay Area)

THE REST

"I go out less. Drink less. I do a whole lot of things less, because you don't ever want your grandparents to call you and ask, 'What were doing in the stairwell?'"

-- Vikings safety Dwight Smith, describing the changes he's made to his lifestyle after being found unclothed in an apartment stairwell with a female friend last year ( St. Paul Pioneer Press)

"He will treat you like a man until you don't treat him like one by doing things like being late. He will tell you about it. And if it happens a second time, he will cut the guy."

-- Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo, trying (and failing) to make Cowboys head coach Wade Phillips sound tough (San Antonio Express-News)

"In closing, to the fans of Buffalo, every guy has probably stood up here in all of these Hall of Fame jackets and said they probably have had the best fans in the world supporting them. I'm here to say that's hogwash. No fans are like my fans, like Bills fans. You were all out there freezing, spending hard earned money to cheer us on. You guys are the best."

-- Thurman Thomas, accepting his induction into the NFL Hall of Hame

"The system is flawed and when they fix the system I'll go back. I'm in the restaurant business. I'm busy. They don't need me anyway."

-- Restauranteur Mike Ditka, who is refusing to attend NFL Hall of Fame ceremonies until the league pension system is reformed (ESPN.com)

"I don't like guys fighting for someone to get hurt but I do like ... let's put it this way. If you're fighting about something, it means something to you. And that's really important. A lot of times, you'll find teams that are warm and fuzzy all the time. And in my opinion, those teams typically struggle in games because something's not important to them."

-- 49ers head coach Mike Nolan, expressing a very un-Herm Edwards-like view of training camp fights (Sacramento Bee)

"The worst is when you're not showing the exact amount of white you're supposed to be showing on your socks. If it's just a little more, or a little less, you get fined. Those are the things that drive us crazy.''

-- Packers cornerback Al Harris, expressing his frustration regarding the NFL's sock policy (SI.com)

"Just to give you a little insight into how my day was going, before the game I was drinking Red Bull and vodka and pouring Pop Rocks into my mouth, letting it foam out."

-- New Orleans resident "Heather," the woman of debatable attractiveness who wore the "F*** Da Eagles" t-shirt during the Saints-Eagles game last year. You can see more pictures of Heather -- including some in her new "F*** Jeff Feagles" t-shirt -- courtesy of Maxim here.

Send quote ideas to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com.

Posted by: Ben Riley on 09 Aug 2007

46 comments, Last at 12 Aug 2007, 7:05pm by Yakuza Rich

Comments

1
by Drew_BurgerMan_Bledsoe (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 12:32pm

Herm is a god.

2
by TO (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 12:47pm

F*** Da Eagles

3
by James, London (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 12:50pm

I've missed the Hermanator.

4
by chip (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 1:00pm

The OCHO CINCO bit was great.

5
by Matt (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 1:16pm

James and other UK readers - If you are having trouble getting PFP'07 from Amazon, try the link in my name. They have it in stock.

6
by Dave (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 1:52pm

How exactly is Pacman expecting compete in professional wrestling? I would think that most wrestlers would outweigh him by at least 50-100 pounds.

7
by Ben Riley :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 1:56pm

Dave, there's a rumor that professional wrestling is faked.

8
by Nathan (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 1:57pm

Mike Ditka is a class act all the way. I didn't really care much for his public persona, but he continues to show through his actions what a thoughtful individual he is.

9
by Mr. Beefy (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 2:14pm

Michael Irvin has the "spirit" going during that speech! Amen!

10
by Theo, Netherlands (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 2:28pm

They forgot to tell some people.
(click my name)

11
by Marko (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 2:29pm

Dwight Smith has learned that a stairwell is not like Vegas. What happens in a stairwell does not stay in a stairwell.

12
by karl, miami (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 2:40pm

10:

"It's still real to me, dammit!"

Priceless.

13
by B (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 2:40pm

7: Professional wrestling is fake? That's unpossible.

14
by The McNabb Bowl Game Anomaly (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 2:54pm

I'd be more concerned with Pacman's contract, which certainly includes a clause forbidding any potentially dangerous activity. Wrestlers get hurt all the time, and Pacman is still under contract to the Titans right now.

15
by Harris (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 3:10pm

Shouldn't that really be "Chad Sexington?"

Also, I don't like Michael Irvin. I have never liked Michael Irvin. I've always thought he was a loud, cocky asshole who got away with pass interference on every important catch he ever made. I don't like his alma mater; I hated his damn haircut with all the stupid parts. If it came down to it, I probably wouldn't like his cooking or the drapes in his living room. But, that was a great fucking speech.

16
by The Wizard (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 3:26pm

Did Michael Irvin bring his crack pipe to the induction ceremony?

17
by Doug Farrar (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 3:49pm

Nice catch on David Sutton, heretofore-untapped quote machine.

2003: Ricky Williams
2004: Curtis Martin
2005: Shaun Alexander
2006: Larry Johnson
2007: Ronnie Brown

I was wondering who it was going to be this year.

18
by White Rose Duelist (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 3:54pm

This Year in Quotes in PFP 08 please?

19
by Dave (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 3:55pm

7 - Oh I'm aware of that. I just mean that he's listed as weighing 187, so it won't even look semi-realistic for him to be squaring off or throwing around some 250+ pound buffed out wrestler.

20
by Dan (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 4:16pm

I wonder if Pacman' time doing fake contact in the ring will impact his ability to deal with real contact on the field?
watch him pull up and stop his foot rather than laying into a reciever coming across the middle. HA!

21
by DolFan 316 (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 4:28pm

Just a few things...

Way to go, Herm!!!

If the younger *and* older players are struggling in camp, does that mean the Chiefs players in their mid to late 20's are doing well?

Cedrick Wilson is officially soft. This guy's from da hood. Seriously, the neighborhood in memphis he came out of has got to be one of the worst in the nation. And now look at him, whining like just another spoiled brat.

"if he gets a big enough crack, he’s capable of going the distance" could be misinterpreted SO easily.

That's it--Irvin's definitely getting arrested before the year is out.

Stick a fork in Strahan, he's done.

How sad is America? A chick can now be famous and appear in Maxim just by wearing a "F*** Team X" shirt. The end has GOT to be near. It just has to.

22
by DolFan 316 (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 4:34pm

BTW, all this sex talk from Chad Johnson has me convinced this hyped up celebration will either be humping the goal posts or using the pylon as a prop for a certain male body part. That women don't have.

#19:

250??? Maybe in TNA but your average WWE wrestler goes around 300 these days. Vince likes 'em big.

23
by Tom (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 4:42pm

She's not famous for simply wearing a shirt, she's famous for getting through the nazi censors on network TV.

And for cementing some people's perceptions of New Orleans.

24
by James, London (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 5:16pm

#5

Thanks Matt. However, Amazon have delivered (finally), and I get my hands on the book tomorrow. I'll bear those guys in mind for next year though.

25
by C (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 5:27pm

You gotta love ocho-cinco getting his sexy back. That will be the number one best side story of the 2008 season.

26
by RobM (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 5:27pm

We need to work out a way to get Cedrick Wilson on the Chiefs' roster by the regular season purely for the quotes.

27
by rashreflection (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 5:51pm

Actually, pro wrestling always exaggerates their guys' physical stats.

Undertaker for example, is billed as 6'10 & 320 lbs or something like that - but when you see him in real life, he just looks like your typical linebacker.

Rey Mysterio has been given wins over big men before, so I'm sure they could figure out something for Pacman. Heck, this is the same business that made Vince McMahon and David Arquette "world champions"!

Also, this edition is made of even more win than usual. Nice finds!

-Josh

28
by throughthelookingglass (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 5:52pm

Guys when they get to a certain age their legs go on them. Their brains still work; they know I need to get over there but their legs won’t get them there.

Like Larry Johnson?

He reminds me of Terrell [Davis], when I watch the way he runs.

I think he's talking about post-surgery Terrell.

29
by DolFan 316 (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 9:24pm

#23:

Even so, my point stands.

#24:

Next year just go to a bookstore and buy it like I did. I got my copy of PFP a week ago :-) Amazon Schmamazon.

30
by Stuart Fraser :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 9:37pm

Note to American readers: The United Kingdom is not, unfortunately, as enlightened as the United States of America and thus it is remarkably difficult to find a copy of PFP 2008 in shops over here. Please do not taunt us Brits with your ability to walk into a bookstore and buy it.

(Actually, this post is mostly to see if I can do Outsiders Red, but, y'know...)

31
by Some Dude (not verified) :: Thu, 08/09/2007 - 11:48pm

1. No way would they let Pacman actually wrestle. Scripted though it is, there are a hell of a lot of injuries, and wrestlers get as beat up as any "real" athletes.

2. Pacman is going to be involved without wrestling, so he'll probably have some sort of managing role where he talks a lot and maybe hits people with chairs on occasion.

32
by Zac (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 12:13am

Pacman will probably be in matches against cruiserweights, who are smaller guys. #27 is right that wrestlers (not unlike football players, really) have exaggerated heights and weights. He can wrestle Shark Boy at least. They say Shark Boy is 200 lbs, but if you click my name, you'll see his entrance video, and I doubt he weighs that much.

Total Nonstop Action in general has much smaller guys than WWE.

Re: Heather. The pics have her wearing a shirt that says "My other shirt is my boobs." Is it just me, or does that make no sense?

Re: Ahman Green. I know he might be past it now, but in his prime he had several seasons with very good numbers. Maybe he's not as good as Terrell Davis, but he never had a team as focused on running as the Broncos were.

33
by Starshatterer (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 12:38am

The pics have her wearing a shirt that says “My other shirt is my boobs.� Is it just me, or does that make no sense?
That just means when she's not in that shirt, she's playing for "skins". Not true (we all know she has at least one other shirt), but it does make sense.

34
by Raiderjoe (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 1:05am

Edwards still a clown. i laugh about how much Raiders going to pass Chiefs thisd year. How could that guy runa team in NFL? Sopunds more like high school coach or maybe juco coach

35
by Bobman (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 1:57am

Excellent Keyser Soze quote. Especially since this column is often filled with the usual suspects (Herm, in particular). I understand that once he got so dehydrated that his pee came out like snot.

Stuart, I am hoping that my text comes out in Colts blue. It is? Cool.

36
by Jo from Old Europe (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 5:50am

Hey TMQB is back, and nobodie noticed? HE is at least as good/bad as MMQB and sometimes funy.

37
by Ilanin (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 7:13am

Bobma, surely this colour is Patriots blue? Colts blue is a lighter shade.

38
by dryheat (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 11:48am

#15, I'm right there with you.

All-time great speeches:

1. NYC Mayor John Pappas over the coffin of James Bone.

2. Jim Valvano, Don't Give Up, Don't Ever Give Up.

3. John Blutarsky rallying the troops after Dean Vermer's visit.

4. Michael Irvin HOF speech.

39
by Rich Conley (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 12:37pm

"Mike Ditka is a class act all the way. I didn’t really care much for his public persona, but he continues to show through his actions what a thoughtful individual he is."

yeah, its so classy to want today's players to pay for something that you, yourself, weren't willing to pay for.

40
by jebmak (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 12:38pm

I just keep thinking what a relief it is to have pacman around all those wrestlers, where there won't be any temptation to use steroids.

41
by Randy S. (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 12:47pm

30 - I can't find a copy of PFT in any bookstores here in Canada (BC) either. It's really annoying, I didn't pre-order because I expected that Chapters or another bookstore would be carrying it.

42
by Joe Banner (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 12:59pm

I'd like Heather to know that the Philadelphia Eagles policy is to not have sex with someone who is unable to spell the word "the", we are sorry if this ruins her plans for the weekend.

43
by Any Visiting Player (not verified) :: Fri, 08/10/2007 - 2:29pm

Post 42 notwithstanding, Please feel free to use the Cheerleader changing rooms at the Vet.

44
by Fergasun (not verified) :: Sat, 08/11/2007 - 1:01pm

Not to be contrarian, but I'm not buying Irvin's speech. It was a great speech and he did a fantastic job at cementing his image, but actions speak louder than words. At least one ex-NFL player had the same thoughts (DeMarco Farr) on his radio show... he basically said Irvin and similar players are all talk, but behind the scenes they still party and do the same things they used to do... they care more about their image.

Now, I'm not sure this is true about Irvin, but I remain on the skeptical side. Inspirational speech if everything goes well...

45
by Zac (not verified) :: Sun, 08/12/2007 - 1:02pm

Re: 37. Everyone knows Patriots Blue is better than Colts Blue.

46
by Yakuza Rich (not verified) :: Sun, 08/12/2007 - 7:05pm

TNA wanting to turn Jones' life into something positive while he's away from football is a hoot. They'll pay more for Jones' services than they give for most of their wrestlers. Pro wrestling is always looking for another Mike Tyson to come along and boost ratings.