Tom and Mike have climbed to the top of the Hill of Nonsense and unleash another wave of insane wagering on the world.
11 Oct 2007
compiled by Ben Riley
''At 12:01, I had a lot of respect for Trent Green. At 12:20, I said [expletive] Trent Green."
-- Texans defensive tackle Travis Johnson, who was legally blocked below the waist by Dolphins quarterback Trent Green on a reverse. Although Green was concussed on the play, rendered unconscious, and had to be removed on stretcher, Johnson still taunted him while he lay on the turf.
"To hit my knee like that, that's uncalled for. He's like the scarecrow -- he wants to get courage while I'm not looking and hit me in my knee instead of trying to hit me in my head."
"God don't like ugly -- you know what I mean?''
''My knee ain't never hurt like it hurt today."
"When I was up in the air, looking at the ceiling, I was wondering what was going to happen if I came down on my head. It was a dirty play. Football's not like that. If you want to hit me, hit me in my shoulders, not my knees. That just showed what type of man he is.''
-- Johnson (Miami Herald)
"He outweighs me by over 100 lbs. Where shld I blk him? TG."
-- Trent Green, responding (via text message to Peter King) to Johnson's allegation that the block was dirty. (Sports Illustrated)
"When we cross the 50, we're the worst offense in the National Football League."
-- Falcons tight end Alge Crumpler, describing the Falcons lack of production on offense.
"They keep telling us, 'Trust us, trust us.' We've been trying to trust them the whole time."
-- Crumpler, describing the players' strained relationship with Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino and his coaching staff
"If [the defense is playing] a cover-two and we've got Michael Jenkins running down the middle of the field, or myself running down the middle of the field, why aren't we getting opportunities to make plays? That's what I've been doing my whole career."
-- Crumpler, perhaps overstating the abilities of Michael Jenkins
"But I haven't caught the ball one time since this regime has been here, in practice or anything. So I'm scratching my head. I'm trusting, OK? I'm trusting. But 1-4 makes you think about a lot of things."
"Johnny Stockton. Great passer, great assist man. But we were missing layups."
-- Crumpler, making an inexplicable analogy between the Falcons' inability to take advantage of opportunities and former Utah Jazz guard "Johnny" Stockton.
"It just seems like the agenda that we have offensively is preparing the guys that we have in this locker room for the future. I'm not saying the coach isn't trying to win the game. But there just seems to be too much going on."
"A bad dream."
-- Falcons fullback Ovie Mughelli, offering his take on the Falcons offense (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)
"Yeah, I spoke with Alge this morning, and we had a good conversation. There's one agenda here by the coaching staff, and that's to win every week. Win the game that we're playing that week and that's it."
-- Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino
"I think we had a good conversation, understand that, you know, we don't like to put things like that in the press. I'd rather him walk into my office if he had something to say."
-- Petrino (Profootballtalk.com)
"I've had my liver tested for a while to show that I've been clean. I also have been taking a pill given to me by my psychiatrist that makes me ill if I drink alcohol."
-- Suspended wide receiver Koren Robinson, describing his unorthodox rehab treatment for alcoholism (Fox Sports)
"There were kids in this draft that had assaulted police officers, beat up girls, were in drive-by shootings -- and Marcus was the bad guy."
-- Richard Burnoski, agent for Broncos defensive tackle Marcus Thomas, dismissing the drug-related character concerns that led to his client slipping to the fourth round of the 2007 draft. Specifically, Thomas was kicked off the Florida Gators after being suspended for drug use, missing curfew, taking an unapproved out-of-town trip, and skipping a mandatory drug counseling session.
"Look, marijuana is illegal and it was the wrong thing for him to do. But this is no thug."
"I got a call from Denver on the second day of the draft, and they wanted to know if I had learned my lesson. I said, 'Yes, sir.' And I did. I realized that you have to live the right way or people are going to think you're a bad person. I don't want people to think I'm a bad guy."
-- Marcus Thomas (Denver Post)
"Obviously, I'm not 21 years old anymore ... A bunch of things have changed, a bunch of elements, a bunch of pieces in the puzzle have gone elsewhere. It's just different. It's not the same as it was and it's never going to be."
-- Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey, addressing his declining involvement in the Giants passing game (Newsday)
"Greg [Olsen] showed me a better way to run my shake routes in the red zone. They don't like us to run those that quick. They like us to sell it. But he sold it real quick and was still able to get up the field, the way I never ran it. I was like, 'I have to put that into my repertoire.'"
-- Bears tight end Desmond Clark, explaining how Bears rookie tight end Greg Olsen demonstrated to Clark the virtues of running a fast route
"One of the first days I was here, [Bears tight end John Gilmore] told me, 'Sometimes, you need to slow down to go fast.' It makes a lot of sense. "
-- Greg Olsen (Chicago Tribune)
"I've been involved in football for 35 years, and I've never seen a game as bizarre as this one. Is it a full moon in Buffalo tonight?"
-- Ron Jaworski, during the fantastic Cowboys-Bills Monday night game
"It is not."
-- Mike Tirico
"It's the Heinz Field Leap, Hop, something? I'm like, 'Go back to Green Bay with that, boy.' I won't do that. I'll be too tired to jump up in the stands and all that."
-- Steelers running back Willie Parker, criticizing the touchdown celebration of teammate Najeh Davenport after Davenport scored two touchdowns against the Seahawks
"You just have to lower the railings a little bit so the rest of these guys can get up in the stands, so Willie can get up in there. His vert isn't really the best."
-- Najeh Davenport, responding to Parker's critique
"I told the guys out there I wasn't doing anything, so I was thinking about ordering a pizza."
-- Steelers defensive lineman Brett Keisel, who got hungry during the Steelers' 10:17 drive to start the third quarter against the hapless Seahawks (CBS Sportsline)
"The only way I don't finish up coaching this year is if I die."
-- Eagles head coach Andy Reid, putting an end to the rumors that he may retire midseason to deal with family issues. (Fox Sports)
"I wouldn't pinpoint any one individual. Right now everybody is a part of the mess."
-- 49ers head coach Mike Nolan, expressing his frustration over the Niners recent performance (San Jose Mercury News)
"I'm not about to put one person under the bus, because that just precedes putting the next person under the bus. That's why I don't go to the bus."
-- Nolan (San Francisco Chronicle)
"Moss has been killing people and we didn't want him to kill us, so we died at the hands of somebody else.''
-- Browns head coach Romeo Crennel, explaining why the Browns let Benjamin Watson kill them
"We're five games into the football season. We played five preseason games. Do the math. Anybody who feels good right now is an alien.''
-- Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin
"I don't know if I've ever been more embarrassed."
-- Broncos head coach Mike Shanahan, after the Broncos lost to the Chargers by 38 points at home (previous three coach-quotes courtesy of Sports Illustrated)
"I think it was the right thing to do."
-- Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino, defending his decision to bench Joey Harrington for ostensible third-string quarterback Byron Leftwich in the fourth quarter of the Falcons loss to the Titans. Leftwich went two-for-eight with one interception, and Petrino announced earlier this week that Harrington will remain the Falcons starting quarterback. (NFL.com)
"It would be nice if we could run the football."
-- Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards (Kansas City Star)
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64 comments, Last at 16 Oct 2007, 3:08am by Sid