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Five different teams from last year's DVOA top eight rank in the bottom half of the league through four weeks of 2014. What can we learn from other teams with similar starts in the past?

12 Dec 2008

The Week In Quotes: December 12, 2008

compiled by Mark Zajack

I AM TWO OF THE BEST RECEIVERS IN THE NFL

"I am Chad Johnson. I wear 85 and I'm very, very good at what I do."

-Bengals wide receiver Chad Ocho Cinco, who was then reminded of his new surname.

"Yeah, I'm that guy, too. So therefore the numbers will always be what they are. One down year means nothing."

-Ocho Cinco. (Cincinnati Enquirer)

DO WOMEN KNOW ABOUT SHRINKAGE? ... YOU MEAN, LIKE LAUNDRY?

"I got a lot of calls about that."

-Vikings tight end Visanthe Shiancoe, on the local Fox camera crew's post-game locker room coverage catching Shiancoe adjusting his towel and momentarily revealing more of the tight end's anatomy than expected.

"I know, but it's within the locker room, not with the nation but you know, it's not too bad. I didn't just get out the pool."

-Shiancoe, clearly, not worried about shrinkage.

"Is it all over the Internet?"

-Shiancoe, who was then told that there was an unedited clip on Youtube.

"How'd it look?"

-Shiancoe. (Star Tribune)

IF A TREE FALLS IN A FOREST AND NO ONE CARES, DOES IT MAKE A SOUND?

"Never."

-Cowboys cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones, on when he would end his vow of silence to the media. (Dallas Morning News)

WHEN DEFENSE IS YOUR BEST OFFENSE ...

"You always want to score. On defense, we're probably more concerned with scoring than the offense. They're more concerned with controlling the clock."

-Steelers safety Troy Polamalu, who made these comments before the Dallas game, about scoring off of turnovers. (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN WITH STEELY MCBEAM

"Who called a timeout? You guys called a timeout?"

-Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, as related by Steelers linebacker James Harrison, Romo questioning why the Steelers would call timeout with 1:51 remaining and the Cowboys trying to run the two-minute drill.

"Yeah, we called a timeout. And you go and throw a pick to Deshea [Townsend], so we can win."

-Steelers linebacker James Harrison, relating the prescient logic to Romo after the game. (Dallas Morning News)

"It was a route that they had been running all night. Coach LeBeau made a great call, and it worked out for us."

-Steelers cornerback Deshea Townsend, on defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau predicting that the Cowboys would try to get the ball to Witten on a curl when they lined up in the trips formation.

"It was a great play call by them."

-Townsend, laying on a thick layer of sarcasm.

"Right at eye level."

-Townsend, complimenting the throw from Romo.

"Deshea just ran the route for the receiver."

-Harrison. (Dallas Morning News)

AN INDUBITABLY DELICIOUS IDEA

"I might as well get a Raisin Bran tattoo right here, because I'm crunchy. I'm a crunch time player. That's why I'm gonna get this Raisin Bran tattoo."

-Redskins cornerback Fred Smoot, on a prospective theme for his first tattoo.

"Naw, see, that's for little kids. This is grown folks. We're gonna eat Raisin Bran."

-Smoot, rejecting the suggestion of a "Captain Crunch" tattoo instead. (Washington Post)

YOU KNOW IT'S A MISMATCH WHEN...

"College five years ago was the last time I took an actual rep in practice or a game."

-Redskins backup offensive lineman Justin Geisinger, on having to play left tackle against the Ravens after an injuries to both starting tackles, Jon Jansen and Chris Samuels.

"It's been a while but it's something that I wasn't COMPLETELY unfamiliar with because I've done it before. But it's just been a while. ... I'm more of an interior backup obviously, but when you dress seven guys on Sunday, injuries do happen. It's a violent game."

-Geisinger, who was abused by Ravens defensive end Terrell Suggs on the drive.

"I actually pointed at Jim Zorn and said, 'You can't do this, you're going to get your quarterback hurt,' I was like, 'I don't think this guy is supposed to be here. You've got a mistake.'"

-Ravens defensive end Terrell Suggs, who praised Geisinger's effort under the circumstances. (Washington Post)

YEAH, DON'T DISTRACT ME FROM MY LOSING STREAK

"A distraction from what? We done lost four out of our last five games. So if it's a distraction, what else can we do? We can't do nothing but win."

-Redskins running back Clinton Portis, when asked if he thought his sarcastic comments about coach Jim Zorn's "genius" would be a distraction to the team. (NFL.com)

"Clinton always provides good entertainment."

-Redskins offensive tackle Jon Jansen, on Portis' comments.

"I think I was actually watching a basketball game and it went across the ticker, I wasn't even watching football....I've got too many other things to worry about. I don't know. I'm just a middle linebacker."

-Redskins linebacker London Fletcher, on how he heard about the Portis-Zorn saga. (Washington Post)

WELL, THEN YOU AIN'T GETTIN' NO COKE

"Bill Walsh used to want to hear the Coke vendors in the stands with nobody up there (yelling), 'Anybody want a Coke?' He loved the feeling of going into another place, on the road and winning. Good football teams really love it."

-Buccaneers head coach Jon Gruden, on looking forward to hearing the deafening silence that goes with winning on the road. That did not happen. (Bradenton Herald)

OK, MAYBE I'D TAKE ONE THING BACK -- THE LAST EIGHT YEARS OF MY LIFE

"I don't take one thing back."

-Lions center Dominic Raiola, on his lack of remorse for making an obscene gesture toward Lions fans because their heckling went too far.

"I'm tired of being a doormat for people to just talk to us how they want to talk to us. I'm just not going to put up with that anymore."

-Raiola, boiling over after eight years of frustration.

"It's coming at me because I've been here for years. I've been through the losing. Me, Jeff (Backus) and whoever else are the head of the losing."

-Raiola, who apparently inherited Matt Millen's former title, "head of the losing."

"I'd do that, but you can't. Nobody plays with fists. Everybody wants to play with metal."

-Raiola, wishing he could give some fans his home address, but knowing that could "backfire." (Yahoo.com)

COULD YOU PLAY WITH HERVE VILLECHAIZE ON YOUR ANKLE? WELL, YEAH, BUT HE'D SLOW YOU DOWN.

"Just a little knick-knack."

-Giants cornerback Aaron Ross, describing the ankle injury that knocked him out of the Eagles game in terms of Bond henchmen. Less serious than an Oddjob or Jaws injury.

"But why?"

-Giants running back Brandon Jacobs, saying that he could have come back in the game after tweaking his knee, but, uh, why would he?

"We couldn't get anything going and we didn't play as good as we're supposed to play."

-Jacobs. (NY Post)

LET ME TAKE YOU UNDER MY WING ... HEY, THAT'S NOT YOUR WING!

"Jeff Garcia likes hot young quarterbacks."

-ESPN's MNF commentator Tony Kornheiser, getting very confused regarding Bucs head coach Jon Gruden's annual quarterback courtship rituals and quarterback Jeff Garcia's machinations of virile masculinity. (Pro Football Talk)

See a quote that needs to be in TWIQ? Hit us up. quotes - at - footballoutsiders.com

Posted by: Mark Zajack on 12 Dec 2008

27 comments, Last at 19 Dec 2008, 3:08pm by JAZ

Comments

1
by The Ninjalectual :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 11:23am

I've always figured Jeff Garcia is gay... not that there's anything wrong with that.

14
by John Walt :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 2:40pm

If being gay gets you a wife like Garcia's, then I might just switch teams.

2
by Theo :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 11:53am

Tony shut the hell up for a Whileser.

3
by bledderag :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 11:56am

Jim Zorn must hate Jason Campbell. I was shocked to see them place Justin Geisinger in at LT, but then was even more shocked to see him not get any TE help against Terrell Suggs. I was not surprised to see Jason Campbell eating dirt shortly afterwards. They moved Geisinger over to RT and had Cooley helping him out some after that, but after Samuels went down, they should have been better prepared coming out of the injury timeout.

4
by B :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 12:12pm

Of course Smoot likes Raisin bran, it's got two scoops. I wonder if he uses a double-headed spoon.

5
by Danish Denver-Fan :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 12:49pm

Troy Polamalu is just walking on water... Like Joey Porter earlier this season in the "I'm gonna let you guys know what I'm gonna do, and you can't stop me"-kind of way.

And by the way, I'm with Raiola on this one.

6
by starzero :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 12:56pm

man, you know the chiefs are in trouble when we can't even get some herm love. i dread the day when they fire him and we have no one to listen to anymore.

sadly, raiola is right. everyone wants to play with metal. that hasn't worked out so well lately for far too many nfl players. it's one thing to shoot yourself, but quite another to get shot defending your home.

7
by Key19 :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 1:13pm

I like how DeShea and the Steelers D think they're like the smartest guys out there when he was probably 5 yards behind where Witten should've been and the slip plus a not-so-good throw caused the ball to luckily go right to him. That's now skill. That's dumb luck. That's like picking off an end of the half jump ball and saying "well we had a great play call of 'just don't let them behind you' and we ran it to perfection." The Ike Taylor INT on the T.O. underthrow was a skilled play. The DeShea Townsend one was not. Witten doesn't slip and Romo throws a decent ball and that's a first down. Sort of like the double pump slant that Romo threw behind T.O. against Washington. That wasn't DeAngelo "making a play," that was just a bad throw that was so behind T.O. that it actually hit the burned DeAngelo in the hands.

To quote Patrick Crayton:

"Christmas came early for the Pittsburgh Steelers, because we gave them that one."

I couldn't say it better myself. There was no taking of it. It was purely given.

As for the Adam quote, let me once again say that Bill Barnwell, for all his complaints that the Cowboys are meaningless and get too much press, continues to give them more press. Why? To try and seem witty or something I guess. If truly no one cares, why would you post the quote? Exactly. Because obviously you do care. You have this agenda to try and muckrake as much garbage as you can and then point out of ridiculous it is that this stuff gets press coverage. It's called the logical fallacy of the straw man. You can't intentionally build something up just to knock it down and say "See? SEE????" It's childish and it's stupid. You're not looking witty with this Adam quote or with the "Terrell Emowens vs. Tony Remo" story. I will once again say that even making that title is quite possibly the most pathetic journalism I've seen in a while. You should get a job at ESPN as a headline writer.

I don't understand it. Why is a team that is clinging to wildcard hopes getting so much attention? It's just ridiculous. There is this like global perception that "everyone loves the Cowboys" or "everyone loves Romo," so all of the "intelligent" people go out of their way to try and show that the Cowboys are overrated or Romo is overrated. However, who besides fans of the Cowboys, really think that they're that great? I challenge anyone to name one major sports figure who is really and truly biased towards the Cowboys, or even says anything good about them. Troy Aikman? Maybe, but he still rags on them pretty bad at times. Tony Kornheiser? He knows nothing and just spouts what he thinks will get people going. Other than those two possibilities, I can't think of any sports figure who says "you know what, the Cowboys are awesome." Were the Cowboys the favorites to win the NFC this season? Yes. In the mainstream media they were indeed. But just judging by record, they were pretty clearly the favorite for that. Was it incorrect to say that about them? Probably. DVOA would say they weren't the favorites. When the Cowboys started hot, everyone loved them. That's true. But since the Washington loss, everyone has just been operating with the idea of "the Cowboys aren't that good anymore but everyone still thinks they are so I'm going to bash them at any opportunity." And then people complain that they get so much media attention. Well this is why they are in the media all the time! Quotes like this and stories like "Terrell Emowens vs. Tony Remo" just further the hole of stupidity.

If people truly don't care (which they shouldn't), then just don't post stuff like that. The problem will take care of itself. Be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem.

8
by Temo :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 1:32pm

You have much anger within you. And I understand it.

However, I suspect that our respective rants (I have one in the other Owens thread) are pretty meaningless. There's no grand conspiracy against the Cowboys on this site, and I think we're both responding to elements found in other media (ESPN) than anything here.

9
by Bill Barnwell :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 1:38pm

As the top of this article notes, The Week In Quotes is compiled by Mark Zajack. Who is, suspiciously, not me.

11
by Tundrapaddy (not verified) :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 2:04pm

Mmm, there's no place like home....r.

15
by zajack (not verified) :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 2:59pm

It is true. I am not Bill.

I was actually trolling for Martellus quotes (who I love) when I saw the Pacman thing. Personally, I don't think of Pacman as a Cowboy, I think his genius trancends any team allegiance.

21
by DGL :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 9:56pm

Yeah, but has anyone ever seen you and Barnwell together?

19
by Harris :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 5:24pm

Lighten up, Francis.

"A little celery is always nice after a good pee."

10
by Jonathan (not verified) :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 1:46pm

Bobby: "Dad, why's there a hole in the roof of the stadium?"
Hank (with a satisfied look): "So that God can look down on the Cowboys."

I think that about sums up why most people look antagonistically upon the 'pokes: this belief that they are the most valuable football in the NFL.

Unless you've actually been to each and every NFL city, you're bound to have at least one misconception about the fans there, regardless of whether there's a grain of truth in there or not. Such as:

Green Bay: hardcore fans who love beer and brats
Pittsburgh: die-hard and allergic to having a west-coast offense
Oakland: thugs
Baltimore: thugs
Boston and the NJ Giants and Jets: antagonistic toward everyone else
Philly: antagonistic toward themselves and their teams
San Diego, Atlanta, Miami, Jax and Carolina: fair-weather fans
Dallas: full of themselves
Etc.

=)

12
by saneiac (not verified) :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 2:12pm

Green Bay: hardcore fans who love beer and brats

I'm a Green Bay fan, and this pretty much describes every Green Bay fan I know. . .

26
by MCS :: Sun, 12/14/2008 - 11:27am

Having been born and raised in Green Bay,I have to concur that Saneiac has it right.

13
by Temo :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 2:33pm

Again, people hating the Cowboys is no new thing. Even the dumbest, mouth breathing Cowboys fans know and accept this. They even revel in the "everyone hates us" role.

However, ESPN's relentless coverage of them, mostly focusing on negatives, is new: an entire media outlet that is very transparent in their attempt to make as much money as they can by providing constant blanket coverage of a single team.

I literally don't remember the last time I went a whole week without seeing a Cowboys story on ESPN's front page.

(And yes, I do blame Jerry Jones for a lot of this. His relentless Media mongering has made the Cowboys a huge commercial success, but has made following them as a die-hard fan much less enjoyable over the years. It's no coincidence that the most fun years as a Cowboys fan since Jones took over were when other men were more in charge: Jimmy Johnson and Bill Parcells. Jones' comments about Marion Barber this past week are only one glaring example of why I hate him so much.)

17
by JAZ :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 3:37pm

"However, ESPN's relentless coverage of them, mostly focusing on negatives, is new: an entire media outlet that is very transparent in their attempt to make as much money as they can by providing constant blanket coverage of a single team."

Um, hasn't the New York Post been doing exactly this to the Yankees since ESPN was just a glimmer in Bill Rasmussen's eye? Or what about the treatment of the Redskins in the Washington Post?

Sports journalism--like all entertainment media--is all about attracting readers, listeners or viewers. If beating up on the Cowboys sells to ESPN's national audience, it isn't because of some nefarious plot against the Cowboys. It's because their boorish owner, players and fans evoke antipathy among most people, and most* people tend to cocoon themselves with media that confirms what they already feel or believe. It's why editors at mainstream publications don't care one whit about crunchy old baseball writers who eschew meaningful statistics and continue to rely on batting average or errors; even if it's misleading or unfair, it's what most readers expect--and, even if only subconsciously, want.

*Most, but not all. Raiderjoe's persistent presence here is one exception.

18
by Temo :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 4:56pm

I have no idea what you're arguing with me about. I agree with just about everything you wrote here. Which is why I told Key19 that posting his complaints here, on this site, is meaningless.

27
by JAZ :: Fri, 12/19/2008 - 3:08pm

"However, ESPN's relentless coverage of them, mostly focusing on negatives, is new..."

What you see as some new, special anti-Cowboy development I see as the entire motivation of sports journalism. (Unless I've misread your comment.)

16
by panthersnbraves :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 3:26pm

Carolina - much like a High School dance where everyone is interested in making an appearance as opposed to actually caring about participating in the event. Often overwhelmed by all of the visiting team fans in the stands.

22
by DGL :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 9:57pm

"Pittsburgh: die-hard and allergic to having a west-coast offense"

Since 1979, delete "west-coast".

23
by Kachunk :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 11:10pm

Hey man. We had an offense for a few years there. The superbowl year definitely had an offense!

24
by emcee fleshy .S... :: Sun, 12/14/2008 - 1:25am

Speaking as both an SD and ATL fan: Yeah, that's us.

It turns out that having other stuff to do in town matters. And Atlanta fans are one Matt Ryan away from being more depressing versions of Cardinals fans. ("What's fair-weather?") So let us have our fun while it lasts.

25
by AndyE :: Sun, 12/14/2008 - 10:53am

Boston and the NJ Giants and Jets: antagonistic toward everyone else

Pretty much hit it on the head there. We Bostonians assume everyone else is antagonistic towards us, so we preemptively return the favor. Who the heck cares who started it. Jersey and New York folks, well, wouldn't you hate the rest of the world if you had to live there?

So what's this about misconceptions?

20
by Brett (not verified) :: Fri, 12/12/2008 - 5:48pm

Where's Cedric Benson's quote? The one where he said he'd have 1,800 yards if he were running for Chicago this year. I can't even type it without smiling.