You've just been awarded an NFL expansion team and must build your personnel department. How would you do it? Matt Waldman takes on the exercise.
26 Dec 2008
compiled by Doug Farrar
"On a light note, do you wish your daughter would have married a better defensive coordinator?"
-– Detroit News columnist Rod Parker, asking Lions coach Rod Marinelli about the status of son-in-law/custodian of the worst defense in DVOA history Joe Barry, in a postgame press conference.
"You're a disgrace to your profession, my friend. You're a total idiot."
-– Fox's Terry Bradshaw, commenting on Parker's question on The OT (YouTube).
"Apparently, those watching replays of the news conference on TV didn't see it as humor. There's no way they could have known the relationship Marinelli and I have built, especially this trying season."
-- Parker, in a hastily prepared "apology." (The Detroit News)
"Anytime you attack my daughter, I've got a problem with that ... It was premeditated. I think there's something wrong with that ... I didn't read it. I was told a little bit about it, I don't accept anything."
-– Marinelli, on said "apology." (Detroit Free Press)
"Today is Mustache Monday. It's for the throwback game. Every day we go to meetings and we go by these beautiful pictures and we admire these guys' mustaches."
-– 49ers quarterback Shaun Hill
"I started four weeks ago. How bad is that?"
-– Hill, on his own mustache-growing endeavors.
"Every single day that we walk through here, you just can't help but admire John Ayers' mustache. It's awesome."
-- Hill, on the 49ers' late 'stache star. (San Francisco Chronicle)
"Just kind of letting it do what it do. I figured if you're gonna be a warrior ... You know, if you think about all the great warriors -- Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun -- I'm sure they didn't have nice haircuts. So I didn't want one neither."
-- Marcus Washington, explaining his ever-expanding 'fro. (D.C. Sports Bog)
"It's not even about matching their intensity because we're desperate to get a win as well. We haven't won in over a month, and our last win was about 5 or 6 weeks ago. We're just as desperate, if not even more."
-- Packers receiver and childhood Lions fan Greg Jennings, on Green Bay's need to close out Detroit's winless season. (Detroit Free Press)
"We win, it'll feel like the Super Bowl ... Forget the yards. Who cares about 1,000 yards? We didn't win a game yet -- 1,000 yards ain't gonna mean nothin' if we go 0-16 ... I mean, no one cares about that: 1,000 yards on an 0-16 team is equivalent to nothing in my eyes. Who cares if you don't win a game? Why do you think Calvin (Johnson) didn't make the Pro Bowl?"
-- Lions running back Kevin Smith, on a rough rookie season (Detroit News)
"If you bring a guy over here and you pay him that much money, you want [him] to be involved. He has a lot of talent. Otherwise, he wouldn't be here. I'm not saying that in a negative way. I'm saying that because I know he can help the team. Once we figure out a way we can get him more involved and he can help this offense, the better off we'll be."
-- Terrell Owens, on Roy Williams' involvement in the offense.
"You give him a grace period -- you know, two weeks or so. But I think he's been around now to be more involved and be in tune and run all the routes we have in this offense. I'm looking forward to having him really just be a part of this offense and let us be explosive the way I know we can be."
-- Owens. (Dallas Morning News)
"If we didn't want a challenge, we wouldn't be football players, we'd be sportswriters."
-- Jaguars running back Maurice Jones-Drew (Jacksonville.com)
"There were a lot of people that were hit with snowballs. All you need is someone to get hit in the eye. It's just not a safe situation. It was disappointing to see that, but that stuff, we couldn't control that. How we can control it is how we respond."
-- Jets coach Eric Mangini, on the Qwest Field snowball fiends who prompted defensive end Shaun Ellis to bomb a group of fans with a huge snowball. Ellis was fined $10,000 by the league.
"First of all, the people in our stadium don't see snow that much, so it had to be a tremendous novelty, you know? I know if my grandkids were up there and there was a snowball sitting right there -- and they're good kids, they're not mean kids -- it would be pretty hard for them not to throw it. No one got hurt, which is a good thing. The best thing we can do probably is our preparation in getting the snow out of the stadium if it should ever happen again."
-- Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren, apparently missing the point that in Seattle, we don't actually like to get rid of our #$%^& snow. (Seattle Times)
"He is playing really well right now, but what happened has happened and I haven't forgotten it. A lot of guys on this team have not forgotten it. It is what it is."
-- Broncos quarterback Jay Cutler, on last season's Week 16 back-and-forth with Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers.
"It probably won't be pleasant. I don't think it is going to be with the holiday spirit at all. I don't think they (Chargers fans) like me, which is fine. It adds to the game, the excitement and the rivalry with us.
-- Cutler, on this year's division-deciding season finale between Denver and San Diego. (NFL.com)
"I can still remember [kicker Sebastian] Janikowski getting fashilitis or specialitis or whatever that foot thing was he had and [punter Shane] Lechler going out there and kicking field goals for us. But every time I see Janikowski and Lechler, I get a smile on my face. Those are two of my favorite guys and you're not going to find more talent in a punter than Lechler. He's something else, isn't he?"
-- Current Bucs and former Raiders coach Jon Gruden, on his former punter. (Contra Costa Times)
"It's been a great career. This year was a gamble, I guess you could say -- a risk, whatever you want to call it. I can honestly say I'm thankful I was given the opportunity here. It's been a lot of fun. It's been good and bad at times as far as our season has gone, but I'm glad I came. I made the right decision. This very well could be my last game. I'm aware of that. I'd like to make it a memorable one."
-- Brett Favre, bringing the torturous "Will he/won't he?" saga a little early this time. (New York Daily News)
"Like I told them, I thought they needed some emotional and attitudinal Viagra. We needed to get a little spike out of them today."
-- Washington Redskins defensive coordinator Greg Blache, this year's most quotable NFL personality, on the motivational video he showed his team the night before last Sunday's 10-3 win over the Eagles.
"I'm gonna go home and congratulate my wife on her great decision of who she married, and have a cocktail, and get a couple hours before I have to get up and get on the 49ers in the morning."
-- Blache (D.C. Sports Bog)
"There's no utopias in our business, but the position that I'm in with the staff that I have to work with, the ownership, the leadership, I can't envision having a better job than what I have right now. And in this day and age, where it becomes a me, me game, 'look at me, look at me!' kind of deal, to have a group of guys that are unselfish and that can compete and look out for each other, it's refreshing for me. If I had a bunch of 'look-at-me' guys, I'd head for the hills in a heartbeat, because I'm too old for that. I'm a dinosaur. I'm from a different age. A lot of the stuff that happens in this game right now is not to my liking, but if I have a group like I do, it makes it so easy and so much more fun to come to work every day."
-- Blache (Redskins Insider)
"What better time? And with the economy so bad and with a lot of families in need, I'm able to do something and I'm out here doing it."
-- Carolina Panthers linebacker Thomas Davis, one of many NFL players giving back to their communities with his Defending Dreams Foundation, which he really got going for Christmas. (Charlotte Observer)
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