by Peter DeBaz and Mark Zajack

A FIFTH INSTALLMENT OF THIS WEEK IN GROINS: KARMA STRIKES A LOW BLOW

"My groin was sore."

-Titans defensive end Kyle Vanden Bosch, perhaps receiving his karmic retribution for last week's crotch shot to Gus Frerotte, limped off the field with a groin injury in the first half and did not return. (Nashville City Paper)

THE WHITE CANE HE CARRIES MAKES HIM TOUGH TO TACKLE

"I would say it's frustrating, but not frustrating. It's nothing major pulling me out. It's the little things like the eyes."

-Ravens running back Willis McGahee on "minor" injuries such as a freakishly bloodshot eyeball and laceration of the eyelid suffered a few weeks ago against the Browns. (Annapolis Capital Gazette)

I LOVED THOSE TWO IN TOMMY BOY: "FAT GUY IN A LITTLE JERSEY" IS HILARIOUS

"Let's see, a fat guy and the fastest guy in the 40. Not fat, I'm sorry. Plump."

-Ravens linebacker Bart Scott struggling to compare Titans running back LenDale White to speedy rookie Chris Johnson. (Annapolis Capital Gazette)

WHAT NOT TO SAY AT THE NEXT PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE

"I hope you don't think I abused your son today."

-Redskins head coach Jim Zorn, to Clinton Portis' mother, regarding her son's workload against the Eagles. (ESPN.com)

NEW PLAN: I'LL PLAY, CLINTON WILL COACH

"Coach, you about to go play? Just let me know if you want to swap shoulder pads or thigh pads."

-Redskins quarterback Jason Campbell, who looked over at Zorn jumping up and down and doing "knee" touches five minutes before the game. (ESPN.com)

"It was Clinton Portis. He called the play. I called the formation and how I want it set up. But he called the play. He willed his way to the first down. I had a great view of his grit."

-Zorn, regarding the fourth down draw play in which running back Clinton Portis ran for a first down.

"I said, 'Coach, I think it would be a great play.' He just looked at me. I didn't know he was going to call it."

-Redskins running back Clinton Portis on his fourth down call. (Philadelphia Inquirer)

YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN A WIDE RECEIVER SUGGESTS THIS

"How many yards did we have rushing today? ... Fifty-four. That's what's my opinion is. It's the running game. If we can run the ball, and keep our defense off the field, and run that clock, I think we have a good chance to win. Run the football."

-Lions wide receiver Roy Williams, on what the team can do to turn things around. (ESPN.com)

IS THIS WHAT PENNINGTON FEELS LIKE EVERY WEEK?

"I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to throw it that far because I only threw it about 40 yards in this morning's warm-up. So I gave that one just about all I had, and Donald made an incredible catch in the end zone."

-Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, on heaving a 44-yard touchdown with an injured shoulder.

"Unfortunately, I ran out of arm on that one."

-Rodgers, regarding a 3rd quarter 40-yard throw to Greg Jennings that traveled about 35 yards. (Green Bay Press Gazette)

DON'T BE SURPRISED IF CHRIS PERRY SHOWS UP TO WORK WITH WARNER'S KIDS

"I was chasing my kids around with two hands on a football, or they were chasing me around. Just trying to work on it anyway I can ... Crazy little things at home."

-Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner, after suffering six turnovers last week, tried an innovative approach to ball security. (East Valley Tribune)

UH, COULD SOMEBODY UNPLUG THE SCOREBOARD PLEASE?

"That can't be right."

-Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, describing his thought upon looking up at theGiants' statistics on the scoreboard during the first half.

"So embarrassing."

-Seahawks safety Deon Grant summing up the defensive performance in the 44-6 loss.

"That was embarrassing."

-Seahawks linebacker Lofa Tatupu. (Everett Washington Herald)

DAMN YOU NUMBERS! ESPECIALLY YOU "PRIME" NUMBERS. YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT. "OOH, I'M PRIME, I'M BETTER THAN YOU."

"We don't worry about numbers here. Statistics are for losers. I'm not a stat guy. I'm not interested in them, because you can do anything you want with numbers, you can manipulate them, and work around with them. Look at all the financial [problems] we're having in Wall Street right now. That's all those guys lying and playing with numbers. And now all of us are suffering. So I don't believe in numbers, because any crook can play with numbers....It angers me. You know? That's the whole thing, people play with numbers."

-Redskins defensive coordinator Greg Blache, responding to a question about the defensive line, and presumably, a number. (Washington Post)

MORE FROM THE D.C. D.C.: BLACHE-APPROVED STATS, WR THREAT LEVEL, AND THE EASTER BUNNY

"I want to see what the turnover ratio was, what we did on third downs, what we did in the red zone. But past that, we've got boards and boards up in our meeting room, I don't pay any attention to those statistics."

-Blache

"For me, you either win or you lose; you don't get second place because you had great stats....I've been around a ton of guys that will just sit and spout their statistics. Drives me crazy. It's meaningless."

-Blache

"Those folks are terrorists with the double move. I don't think they can go to the bathroom straight."

-Blache, on the Eagles receivers.

"In my opinion, Shawn Springs could be a male model. Shawn Springs is clean. He is. Of the big guys, you've got to think about Cornelius Griffin. For a big man, Griff dresses like a pimp daddy sometimes. He really does. He's pretty darn clean."

-Blache.

"I don't believe in politics. I learned as a kid: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and politics."

-Blache. (Washington Post)

EARLY FAVORITE FOR THE SUPER BOWL WALKTHROUGH

"We have the best walkthrough team I've ever been around in that they pay attention to everything."

-Cowboys head coach Wade Phillips on the Cowboys team strengths. (Dallas Morning News)

NEXT TIME GIVE HIM THE "JERK STORE" COMEBACK

"Very pleased."

-Phillips' postgame assessment of the Cowboys' play against the Bengals.

"You stink."

-Phillips' comment to a reporter as he exited the press conference, after being asked how he could be "very pleased" with a win, when the team "played well in the first quarter, and then pretty much stunk the rest of the way?" (Star-Telegram) (Jerk Store)

IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY-SIDE UP IN PHILADEL ... HEY, THAT'S NOT THE SUN, THAT'S AN OLD WRINKLY MOON.

"You know what, though, they're good shots. They've been practicing. You could see them coming in; they were leading the bus. It was good egging."

-Redskins tight end Chris Cooley, on the egging of his team bus by Eagles fans.

"Oh yeah, they just come raining down when you pull in there. You know, I don't know how many we got hit with, but it looked like a hailstorm."

-Redskins center Casey Rabach.

"They were lighting it up."

-Redskins wide receiver Devin Thomas.

"I'm talking about whoop!"

-Redskins wide receiver Malcolm Kelly.

"I'm talking about the middle of the bus, like, bammmm, like busted and everything. I ain't never been thrown eggs at. I mean, at Philly, they throw everything."

-Redskins defensive tackle Kedric Golston.

"It must have been one of those big ones too, an ostrich egg."

-Golston.

"It was crazy, though, because the egg was actually thrown in front of the bus. It was like a quarterback almost; you throw it to where the receiver's gonna be at. I was very impressed.""

-Kelly.

"Very impressed. If they ever had a replacement [team] in Philly, they'd have to get that dude for quarterback, because he hit that thing on point."

-Thomas.

"We didn't get no eggs. I just know we got flipped off. By everybody, kids and everything."

-Redskins running back Rock Cartwright said of his bus.

"You've got the six-year olds flipping you off, and the dad's patting them on the back."

-Rabach.

"They give us the bird, we wave. The universal greeting, I guess, for Philly."

-Redskins fullback Mike Sellers.

"Grandma's mooning you."

-Offensive tackle Jon Jansen.

"I've had some old ladies moon us, oh yeah."

-Jansen.

"It's hard to tell from the backside, to tell you the truth."

-Rabach.

"Oh, you can tell. When it's an old lady, you can tell."

-Jansen. (Washington Post)

TRY TO RESIST READING THIS QUOTE OUT LOUD

"C'mahn, what are you dooing, get to the chopper. C'mahn, now. Nowwww. C'mahn. What are you waiting for, doo it, c'mahn. Kill me. I'm right here. C'maaaaahn. C'mahn, do it, kill me, I'm right here, now, get to the chopper. Dillon, Billy, Poncho, c'mahn, I'm right here, get to the chopper, what are you guys dooing, let's go."

-Devin Thomas again, giving us his best Ah-nold impression. (DC Sports Blog)

BABY STEPS

"I haven't talked to him about those things ... I've made a point when I have talked to him to be like, 'Hey, what's up.' And I've talked to him about the weather."

-Buffalo quarterback Gibran Hamdan, on his interactions with concussed teammate Trent Edwards.

"He's himself, but he just doesn't want to talk as much basically ... when he talks it's been good. I've tried to keep it at a minimum, try to not have him talk as much."

-Hamdan. (BuffaloBills.com)

TRUSTING THE MERCY OF EAGLES FANS

"I made a comment after the game [Sunday] that's worth repeating - I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed with the way we played the past two weeks."

-Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb, on his team's 2-3 start. (YardBarker.com Blog)

COREY WILLIAMS WATCHES DIFFERENT GAMES THAN WE DO

"It's a zone-blocking scheme that lets him run and pick a hole ... there ain't nothing physical about them."

-Browns defensive tackle Corey Williams, on the Giants' rushing attack and that lightweight Brandon Jacobs. (Canton Rep)

SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LAUGH IT OFF ... RIGHT?

"I don't. Do you guys believe that happened? I said a second ago, if I watched a movie and that happened I'd be like, 'OK, that's not really real. That's not going to happen in real life. A team would take care of that situation and get a win, even if by a couple of points.' It's not funny, but I almost want to just laugh about it because it's so unbelievable."

-Texans tight end Owen Daniels, on Houston's dramatic loss to the Colts on Sunday.

"All we had to do was just move the ball ... like I said before, no one can put it into words. We're just sitting there in disbelief."

-Houston wide reciever Andre Johnson.

"The first touchdown, I was like, 'OK. That's alright. We've got to come in, the defense, we've got to make a stop.' Made a stop, came back, they got the ball and then they scored again and then I was like, 'Oh, no, no, no, this can't be happening.'"

-Houston cornerback DeMarcus Faggins, on the loss. (Texans.com)

EVERYTHING'S GOING GREAT, AS FAR AS WE KNOW

"Adam knows how much emphasis I put on making sure that he makes good choices going forward, that he avoids situations where he can reflect poorly on himself."

-Commissioner Roger Goodell, on Adam "Pacman" Jones, after a visit to the Cowboys facility this week. (Dallas News Cowboys Blog)

"The organization has no information regarding the incident involving Adam Jones, therefore they had no comment."

-Cowboys spokesperson Rich Dalrymple, on reports that Jones was involved in an altercation with his team-appointed bodyguard. (CBS.com)

TRICKLE-DOWN PARCELLSONOMICS

"We're working on identity now. I hope you see a physical team, a team that goes out and gets it done"

-Dolphins lineman Vonnie Holliday.

"...We want to create the identity of a hard-nosed football team ... we know what we're trying to do."

-Dolphins safety Yeremiah Bell

"Tough, smart and disciplined ... It's something that we really spent a lot of time with in the bye week"

-Dolphins coach Tony Sparano. (Miami Herald)

Posted by: Mark Zajack on 10 Oct 2008

23 comments, Last at 15 Oct 2008, 2:04am by David C