Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

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» Week 2 DVOA Ratings

Stomping the Jags leaves Washington No. 2 behind only Denver. But what can we really learn from one big win early in the season, before we are applying opponent adjustments?

05 Sep 2008

The Week In Quotes: Sept. 5, 2008

compiled by Peter DeBaz and Mark Zajack

A FUTURE CAREER AS THE R. KELLY OF SOMMELIERS

"I'm like a fine wine, a Cabernet-Merlot-Shiraz blend. It can do a lot of things. It gets better as you open it up and let it get out there and air out, filtrate, do all those things. I don't even need a decanter, just let me go out there and run."

-- Vikings safety Darren Sharper on, presumably, getting better with age

"Pour me in your mouth, suck it up and enjoy the run."

-- Sharper (Minneapolis Star-Tribune)

THIS WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED TO BRETT

He also wanted me to have a card of some sort that ID'd him with the NFL ... I said I only needed his [Driver's License]

-- Deputy Aaron Rauls of Fond du Lac County, Wisconsin, in a report he filed after giving Packers defensive tackle Colin Cole a ticket for going 88 mph under a 65 mph speed limit

"[Cole said he] gets stopped all the time in Green Bay and doesn't get a ticket, because he plays for the Green Bay Packers."

-- Deputy Rauls (PackersNews.com )

LOWERED EXPECTATIONS: NO LONGER JUST FOR DATING

"I'm not here to be the starting quarterback. I'm not here to be the backup. I'm out there to prove that just in case something God-awful goes wrong, I can step in and run this offense and I'm not going to lose the game."

-- Colts quarterback Jared Lorenzen, before the Colts decided he could not run the offense and released him ( IndyStar.com)

KNEE HATE ME

"Just got rolled up from the side, my knee kind of buckled in. It's definitely not my friend, I guess."

-- Packers offensive lineman Junius Coston, on reinjuring the same knee as he did in the 2006 preseason finale ( Green Bay Press Gazette)

SOMEBODY NEEDS A HUG

"He says it all the time: 'Jason doesn't like me.'"

-- Cowboys tight end Jason Witten, quoting rookie tight end Martellus Bennett

"It's not that I don't like him. It's just that I'm letting him figure it out. He's got to figure it out first, and once he does, obviously that's where I come along. "

-- Witten

"I'm not going to be [bleep-ing] doing this all the [bleep-ing] time. You've got to know what the [beep] to do."

-- Witten

"A lot of stuff I take from him, but when it comes to the way I move and the way I do things, it's still me. I've been doing it like that for 21 years. I've been pretty productive. "

-- Martellus Bennett, regarding the effect of Witten's tutelage (Dallas News)

IT WAS A FAIR QUESTION

"First off -- let me tell you this. Let's get this straight. There's nothing fair about this league."

-- 49ers offensive coordinator Mike Martz during an "uncomfortable verbal exchange" with KGO's Mike Shumann, who questioned whether the quarterback competition was "fair." Shumann happens to have played for the 49ers from 1978-81

"All right? If you establish yourself as an incredible player within a quarter of a game, that's just the way it goes. There's nothing fair about it. Understand that, first of all. OK?"

-- Martz

"I played the game. I understand that."

-- Shumann

"OK, then you know it's not (fair)."

-- Martz ( PressDemocrat.com)

THE WEEK IN … PUNTERS!

"I feel like I was dealt with dishonestly. I think we all know who made the decision, and when you've got a draft that isn't starting to look so good, you're going to do whatever you can to make it look as good as possible."

-- Former Redskins punter Derrick Frost, a victim of cutdown day. General manager Vinny Cerrato's first draft included the sixth round selection of punter Durant Brooks. (Washington Post)

"I very much appreciate the opportunity to put in greater perspective my comments in response to being released by the Redskins yesterday. As much as I regret them, the quotes don't reflect my appreciation for this area, my teammates, the world-class Redskins fans, or the unique tradition the Redskins have built in this region over several generations. It is an honor to have played for this organization and before these great fans for over three years, and I can only hope for a similar experience with my next team."

-- Frost, one day later, saying whatever it would take to get signed by another team. The Packers signed him the next day. (Washington Post)

IN MY DAY, WE DIDN'T HAVE THESE NEW-FANGLED AUDIBLES ...OR TELEGRAPHS ... OR HORSELESS CARRIAGES

"Before it was, 'This is what we are going to do no matter what they do. They have to stop us.' And you know, fortunately for them, more than not, they had the opportunity to stop us. We didn't have audibles before. Right now if we are in a bad play, we can get out of that play. Jason [Campbell] has the opportunity to put up the audibles and change things around and get us points. So I think everybody is just excited."

-- Redskins running back Clinton Portis, on the unbelievable fact that the team did not have audibles during the Joe Gibbs era ( Scout.com)

AMERICA'S TEAM

"They both hate Dallas. Even though I'm from Arkansas, I grew up hating the Cowboys, and I'm fortunate that I can still hate them."

-- Eagles linebacker Tank Daniels, signed after being cut by the Giants, on the thing he loves equally about both teams ( Philly.com)

NOW THERE CAN BE NO DOUBT ABOUT HIS RECOVERY

"We were out there about 2 1/2 hours before kickoff (Thursday in Houston), and I personally got to chase him around like a chicken and test his mobility."

-- Bucs head coach Jon Gruden, on the ultimate test of quarterback Jeff Garcia's recovery from a calf strain ( St. Petersburg Times)

MAN, I JUST GO OUT THERE AND BALL

"NBC's John Madden said during Thursday's Jaguars/Redskins game that wide receiver Matt Jones didn't know the team's plays last season."

-Rotoworld, which said that Madden said that he found that out from David Garrard (Rotoworld)

OH MY GOD, HE ACTUALLY DID IT

"It's something I don't think anyone has ever done before. Have I ever had a reason for why I do what I do? I'm having fun."

-- Chad John-- er, Chad Ocho Cinco, on legally changing his name in Broward County, Florida to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco

"...in the low seven figures..."

-- Don Hinchey of The Bonham Group, on the windfall Johnson could potentially reap from his name change through jersey sales and other marketing (Bengals.com. Also, see Wikipedia)

IT'S SAFE TO SAY WE HAVE NO IDEA

"A lot of people look at Chad Johnson and say he's crazy and he does a lot of stuff, but I don't think people really understand how smart I really am."

-- Chad Ocho Cinco talking about the person at the center of his universe (ESPN)

CALLED OUT

"Ocho Cinco? If I was going to take all the legal steps for a name change I would go with something way cooler than a Ocho Cinco."

-- Washington tight end Chris Cooley, who is now taking name changing recommendations on his blog

SHOULDN'T SOMEONE BE SCREAMING 'NO!' IN SLOW MOTION?

"He will very quickly find out he's not the player he should be ... I hope he figures it out before there is irreversible damage."

-- Dr. Neal ElAttrache, director of sports medicine and orthopedic surgeon at the Kerlan-Jobe Orthopaedic Clinic in Los Angeles, talking about Shawne Merriman's decision to play the season instead of getting an urgent procedure performed on his left knee

"It's very difficult to control the swelling ... At the point where he starts to get uncontrollable swelling, the fear is he causes irreversible damage."

-- Dr. ElAttrache

"I'm going to play until I can't take it anymore ... I'll go out there and do everything I can, put off the surgery till it's time to get it."

-- Merriman, showing an astonishing lack of concern for his own well being

"To be as simple as possible, I just want to play football ... That's what it came down to."

-- Merriman, showing a mind-boggling dedication to the game (San Diego Union-Tribune)

CONTRACT EXTENSIONS: ALSO BETTER FOR YOU THAN PAXIL

"I wasn't here in the past so I don't really know if he had a lack of dedication in the past ... I mean, I know what I read and I know what circulates in NFL circles. But when we sat down coming here, we said, 'We're going to give this guy every benefit of the doubt. And he's got to show us that he is dedicated.' And he's done everything that we've asked him to do. And we feel very good about our decision to extend him."

-- Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland, on giving running back Ricky Williams a one-year contract extension, locking him up through the 2009 season (Miami Herald)

GM SPEAK FOR 'STOP BOTHERING ME'

"Everybody wants to take the magic pill and go get the big name ... It's not always the big name that's the answer. This is what we're going with. As [Coach] Romeo [Crennel] said, maybe if we lose five guys, we'll make some calls."

-- Browns general manager Phil Savage, responding to being asked repeatedly if the Browns' weak secondary merited signing a free agent veteran (Ohio.com)

ON LIKE DONKEY KONG

"I'd say we're on point for that [playing in the Colts opener]. That's certainly where I intend to be on Sunday."

-- Peyton Manning, who believes he is on course to play Week One (Colts.com)

"I think we've moved past that."

-- Tom Brady, on his injury affecting his ability to play once the regular season begins (Patriots.com)

AN ODD PLACE TO PUT YOUR FAITH...

"I didn't think he was going to fire me ... I thought I'd be here. I don't know any other way to explain it. I just didn't think that."

-- Oakland Head Coach Lane Kiffin, on not being fired by Raiders owner Al Davis this offseason (Sacramento Bee)

ASKING TO GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE

"I will do the same thing. We're going to kick it to him, show him and teach him a lesson."

-- Colts head coach Tony Dungy on whether he would kick to Devin Hester in the season opener. Colts fans hope he was joking

"It's like trying to say, hey, I'm going to go fight Muhammad Ali in his prime. It's a scary thing to do."

-- Colts kicker Adam Vinatieri on kicking to Hester.

"Out of an ego thing, I hate breaking your sword and kicking away or squib kicking and doing that stuff. I hate that. But there are definitely times when that's the smart thing to do."

-- Vinatieri (IndyStar.com)

TIME ZONE CONVERSION: FOUR A.M. IN MIAMI EQUALS TEN P.M. IN JACKSONVILLE

"I'm not going to sit here and B.S. you and say I should have been home. People say it was 4 o'clock in the morning. But we're in Miami. We're not in Jacksonville, where everything closes at 2. In Miami, everything opens at 2. You take your nap and you go and have a good time and go home. I was trying to go home."

-- Jaguars running back Fred Taylor commenting on his disorderly conduct citation from Miami Police over the weekend. (ESPN.com)

SOMEBODY IS WATCHING A LITTLE TOO MUCH DISCOVERY CHANNEL

"When you go and see the white tiger, there's always posted times when he gets to eat. The zookeeper posts that time and coach is the zookeeper. It's his decision on when I get to eat. I hope I get to eat on Sunday, but we will wait and see. I'm lobbying to be out there on Sunday, but that's his call."

-- Bucs wide receiver Joey Galloway regarding the deep meaning of his "white tiger" nickname from zookeeper Jon "Siegfried" Gruden (Tampa Tribune)

Posted by: Mark Zajack on 05 Sep 2008

32 comments, Last at 06 Sep 2008, 6:25pm by The Hypno-Toad

Comments

1
by David (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 3:03pm

Dude, nothing on Bell stealing Rudi Johnson's luggage?!

2
by podpeople (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 3:15pm

the tank daniels comment is priceless

3
by Drunkmonkey (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 3:24pm

Whoa, where do I start? I always find Herm first, then go back to the top and work my way down. BUT THERE'S NO HERM!!!!! What's going on!?!?!?!?!

4
by The Ninjalectual (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 3:37pm

HERRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5
by Tony (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 3:44pm

Here's some Herm:

“It’s like being in a card game and then you go, ‘I’ve got some bad cards, and I’ve got to throw them in.’ You’ve got to play them. You can’t throw your hand in. You’ve got to play. I think if we’re going to be truthful with ourselves, we’ve got to do it.”
-Herm on rebuilding

6
by Aaron (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 3:46pm

What Merriman meant to say was, "I can't have surgery because I just started a new cycle and the doctors would have to know about it, so I have to wait a little while. For I am a cheating piece of dirt."

7
by Mig (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 3:55pm

Looking for Waldo .. err ... Herm !!!

I feel cheated.

8
by Dylan (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 3:57pm

Does anyone else hope that the Chiefs go 0-16 just to see how hilarious Herm's quotes get?

Maybe that's why he wasn't in here this week. He's building up to something, and you just know it's going to be awesome.

9
by David (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 4:06pm

Tank Daniels is my favorite Eagle now.

10
by Fan in Exile (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 4:12pm

I hope the Chiefs go 0-16 but that's because I'm a Broncos fan, the Herm quotes are just gravy.

11
by MJK (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 4:22pm

So do you think Tank Daniels would also be fine with being traded to the 'Skins?

12
by MJK (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 4:23pm

As a Patriots fan, I really hope the Chiefs start out 0-1, regardless of what they do the rest of the year. And I hope they go at least 2-14 (beating the Raiders twice) because I think Raiderjoe's comments might be even funnier than Herm's.

13
by Waverly (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 4:24pm

Come on guys -- be nice about Herm and the Chiefs.

Besides, you don't really want them to go 0-16, because then Herm might no longer be around to quote.

14
by morganja (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 4:50pm

I would love to see all the quotes from Patriot fans if they go 8-8. I'm betting they are all going to sound like "Go Cowboys! I've always been a Cowboy fan. My team is better than your team and you are just jealous...."

15
by starzero (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 5:33pm

suddenly i have this weird sensation of bizarro world coming on, where herm makes sense and indy and n.e. implode. what would we do if the two best quarterbacks of their generation went down to injury? i feel like the whole nfl would be turned on its head, and suddenly a team like miami or the chiefs would be contenders. or, if it's really bizarro world, davis would turn out to be a genius and the raiders would go 18-0.

16
by Marcumzilla (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 5:34pm

I was also a fan of this one by Fred Taylor, regarding the same arrest: "At this point, I just want to go left of it and take the high road, whether I'm right or wrong. At the end of the day, I'm going to feel more right than wrong"

17
by Marko (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 6:20pm

Now that the Redskins apparently have audibles, when will they incorporate into their offense a two-minute drill or passes beyond the first down marker on third or fourth and long when there is less than a minute remaining in the game and they trail by more than a touchdown?

18
by phil (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 6:48pm

re: 17

zorn is still working on easier concepts like "pass blocking" and "not running into the de". the more advanced stuff will come in time.

19
by Zachary S. (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 7:42pm

All of this Chad Johnson name change nonsense sounds to me like fingernails on a chalkboard or "irregardless" or "supposably." 85 in Spanish is "ochenta y cinco."

20
by Bobman (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 7:44pm

14 sweet.

Why wouldn't they then cheer for the Colts?

21
by Athelas (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 9:31pm

#19-
I have heard many players refer to others as "digit-digit", as in Freddy Mitchell referring to Rodney Harrison as "three seven".

22
by The Hypno-Toad (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 9:40pm

I know FO has been way ahead of this curve, but the more and more I learn about Chris Cooley, the more convinced I am that he's the most awesome guy in the NFL.
Also, I would love to hear a swear-off between Jason Witten and Ozzie Guillen. I think that would be one of the greatest things ever.

23
by Some Dude (not verified) :: Fri, 09/05/2008 - 11:40pm

It's a nickname, for Javon's sake, not a freaking grammar book. Get over it.

What I'm more interested in is the fact that, according to Wikipedia, one of the 8-5's kids is named "Chad Johnson II," which was awesome before the name change, just because taking a numeral over plain old "Jr." is so pompous. But now that "Chad Johnson I" no longer exists, legally speaking, what happens to this poor kid? Does he become "Chad Javon Ocho Cinco II" by default? If so, he better start on the karate lessons now, cuz there are some serious indian burns in that kid's future.

24
by brian (not verified) :: Sat, 09/06/2008 - 10:12am

If Daunte Culpepper took the same attitude as Jared Lorenzen, he might be on a team right now....

then again Jared Lorenzen was cut by the Colts...

25
by Eddo (not verified) :: Sat, 09/06/2008 - 10:17am

23 (Some Dude): because taking a numeral over plain old "Jr." is so pompous
Yes, and no. My understanding is a son with the same full name as his father would take on a "Jr" as a suffix. However, a "II" could apply across the whole family, if a child had the same exact name as his grandfather, or uncle, or someone else.
So in this case, the "II" should be a "Jr", and is kind of pretentious.

26
by Rod Pullmann (not verified) :: Sat, 09/06/2008 - 10:26am

I still think that after Chad becomes even more disaffected this year, the Bengals should trade him to the Lions or Rams. They've both retired jersey #85.

27
by morganja (not verified) :: Sat, 09/06/2008 - 12:32pm

I'm not so sure II or Jr is pretentious. Especially for Chad 85. I think something like Chad Javon XLII Marquis de Cincinatius Duc d'Ohio Monseigneur des Bengal et Capitaine de Vaisseau Intergalactique would be pretentious.

28
by sswoods (not verified) :: Sat, 09/06/2008 - 12:41pm

There is a reason the 'Skins didn't audible, the same reason the Rams, Lions, and Chiefs didn't audible. The offense they run, the Martz/Saunders offense, designs plays that adjust based on the defense. So "audibles" are built in, only they call them adjustments. So if a defense appears to be playing a screen, for instance, and that is what the offense has called, there is no need to audible because the players should already know the adjustment to make. Which is why the offense is so complicated. Personally, I'd much rather just call an audible, too many pieces are involved for everyone to just automatically make the right call in such a situation, but no NFL team has called me for an interview. Yet.

29
by lk6 (not verified) :: Sat, 09/06/2008 - 4:07pm

#27 wins the thread

30
by The Hypno-Toad (not verified) :: Sat, 09/06/2008 - 4:31pm

29 - Yes. Yes it does.
For a while I took to referring to myself by my hobo name, "Archduke Puppyhelmet, the dog-wearing hobo" and I thought that was a little bit awesome. But the new title bestowed upon Chad Johnson II totally puts me to shame.
What does vaisseau mean?

31
by Wait, what? (not verified) :: Sat, 09/06/2008 - 5:45pm

What does vaisseau mean?

Literally, "vessel." I'd just translate the whole phrase as "starship captain."

Here's hoping Tank Daniels turns out to be awesome for the Eagles, because it would be a real shame if a guy with a quote like that didn't work out in Philly. May he hate the Cowboys for many years to come.

32
by The Hypno-Toad (not verified) :: Sat, 09/06/2008 - 6:25pm

Thanks