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23 Jun 2009

The Month In Quotes: May/June 2009

compiled by Rory Hickey

BUT WHO’S GONNA TELL RACHEL NICHOLS?

"Well, I think you'd have to say [the Favre speculation] was overstated when I'm making a trip to Hattiesburg, and I'm reading the crawl across ESPN from my office at Winter Park. I would think that might be a slight stretch of the truth. And then everyone to be camped out, down there, outside of his complex, and I'm getting filmed going in at 7 o'clock in the morning, with a cup of coffee in my hand, back into Winter Park."
-- Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress (Pioneer Press)

BELICHICK TAKES AFTER CALIGULA IN THAT RESPECT

"I never came here to kiss Bill Belichick's rings."
-- New Jets head coach Rex Ryan

"I'm not an under-sell guy. Under-sell and over-produce? That's fine and dandy if we over-produce by winning the Super Bowl. But if we under-sell just to be average, I'm not here for the security of it."
-- Ryan

"I want to be special. I want a group of guys that does something that makes history. ... Look at these buildings. This facility that Woody (Johnson) put together wasn't to go .500. It's to win championships, multiple championships."
-- Ryan, not setting the bar too high. (NY Daily News)

THE MATCH TO THE POWDER KEG

"Oh he's going crazy. He's going absolutely nuts. I know it's his first chance to be a head coach, and I know he's excited about life. But I've never played a football game in June in my life. So congratulations to him. He's the OTA Super Bowl winner."
-- Dolphins LB Channing Crowder on Rex Ryan (Fanhouse)

I DON’T THINK THEY’LL BE EXCHANGING CHRISTMAS CARDS

"I don't know this Channing Crowder. All I know is that he's all tatted up, so I guess I ought to be nervous about him.
-- Rex Ryan

"If I was younger, I’d probably handle him myself."
-- Ryan, really not helping his cause (Sun-Sentinel)

''He says he'd take care of me if he was younger? I'd have beat the hell out of that big old joker. Or if he really wants to get retro, my daddy or my uncle could have handled him."
-- Crowder (Miami Herald)

MIKE GILBERT SAID THAT AT FIRST TOO

"I told him, ‘Everyone thinks you are a (expletive), and you should want to do everything you can do to be a killer.’"
-- FOX Sports' Jay Glazer

"I really had no idea what I was getting myself into, but in a good way."
-- Leinart

"He was hurting, I tried to get him to puke. I tried to get him to quit. But he is not the guy I thought he was. He is a tough dude."
-- Glazer (ArizonaCardinals.com)

MAYBE ‘I LOVE YOU, MAN’ WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER REFERENCE

"We’re like Brokeback Mountain. I’m going to be with Carson so much in July that I’m going to be the nanny [for his kids]."
-- Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco on his "relationship" with QB Carson Palmer. (Pro Football Talk)

JOEY PORTER’S SEMI-ANNUAL DECLARATION THAT NO ONE EVER ASKS FOR

"We won the championship. We were AFC East champions. I just don't think it's supposed to happen like that. You've got to beat somebody to be the champs. We had to beat somebody to be the champs."
-- Dolphins LB Joey Porter on being disrespected by prognosticators.

"I don't understand how you can put somebody in front of us."
-- Porter, who probably thinks the Patriots got banished from the league for Spygate. (USA Today)

BRAD CHILDRESS WOULD LIKE A WORD

"The name ESPN speaks for itself. Its reputation stands alone."
-- Former NFL Network analyst Adam Schefter on joining ESPN

"I watched ESPN growing up, so to be a part of the programming that every football fan watches, and really has always watched, and to be a part of such a talented group of people, it’s surreal to me."
-- Schefter, likely not referring to Chris Berman. (PFW)

IF SOMEONE RUNS ERRANDS AND DOESN’T POST IT ON THEIR TWITTER, DID IT REALLY HAPPEN?

"The entire twitt world and media outlets got punked, that was my twitt joke from yesterday, they follow I'll have fun with it. My grandma would kill me if I had damn facial tatts!!! Fun while it lasted, back to normal, I felt different to."
-- Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco on pictures that had surfaced showing him with three facial tattoos. He got us.(Twitter)

"Just saw The Hangover - all time classic! One of the funniest movies ever - a must see!"
-- Super agent Drew Rosenhaus, I wonder which actor he represents. (Twitter)

"here's TO's take on OT!!! Mama, here comes that man!!!
-- Bills WR Terrell Owens on Game 2 of the NBA Finals; "that man" was probably not Adam Morrison. (Twitter)

AL DAVIS HOPES THE STORM CAN COVER 40 YARDS IN LESS THAN 4.3 SECONDS

"I really hope we take the league by storm. I feel that way every year. Every year, I think it's going to be a big year and then it's a 2-14 season or a 4-12 season."
-- Raiders DB Nnamdi Asomugha, whose storm will likely be more of a light breeze. (NFL Nation Blog)

MARIO WILLIAMS CAN RUN IT BETWEEN THE TACKLES

"I can run the ball between the tackles. Anybody can run the ball between the tackles. I don't feel like that is going to make me or break me. I don't feel like running the ball between the tackles is going to win us the Super Bowl or help me win the MVP. It's being versatile, being able to run the ball between the tackles, outside the tackles, returning punts, catching the ball out of the backfield and catching the ball down the field. That's what I do. That's who I am.''
-- Saints RB Reggie Bush, channeling his inner Jessica Andrews.

"(The coaches) know I can run the ball between the tackles. That's not a question."
-- Bush, whose statement did not include the word "effectively". (NFL Nation Blog)

CALDWELL ALSO SAID HE COULD KICK

"He promised me if I went to Wake Forest, that I could play offense and defense. So I always give him a hard time. Obviously I went to Syracuse, I didn't go to Wake Forest. Since he's been here, as quarterback coach and what have you and now he's the head coach, now he has a little bit more say so, I'm trying to get a least one offensive play."
-- Colts DE Dwight Freeney on new coach Jim Caldwell and him playing offense

"I told him and I'm going to have to talk to Peyton [Manning], one red zone play, that's all I need. Just one. One fade route. Something."
-- Freeney

"Nah, nah, nah. I want to catch the ball. The fullbacks here, we don't get a lot of receptions."
-- Freeney, on a suggestion he could play fullback. (NFL Nation Blog)

I MIGHT DROP DEAD TODAY BUT I SURE AS HELL WASN’T BORN YESTERDAY!

"I think it’s despicable. What he put the Packers through last year was not good. Here’s an organization that was loyal to him for 17, 18 years, provided stability of organization, provided players. It just wasn’t about Brett Favre. In this day and time, we have glorified the Brett Favre’s of the world so much, they think it’s about them. He goes to New York and bombs. He’s 39 years old."..."I kind of hope it happens, so he can fail."
-- Former Vikings QB Fran Tarkenton on Brett Favre potentially playing in Minnesota.

"We were talking candidly about Brett Favre and him going to Minnesota. And I had an opinion. Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t this America? Can’t we have opinions? And my opinion was that Brett Favre is wrong."
-- Tarkenton, on the adverse reaction to his original comments.

"I run businesses, I employ people, I pay taxes, I ADD to the economy in a downtime, and some guy is calling me a grumpy old man. I’m not down at The Villages in Orlando playing croquet. I’m not out on the golf courses all day long playing golf. I am here in my office working everyday or working from wherever I am. I’m a grumpy old man? Is it bad to be 69? I like being 69, and I’m not a grumpy 69. I’m a happy, positive 69, but guess what? I have a brain and I have an opinion, and this is America. God bless America that they give me the freedom to have an opinion."
-- Tarkenton on his perceived grumpiness (Shutdown Corner), (Fran Tarkenton’s Blog)

THOSE GUYS FROM THE XFL WERE ON TO SOMETHING

"This is football in the National Football League. I hit a guy with my forearm in his throat or his chest area, and they're trying to fine me. It's football! It's not my fault if the guy curls up like a little girl because he doesn't want to get hit. Are you kidding me?"
-- Recently retired S Rodney Harrison on his reputation as a dirty player.

"Football now is turning into a soft, pansy sport. This is not volleyball! This is not tennis!"
-- Harrison (MMQB)

HE WON’T WIN A GREY CUP OR PLAY THE PIANO THOUGH WILL HE?

"Matt came in and ... it's totally different than our past first-round quarterback that we've drafted, y'know, in the past."
-- Lions C Dominic Raiola on #1 overall pick Matthew Stafford. (MLive.com)

BUT HOW OLD ARE HIS SLAVE BROTHERS?

"Listen, Favre’s 100 years old; stop this already."
-- Former Cowboys WR Michael Irvin on a possible Brett Favre comeback. (LA Times)

FINALLY AFTER THIRTEEN YEARS, SOMEONE HAS AN OPINION ON T.O.

"I did not think he was disruptive to the team. As a matter of fact, you have a huge percentage of our team -- coaches and teammates -- that thought his personality was a positive thing."
-- Cowboys owner Jerry Jones’ honest, straightforward opinion on Terrell Owens. (Fort Worth Star-Telegram)

AS LONG AS IT’S NOT AN AMERICAN CAR

"I have a bone to pick with the media. How come everyone let Scott Pioli off the hook? Tyson Jackson is a Toyota. [The Chiefs] spent 60K on a Toyota. It’s OK if you spend it on a Mercedes. I don’t care if it’s an Avalon."
-- An anonymous NFL personnel member (Pro Football Weekly)

THAT’S HOW MARK TWAIN GOT HIS START

"I keep notes on all receivers over the years. These guys are too good not to know them."
-- Patriots CB Shawn Springs on the notebook he keeps of all the receivers he’s faced.

"[It says], ‘Joey Galloway, he’s fast,’ ‘Randy Moss. Don’t turn your back on him. He’ll dunk on you.’ There’s different notes, you know?"
-- Springs, discussing the intricacies of his note keeping. (NBC Sports)

ROBERT E. LEE HAD GREAT POCKET PRESENCE BUT NEEDED TO IMPROVE HIS MECHANICS

"When we were looking at taking Mark, I studied all the great generals."
-- Jets owner Woody Johnson on the drafting of Mark Sanchez. (The Official Blog of Chris Cooley)

THE LIONS WENT TO CHUCK E. CHEESE

"I took Hunter Smith with my first pick -- I figured any punter must be a good bowler."
-- Redskins TE Chris Cooley on his selection in the Redskins’ team bowling draft.

"I just aimed at the middle arrow."
-- Redskins QB Todd Collins on how he did so well at bowling (he bowled a 205). (The Official Blog of Chris Cooley)

BERNARD POLLARD WAS SPOTTED FLEEING THE SCENE

"He had to be rescued. The launch guy went out and got him and got him back in the kayak. He’s been bragging about it ever since. He’s telling everyone he rescued Tom Brady."
-- An unidentified spectator, on a man rescuing Tom Brady after Brady flipped his kayak.

"It was more embarrassment than real danger."
-- Spectator. (NBC Sports)

Posted by: Rory Hickey on 23 Jun 2009

30 comments, Last at 26 Jun 2009, 2:06pm by tuluse

Comments

1
by Harris :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 8:51am

I really liked "The Hangover," but knowing Rosenhaus liked it is enough to make me reconsider that opinion. Of course, I happen to agree with Rodney Harrison too, so maybe the problem here is me?

Buddy Ryan was a great quote and he's still popular in Philadelphia. Sadly, he was also a shitty head coach. Fair warning, Jets fans.

Hail Hydra!

3
by Kevin from Philly :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 9:40am

Not even Rosenhaus could ruin "The Hangover" - great summer movie. Funniest comedy since "Tropic Thunder".

6
by Sergio :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 12:01pm

As much as I hate to admit it, I also agree with Rodney Harrison. Not on his childish, "jump into the pile three seconds after the whistle" stuff, but on the fact that football as a whole is getting to be ridiculously delicate. And when there's a real area of danger (say, blocks below the waist) they just let it be. $deity forbid it hurts the offense.

-- Go Phins!

16
by Pat (filler) (not verified) :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 7:02pm

You do realize that modern football is a result of forced "pansying" of the sport, right? In the early 20th century, football was a deadly sport, with over a hundred deaths a year at the college level. Teddy Roosevelt basically told the colleges "make it safer or Congress will," and poof, legal forward pass.

Pansification is a football tradition. :)

2
by Jets Fan (not verified) :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 9:28am

After all these years I wondered what the Jets could possibly do to make things worse. and then I read today that Rex Ryan can't read ... so I guess that explains it.

4
by Temo :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 10:11am

I'm quickly becoming a Fran Tarkenton fan.

9
by mawbrew :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 12:25pm

I was never that fond of Fran Tarkenton 'quarterback', but Fran Tarkenton 'American with an opinion' is okay.

11
by justanothersteve :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 1:20pm

I agree. As an old Packers fan, Tarkenton used to drive me nuts. But gotta love those quotes.

5
by MilkmanDanimal :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 10:34am

Shawn Springs had better lock that notebook away lest the detailed secrets within fall into the wrong hands.

27
by Joe T. :: Thu, 06/25/2009 - 2:27pm

He already plays for the guy most likely to swipe it.

7
by LnGrrrR (not verified) :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 12:06pm

Awesome quotes guys. Keep up the good work.

8
by Robert (not verified) :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 12:20pm

I laughed out loud at a lot of these. The Bernard Pollard headline was epic.

10
by Bob Loblaw (not verified) :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 12:50pm

agreed.... dis guy iz funny. GR8 QUOTES!

12
by chemical burn :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 2:03pm

Man, I'm no Redskins fan, but those guys are great - they always seem to be having a lot of fun. Every week last year, there were some great quotes from Redskins players. I'm sure a big part of it is Chris Cooley being such a quote-machine, but those guys genuinely seem to like each other and get along as a team...

13
by young curmudgeon (not verified) :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 4:22pm

Brady had to be rescued?!? He had a kayak accident?!? Manning would have flipped the kayak back over on his own, high-fived the launch guy, and impregnated Gisele Bundchen with triplets! Triplets, I tell you!

Oh, sorry, wrong thread....

15
by Bobman :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 7:00pm

AFTER paying for his rental with Visa and snacking on some double-stuffs and Gatorade.... He'd also have to rework one of his lines to "rub some mud on it."

20
by John (not verified) :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 10:09pm

Ok, Bobman, you've clearly got snack food on your brain today. Cream pies and double-stuffs?

22
by Karl Cuba :: Thu, 06/25/2009 - 9:14am

Favre would have simply walked across the water with an angelic choir backing his progress. Though they would probably have been singing, 'Just f**king retire!'.

14
by MJK :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 4:53pm

They left out what I thought was the best part of the Ryan-Crowder spat. After Ryan's quote that "I don't know this Channing Crowder", Crowder dedpanned something to the effect of:

We play them twice a year. You'd think a head coach would know who the starting middle linebacker of one of his division opponents was.

Also, a little addendum on Joey Porter's quote. When asked about it, Belichick responded: "He's absolutely right".

18
by S. Wizard (not verified) :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 8:57pm

They left out what I thought was the best part of the Ryan-Crowder spat. After Ryan's quote that "I don't know this Channing Crowder", Crowder dedpanned something to the effect of:

We play them twice a year. You'd think a head coach would know who the starting middle linebacker of one of his division opponents was.

But wasn't Ryan defensive coordinator for the Baltimore Ravens (in the AFC North) last year? Unless Crowder has him confused with Mangini, who now coaches the Browns (in the AFC North), former Jets head coach...

19
by Wait, what? (not verified) :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 9:34pm

Well, he's head coach of the Jets now, so Crowder is likely expecting Ryan to have done some research on the defenses his team will face in the fall- which isn't too crazy. Maybe a little early in the year for film study, sure- but maybe not, I'm not an NFL head coach.

21
by Bring Back the Coffin Corner! (not verified) :: Thu, 06/25/2009 - 1:10am

In that case Ryan should definitely know Crowder, since Baltimore and Miami met in the playoffs last year.

23
by Led (not verified) :: Thu, 06/25/2009 - 9:52am

The whole Ryan/Crowder thing was tongue in cheek, at least on Ryan's side. If you watched the press conferences it was obvious. He was goofing around and having fun. Of course he knows who Channing Crowder is.

17
by Bobman :: Wed, 06/24/2009 - 7:02pm

The Robert E Lee comment was pretty damn good. You guys are in great form for the offseason.

24
by Ana (not verified) :: Thu, 06/25/2009 - 10:05am

that was funny what michael irvin said about brett favre...seriously favre is getting so old. he needs to just stay retired. yeah he's a legend but come on make up your mind please. he should play in the that legends challenge thing with all the other retired athletes..maybe he'll feel more at home with a bunch of old people.
-ana

25
by Joe T. :: Thu, 06/25/2009 - 2:24pm

"And then everyone to be camped out, down there, outside of [Favre's] complex..."

Complex? Favre is becoming the David Koresh of quarterbacks.

26
by Joe T. :: Thu, 06/25/2009 - 2:25pm

{Deleted}

28
by tuluse :: Thu, 06/25/2009 - 11:50pm

"I told him, ‘Everyone thinks you are a (expletive), and you should want to do everything you can do to be a killer.’"
-- FOX Sports' Jay Glazer

You see in England that means something totally different.

29
by Jimmy :: Fri, 06/26/2009 - 10:24am

It does? Where in England?

30
by tuluse :: Fri, 06/26/2009 - 2:06pm

It's an arrested development joke.