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08 Dec 2009

The Week in Quotes: December 8, 2009

compiled by Rory Hickey

TIM TEBOW CAN TURN WHINE INTO WATER

"He's a great player but man, we're tired of him."

-- Alabama wide receiver Julio Jones on Florida Gators quaterback Tim Tebow after the Crimson Tide romped the Gators 32-13 in the SEC Championship Game. (Morning Call)

THERE'S A LOT OF WATERY CORN CHOWDERS IN NEBRASKA

"Marc, I want to see [Big 12 Head of Officiating] Walt Anderson in there right f*cking now!"

"BCS! That's why they made that call!"

-- Nebraska head coach Bo Pelini in the aftermath of the Huskers' controversial loss to Texas in which one second was put back on the clock which led Texas to kick the game-winning field goal as time expired. (Big Red Today)

"You should be ashamed to accept that trophy!"

-- Nebraska defensive coordinator Carl Pelini yelling at the Longhorns as they celebrated winning the Big 12 championship.

WHAT A DODO BRAIN!

"I laugh at stuff like that. It takes a coward, and some more words I can't say, to push a guy in the back when the play is dead. It just proves what kind of dirtbag he is."

-- Giants defensive end Justin Tuck discussing an incident in which Cowboys offensive lineman Flozell Adams shoved Tuck from behind. (NY Daily News)

"I ain't talking about him. He's a nobody."

-- Adams on Tuck. (ESPN Dallas)

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A BASE-STEALER INSTEAD OF A CATCHER

"[Girardi] showed me how to do it with the opposite leg and hook [the left] leg under. He showed me how to protect the ball and try not to fall on one side or the other or my shoulder, just absorb the blow with my butt and my legs. I really appreciated it."

-- Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez on the sliding lesson he got from Yankees manager Joe Girardi prior to Thursday's game against the Bills. He left that game after getting injured while sliding. (The Star-Ledger)

DAVIS: "BUT GM CARS AREN'T GOOD ZERO TO SIXTY"

"Mr. Davis, do the right thing. Please hire a GM."

-- Billboard in the Oakland area, purchased by MessagetoAl.com. (The Sporting Blog)

ALAN THICKE WAS SPOTTED IN THE CROWD SO THEY COULD HAVE WANTED THICKE

"We want Vick! We want Vick!"

-- Crowd at the Georgia Dome after Eagles quaterback Michael Vick scored his second touchdown of the day during the Eagles' 34-7 rout of the Falcons. (Monday Morning QB)

MJ BROKE HIS THREE WOOD AT A COUNTRY CLUB AFTER HEARING HIS NAME USED BY A HOLDER

"It's like [how] Jordan used to shoot free throws with his eyes closed, and he knew on the follow through. You know, I can tell. It felt high."

-- Redskins snapper Ethan Albright on his snap to holder Hunter Smith on kicker Shuan Suisham's improbable 23-yard missed field goal that would have put the game away for the Redskins. (D.C. Sports Bog)

SUISHAM IS JUST AN IDIOT KICKER

"I'd have to cut him before he cost me my job."

-- NBC analyst Tony Dungy on what he'd do if he were the coach of a team with Shaun Suisham, and Suisham missed a 23-yard field goal like he did Sunday. (Washington Post)

JARED ALLEN IS TOO BUSY GOING TO "CULINARY ACADEMY" TO LEARN OPPONENTS' NAMES

"[Allen] said he didn't know my name. I said, 'You'll know by the end of the game because they're going to say it a whole lot on ESPN.'"

-- Cardinals left tackle Jeremy Bridges on his conversation with Vikings defensive end Jared Allen during Sunday's game. (NFL Nation)

YES HE CAN?

"Of course I should be [in the conversation]. And I'm about to start a campaign, an MVP campaign."

-- Titans running back Chris Johnson on whether he should be in the MVP conversation. (The Tennessean)

YOU'RE JUST COMING OFF STUPID

"Shut up. He's not helping. Why don't he go and help those linebackers watch tape and teach them how to call a defense and line them up. That way they aren't all off flank all game long against Cincinnati and Cedric Benson is running for 189 yards."

-- Inside the NFL's Warren Sapp on Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher's comments that the Bears lacked an identity. (National Football Post)

I MEAN YOU'VE ONLY BEEN IN THE NFL FOR FOUR YEARS

"I really have to start concentrating more about holding onto the ball."

-- Patriots running back Laurence Maroney after Monday's game against the Saints in which he fumbled, which he seems to do every game, at inopportune times. (Boston Herald)

SO HE FILLS JOBS FOR PEOPLE?

"Dashon is a headhunter. The guy just wants to annihilate everything that's back there. He's got great speed, and he wants to hit everything that moves. And it's just a matter of, 'OK, Dashon, let's settle down a bit, gather yourself and make the play.'"

-- 49ers head coach Mike Singeltary on safety Dashon Goldson's fondness for the big hit. (Press-Democrat)

OR YOU COULD PUT HANDS ON HIS FACEMASK

"[We're] either going to have to put stickum on his facemask or he's going to have to catch that ball with his hands."

-- Jets head coach Rex Ryan on wide receiver Braylon Edwards failing to catch a sure touchdown after the ball hit him in the facemask. (New York Post)

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN WATCHING SOME TAPE ON ARIZONA

"I've seen New Orleans on tape, a couple of times, just out of curiosity, just to see what they're doing. I admire some of the things they do offensively."

-- Vikings coach Brad Childress on watching the Saints on tape just for kicks. (Pioneer Press)

SAY THAT YOU COULD TAKE DELHOMME IN A FISTFIGHT

"What do you want me to say? I don't know. I'm going to be real cliché and repetitive, and say I'm going to prepare and be ready to go if called upon."

-- Panthers quarterback Matt Moore on who he expected to be the starter of Sunday's game against the Buccaneers. (The Herald)

OH CHARLIE YOUR SNARK HAS BETRAYED YOU ONCE AGAIN

"Let me ask you this question: You guys know about things that go on in different places. Was I living with a grad student in Malibu, or was I living with my wife in my house? You could bet that if I were living with a grad student here in South Bend, it would be national news. He's doing it in Malibu and it's not national news. What's the difference? I don't understand. Why is it OK for one guy to do things like that, but for me, I'm scrutinized when I swear. I'm sorry for swearing; absolve my sins."

-- Outgoing Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis answering a reporter's question on whether he is "frustrated" by how he's portrayed, compared to USC head coach Pete Carroll. (ESPN)

I WILL BET YOU ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY THAT 100 NFL TEAMS HAVE NOT CONTACTED YOU

"I'm going to coach in the NFL next year. I have no idea for who. All those stories that there have been 100 teams that have contacted me; that's a bunch of garbage. First of all I wouldn't talk to anyone until after I was fired."

-- Weis emphatically declaring he will coach in the NFL next year. NFL teams are tingling with anticipation. (The Trenches)

WHERE'S THE ACCOMPANYING HANUKKAH GRAPHIC?

"7 dropped passes, 4 three and outs, failed fake punt, interception, and a partridge in a pear tree"

-- CBS graphic of the Kansas City Chiefs' miscues during their 44-13 loss to the Denver Broncos. (Deadspin)

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE ... HAVEN'T YOU SEEN ANGELS IN THE OUTFIELD?

"And that punt was knocked down like a big giant just blew on it"

-- ESPN analyst Pam Ward after the wind knocked down a punt. Or maybe it was a giant. (Awful Announcing)

I'M BIGGER THAN YOU, I'M HIGHER IN THE FOOD CHAIN!

"I want you in my belly!"

-- ABC/NFL Network analyst Matt Millen doing his best Fat Bastard impression after someone in the Cincinnati-Pittsburgh game was tackled hard on a kickoff. (Awful Announcing)

HERE'S A GUY WHO LIKES TO USE THE WORD GUY

"He's not that guy, not now. But what he's doing is allowing them to win football games. Now you're hoping that as he continues to grow, he's going to eventually be that guy. You want him to be that guy, but he's not that guy yet."

"I think with what he's done you've got to stick with the guy now. That doesn't mean you don't draft a guy. If Collins is done, if this is his last year, they need another quarterback. Do you draft a guy? Maybe so. Maybe you draft the pocket passer you want so if it doesn't work out you've got a guy in your system that you know you are grooming."

-- ESPN analyst Herm Edwards on Titans quarterback Vince Young, managing to use the word "guy" eight times in ten sentences. (AFC South Blog)

ARISTOTLE IS ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE

"There's a theory in mathematics: 'the whole is equal to the sum of their parts.'"

-- FOX analyst Daryl Johnston showing his mastery of addition in describing the Falcons offensive line. (FOX broadcast)

AL MICHAELS IS A CUNNING LINGUIST

"Sooner or later, 69 will be in your face."

-- NBC play-by-play man Al Michaels, presumably discussing the tenacious pass rush of Vikings defensive end Jared Allen. (NBC broadcast, audio available at SportsbyBrooks)

Bring out your quotes!

(clang!)

Bring out your quotes!

quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com

Posted by: Rory Hickey on 08 Dec 2009

48 comments, Last at 10 Dec 2009, 2:36pm by boog

Comments

1
by MilkmanDanimal :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 12:35pm

Wait, "the whole is equal to the sum of its parts" is a theory?

Damn you, new math!

2
by Tampa Bay Mike (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 12:37pm

Al Michaels with the freaky threesome. Go get em tiger!

7
by Theo :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 12:49pm

I think Tiger got enough of em.

3
by DaninPhilly (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 12:39pm

"AL MICHAELS IS A..."

You really should be arrested for that :)

4
by DrewTS (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 12:42pm

Julio Jones speaks on behalf of the public at large.

On a somewhat related note, I was shocked by something Bill Polian said during his radio show yesterday. Some caller asked if the Colts would think about drafting Tim Tebow (god only knows why), and Polian went into a fairly lengthy diatribe about Ryan Leaf, LeBron James, and how sports networks like to build up players who really have no business being regarded as stars, and capped it off by saying that Tebow might be useful as a TE, fullback, or Wildcat QB. The shocking thing was not so much what he said, but the fact that he said anything at all. He's usually a master of the non-answer in situations like that.

10
by Purds :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:18pm

He's planning on taking Tebow with his late-first round pick.

15
by Eddo :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:26pm

LeBron James has no business being regarded as a star? Polian should stick to football. :P

But I agree that it's surprising he would say something so definitive regarding Tebow. Either it means, as the poster above says, he's looking to draft Tebow, or he knows that nobody in the league plans to draft Tebow highly, and therefore he's not worried about giving his competitors his true feelings on the subject.

20
by DrewTS (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:38pm

He was referring to when LeBron was having his high school games shown on ESPN. In that respect, I think he's correct. LeBron ended up proving the hype machine right, but that doesn't change the fact that he was annointed way too soon. Polian stated that clearly during the answer in question; I just neglected to mention it.

24
by Eddo :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:56pm

Point taken. Thanks for the clarification.

19
by Joe T. :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:36pm

Jedi mind trick by Obi Wan Polian. He's just trying to keep Tebow from being drafted by Darth Belichick.

"Tim Tebow is not the quarterback you are looking for."

5
by DM (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 12:44pm

"He left that game after getting injured while sliding."

No, he didn't slide. That's the whole point.

6
by Theo :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 12:45pm

I'm not your guy, friend!

13
by Joe T. :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:20pm

Well I'm not your friend, buddy!

16
by Eddo :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:27pm

I'm not your buddy, guy!

18
by Gruntled (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:34pm

Man, I really like Buddy Guy. What a dude.

25
by MCS :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:58pm

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

41
by Harris :: Wed, 12/09/2009 - 11:23am

Yeah, but he's no Guy Smiley.

Hail Hydra!

43
by Phil O'sopher (not verified) :: Wed, 12/09/2009 - 11:54am

Ray Guy, HOF punter?

8
by DrewTS (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 12:50pm

Pete Carroll lives with a grad student in Malibu? And people think he wants to leave that for the NFL... why exactly?

11
by Led :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:19pm

The problem with Weis's comment (in addition to lack of class) is that as far as I know there is no basis for saying Carroll lives with a grad student in Malibu.

33
by Gruntled (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 5:20pm

One would have to admit though, that Weiss' point is being made, even in this thread.

This would be an even better story if it turned out that Carroll actually WAS living with a grad student in Malibu.

Though the best story would be if it turned out that I was living with a grad student in Malibu.

34
by DrewTS (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 5:57pm

"One would have to admit though, that Weiss' point is being made, even in this thread."

If the grad student story is made up, I'm not even sure what Weis' point is, let alone whether or not it is being made.

39
by Gruntled (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 10:41pm

Well, I thought Weis's point was that someone could say anything about anybody and it would thereby gain an aura of truth whether it was baseless or not, and people would start to speculate about it, etc. etc....

...but I went back and read the transcript and now I'm not at all clear what his point was, although maybe it was that if Pete Carroll was living with a grad student in Malibu, no one would care, but if he (Weis) was living with a grad student in South Bend, it would be national news. Or maybe not.

I apologize for not getting it straight the first time, but the Malibu surf is pretty loud.

42
by Harris :: Wed, 12/09/2009 - 11:27am

I think the best story would be if Weis was living with a grad student in Malibu. At least then I could understand why that defense is so bad.

Hail Hydra!

36
by The Human Spider :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 6:50pm

I wish I were living with a grad student in Malibu. I also wish I could pay people in gum, too...

21
by justanothersteve :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:41pm

Given that, I don't think Pete Carroll will ever leave USC unless he's fired. If he does, I suggest someone have him committed.

32
by Kevin from Philly :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 5:06pm

Unless the Grad student is on the team, this probably isn't a big deal.

9
by bingo762 :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 12:53pm

"We want Vick! We want Vick!"

-- Crowd at the Georgia Dome after Eagles quaterback Michael Vick scored his second touchdown of the day during the Eagles' 34-7 rout of the Falcons. (Monday Morning QB)

This was chanted PRIOR to Vick scoring his second TD. The Eagles were driving. The chant started. McNabb almost got killed. Vick came in. Threw a TD. On the Eagles next possesion, Kolb came in and was booed

12
by Eddo :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:20pm

What are the differences in payouts for the BCS games? Is the payout for the national championship really double the payout of any other game. Otherwise, it wouldn't make sense for the Big XII officials to side with Texas; rather, if Nebraska had won, the Big XII would have had two teams in BCS games: Nebraska, the automatic qualifier, and Texas, the most attractive at-large team for most of the bowls. Texas winning resulted in only one Big XII team getting the large BCS payout.

Now, if the national championship does pay out double what the others pay out, then Pellini was right.

(I don't say this as a Texas fan; I'm still pissed that they won, that was one of the worst games I've watched a "contender" play in a long time.)

27
by Safety_First (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 2:38pm

Couple of data points.

Yesterday's Washington Post had a John Feinstein column on the BCS, where he claimed that TCU and Boise are getting $17.5 million each to play in the Fiesta Bowl.

A week before, "BCS spokesman Bill Hancock" said to the Texas Star Telegram that "if TCU plays in a BCS bowl, its conference, the Mountain West, would get $18.5 million. In a lesser bowl, the conference would earn $900,000."

Search-Fu reveals a USA Today article (link below) that lists payouts by bowls for 2006. Basically, looks like a bunch of games at $17 million, then the next tier at $3-$4 million, then the next at sub-$1 million.

http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/football/2006-12-06-bowl-payouts_...

The BCS website has a "facts" page that lists "projected payouts" for last season's "top five" bowl games. Again - all payouts are identical at $17.5 million.

http://www.bcsfootball.org/bcsfb/facts

I'm sure there's more data out there, somewhere. Bottom line is, if you're in the top games, you get the same amount of "big money". If you're in mid-tier games, looks like you get 25% of the top bowl payout. If you're in "small" games, you get like 5% of the top bowl payout. Yes, at some point, shifting from one bowl to the next is a matter of semantics rather than hard dollars. But that raises the question of who gets to compete for those games and why.

37
by Muldrake (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 10:13pm

I think that Pelini was refering to the fact that the BCS as a whole wants a high caliber matchup for the national championship game for the sake of ratings. Alabama-Texas has a lot more name recognition than Alabama-Cincy or Alabama-TCU.

But to answer the question if a league gets more than one team in they don't get 2 big payouts, they get a full payout and a $4.5 million payout. For example, the SEC gets roughly $17.5 million for Alabama but only get $4.5 million for Florida with the remaining amount being split between the other 5 BCS conferences. So overall the SEC and Big 10 will get roughly $24.6 to split and the other 4 BCS conferences will receive roughly $22.7 million and the WAC and Mountain West each get to split $17.5 million. Of those amounts roughly $1.8 million goes directly to the participating schools and the rest is evenly divided between conference members. Incidentally, if Notre Dame qualifies it gets $4.5 million to itself and the remaining amount of payout is split between all 65 BCS schools.

That's the way that I understand the last negotiation (2006) anyway...with all the uproar over the non-BCS conferences lack of access it might have changed in the last year.

14
by DrewTS (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:21pm

I understand the disappointment from the Pellinii, but in the end, the replay call was correct. If they want to be upset at someone, they need to acknowledge that their own players gave the game away with a kickoff out of bounds and a stupid horse-collar penalty on the final drive. Texas only gained about 20 yards themselves on that final drive; the rest was handed to them by Nebraska's mistakes.

17
by Eddo :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:29pm

I imagine (hope?) he's not referring to the one-second-left call, which was indeed correct; rather, I'd think he's complaining about the two terrible DPI calls, both on throws that sailed 10 yards out of bounds, that were key plays on two of Texas's scoring drives.

22
by DrewTS (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:41pm

I don't know, but the quote ("that's why they made THAT CALL") implies he's talking about one specific call that he believes decided the game. The only call I can imagine that he'd think rigged the outcome of the game would be the 1 extra second.

23
by Eddo :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 1:56pm

True, his phrasing does imply that. If so, he's kind of dumb (though not as dumb as McCoy, jeez); there was clearly at least one second left (I would have put two on the clock).

29
by Rory Hickey :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 2:59pm

I think his point was that on nearly every incomplete pass during the course of a game at least one or two additional seconds comes off and the referees don't go back and put those seconds back on the clock. I don't necessarily agree with that but I think that's what his point was.
"You play to win the game" - Herm

31
by DrewTS (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 4:47pm

A valid point, but that's how it is. The officials don't review every play to ensure that the spot is exactly right either. In certain situations they deem critical (which is certainly open to interpretation and accusations of bias), they have the discretion to go back and look at the replay to make sure things were called correctly.

I suppose he might be able to claim that they made the decision to go back and look at the tape because of BCS reasons. But even if you believe that, it's ultimately trivial. The call was correct. If his point of contention is that he should have been allowed to win on a wrong call, maybe he's right, but that rings pretty hollow.

35
by jack :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 6:07pm

Just playing devils advocate here, but when is the clock supposed to stop? When the ball hits the ground or when the official blows the whistle? If it's the former, then the call is correct, (although I don't necessarily agree with it). If it's the latter, then it shouldn't have even been reviewed. Anybody know the rule on that one?

38
by Muldrake (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 10:30pm

I would assume that it's just like any other play; anything before a whistle is reviewable but after a whistle it is not. For example, if there was a question of a fumble before the whistle it can be reviewed but if the whistle blew the play dead then it doesn't matter if there was a fumble or not because the player was ruled down.

And as a Husker fan let me assure you that Bo is always like that. That's why he was passed over for Callahan a few years ago. He's got some anger issues. But he's no Mangino and just takes it out on the refs and opposing coaches and here he was just saying what we fans were all thinking, even if he and we were clearly wrong about it. So we still love him even if he is kind of an ass sometimes.

26
by Will Allen (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 2:17pm

I'll give the Pelinis a break in the heat of that particular moment. I'd like to think Nebraska would have received the same benefit of replay, if the teams were reversed, but I'm not absolutely, 100%, sure.

I remember when Flozell Adams was a young player, and Vikings DE Duane Clemons cheap-shotted him by punching him in the balls, after the whistle. Adams said after the game that a player who did stuff like that was a coward. You were right, Flozell.

28
by Safety_First (not verified) :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 2:41pm

"Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez on the sliding lesson he got from Yankees manager Joe Girardi prior to Thursday's game against the Bills. He left that game after getting injured while sliding."

My impression watching that game was that Sanchez kept diving forward instead of sliding, and IIRC he got hurt on or around a dive-forward play. Might not have even slid once the whole time. Hell, the announcers spent half the airtime talking about how "Joe Girardi was teaching him how to slide and he keeps diving head first".

I mean, it's a nice little setup for an ironic punchline, and far be it for facts to stand in the way of comic relief, but...

30
by Dennis :: Tue, 12/08/2009 - 3:28pm

It's the Gregg Easterbrook school of writing - never let the facts get in the way.

40
by Paul R :: Wed, 12/09/2009 - 10:14am

I thought the Greg Easterbrook school of writing was:

Sweet and Sour Kung Pao Chicken of The Day--
The Candy Canes had the ball on the Prancing Ponies sesquicentennial mark late in the festivities and promptly broke TMQ's immutable Law of Cheerleader Professionalism in the Cover-2. TMQ wrote the words "venatus super" in his notebook. Buck-buck-gesundheit!

44
by Phil O'sopher (not verified) :: Wed, 12/09/2009 - 12:00pm

I believe we have the TMQ template ironed out pretty well

45
by DrewTS (not verified) :: Wed, 12/09/2009 - 12:35pm

A++++++

46
by tuluse :: Wed, 12/09/2009 - 3:58pm

Wow... just amazing.

47
by Carlos Etzel (not verified) :: Wed, 12/09/2009 - 4:08pm

Mark Sanchez was not sliding on the play where he was injured. He dove forward for a first down instead.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A BASE-STEALER INSTEAD OF A CATCHER

"[Girardi] showed me how to do it with the opposite leg and hook [the left] leg under. He showed me how to protect the ball and try not to fall on one side or the other or my shoulder, just absorb the blow with my butt and my legs. I really appreciated it."

-- Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez on the sliding lesson he got from Yankees manager Joe Girardi prior to Thursday's game against the Bills. He left that game after getting injured while sliding. (The Star-Ledger)

48
by boog :: Thu, 12/10/2009 - 2:36pm

...Matt Millen doing his best Fat Bastard impression...

And not for the first time!