compiled by Rory Hickey

MAYBE HE WAS RUNNING AROUND SO MUCH AFTER THE GAME BECAUSE HIS PANTS WERE ON FIRE

"I lied."

-- Broncos coach Josh McDaniels on his previous statement that the game against the Patriots was just another game (Boston Herald)

DIFFERENCES IN THE BELICHICK COACHING TREE: ERIC MANGINI WOULD FINE HAGGAN FOR THANKING JESUS INSTEAD OF HIM

"Thank you, Jesus! We weren't supposed to win four [games] all year!"

-- Broncos linebacker Mario Haggan after the Broncos win over the Patriots on Sunday (ESPN)

MIKE SHANAHAN ON LINE ONE

"Well. It's. Um. You can only do what you have right now. So even during the game, we could do what we could do."

-- Redskins coach Jim Zorn when asked how the Redskins could expect to run anything with their offensive line as currently constructed (D.C. Sports Bog)

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, CONVERTING OFF OF TURNOVERS?!

"You know how they got their lead? They had a 13-yard touchdown drive and a one-yard touchdown drive. Two drives, 14 points, total 14 yards. That's disgusting. It's disgraceful. It's, um, it's not professional football. And it's unacceptable, to be perfectly honest with you."

-- Radio host and former Redskins quarterback Joe Theismann on the Washington Redskins (D.C. Sports Bog)

WELL HE MUST LIKE HIM BECAUSE THAT'S HOW HE PREFACED HIS NEGATIVE STATEMENT

"I like Jim Zorn. I like him because he's honest. I like him because he tries to be quirky and be funny. But I want to be real. I want to ask people, viewers out there: when you see him in press conferences, and the things he says, and the way he looks, does he truly look like a guy that you want to be following, to be your leader? I'm serious. I keep hearing that statement, 'He blew us away in the interview process'. I don't see blow away in what I'm seeing. Whether they win or lose, I don't see blow away. I was with Norv Turner, and Norv was a great coach, but he was not a damn leader. And I see this man being a little less than what Norv Turner was. I'm being honest..."

-- TV analyst and former Redskin Brian Mitchell expressing his opinion on Redskins coach Jim Zorn (D.C. Sports Bog)

MY PS3 SAYS THE SAME THING WHEN I'M PLAYING MADDEN ON ROOKIE MODE

"We couldn't stop anything. That's a bad feeling when you are out there and they are running whatever plays they want to."

-- Raiders defensive end Richard Seymour on Oakland's defensive effort on Sunday against the Giants (NBC Sports)

AIN'T NOTHING BUT A ME THING BABY

"Like I say, I'm going to be me. That's who I've been my whole life, that's who I was in college. I have fun. Dre's gonna be Dre."

-- 49ers cornerback Dre' Bly on showboating after an interception, which caused him to get stripped. On Monday he publicly apologized for his comments. (Sacramento Bee)

IN OTHER SPORTS YOU NEED MORE QUALIFICATIONS TO BE AN ANALYST

"In other sports ... they get rid of coaches in the middle of the year to get to the playoffs. It may be time for that phone call from Jerry to start seeing if Mike Shanahan wants to come in in the middle of the year to coach this team to get in the playoffs ... They need a new coach."

-- ESPN analyst Keyshawn Johnson's thoughts on Cowboys coach Wade Phillips (Dallas Morning News)

DEREK ANDERSON AND BRADY QUINN WOULD AGREE HERE

"That's an issue. When you're playing with a young quarterback, those plays have got to be made by those caliber of players, those caliber of receivers. Both guys dropped a bunch of balls today. I don't have the exact number here but you've got to make those plays for a young quarterback so he can present himself with a better day than he had. The guys around him have got to step up for him. The positive side of that is Kellen Winslow did step up for him. We need everybody. When you talk about playing a young quarterback like Josh, having to go into a hostile environment like Philly, playing against the relentless blitzes you get from Philly, somebody has got to step up and make a play for him. When you've got zero coverage on the back end and he puts the ball on you, you've got to make somebody miss and go score. Period."

-- Buccaneers coach Raheem Morris on his receivers dropping passes (St. Petersburg Times)

I'M PRETTY SURE THERE CAN BE MULTIPLE BULLIES AT ONE SCHOOL, JOEY. GOOD ATTEMPT, THOUGH.

"This conference isn't big enough for too many bullies. There can only be a certain amount of bullies on the playground at one time before they fight and find out who the real bully is."

-- Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter on schoolyard bullying and the AFC East (Miami Herald)

IF HE HAD CANCER I ONLY STRONGLY DISLIKE HIM

"We do not like each other. With Florida State, I hated him. I hate him now. If I see him out, I'm not going to talk to him. I'm not going to slap him, but I'm not going to be pleasant. Every time he sees me, he starts cussing. I see him and I start cussing. It's going to be like that the whole game."

-- Dolphins linebacker and University of Florida graduate Channing Crowder on his relationship with Florida State University graduate and Jets running back Leon Washington (NY Daily News)

THEY'RE BREAK-DANCE FIGHTING!

"I know he knows deep down who the better dancer is. He might have a little bit more things up his sleeve. But as far as quality of a dancer, he knows who's better."

-- Ravens wide receiver Kelley Washington on who is the better dancer between himself and ex-teammate Chad Ochocinco (NFL Nation Blog)

DID ANYONE TELL ROD MARINELLI?

"I want to win now. Every team in the league should want to win now. In my opinion it's a copout for any team to say, 'We've got a four-year program.' Well, how convenient. Your contract is four years, or whatever. To me, I don't see how that's justified."

-- Jets coach Rex Ryan on teams who claim they are rebuilding (NFL Nation Blog)

TO BE FAIR, THAT'S VERY SIMILAR TO OAKLAND RAIDERS INITIATION

"From my blindside, Tom Cable threw me from my chair and into a piece of furniture that a lamp sat upon. He was screaming, 'I'll fuc*ing you! I'll fuc*ing kill you!' And I have no reason to believe he wouldn't have killed me if they hadn't pulled him away. If my head would've hit a different way, I might be dead right now."

-- Former Raiders assistant Randy Hanson on the notorious incident involving him and Raiders coach Tom Cable (Yahoo!)

DEAR LORD BABY JESUS, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THIS WONDERFUL QUOTE, AND MY TWO BEAUTIFUL SONS, WALKER AND TEXAS RANGER

"When I score, which you know is what I will do, I have this special thing. It's called a Ricky Bobby, for those of you who saw Talladega Nights."

-- Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco on what he would do if he scored a touchdown on Sunday against the Ravens. He didn't score. (Ravens.com)

CHUCK NORRIS?

"If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Ochocinco."

-- Ochocinco, after the Bengals victory over the Ravens on Sunday (Twitter)

THIS IS THE REASON WE DON'T ELECT OUR GMS...

"I think there are some times when a fit just doesn't work with the team anymore. Like Randy Moss may be the greatest receiver anywhere around, but I don't want that guy to ever come back into the city of Minneapolis again. He was a jerk when he was here, and, uh, Brett [Favre] wasn't a jerk when he was over there. There's a different deal, but sometimes fits don't work in football. So, hey, he fits beautifully here and we are happy to take him."

-- Minneapolis mayor R.T. Rybak commenting on Randy Moss for some reason (Boston Herald)

WHAT IF THEY'RE ALL VAMPIRES?

"The NFL is more of a guarantee of success than if you got Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Angelina Jolie to do an hour drama series for the network. You can't guarantee that it will be a ratings success."

-- NBC chairman Dick Ebersol on the ratings bonanza that is the NFL (New York Times)

IT'S MORE OF A BOX THAN A BAG

"Well, I think we've got a lot of tools in our bag that we're not using. For whatever that reason is, I don't know."

-- Packers defensive back Charles Woodson metaphorically assessing the Packers' defensive woes (Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel)

THAT EXPRESSION AND A GOOD EXPRESSION IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT SACK OF MONKEYS

"The preseason and the regular season are a whole different kettle of fish, but yeah, I would have thought we would have played a little bit better starting out."

-- Packers general manager Ted Thompson using an absurd expression to illustrate his point (Green Bay Press-Gazette)

WHO SAYS FOOTBALL ISN'T A GLOBAL GAME?

"That's the saddest part for me. Just seeing how great they talk about that guy and he's definitely like my big brother. But I'm like, 'Man, that used to be both of us. L, you used to run just like him, what happened?' Get back to it ... [Run] with no remorse. Be Kamikaze."

-- Patriots running back Laurence Maroney talking about the success of former college teammate Marion Barber and working in a Japanese World War II reference. (Boston Herald)

AT LEAST HE DIDN'T BRING UP JOE BUCK'S SECOND FAVORITE WEBSITE

"Of course, Joe Buck's just ripping Eli, just cause that's what he seems to enjoy doing ... just call the play-by-play Joe, let Aikman do the commentary."

-- Colts quarterback Peyton Manning on analyst Joe Buck's treatment of his brother Eli (The Big Lead)

IF BRETT FAVRE IS LIKE A KID, THEN WHAT ARE HIS KIDS LIKE?

"Enberg: What is it about Brett Favre ... when the bright lights are on, he is a neon performer!
Fouts: He'd be pretty good in the dark, too!
Enberg: [Laughs] Blindfolded, he'd beat ya!
Fouts: Yeah. He's 40 years old. Amazing.
Enberg: A stunning story that will be replayed in the history books forever.
[Lions run for no gain.]
Fouts: Getting back to Favre … people asked me in the preseason, 'Will all this going back and forth, all this retiring, unretiring … will it affect his legacy?' I said, 'what, are you kidding? His legacy? He's a Hall of Famer, 1st ballot.' He's got all the records, and he's still playing top notch at 40-years-old with a first place team!
Enberg [He] was sort of like a kid on Monday night."

-- An actual exchange between CBS analysts Dan Fouts and Dick Enberg during the Lions-Steelers game (The Big Lead)

AL DAVIS' HEAD JUST EXPLODED

"When speed goes in the wrong direction, that can be a bad thing. So when you have fast guys that run the wrong way fast, that's even worse than slow guys that run the wrong way slow."

-- ESPN analyst Bob Davie on the downside of speed (Awful Announcing)

WHY DIDN'T HE REFERENCE TWO-TIME DEFENDING WOMEN'S THREE-METRE SPRINGBOARD CHAMPION GUO JINGJING?

"Dive play. Greg Louganis is going to show up here soon."

-- CBS analyst Verne Lunquist (Awful Announcing)

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Posted by: Rory Hickey on 13 Oct 2009

79 comments, Last at 16 Oct 2009, 3:00pm by tuluse