compiled by Rory Hickey

NEXT WEEK: DONKEY KONG

"We not only got the monkey off our back, we got King Kong off our back."

-- Lions owner William Clay Ford on the Lions winning for the first time since December 2007 (Detroit News)

TO BE FAIR, IT IS A REALLY, REALLY BIG PICTURE

"In the big picture things are progressing, we're getting better."

-- Redskins coach Jim Zorn, after losing to the Lions (The Washington Times)

HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO DO YOUR JOB?!? THAT'S NOT HOW THINGS WORK AROUND HERE!

"Rich Gannon is not welcome here. We told CBS we did not want him in our building, we did not want him to be part of our production meeting, and that's where it sits."

-- Raiders executive John Herrera on CBS analyst Rich Gannon not being welcome in the Raiders building

"He seems to be a guy who can't get over the fact that he played the worst Super Bowl game in the history of the game and he wants to blame everybody but himself. I guess it's our fault he threw five interceptions."

-- Herrera (San Francisco Chronicle)

ARE THE OAKLAND RAIDERS A CULT?

"It wasn't no mistake, brother. Next question."

-- Raiders defensive end Richard Seymour on pulling Broncos offensive lineman Ryan Clady's hair

"You asked if it was a mistake and I told you no. Get out of here."

-- Seymour following up his response to reporter Lowell Cohn and asking him to leave (The Press Democrat)

AT THE OAKLAND RAIDERS' COMPLEX, THE YEAR IS 1974

"You wonder if Russell knows something you don't know or simply has no grip on reality."

-- Oakland Tribune writer Jerry McDonald on Raiders' quarterback JaMarcus Russell's cool demeanor after the Raiders' blowout loss (Oakland Tribune)

BILL SIMMONS DISAPPROVES OF THIS STATEMENT

"Everybody on the outside of this locker room doubted us. They're in shock. We're the shocker team. You hear it every time you turn on the TV and somebody's talking about Josh McDaniels and the Denver Broncos. They want to know, 'What's going on out there?'"

-- Broncos defensive lineman Vonnie Holliday on the Broncos' surprising start (Denver Post)

IF THE OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR ALREADY GOT FIRED, THEN THAT LEAVES...

"I can't sit here and tell you that this game can be blamed on any one man. Five first downs, 0-of-9 on third down, 28 yards rushing. If I take Byron Leftwich out of the game, I might as well take everyone else out with him."

-- Buccaneers coach Raheem Morris on the offense's performance on Sunday (PewterReport.com )

BECAUSE THE PUBLIC NEEDS MORE BRETT FAVRE

"I thought maybe I could spring him. Maybe get on SportsCenter, I don't know."

-- Vikings quarterback Brett Favre describing his downfield block on 49ers linebacker Patrick Willis (St. Cloud Times)

HINES WARD: DIRTY, DIRTY BOY

"I'll still hit him. I'll just get fined. There's nothing I can do about it. It's either that or try to hurt somebody. So are you going to fine me, or do you want me to end someone's career? I'd rather take a fine than try to end somebody's career, so I'm not going to change."

-- Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward discussing last year's hit on Bengals linebacker Keith Rivers

"The unfortunate thing is me being labeled that, and then the rule change came out, so it's kind of like me being singled out as the dirty guy that's in the league, a dirty offensive player. A wide receiver being dirty -- I take that as a compliment."

-- Ward (USA Today)

THE WATER'S TEMPERATURE SHARPLY DECLINES IN DECEMBER

"There's not a lot of hot water in there. [Jerry Jones] cut some corners in the bathroom there .... It was lukewarm at best."

-- Giants linebacker Danny Clark on the locker room at the new Cowboys' Stadium (Newsday)

STRONGLY DISLIKE JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE SAME EFFECT

"It makes me hate the Cowboys a little bit more. You can write that I did say hate. I stand by what I said right after the game that it was a bush league play. You move on, that's my plan, to move on."

-- Giants defensive end Justin Tuck on getting tripped by Cowboys offensive lineman Flozell Adams

"Normally, people go to the Pro Bowl for blocking people, not tripping people. So maybe he should keep his feet on the ground. We're not going to get into a war of words here, we are going to let it be what it is, and I'll see Flozell when we play them again."

-- Tuck (The Huddle)

JIM MORA IS JUST TRYING TO SHOW SEAHAWKS FANS HE'S A FAN OF THE ALICE IN CHAINS

"There's no excuses for those. If you're a kicker in the National Football League you should make those kicks -- bottom line. End of story. Period. No excuses. No wind, doesn't matter. You've gotta makes those kicks."

-- Seahawks coach Jim Mora on what the excuse is for kicker Olindo Mare missing two field goals.

"Especially in a game like this, where you're kicking and fighting and scratching your tail off and you miss those kicks, it's not acceptable. Not acceptable. Absolutely not acceptable. We're not going to fight our ass off, and have a field goal kicker go out there and miss two field goals and lose a game. It's not going to happen."

-- Mora (The News Tribune)

IF MIKE SINGLETARY SACRIFICED AN ANIMAL DURNG HALFTIME WOULD ANYBODY REALLY BE SURPRISED?

"I don't want to see you looking at the floor! You didn't steal nothing! You didn't do anything wrong! We will see them again! In the playoffs! Hold your heads up! Don't you look down at the floor for nobody! You have nothing to be looking down at the floor about! Pick your heads up, put your shoulders back and let's rock!"

-- 49ers coach Mike Singletary addressing his team after its last-second loss to the Brett Favre the Vikings (The Huddle)

RODNEY HARRISON VS. TERRELL OWENS ... INDECISION '09!

"I could less about Rodney Harrison! Anybody tht using steroids, yes STEROIDS rodney, is a cheater & cheated the game! ... Is tht Y u used steroids b/c u were worried about ur stats or ws it b/c u were losing it? Lol! U're a loser & a cheater? Got any steroid ... Hey rodney! Send me sum steroids 2 the Bills facility next week!"

-- Bills wide receiver Terrell Owens on NBC analyst Rodney Harrison (The Huddle)

MY LIFE SHOULD BE MADE INTO A FATHEAD

"I think [Michael Griffin] should be embarrassed. Maybe Sanchez's post-rookie player card should have that run over on the end of it. He should be embarrassed. They should make it a Fathead."

-- Jets linebacker Bart Scott on quarterback Mark Sanchez's 14-yard touchdown run (AP)

BESAR AL BEBÉ? NIÑO, POR FAVOR

"This week I have Ike Taylor and William Gay, and I'm looking forward to making them kiss the baby."

-- Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco on his matchup with the Steelers defensive backs (ESPN)

ROGER MURTAUGH WOULD BE PROUD

"I'm getting too old to have to put up with that every week."

-- Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer on the team's heart pounding victory against the Steelers (NFL Nation Blog)

DO RECEIVERS USUALLY COMPLAIN ABOUT THINGS OF THIS NATURE?

"Yeah, it's frustrating. Why is it not? I feel like I'm a playmaker. I feel like I can change the game. I just do what I'm supposed to do. I run my route and hopefully the ball will be there. If not, I move on to the next play then move on to the next one."

-- Cowboys wide receiver Roy Williams on not getting enough passes thrown to him (Fort Worth Star-Telegram)

IF YOU REPLACE "JASON CAMPBELL" AND "REDSKINS" WITH "RODNEY HARRISON" AND "NBC" THE STATEMENT STILL MAKES SENSE

"The one problem in particular is Jason Campbell, the quarterback. I don't know what [the Redskins] see in this guy. To me, he's a backup that's been elevated to starter. He's unpredictable, inconsistent, and he's not a guy that defensive players look at and fear."

-- NBC analyst Rodney Harrison on Redskins quarterback Jason Campbell (The Big Lead)

TIM TEBOW PLAYED RUSSIAN ROULETTE WITH A FULLY LOADED GUN AND WON

"Tebow stopped on a dime and didn't leave any change for the Wildcats."

-- ESPN analyst Mark Jones discussing Florida Gators' quarterback Tim Tebow

"Trying to tackle Tebow is like trying to tackle a moving refrigerator. And the refrigerator is winning."

-- Jones

"Right now, we're in horse country, and they are riding Tim Tebow like Secretariat. Or Seabiscuit. They're all winners."

-- Who? MARK JONES. (Awful Announcing)

WONDERING WHY YOU ARE TWEETING DURING A MEETING

"Wondering why I'm still in this meeting room when the head coach can't even be on time to his on meeting."

-- Texas Tech linebacker Marlon Williams expressing his dissatisfaction at coach Mike Leach not being on time for a meeting (SportsbyBrooks.com)

ROGER GOODELL MUST BE ENTHUSED

"Same old me, Same ol' G. That's not going to change."

-- Bills running back Marshawn Lynch talking about returning from his three-game suspension (NFL Nation Blog)

MAYBE CHAD OCHOCINCO OVERSHADOWED HOW OBNOXIOUS T.J. HOUSHMANDZADEH WAS THIS ENTIRE TIME

"I feel like I'm going to get open every play, every time. But that's not going to be the case. Those guys get paid well. I feel I'm going to win regardless, but I have to be realistic. I feel I'm going to win 95 percent of the time and they can get the other 5."

-- Seahawks wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh on he was going to do on Sunday versus the Bears, a team that opted not to go after him as a free agent (Chicago Tribune)

"He didn't say anything. I think it was 95 to 5 the other way."

-- Bears defensive back Danieal Manning on if Houshmandzadeh during the game

"Of course [the Bears] did because they won. But I was open all game. They just didn't throw me the ball."

-- Houshmandzadeh on who won the trash talking (Chicago Tribune)

SAD? WHIMSY?

"Motherf***er hit my penis"

-- University of Minnesota linebacker Simoni Lawrence after getting hit in the man region during the Golden Gophers' game (Busted Coverage )

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Posted by: Rory Hickey on 29 Sep 2009

38 comments, Last at 17 Oct 2009, 4:14pm by babajid