compiled by Rivers McCown

DOES HE OWN A SEPARATE PAIR OF CROCS FOR THE BATHROOM?

"He’s 28 years old, and quite frankly was [expletive] on for four years." -- Seahawks general manager John Schneider, on new quarterback Tarvaris Jackson (Yahoo!)

BE GRATEFUL, DETROIT WOULD KILL FOR SOMETHING TO MANUFACTURE

"It's going to be ugly because now the leadership on that team is going to be manufactured ... They're going to try to maybe put it on Jay, they might as the season goes on find another senior guy there to try to be the leader of the offense, maybe (Matt) Forte as the running back, whoever. It won't be authentic the way you need to be when you're a winner." -- Ex-Bears guard Ruben Brown, on the loss of Olin Kreutz (Chicago Tribune)

THAT'S ILLEGAL, BUT IS ANYTHING INVOLVING BRITT NOT AT THIS POINT?

"No, not at all, because I don't answer no phone calls that I don't know the area code. You can even ask my Coach Raggy (Ragone) about that, he's been calling me all summer long. I told him, he's got to send me a text before I'll answer it." -- Titans receiver Kenny Britt, on keeping in touch with coaches during the lockout (3 Hour Lunch)

THROUGH TEARS AT A DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL CONCERT, AND IT WORKED

"I’m never going to give that up guys! Are you kidding me? Let me ask you: back in your earlier life when you were single and asking girls out on dates — were you ever turned down? Did you run out to tell your buddies who the girls were that turned you down?" -- Chiefs general manager Scott Pioli, when asked which players Kansas City targeted but could not sign in free agency (Sports Radio Interviews)

I'M SURE NO NFL TEAM WOULD BE ENTERPRISING ENOUGH TO SEND PEOPLE TO SECRETLY FILM AN OPEN PRACTICE

"Those rules exist so that we're not placed at a competitive disadvantage by having the teams we play see video of any portion of our practices." -- Dolphins spokesman Harvey Greene, on Miami's policy of not allowing fans to tape practices (South Florida Sun-Sentinel)

MEDIA WILL OFFER TO PAY FINE OF NEXT RECEIVER WHO PUMMELS HIM

"My absence had nothing to do with a holdout yet a personal matter that Titan officials were aware of. I am grateful for being a Titan," -- Titans cornerback Cortland Finnegan, on why he was absent at training camp over the weekend. He later fessed up that it was a holdout (The Tennessean)

SURE, YOU CAN EVEN TAKE YOUR KIDS TO THE GAME!

"Do I still get my tickets?" -- Anonymous deadbeat parent who was caught in a sting that promised him tickets to the 2011 Iron Bowl (WRBL-3)

DON'T WORRY, YOU'VE STILL GOT THAT JOCKEY CONTRACT TO FALL BACK ON

"My dream, since I was a young boy, of being a starting quarterback in the NFL seemed to be coming true, then, I felt like it was grabbed back away..." -- Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, after Denver could not complete a trade for Kyle Orton. He would later claim the quote was taken out of context (Denver Post)

JIMMY CLAUSEN STARRED AS THE GROUND LAMB

"It was difficult at times. It was frustrating. Not just for myself but I think everyone. There’s a lot of guys that were frustrated and there was a lot of people who it was hard on. Look at the people in the front office having to sell PSL’s, having to sell marketing. It made it very difficult for them as well which puts stress and strain on their family and the financial situations also with all the financial issues going on in the world and we’re out there tricking off games and that really didn’t help. Then you have the fans spend their hard earn money to come out there and see just sloppy football. It was just like Shepherd’s Pie. Just a whole bunch of mess in there." -- Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith, on Carolina's 2010 season (Sports Radio Interviews)

CRAIGSLIST, DANA. THE KIDS USE CRAIGSLIST

"Maybe we can put an ad in the paper or you guys can say we want a quarterback that wants to play and throw the ball to show up and come see me, and if it works out we’ll put you out there," -- West Virginia head coach Dana Holgorsen, who is desperately seeking backup quarterbacks (Playmaker 5)

AFTER WATCHING SO MUCH TAPE OF DAVID CARR, SACKS ALL START TO BLEND TOGETHER

"That was the JaMarcus Russell year, with Brady Quinn, Trent Edwards, Kevin Kolb and Beck. So they asked me who I'd pick if I had the 10th pick in the draft. I told them Beck. They said he's not worth the 10th pick in the draft. I was standing on the table for him. I've never seen a guy play that well in college." -- Redskins offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan on how much he loved Redskins quarterback John Beck in the 2006 draft (Sports Illustrated)

IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL UNCLE T.O. SHOWS UP AND FORCES YOU TO DO DRIVEWAY SIT-UPS

"I'm not sure how it's going to work, but they have to have Internet. They have to have Xbox," -- Chad Ochocinco, on his attempt to find a Patriots fan to live with for the first few weeks of the season (ESPN Boston)

I CAN TELL BECAUSE THEY ARE STILL ON THE FIELD. WHAT'S WITH THAT?

"How many guys are on it, that's hard to say. It could be 10, it could be a hundred or more; either way, it's too much. But around the league, you see guys on Sunday, and things don't add up; they don't look right. I see guys I saw in college, now they're in the NFL and they look totally different." -- Colts wide receiver Anthony Gonzalez on the prevalence of HGH in the NFL (Indianapolis Star)

SHH, YOU MIGHT GET SUED FOR LIBEL IF YOU FINISH THAT THOUGHT

"So, you think they found out yet I wasn’t the source of all their problems?" -- Raiders quarterback Jason Campbell, on the pass-protection problems of his former team (Washington Post)

EGO IS THE BEST AIR CONDITIONING, THAT'S HOW JERRY JONES KEEPS COWBOYS STADIUM COOL

"I heard some of the Hall of Famers say I would never really dreamed like this. I'm sorry. I did. I expect to be great. I expect to do what hadn't been done. I expect to provoke change. I expect when I walk into a room and it's 72 degrees, when I get there, it's going to be 70. I expect to make change." -- Hall of Famer Deion Sanders, in his induction speech (ESPN)

DON'T WORRY, IT ISN'T LIKE THOSE GUYS COULD BEAT BIG NAME CONFERENCE TEAMS ON THE ROAD

"[The athletic director] came to me with that and he was like, ‘Well, that quarterback’s a senior and he’s leaving.’ I really didn’t look at it. I knew that he had been there a long enough time that he was probably on the way out. After we signed on the dotted line, then I went and looked at the depth chart and realized he was still there. Then I was hoping he would turn pro early and he didn’t do that." -- Georgia head coach Mark Richt, on scheduling Boise State (and Kellen Moore) for the Bulldogs' season opener (Sports Radio Interviews)

SURE, THEY HAVE THE BRAVES, BUT IT'S A THIRD-RATE SYMPHONY!

"I woke up, saw my pregnant wife, and all the teams talking to me are way up North, and I said, ‘I don’t want to do it,’" -- Retired Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder on his decision to leave the game (Sports Grid)

THE GUYS LIKED IT SO MUCH, THE FRONT OFFICE KNEW THEY HAD TO PICK UP MCNABB

"We had good guys, by and large, (but Moss) walked in the locker room and vomited on it." -- Ex-Vikings head coach Brad Childress, on the recently retired Randy Moss (NFL.com)

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Posted by: Rivers McCown on 12 Aug 2011

41 comments, Last at 15 Aug 2011, 10:09am by Dean