Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

26 Aug 2011

The Week In Quotes: August 26, 2011

compiled by Rivers McCown

IT'S NOT THAT HE HATES YOUR FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAMS, IT'S JUST THAT HE HAS POOR TASTE IN ALL AREAS OF LIFE

"We led the league in rushing, and all I ever hear is how we don't run the ball the right way because Jamaal's not getting it 25 times a game." -- Chiefs coach Todd Haley, on whiny fantasy football fans (S.I.)

"Lil' Wayne is up there. I like him. He's good. He's good. He thinks outside the box for sure." -- Haley, on who his all-time favorite musical artist would be (KCChiefs.com)

MIKE LOCKLEY HIT THE WRONG GUY

"@Mason_Foster great hit last night,if u're fined I'll reimburse u boss.That's the way the game should b played.Stay healthy n have a good yr" -- Patriots receiver Chad Ochocinco, following a big hit from Buccaneers linebacker Mason Foster (Twitter)

"@nflcommish Dad no disrespect but I don't agree with @mason_foster fine n I'll be reimbursing him personally.Please feel free to contact me" -- Ochocinco, standing up to Roger Goodell's tyranny yet again after Foster was fined for the hit (Twitter)

I LIVE IN A SINGLE ROOM ABOVE A BOWLING ALLEY AND BELOW ANOTHER BOWLING ALLEY

"I think the entitlement kills us. Our alumni, our former greats have made us America’s Team and we reap benefits that we haven’t earned —- all the way around, as individuals, as a team. Those guys earned it. We just think we deserve it." -- Cowboys linebacker Bradie James, on Dallas' inability to get over the hump (FoxSports.com)

YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T NEED THOSE LAST 27 CHARACTERS

"Roy Helu may very well be the cheapest guy I know... We are at McDonalds & he is being so difficult" -- Redskins wide receiver Niles Paul, on his rookie teammate (Twitter)

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT GREG

"You don’t want to know. Let’s just say it was me and me. Hell of a way to go, right?" -- Rutgers head coach Greg Schiano, on where he was when the east coast earthquake struck (NJ.com)

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE LETTING SCORCHIA AND MERLOCK OFF THE HOOK A LITTLE TOO SOON?

"Woke up dis morning I wuz hungry ...looked n the cover it wuz bare ...o no mongo o no...lmao!!!!" -- Texans wide receiver Jacoby Jones, on problems that Roy Helu could probably help him with (Twitter)

WELL, THAT'S ALL THE CHARACTER QUESTIONS I CAN THINK OF FOR MR. NEWTON

"'Do you have any tattoos?' He said, 'No sir, I don't have any.' I said, 'Do you have any piercings?' He said, 'No sir, I don't have any.' And I said, 'We want to keep it that way.' -- Panthers owner Jerry Richardson, on No. 1 overall pick Cam Newton (Deadspin)

THE WALKING DEAD IS LOOKING FOR NEW WRITERS, MANNING COULD BRING A FRESH ZOMBIE PERSPECTIVE

"Unless he’s dead." -- NBC analyst and ex-Colts coach Tony Dungy, on what would keep Peyton Manning from playing in the season opener, pre-Kerry Collins signing (National Football Post)

SAME REASON THE DROP-KICK HASN'T BEEN BANNED: FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT

"Philosophically, plays that are non-plays shouldn’t be in the game. I don't think it is good for the game. Extra points, when the odds are 99 percent range in extra points it is not a play. Lets move the ball back to the 15-20 yard line and not make it a tap in. Let them kick it. Same thing with the kickoff return, if you’re just going to put the ball on the 20, put the ball on the 20," -- Patriots coach Bill Belichick, on the changes to the kickoff rules (ESPN Boston)

EXCEPT DURING KICKOFF RETURNS, BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN WE GO THE BATHROOM

"People go to NASCAR races to see wrecks. People go to football games to see long touchdowns and devastating hits." -- Ex-Titans special teamer Donnie Nickey, now jobless, on the kickoff rule changes (The Tennessean)

THE NFL LOCKOUT WAS FOR THE FANS, THE 18 GAME SEASON IS TO PROTECT US FROM THEM

"I think when you have a preseason game, when you don't have your regular-season ticket holders coming to the game, I think that plays a big factor into it," -- 49ers president Jed York, rationalizing dangerous crowds by the lack of season ticket holders (SF Gate)

HE DIDN'T DO THE WORM

"He had the worst touchdown dance in the history of pro football. Aside from that, he did good. I’m proud of him." -- Texans running back Arian Foster, on the success of teammate Ben Tate against New Orleans (Twitter)

WE DID AGREE TO GO HALFSIES ON THE CHECK, BUT THEN HE ONLY HAD A $20

"I’m not sure there was any progress made, but I do think it was beneficial to meet. We were able to discuss several different elements of a potential contract, but there was no agreement on those topics." -- Titans general manager Mike Reinfeldt on his lunch meeting with holdout Chris Johnson (Titan Insider)

IN MY SPARE TIME I ENJOY STEPPING ON ANTS, REFUSING TO HELP OLD LADIES CROSS THE STREET, AND BEATING FINAL FANTASY MYSTIC QUEST

"It was a LeBron thing. I wasn’t going to do it. See, I had a plan. I had two celebrations planned. I was going to catch the ball, get up, do the shot by (Michael) Jordan (against the Cleveland Cavaliers in the 1989 NBA playoffs) and the three pumps. I’ve got it all down. I’ve seen it like a million times. But then when I got in the end zone, I was waiting for the ref, and then when I looked at the crowd, the Dawg Pound went crazy. They were cussing me out, talking about my momma, so I was like forget that. Where’s the powder at? Voom." -- Lions wide receiver Nate Burleson, on the mental process behind imitating LeBron James' chalk throw to Cleveland fans (Detroit Free Press)

SWEET CLYDE, LAUGH DERISIVELY AT HIM

"Man, I’m telling you man, they came out, they’d turn around huddle, snap, oh, 'There’s the Mike, Go!' I was like, ‘Dang! Um, Mr. Brady, can we line up?’ He didn’t care. He was like, ‘You’re not going to line up.’" -- Buccaneers defensive tackle Gerald McCoy, on how unprepared his defense was for Tom Brady's hurry-up offense (Boston.com)

DIDN'T YOU JUST GET REPLACED BY AARON MAYBIN?

"Teams are always looking for talent, and to say I don't have talent is a far stretch," -- Bears defensive end Vernon Gholston, on his lack of an opportunity in New York (NY Post)

DOES HAVING YOUR JOB WITHOUT SANCTIONS WHILE TERRELLE PRYOR GETS A FIVE-GAME SUSPENSION COUNT AS POSITIVE?

"The thing to me that’s discouraging, and it’s just how it works, is the fact that so much attention is paid to the negative things going on. There’s so many stories around the country like the Matt Barkleys of the world. … There’s so many stories like that, but it’s just how it works that the few negative stories get so much attention. It’s unfortunate." -- USC head coach Lane Kiffin, pontificating on the evil, evil, media (Sports Radio Interviews)

SMURF TURF

"They just said: ‘We recognize that you’re doing a blue field and we just want you to know that here’s what you can do and what you can say and what you can’t,'" -- Oxford High School athletic director Mike Watson, after receiving a letter from Boise State University that let them know that "Blue Turf" was trademarked (Detroit Free Press)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 26 Aug 2011

54 comments, Last at 04 Sep 2011, 11:58am by dbostedo

Comments

1
by Theo :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 11:51am

Most of this gives me so many reasons NOT to get a twitter account.
No WoC for me, but it's a price I'm willing to pay then.

2
by zlionsfan :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 12:01pm

The Chiefs might have been first in yards gained, but they were 9th in DVOA, thanks in part to splitting carries between a guy with a 43% success rate and a guy with a 56% success rate. Obviously we can't assume that Charles would have maintained his 33.9% DVOA over 200+ more plays ... but it's hard to imagine that he would have dropped to Jones-level numbers with increased touches.

Jerry Richardson has certainly impressed me as an owner who understands exactly what is necessary to build a successful football team. /s

"I think when you have a preseason game, when you don't have your regular-season ticket holders coming to the game because they're angry about paying full price for a 3.5-hour exhibition featuring nobody you ever heard of, when owners are convinced that these games are just as valuable as regular-season games, I think that plays a big factor into it," -- zlionsfan, correcting 49ers president Jed York's lame excuse for dangerous crowds. If you're going to make s--t up, at least be honest about it.

I'd also disagree with Dungy. I believe a dead Manning would be better in the Colts' offense at QB than Painter is. (I'm not particular about which one, either.) I'm sure Curtis Painter is a nice guy, but he really wasn't that effective at Purdue, and he's shown no signs of being a competent QB at all in Indianapolis. I still don't understand why they drafted him in the first place ... I barely understand letting Sorgi go. (I sort of get the idea behind keeping your backup costs minimal when the backup isn't going to play, but then you get what we have here today, which is the way Polian wants it. Well, he gets it. Even if Colts fans don't like it any more than he does.)

17
by Led :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 4:04pm

Do you frequently segue into random movie quotes? Cuz I like it.

19
by Intropy :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 4:19pm

Anybody want a peanut?

29
by zlionsfan :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 11:39pm

Yeah, one circle of my friends does this with movie quotes and song lyrics. After a while, it's second nature ... and as a bonus, you can drop references like that in public and people will give you lots of extra space.

33
by dbostedo :: Sat, 08/27/2011 - 11:43am

OK... I have to ask since I'm apparently too stupid to figure it out. What movie quote is being referred to above?

34
by Ivarsson.se :: Sat, 08/27/2011 - 2:36pm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_we%27ve_got_here_is_%28a%29_failure_to...

Although I had to admit, my first reaction is Guns n Roses, not Cool Hand Luke.

37
by dbostedo :: Sat, 08/27/2011 - 3:01pm

Oh... thanks. I feel less stupid now. Zlinonsfan didn't actually quote the famous part, just the follow on...

41
by Mr Shush :: Sun, 08/28/2011 - 10:32am

Likewise. I mean, I've seen Cool Hand Luke. Good movie. But I've seen it once, maybe twice, whereas I've heard Civil War around eleventy bajillion times, many of them before I had seen Cool Hand Luke.

3
by PatsFan :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 12:46pm

I like Belichick's suggestion of either making the PAT a real kick or getting rid of it.

Better yet, keep the PAT but only allow it to be scored by running or throwing it in to the endzone. So all PATs would be a "two-point conversion" -- though it would only be worth one point. Hmm -- and maybe a two-point conversion in this hypothetical new scheme would be electing to take the ball at the 10 instead of the 2.5 for the try.

8
by Drunkmonkey :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 2:18pm

I've been saying for years that the NFL should imitate official flag football rules:
After scoring a TD, you can elect to go for one extra point, which is like a two point conversion in real football, you get one try from the 2 yard line. Or you can go for two points, which is trying from the 10 yard line to get into the endzone on one play. Or finally, you can try for 3 points, in which case you start from the 16 yard line.

9
by Will Allen :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 2:25pm

That's a great idea, although I might put the ball on the 7.5 yard line for two points.

I also am starting to think that a touchback should result in the ball being placed on the twenty-five or even the thirty.

11
by V (not verified) :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 2:40pm

In the full quote Bill adds something like, "Make them putt it. rather than just setting up a 'gimme'.

If we're changing the PAT rules, PLEASE bring back the opportunity for a turnover to be returned; clearly an effort worthy of points. Besides it sets up some cool considerations:
1. Can the offense be trying for one but give up 2 - or even 6?!?
2. If we limit the available points to the number being attempted, might we get a final score someday where a team has exactly one point? Or, a QB who senses impending doom and tries a spontaneous drop-kick?
3. How about if it were worth a point for stopping a PAT and three for taking it the other way?
4. Are there good proposals for adding better incentive to go for the non-kick option?

Fun to think about in a - blue sky fun but it'll never - sort of way

35
by Sam P (not verified) :: Sat, 08/27/2011 - 2:45pm

What if the NFL gave up on the place kick entirely? Drop kicks for the extra point and field goals, punts for the kickoff.

This would likely make going for touchdowns and 2-point conversions a lot more attractive. Eliminating the place kick kickoff is a good chunk of the way to the suggestion of making the kickoff a 4th and 10 (or 15/20/etc) play.

Assuming that the NFL doesn't to this:

I like the suggestion to move the touchback to 25 or 30 yard line. More radical: make touchbacks equivalent to a kickoff out of bounds. Place the ball at the 40 yard line. That would put a premium on accuracy over length.

Additional idea (independent of the above): if the kickoff goes through the uprights, score it as a field goal. (Imagines some team scoring four or five successive field goals before a touchback... seems rather boring)

51
by bengt (not verified) :: Tue, 08/30/2011 - 11:25am

Surprise two-point conversions.

16
by Rhombus (not verified) :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 3:58pm

Personally, I love the way the rules are now. The one point is a gimme, so the point after the score is usually unimportant. The two-point conversion is roughly 50/50, which lends a lot of excitement to the game when it's on the line and a team is forced to go for two. The point after is not and should not be a major part of the game unless the game is close. If anything, I would propose we keep the rules as they are, but instead of the kick you just elect to take the one point or go for two.

18
by Theo :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 4:14pm

With new rules, the '1 TD is more than 2 FGs' falls apart. Not that that's bad, but it's a big part of one's in game strategy.

23
by Intropy :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 4:25pm

I'd just get rid of the boring kick. A touchdown remains worth 6 points. Then you get to choose a single extra point or a two point conversion attempt exactly as is currently done. If for some weird reason you decide to line up for a two point conversion and kick it anyway (I dunno, maybe instead of taking a sack the QB drop kicks or something) you get the one point. The only thing that would change in this scenario is that we save time not doing the boring gimme extra point kicks, and you miss this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTGco82JKHo.

24
by Intropy :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 4:33pm

Kickoffs are a little trickier, but how about:

The kicking team can elect to forego the kick and instead cede possession and place the ball on the opponent's 25 yard line. The receiving team, providing it maintains possession of the ball at the end of the play, may choose to begin the drive from either their 25 yard line or the actual end of the play. Any penalties would be assessed after spotting the ball including those that would currently move the point from which the kick is taken.

Essentially touchbacks are at the 25 yard and can be taken from any point on the field. The best a normal kickoff could hope for would be the touchback so in most cases the kicking team will choose to avoid the kick. But they can still line up for an onsides kick if they want. The surprise onside is noticeably absent.

36
by tunesmith :: Sat, 08/27/2011 - 2:56pm

I seriously had never heard of that Saints game before. Oh my god.

39
by The Hypno-Toad :: Sat, 08/27/2011 - 9:10pm

I remember watching that one on TV. Even with no opinion on the outcome of the game, I nearly cried at how gutwrenching that must have been for Saints fans.

45
by Aaron Brook's Good Twin (not verified) :: Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:28am

One of only 4 XPs missed by Carney as a Saint. It's also the only good play my namesake ever made for the Saints.

42
by Mr Shush :: Sun, 08/28/2011 - 10:48am

Me neither. That is just . . . beyond awesome.

21
by Counterfactual (not verified) :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 4:20pm

Since the one point is a gimme, it just wastes everyone's time. Better to make a touchdown worth 7 and let a team chose to take 6 points and go for two if it wishes. We might even get real players at the top of NFL scoring lists again.

4
by bingo762 :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 1:10pm

"Woke up dis morning I wuz hungry ...looked n the cover it wuz bare ...o no mongo o no...lmao!!!!" -- Texans wide receiver Jacoby Jones, on problems that Roy Helu could probably help him with "

He meant cupboard, right?

20
by jbrown (not verified) :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 4:20pm

Yes, Jakespeare can be difficult to interpret for a layman

43
by Mr Shush :: Sun, 08/28/2011 - 12:10pm

You might like to read McCown's compilation of Jones's remarkable work.

5
by RichC (not verified) :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 1:30pm

Tyranny?

I thought we were worried about head injuries. You can't have it both ways.

6
by The Hypno-Toad :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 1:34pm

That's all well and good, title to Bradie James' quote, but do you share any walls with a jai alai court?

32
by Stats are for losers (not verified) :: Sat, 08/27/2011 - 8:56am

Would you like to see my Grammy?

7
by White Rose Duelist :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 1:46pm

Hey, don't disrespect the Mystic Quest!

10
by dcaslin :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 2:28pm

Almost 20 years later, its good to know someone else felt the pain of that terrible terrible game.

12
by Rivers McCown :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 2:47pm

What pain? You could beat that thing blindfolded.

14
by dcaslin :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 3:54pm

The pain of waiting for a sequel to the amazing game that was FF2 and being served this steaming pile of crap instead. [This is back in the day before everybody in-the-know could get an emulator and play the japanese releases; only in college did I realize that there had been several awesome games that Nintendo didn't bother shipping to us gaijin]

44
by thendcomes :: Sun, 08/28/2011 - 6:24pm

The final dungeon music was sick tho.

13
by sundown (not verified) :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 3:35pm

I was a bit confused on Boise State trademarking "Blue Turf." That seems like something the manufacturer of the turf would have the trademarked. Do they use that phrase in their marketing of the college itself?

15
by Theo :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 3:56pm

I find it hard that you can trademark 'Blue Turf'. I mean, are you gonna sue people who sell 'blue turf for the back yard!'.

22
by justanothersteve :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 4:22pm

Amazon sued someone else because they had patented the idea that you can order something and go immediately to checkout with one-click. McDonalds sues practically anyone who puts Mc in front of an item. Apple and Microsoft sue everybody for everything. Why is sueing over "Blue Turf" any more surprising?

26
by Theo :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 7:29pm

I know apple lost a case where another company just put an i in front of a product, cant remember that one.
The Mc... seems strange that would mean any Mc... irish pub would be sued. Oh wait, they are selling hamburgers. So the McWalker Burger (I bet it's a name of a pub) would be illegal?
Blue turf should be surprising because I could sell blue turf right now. They would say they have a patent of that but mine its just another shade of blue as theirs. Case closed. I call it marine turf (tm)
Me calling it Ohio state turf, would be something else.

28
by Noah of Arkadia :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 9:47pm

Just patent colored-turf then. Covers every light frequency measurable by the most modern instruments of physics. Or very light frequency theoretically possible.

31
by Whatev :: Sat, 08/27/2011 - 1:20am

I tried to patent grass. The patent office said that it was a good idea, but that I hadn't adequately demonstrated its design and functions.

48
by witless chum :: Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:36pm

There's a fairly recent. This American Life Episode about so-called "patent trolls" in the software business. Apparently companies exist just to file lawsuits based on extremely nonspecific patents. It's the old song where the sued find it cheaper to settle then to fight it, so they can be very successful by owning a shitload of nonspecific patents.

25
by Never Surrender (not verified) :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 5:25pm

There's a better solution for the boring PAT conundrum: cut rosters back to some 16-20 men on game day. PATs and kickoffs are only boring because the league has fostered a high degree of specialization.

(They could in addition widen the hashes to where they are for college ball.)

38
by dbostedo :: Sat, 08/27/2011 - 3:02pm

How about you leave rosters alone and just require that the kicker has to be someone who was on the field for the TD?

46
by Aaron Brook's Good Twin (not verified) :: Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:34am

The history of the NFL has been a movement towards specialization, not away from it.

47
by panthersnbraves :: Mon, 08/29/2011 - 11:24am

very much so. I still find it amazing that an inch or 5-10 pounds makes someone unfit for one LB position versus another.

49
by dbostedo :: Tue, 08/30/2011 - 8:50am

OK. But why does that have to continue?

50
by Aaron Brooks' Good Twin (not verified) :: Tue, 08/30/2011 - 10:49am

Have you ever watched film of pre-platoon football?

It was terrible! It makes Army/Navy games look complicated, strategically. It's like the old Nintendo Ice Hockey, where you could play 4 guys who were all mid-sized clones, and why they always got crushed by the Russians, who had a little speed demon and two Mongo dudes who always decked the other guys. Specialization killed.

52
by Intropy :: Tue, 08/30/2011 - 1:35pm

I know exactly what you are talking about, and now I want to go play some Ice Hockey.

53
by Chocolate City (not verified) :: Tue, 08/30/2011 - 3:34pm

Interesting that, in those days, Russian hockey players wouldn't knock over a daisy.

54
by dbostedo :: Sun, 09/04/2011 - 11:58am

That's not the point though. I'm not suggesting we disallow substitutions altogether, just the kicker. And in this case what people seem to want is for play to be terrible. The issue is that it's gotten too good, making the extra point (for want of a better word) pointless.

I suppose they could just keep moving the distance of the extra point back until some amount of missing and/or 2-point tries started to occur.

27
by justanothersteve :: Fri, 08/26/2011 - 9:14pm

Kickoffs will never go away. The networks get 3 minutes worth of commercials after a score, then there is a kickoff, then 3 more minutes of commercials before the offense takes the field. Due to one extra point and a kickoff return, only a few seconds seem to take place in about 7 minutes of actual time. Einstein would be impressed.

30
by Jerry :: Sat, 08/27/2011 - 12:15am

For the record, each break has 1:30 of commercials and :20 of network time (for promoting shows or billboarding sponsors). As long as the networks get their five breaks per quarter, they're happy.

40
by BigDerf :: Sun, 08/28/2011 - 3:27am

I was in the same place as Greg Schiano... Well not the same bathroom.... but in the same position.