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» OFI: SEC Surprises

In an opening week where even the elite teams in college football looked mortal, the SEC had two big surprises in Texas A&M and Georgia defeating their South Carolinian opponents by big scores.

16 Dec 2011

The Week In Quotes: December 16, 2011

compiled by Rivers McCown

EVERY BEAST HAS HIS POISON, EVERY LINE HAS ITS VICTIM

"What happens when you take a lion out of the safari and try to take him to your place of residence and make him a house pet? It ain't going to happen. That's the type of person that I am. I'm that lion. The house that I'm in is somewhat of a tarnished house where losing is accepted. But I'm trying to change that, whether I'm going to have to turn that house into a safari, or I'm just going to have to get out of that house. I'm not saying I'm trying to leave this place. I'm just trying to get everybody on my level." -- Panthers quarterback Cam Newton, on situations where he plays well but doesn't win (Shutdown Corner)

SOMETIMES IT'S JUST EASIER TO ACTUALLY BOARD A SHIP

"East Carolina University Athletics wants to show the college football world the passion of the Pirate Nation, even in a "bowless" year for the university. The Pirate Club is excited to announce the 2011 Virtual Bowl. Our challenge will be to sell more tickets than our bowl-bound Conference USA opponents and bowl-bound teams from the Big East. The Virtual Bowl appeal will go through December 23." -- East Carolina's Pirate Club, attempting to sell "tickets" to a non-existent bowl game (WRAL)

TOO HIGH? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

"All the receivers, we was gonna jump into the stands with every touchdown today. And I think I went a little bit too high. I missed the ledge and I went over and I just ended up in the seat. It was a lot more comfortable in the seat, though" -- Redskins wideout Jabar Gaffney, on a "Landover Leap" where he was not actually caught (D.C. Sports Bog)

TOO LATE, PAC-12, THE BIG EAST WILL HAVE FOUR SCHOOLS THERE IN 2013

"As the world shifts from a Eurocentric historical pattern to a more broad globalcentric pattern, the Pacific Basin and Pacific Rim are ever more important to who we are and where we’re going," -- Arizona State president Michael Crow, on establishing a "presence" for the Pac-12 in China (New York Times)

SWING YOUR NACHOS LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE

"Our medical staff and our training staff, they are the best in football. These guys are really good. So one of the things that is troubling to me in this whole process is that they’re getting slammed a bit, along with the head coach. ... And it’s unfair." -- Browns president Mike Holmgren, on Colt McCoy continuing to play with a concussion last Thursday night (Pro Football Talk)

BECAUSE YOU HIRE COACHES LIKE CHARLIE WEIS, WOULD BE MY GUESS

"When you look at a program that has facilities like you do, that’s willing to spend the money like they are, that’s 2-10, when your interstate rival — who you’re competing against for the same recruits -— is 10-2, the logical question you ask is why can’t you be the 10-2 team instead of the 2-10 team. I don’t know the answer to that yet, but that’s where I want to start." -- New Kansaa head coach Charlie Weis, on his new job (Sports Radio Interviews)

LITERALLY THE LEAST WE CAN DO

"We’ll try to cover him, and if he does catch it, try to tackle him." -- Broncos defensive coordinator Dennis Allen, on defending Rob Gronkowski (Twitter)

BUT WHAT WAS EVEN MORE LIKE A DRUG WERE THE DRUGS

"Initially, I was planning on giving some feedback. Then, I don’t know, the conversation just went the other way. In a hurry." -- New Arkansas State head coach Gus Malzahn, on the circumstances behind him accepting the job (Arkansas Sports 360)

YEARS FROM NOW, OFFENSIVE LINEMEN WILL LEARN THE CAT'S CRADLE

"He untied his shoes three times in the game. That's why he stomped him. That's why he banged his head on the ground and he stomped him. When (Suh) went to the sideline it looked like he was telling the coach, 'I didn't do anything' and he put his foot up like, 'I didn't stomp him. I didn't do anything.' He was actually going, 'The damn guy keeps untying my shoes.'" -- Former Packers defensive lineman Matt Brock on instructions reportedly given to Evan Dietrich-Smith (MLive.com)

IT'S ALWAYS COLD IN SIBERIA

"Nothing but mercenaries." -- New Arizona State coach Todd Graham, on some of his former Pittsburgh assistants defecting to Arizona to join Rich Rodriguez (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

"Just to let yall know he just told us he's here to stay when Coach McGee left. Said him and his coaches have 5 year contracts" -- Panthers receiver Devin Street, on Graham (Twitter)

I CAME HERE WITH ONE GOAL: TO HUMILIATE MARION BARBER IN A LARGE STADIUM. I BELIEVE I HAVE DONE THAT

"I think my teammates make me look a lot better than I am. They really stepped up and came up with some huge plays, and I'm so proud of them. And the way D.T. stepped up on that last drive. You know, just good for him. I'm very proud of those guys." -- Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, deflecting some credit away from himself (The Press Democrat)

YOU HAD ME FOR A FEW SENTENCES, BUT THERE WASN'T ENOUGH TEBOW AT THE END

"It’s funny to see all these things. I mean look at Tim Tebow. I like Tim, but you have a tendency to want to, I don’t want to see Tim do bad, but look what happens after he wins a football game. If you watched Sportscenter today it was Tim Tebow then something else, Tim Tebow then something else, and Tim Tebow then something else. When we beat the Steelers were we on TV? No. I couldn’t even find a Baltimore Ravens highlight. I think that’s kinda the way it is around Baltimore. We don’t always get our respect but you gotta deal with it and go out there every week and just win football games." -- Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco, on the national media (Sports Radio Interviews)

WAIT TO BE FINED?

"He waited until the last minute to slide. He’s considered a runner. At that point in time, the referee thought I hit him in the head. I didn’t hit him in the head. I hit him in the shoulders, but what can you do?" -- Redskins linebacker London Fletcher, on a dubious roughing the passer penalty (The Free Lance-Star)

THE RAIDERS WILL BE RESCUED ONE DAY BY ... OH ... LETS SAY ... MOE

"They go to the grocery store and buy their bacon. Well guess what? I need some damn boar hunters." -- Former Raiders linebacker Bill Romanowski, on, I think, a lack of desire by the Raiders defense (SportsGrid)

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEND EVERYONE BACK TO THEIR MOTHER'S BASEMENT

"There's some ex-coaches on television, in the media, making statements. Why don't they come and talk to me about it? Tell them to face me and come and talk to me about it. Don't tell me how to coach. They were in high school, and maybe not even born, when I started in this business. I think I know a little bit about it." -- Lions defensive coordinator Gunther Cunningham, on media criticism about how dirty Detroit plays (Mlive.com)

SHE'S A CHEERLEADER, YOU'VE SEEN STAR WARS 27 TIMES. YOU DO THE MATH

"We’re open to everything. I think you have to look at it there’s pluses and minuses in all situations. I’d like to find a young Don Shula if that’s possible," -- Dolphins owner Stephen Ross, after firing Tony Sparano (National Football Post)

MY MONEY IS ON HIM GETTING THE SUBMISSION HOLD, BUT NOT FINISHING. HE'S A COWBOY, AFTER ALL

"My money's on Ratliff." -- Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan, on a squabble between nose tackle Jay Ratliff and an ESPN reporter (Twitter)

GOOD NEWS! IT'S A SUPPOSITORY!

"I don't want to get into it. It's personal. But, it's not a vasectomy." -- Texans defensive coordinator Wade Phillips, on his medical leave of absence that was later revealed to be gall bladder surgery (Twitter)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 16 Dec 2011

18 comments, Last at 19 Dec 2011, 6:55am by Kevin from Philly

Comments

1
by johnnyxel :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 10:45am

"Those guys couldn’t get a f***ing WR if it hit them in the head. They haven’t had anyone decent since Jimmy Smith. They had Matt Jones? Now, Chastin West? Those guys are f***ing jokes." - Dunta Robinson, Thursday night.

2
by justanothersteve :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 10:45am

Mike Holmgren doth protest too much, methinks.

7
by td (not verified) :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 2:10pm

Wasn't Cleveland where all those guys got mystery staph infections?

16
by Jimmy :: Sat, 12/17/2011 - 11:34am

Sort of, I don't think it was a mystery, the place was infested with killer germs.

3
by BroncFan07 :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 11:11am

Who gives a (bleep)? It's gone.

4
by Thunderbolt of ... :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 11:24am

How did a line involving a Washington Redskin saying "too high" not involve Fred Davis or Trent Williams?

5
by Salur (not verified) :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:10pm

I don't know if globalcentric is a word, but if it is, it is an incredibly stupid word.

6
by jonsilver :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 1:58pm

LOL...+1

8
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 2:55pm

Copernicus thought so.

9
by Hurt Bones :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 3:03pm

I can imagine Otto Lidenbrock using it.

10
by TomC :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 3:21pm

It almost seems too easy to pile on Bill Romanowski, but I'll do it anyway, because he's such a worthless pile of shit. Yes, Bill, all Raiders---and, indeed, all football players---should be more like you. They should ingest all sorts of illegal drugs to get an unfair playing advantage, then they should use the mind-altering properties of those drugs as an excuse for a vast array of dangerous, anti-social behavior, including ending teammates' careers by ripping off their helmets and shattering their eye sockets on the practice field. Oh, and they should also make some money on the side by involving their families in prescription drug fraud schemes.

Why does this steaming heap of dung have a football-related job, and why is anyone printing what he says about football or anything else?

11
by Hank (not verified) :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 4:05pm

I'd like Joe Jurevicius to comment on the Cleveland medical staff.

12
by nuclearbdgr :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 4:24pm
13
by rd (not verified) :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 7:18pm

2 Futurama references in one TWIQ? I love it.

14
by countertorque :: Fri, 12/16/2011 - 10:36pm

I guess Flacco expected the national news to lead off with the Ravens beating the Steelers. I know it's an usual event, but let's not get carried away.

15
by akn :: Sat, 12/17/2011 - 4:05am

I know this isn't football related, but the sheer awesomeness of it deserves a spot in TWIQ:

And today's secret ingredient is...

“Chemistry is something that you don’t just throw in a frying pan and mix it up with another something and throw something on top of that and then fry it up and put in a tortilla and put it in microwave, heat it up, give it to you and expect it to taste good. You know? If y’all don’t know what I’m talking about then you can’t cook and this doesn’t concern you.”
--Kevin Garnett, Celtics veteran power forward/head chef

18
by Kevin from Philly :: Mon, 12/19/2011 - 6:55am

I, for one, would love to see him work with Gordon Ramsey.

17
by IsraelP (not verified) :: Sat, 12/17/2011 - 12:45pm

One of the reasons I want to see the Steelers win the division is so that Flacco can be beat by Tebow.