compiled by Rivers McCown

WELL, YOUR FANS ARE ANGRILY BOOING YOU -- THAT'S GOTTA COUNT FOR SOMETHING

"We've got four games left to prove that we're a legitimate team, because right now the world's laughing at us." -- Eagles tight end Brent Celek, on not living up to expectations (Philadelphia News)

THIS SOUNDS RADICALLY DIFFERENT FROM HOW RECRUITING REALLY WORKS

"Just imagine the compliance issues. Two universities that happen to be in the same state want a young man to come play football for them. One says, 'Well, you know, we can't provide you with any money, but the bank down the street we know is looking for somebody to endorse their bank.' And the other school says, 'Yeah, but we have a car dealership, and they want to endorse you.' Before you know it, you've got this war going on between institutions over who can throw the most money at some youngster. You've converted the whole system from a collegiate model to a pay-for-play one. You've just disguised the money." -- NCAA president Mark Emmert, on allowing college athletes to endorse things (ESPN)

OH, I AM SERIOUS. LOOK, THIS IS MY SERIOUS FACE

"I told him go home. F---. Yeah. Because it's foolish, it's selfish to your teammates, to everybody in your organization, to your fans. That's terrible. That's just selfish behavior to get a 15-yard penalty, in that situation, when that's all we talk about, when that's all we discuss. You just can't do that to your team." -- Buccaneers head coach Raheem Morris, on dismissing Brian Price from the field (Tampa Bay Times)

OKAY MCGUIRK, PEOPLE ARE PROBABLY LOOKING FOR YOU. THEY HAVE TO BE

"These men are tired of being in the wilderness and they want to get out." -- New Ole Miss head coach Hugh Freeze, trying to rally the troops (AP)

YOU DO REALIZE YOU PLAY IN ATHENS, OHIO, RIGHT?

"Idaho?? Who the (bleep) wants to play there in December??" -- Ohio punter Paul Hershey, on the Bobcats' bowl destination (Deadspin)

BUT THAT GUY'S RUINING A PERFECTLY GOOD GAME OF FOOTBALL!

"Call Tim Tebow, and ask him for a great day, the 31st. By the way, I like the way that team plays: Foot. Ball." -- Comedian Bill Cosby, hopeful for good weather at his stop in Denver (YouTube)

AFTER AN MRI, WITHERS WAS CONFIRMED TO HAVE A BAD BOUT OF "NOT REALLY HEAD FOOTBALL COACH MATERIAL"

"I plan on coaching the bowl game, but football coaches are day-to-day." -- Interim North Carolina coach Everett Withers, on the (later confirmed) rumors that UNC would hire Larry Fedora (Wilmington Star News)

THE SPORTING THING WOULD BE TO ROSHAMBO OVER IT

"Ray is obviously a former teammate and friend of mine. I told him before the snap that he’s known for blowing up the long snapper on the field goal. So I told him: ‘You run me over here, I’m going to punch you square in your wiener, dude.'" -- Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, on punching former teammate Ray Edwards in the junk (Pro Football Talk)

EW, WHAT'S THAT, AN UNJUST LAW? HONEY BADGER DON'T CARE

"Apparel or paraphernalia including the phrase 'Honey Badger' accompanied by the number 7 or the individual's name or any other variation thereof (e.g., TM7, TM, HB7, etc.) is prohibited. Because it is a recognizable nickname, 'Honey Badger' is considered a likeness of Tyrann Mathieu under NCAA regulations." -- LSU compliance, on sending cease and desist letters to "Honey Badger" t-shirt creators (LSU Compliance)

I'M NOT GONNA LIVE IN A THIRD-WORLD COUNTRY WITH ALL THE CONFORMISTS

"I don’t like going to Detroit. I’ll be honest, it’s gloomy, it sucks. Everything is brown and then there is snow on the ground. There’s like Brownstones everywhere and I’m like, ‘Awesome.’ I don’t know, I couldn’t do it. If I had to live in Detroit, I think I’d just drown myself in the river that was across the way." -- Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, on his least favorite NFL cities (MLive.com)

LOUIS BET ME THAT WE COULDN'T BOTH GET RICH AND PUT YOU IN THE POOR HOUSE AT THE SAME TIME. HE DIDN'T THINK WE COULD DO IT

"Everybody is just very tired of the BCS. I think that’s the bottom line. Everybody is frustrated. Everybody doesn’t really know what to do anymore. It doesn’t make sense to anybody. I don’t think anybody is happy anywhere." -- Boise State head coach Chris Peterson, on the BCS (Idaho Statesman)

JOHN MADDEN'S HEIR

"'Off' means he doesn’t have a helmet on. I say him, but it’s that whole group. We’ll be in the locker room laughing, and we’ll sit over there in practice and laugh and have a cut-up before practice starts, and you’ll see them, watch their demeanor. It goes from boom to boom. It’s just, boom! And I’m not saying the world of D-linemen is a normal place. It’s not. And I get all that – it’s the Muppets and bouncing off the walls, but it’s like, Bam! You’re on! If you ever see those kids in kindergarten, some of the kids take the colors and they put nice colors up and they try to draw squares – I think all the guys in my room were the ones with a big mess, a blob of stuff, you know? That’s kind of the way it all is, because it’s nuts in there! It’s crazy! Stuffs flying around and you’re like: 'Whoa man! Boom!' That’s just the way it is. And they fit, but it’s not for everybody. You don’t want to talk about it too much because people will really think they’re nuts. But they’re normal. They are, they’re normal outside. But you come in here and it’s like, 'Boom!'" -- 49ers defensive line coach Jim Tomsula, on when Justin Smith is "on" or "off" (The Press Democrat)

HE MAY BE A LIAR, A PIG, AN IDIOT, OHIO STATE'S DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR, BUT HE IS NOT A PORN STAR!

"I don't comment on that stuff. But I can confirm that I have visited with coach Meyer." -- Former Arizona head coach Mike Stoops, on possibly joining the Ohio State staff (The Oklahoman)

RIGHT, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE OTHER TEXANS QUARTERBACKS

"We have weapons around him to help him, but I keep saying ‘help him’ like he’s handicapped. He’s a good quarterback." -- Texans running back Arian Foster, on new quarterback T.J. Yates. (HoustonTexans.com)

WE AREN'T SELLING PALKOS HERE

"Call me crazy, but I’m excited about Tyler Palko ... I’ve got to sell this." -- ESPN announcer Ron Jaworski, behind the scenes, while preparing for Monday Night Football (The New Yorker)

NOTHING COULD POSSIBLYE GO WRONG!

"[Defending the option] isn’t rocket scientist ... er ... rocket science." -- Bears linebacker Lance Briggs, on his upcoming game against the Denver Tebows (Pro Football Talk)

R.I.P. NICK ADENHART

"You guys don’t take care of your athletes out here? Every time I have been stopped out east, Chicago, New Jersey and Philadelphia, the cops either followed me home or gave me a ride." -- Seahawks defensive end Raheem Brock, after a DUI arrest (Philly Mag)

FOR THAT MATTER, STOP DOING IT AT ALL TIMES

"Thanks to the fans for being so supportive and great this year so far. Keep it up. Just don't start the wave anymore when we are on offense." -- 49ers left tackle Joe Staley, expressing his dislike of The Wave (Twitter)

NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, WE STINK OUT LOUD

"I can throw to wide-open people. Let’s face it, we suck" -- Anonymous Vikings player, on Tim Tebow (Yahoo!)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 09 Dec 2011

19 comments, Last at 15 Dec 2011, 6:53am by Chainsmoker