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07 Jan 2011

The Week In Quotes: January 7, 2011

compiled by Rory Hickey

IS THAT A QUESTION ON THE WONDERLIC?

"I hate [taking on blitzers]. Serious. It's like life. You do stuff you don't like to do 'cause you have to do it. If you're, 'Yeah, I want to block a linebacker,' something has to be slightly wrong with you. You have to have that 'want' in order to do it well.

"But if that was a test question -- 'Joe, would you want to do it, yes or no?' -- I'm going to pick 'no' every time. But it's a 'want to' when you get out there because you know you have to."

-- Colts running back Joseph Addai explaining that he doesn't enjoy picking up blitzers after he was asked about the Jets' affinity for blitzing (Indianapolis Star)

UGH I KNOW, I HATE WHEN CLAUSEN KEEPS ME FROM DOING EVERYDAY TASKS

"I hate rookie quarterbacks, and I wanted to hit [Sam Bradford] as much as possible. I'm not going to let a rookie quarterback take me out of the playoffs."

-- Seahawks defensive lineman Raheem Brock explaining where he found his motivation to have a big night. Brock recorded 2.5 sacks and a forced fumble in Sunday night's division-clinching victory over the Rams (The News Tribune)

THESE CLICHÉ-O-METER READINGS ARE OFF THE CHARTS!

"Well, when we left here last night we were 14-2, and I think this morning, we're 0-0."

"We don't know who the next game is, but we know that whoever it is will be a team that wins this coming weekend."

-- Patriots coach Bill Belichick on entering the playoffs with a clean slate and how the team will approach its bye week (ESPN Boston)

FATS DOMINO FANS WERE SEVERELY DISAPPOINTED WHEN THEY CHECKED THEIR GOOGLE ALERTS TODAY

"It's my job to bring energy and enthusiasm, whether it's Wednesday practice or whether it's offseason conditioning program run [or] if it's dominoes in [the locker room] playing those fat offensive linemen. I want to beat those guys. ... Don't tell them I said they were fat."

"Don't tell them I said they were fat."

-- Patriots quarterback Tom Brady following the Patriots' 38-7 win over Miami in a game which they seemingly had nothing to play for (Pro Football Weekly)

SPARANO COULD GET A SHOW ON TBS OUT OF THIS

"You guys need to find a better hobby."

-- Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano, as he encountered a cluster of media staking out the Dolphins' team facility on Thursday. They asked him about team owner Stephen Ross flying to San Francisco to meet with Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh about replacing Sparano as the team's head coach (FOX Sports Florida)

THE STATE OF MICHIGAN JUST NODDED APPROVINGLY

"I hope John does better than I did, because I stunk at it."

-- Football analyst Matt Millen wishing Broncos legend John Elway luck at his new job of Executive Vice President of Football Operations with the Broncos (Denver Post)

SOMEONE'S BEEN LISTENING TO KANYE'S NEW ALBUM

"From the bottom of my heart and everybody's, we have a 10-6 season, a 10-win season in the NFL, OK? [The critics] can kiss my ass, OK? They can line up and kiss my ass. It's not an easy thing to do."

-- Giants coach Tom Coughlin during his postgame speech to his team following a win in Washington, which gave the Giants 10 for the season(The Star-Ledger)

SPEAKING IN THIRD PERSON IS NEVER A POSITIVE TRAIT

"You're all getting pictures of Brandon Jacobs leaving, wondering if he'll ever return. That'll be your caption. [Expletive] you all."

-- Giants running back Brandon Jacobs to photographers trying to take Jacobs' picture in the locker room on Monday as he was cleaning out his locker (NY Daily News)

AL DAVIS WOULD BE SO ANGRY IF HE WERE STILL ALIVE

"I can't go through another head coach."

"I just want to know what the hell's going on. I just want to know ... How do you justify firing somebody when you just went 6-0 in the division and 8-8 in the season after we put in so much as a group, as a unit, as a team with our leader being Tom Cable, how do you just go ahead and whack this guy with, I mean, no reason?"

-- Raiders punter Shane Lechler criticizing the Raiders for firing head coach Tom Cable after he led the team to its first non-losing season since 2002. The new coach will be Lechler's seventh head coach since he was drafted by the Raiders in 2000 (CSN California)

WELL, I MEAN, WHO HASN'T BEEN THERE?

"I'm a big 'Call of Duty' player ... it consumes my life in the offseason. So earlier this year when I was in Southern California, the people at Activision saw how big I was into the game, so they surprised me with a 'Call of Duty' party. It really turned out fun."

"I even got a motorcycle helmet that looks like one of the helmets the guys wear in the game, and I wore that around all night. We had some fake guns, we had little bullets everywhere, and a 'Call of Duty' mural in the background. I don't think any of my teammates were expecting anything like that and they all enjoyed it. It was a really good time."

-- Saints cornerback Roman Harper revealing how deep his obsession for Call of Duty goes (ESPN)

HOW DO YOU FEED SOMEONE THE BALL IN BASEBALL? OH, HE MEANS BASKETBALL MICHAEL JORDAN?

"I just try to play the game. I just think if Michael Jordan is hot you keep feeding him the ball."

-- Cowboys wide receiver Roy Williams when asked to explain the disparity in his stats during the first part of the season and the latter part (Ft. Worth Star-Telegram)

THIS GUY JUST WANTS TO GO HOME

Gruden: "My God, these are the longest games ever."
Jaworski: "Holy cow."
Tirico: "Wait 'til Monday."

-- A seemingly off-air exchange between ESPN announcers Jon Gruden, Ron Jaworski, Mike Tirico bemoaning the length of the Orange Bowl. Tirico alluded to the National Championship game on Monday that the trio is also announcing (Slate)

It's playoff time. 'Nuff said. Send a quote to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com

Posted by: Rory Hickey on 07 Jan 2011

29 comments, Last at 09 Jan 2011, 3:51am by Tundrapaddy

Comments

1
by young curmudgeon :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 11:19am

"They can line up and kiss my ass. It's not an easy thing to do." I agree completely: kissing Tom Coughlin's ass would not be an easy thing to do at all; in fact, I would find it very abhorrent.

Yes, I know that's not what he meant, but syntax can be fun...

4
by Brent Hutto (not verified) :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 11:56am

Maybe that's why Joseph Addai was really talking about. Nobody "wants to" kiss Coughlin's ass but when you're out there and the ass is there you "want to" kiss it. Blitzers is just code for "Coughlin's ass".

8
by Special J :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:59pm

I thought he just meant that actually being able to locate a solid spot and square up a kiss on what has to be a seriously saggy old-man ass would be difficult. Either that, or coordinating the whole lining-up part without the help of Steve Spagnuolo.

2
by Dean :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 11:25am

Andy Reid on Mike & Mike this morning (paraphrased) "you guys were saying that it's gut check time. I think that gives me an advantage. I checked my gut this morning and I have a bigger gut than Mike [McCarthy]."

9
by young curmudgeon :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 1:22pm

Credit where due--that's a funny remark, for a football coach not named "Glanville" or "Bum."

23
by CathyW :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 8:00pm

I think Andy's shown more personality this season than at any other time since at least 1999.

3
by Led :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 11:34am

College games sure are long.

In the past, hasn't FO done playoff previews with info on each team, DVOA charts, etc.? Is that stuff premium content now? Or maybe I'm losing my mind.

25
by zlionsfan :: Sat, 01/08/2011 - 2:10am

I don't know, normal college games aren't bad. Games that go into overtime can be.

Bowl games, on the other hand, are long. BCS bowl games seem to be worse: the Orange Bowl, for one, always had a halftime show that rivaled the Super Bowl, and not in a good way, and if anything it's grown worse with the creation of the BCS. Combine that with the insanely late start times and yeah, those bowl games do seem to go on forever.

5
by MilkmanDanimal :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:04pm

Roy Williams is definitely a first-round talent when it comes to whackjob quotes.

6
by trill :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:07pm

"Tirico alluded to the National Championship game on Monday that the trio is also announcing."

Shit on a stick. I wish I could selectively mute Tirico. I don't mind Jaws, I actually like Gruden, but that little gimlet-eyed gnome can piss up a rope.

27
by TomC :: Sat, 01/08/2011 - 3:47pm

I can't even begin to articulate the degree to which I disagree with you, especially about Gruden. De gustibus, I suppose...

7
by JasonK :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 12:08pm

By the way, the player who interjected a "Can we quote you on that, Coach?" just after Coughlin said the piece quoted above has been identified: Eli Manning.

10
by ChaosOnion :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 1:29pm

Is Millen trying to transform himself from hated, front office incompetent to lovable, announce oaf?

11
by MilkmanDanimal :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:38pm

He looks much better every time Joe Theismann opens his mouth.

12
by Flounder :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:43pm

don't you mean revert?

26
by zlionsfan :: Sat, 01/08/2011 - 2:13am

yes. He seems to be making a specific effort to shake off the image of "worst executive in NFL history" by recasting himself as Doofus Gallant.

I think he's trying too hard. He'd be funnier if he weren't forcing it ... kind of reminds me of Dennis Miller in the booth, when they wanted every other thing he said to be a joke.

13
by JonFrum :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:50pm

Every time Belichick gives the media absolutely effin' nothing, an angel gets its wings.

14
by tuluse :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 2:52pm

You know a sitcom based on a head coach of a professional sports might actually be not bad. Plus, you have a built in way to write characters in and out of the show.

15
by Led :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 3:10pm

Happened already when Craig T. Nelson went to the pros.

16
by tuluse :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 3:16pm

Well there you go. I never saw it (I was 10 when it went off the air).

18
by Led :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 3:45pm

You didn't miss much. I did enjoy the show, however, when he was a college coach. Coach going pro was a bit like the Brady's adopting Oliver.

21
by Housh (not verified) :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 4:35pm

This is old but classic:

http://coachfox.blogspot.com/

It's a blog about half-remembered episodes of Coach.

17
by MJK :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 3:43pm

If you're, 'Yeah, I want to block a linebacker,' something has to be slightly wrong with you

And Addai insults every fullback in the game, not to mention the offensive lineman whose main job is, you know, blocking linebackers.

24
by Purds :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 10:55pm

And MJK thinks a Colt is an idiot (surprise there!) because Addai doesn't love blocking guys 30+ pounds more than him. BTW, Colts don't use a FB, so he didn't insult anyone on his team. And, well, defending this is just dumb, as you clearly are just looking for a reason to take a shot at the Colts...

Let's keep playing your game: "Yeah, and Addai is insulting every offensive coordinator who would design a play to have a RB pick up a blitz, and he insulted every owner for buying a team where someone every play has to block a linebacker, and he insulted every fan who supposedly should be aghast that players have to block linebackers every day, and .... "

Oh, wait, maybe this makes sense if you have no idea that Addai is a running back, as in tailback.

28
by John (not verified) :: Sat, 01/08/2011 - 7:32pm

Yeah, 30+ pounds heavier, and probably approaching at a pretty decent clip. F=MA and all that.

29
by Tundrapaddy (not verified) :: Sun, 01/09/2011 - 3:51am

I think you're reaching a tad for the insult there. Mountains out of molehills, that sort of thing.

Besides, Owen Schmitt is a very strong proof-positive data point that, yes, if you like taking on linebackers there must be something wrong with you.

19
by Drinkify (not verified) :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 4:06pm

"I hate [taking on blitzers]. Serious. It's like life. You do stuff you don't like to do 'cause you have to do it. If you're, 'Yeah, I want to block a linebacker,' something has to be slightly wrong with you. You have to have that 'want' in order to do it well."

Damn it, Donald!

20
by Joseph :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 4:28pm

error note: Saints STRONG SAFETY Roman Harper.

22
by Rory Hickey :: Fri, 01/07/2011 - 7:33pm

Ahh I knew he was a DB, I just had the wrong spot. Apparently he played a little corner during his freshman year at Alabama so I'll just act like I knew that and mistakenly referred to it.

"You play to win the game" - Herm