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For only the second time in history, the Bengals are No. 1 in our ratings. But compared to other No. 1 teams after three weeks, there's a real lack of dominance.

18 Nov 2011

The Week In Quotes: November 18, 2011

compiled by Rivers McCown

THEY ALSO STRUGGLE AGAINST SNEASEL

"I don’t know what it was, but there is ways to handle things and there is ways to not handle things. I don’t know…they are a good football team. No doubt about that. They don’t do very good when they get beat up I guess." -- Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher, on the Detroit Lions (Sports Radio Interviews)

BUT NOW THAT MY CAREER IS TAKING ON WATER, THIS IS A NICE FIT

"It was too pretty, too much water, too much sun here, and I’d just bought a big nice boat, a good fast boat, and I really felt like if I came here I’d mix my time in with football and boating." -- Buccaneers defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth, on how he should have picked Tampa Bay in free agency (The Tampa Tribune)

I CALL MYSELF A DOCTOR, BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME A DOCTOR. THESE FANCY CLOTHES DO!

"I’m better than everybody. Everybody. Period. Point blank. I just haven’t had the recognition, man. I’m more versatile than everybody. Period. Pont blank. I’m more versatile than everybody. Hands down. I can do it all." -- Dolphins linebacker Karlos Dansby (Miami Herald)

I'M A SHAAAAARK!

"Thirty-seven points on the best defense in the league, s--- my d---." -- Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, to his son after beating the Jets (New York Post)

AFTER YOU'RE FIRED, THEY'LL HIRE JACK THOMPSON

"This video game is that important? We'll see how important it is on Saturday. I said, in about a week or so, you're going to be throwing that video game away. But we let a video game take control of us. And young people, there are so many factors they're dealing with. They listen to so many outside influences and that can not happen. Within a program, the focus has to be there, the preparation has to be there." -- Louisville coach Charlie Strong, on how the release of Call of Duty distracted his team (CardinalSports.com)

YES, ALL OF OUR SCOUTING REPORTS ARE FROM 2010

"Yeah, if you have Michael Vick and Chris Johnson at running back, yeah, it can work. Those are probably the two fastest guys that can get out on the edge." -- Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis, on if an NFL team can succeed running the option (New York Daily News)

WELL, THE ORANGE SHOES WAS ABOUT DEALING WITH POVERTY

"After that I've heard that they are going to call delay of game and maybe kick me out of the game." -- Bears wideout Earl Bennett, on being fined repeatedly for wearing orange shoes (NFL.com )

DON'T WORRY, TROY AIKMAN IS WORKING ON ELIMINATING HIM

"I just think it just goes to the point that you can’t take a whole lot of what those people say too personally because they’re shock experts on ESPN and NFL Network. A lot of them are just going for the shock value of what they’re saying, as is typified by that guy on ESPN, I don’t want to even say his name. He works for First Take." -- Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, on his contempt for Skip Bayless (ESPN Milwaukee)

SHOULD HAVE ASKED HIM YOUR SAVED QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW HE COMPARES TO STEVE SPURRIER

"You just couldn't let it go, could you, Shannon? Alright, thank ya." -- Illinois head coach Ron Zook, leaving the stage after getting a question about his future (Dr. Saturday)

RUNS THROUGH READS AS IF THEY WERE CHOPPED AND SCREWED

"Let me tell you something: My man is really good in this offense. You know what I mean? If we were trying to run a regular offense, he'd be screwed." -- Broncos head coach John Fox, on the Tim Tebow offense (NFL.com)

PLUS, CAN YOU BELIEVE EITHER SIDE HAD THE GALL TO WEAR THAT UNIFORM TO SCHOOL?

"At this point, it’s not like two sides of the cafeteria — this side is buying in, this side is not. People are keeping it to themselves. No one knows who is going to go [transfer], who is going to stay, who is feeling which way." -- Maryland kicker Nick Ferrara, on the locker room dissension in the Randy Edsall regime (The Washington Post)

HUH, THEIR STATEMENTS ARE JUST AS FOCUS-GROUPED AS THEIR SONGS

"We are honored to perform at the United Way halftime show on Thanksgiving Day. We always love playing in Detroit, our fans there have been tremendously supportive of us through the years and we can't wait to come back and celebrate an exciting day for the Lions and the city of Detroit." -- Nickelback lead singer Chad Kroeger, on an online petition that garnered thousands of signatures to keep his band from singing at halftime (The Detroit News)

ON THE OTHER HAND, HE DOES HAVE EXPERIENCE COACHING COLLEGE-LEVEL TALENT

"I've gotten about 20 or 25 e-mails from people in that regard. I passed that on to Peyton. He said, 'Just tell them that I'm 0-10 as an assistant for Indianapolis.'" -- Retired quarterback Archie Manning, on the possibility of Peyton Manning coaching Ole Miss (Memphis Commercial Appeal)

SAVING UP TO BUY SOME SHARES OF UHF

"My grooming habits have nothing to do with the performance of our team. That’s my own obsession, compulsive disorder, whatever they call it. You don’t get to see me when I’m picking up pennies and how I do it and what pocket I put them in." -- Chiefs head coach Todd Haley, on his lucky beard (Kansas City Star)

WE'RE ALL GETTING REALLY TIRED OF JOE FLACCO DOING THAT FRENCHMAN'S WAVE

"Which of the following QBs do you think is 'elitist'?" -- CBS pregame show poll question (Shutdown Corner)

I SUPPOSE YOU WANT US TO ANALYZE THIS STATEMENT

"All week long, they talked about attacking. They hear what’s being said. They know. This was a big game, and they were out to prove a point. It was like, manage this." -- 49ers quarterback Alex Smith, on managing the 49ers to another win against the Giants (Yahoo!)

THREE BIG BAGS OF TRASH!

"That’s the maturing process that you’re seeing. Great defenses, if you’re ever out there with them, it sounds almost like a stock market. Guys are saying, ‘This guy’s up! This guy’s up! The tight’s split! Tight’s split! Closed split! Closed split.’ And you have the linebackers saying, ‘The back’s far, the back’s near.’ That’s great defenses. That’s what happens. And then the secondary’s talking about ‘Cut split! This guy’s split!’ Well, first few weeks it was like a morgue out there. I mean, come on, talk!" -- Michigan defensive coordinator Greg Mattison, on his unit's rise this season (MGO Blog)

HE WASN'T SAYING YOU WERE BENCHED, HE WAS JUST LOOKING FOR A BENCH TO COLLAPSE AT AFTER WORKING THOSE 20-HOUR DAYS

"Honestly, I’ve never seen coach [Andy] Reid do anything like that. I’ve never seen him bench anybody for missing a meeting." -- Eagles wideout DeSean Jackson, on his suspension last Sunday (NFL.com)

WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE MEDIA NARRATIVE?

"I like winning, but I wish it wasn’t quite that stressful." -- Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, defying his clutchy instincts (New York Times)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 18 Nov 2011

31 comments, Last at 22 Nov 2011, 8:02pm by Intropy

Comments

1
by The Voice (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 9:55am

You will probably have to start an "Official Irrational Tim Tebow" thread, since all discussion about him seems to be of that quality. I don't blame the ones doing the discussion, there really is no rational explination for anyone doing what he's doing in the NFL. If anyone has one, please share it with me.

6
by Samson (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 10:52am

I think it's as much the scheme -- Urban Meyer's Gators Special -- as the QB. Teams don't see it often enough. Defenders play by instinct, and they just haven't had the reps against that running game that they need to shut it down. You notice it has reasonably good success even with backup RBs. I'd compare it to Paul Johnson's offenses at Navy and GA Tech -- an advantage, at least at present, in game planning. However give division opponents an off-season to prepare, and the results could be very different.

The reason teams have avoided this sort of thing before is that it collapses if the QB goes down to injury. Tebow's a strong guy, but still... as far as the late game drives, he's always been a good playmaker. That shouldn't surprise us.

But is this the way to build an NFL contender? No. John Fox would agree. He just doesn't have any choice.

2
by majordunbar :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 10:04am

"suck" necessitates redacted letters?

4
by AnonymousA (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 10:28am

Sports Illustrated replaced "screwed" with "cooked" in the Fox-on-Tebow quote.

Apparently, the football press is ruled by the invisible gauntlet of Tinkerbell.

7
by Jim C. (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 11:05am

So from now on, Indianapolis must s_____ for L_____?

8
by Rivers McCown :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 11:07am

From the New York Post, even. I was surprised too.

16
by snoopy369 :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 2:14pm

I would assume it was ****ed because of the context, not because of the individual word. Ass, after all, is not bleeped when used to refer to a donkey, nor cock bowdlerized when referring to a rooster...

20
by Cro-mags (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 4:00pm

As George Carlin once said:

You can prick your finger, just don't finger your prick.

18
by akn :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 2:18pm

Heightened sensitivity after the Sandusky scandal?

22
by Strange (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 5:56pm

I am feeling mightily embarrassed that I didn't figure out that the asterisks stood for "suck."

I had a completely different four-letter s-word in mind. Like, the BIG four-letter s-word. (I'm being that obvious in case there's some other idiot out there like me who can't figure out what's right in front of him.) And it made no sense whatsoever, but it somehow still sounded like the sort of thing you could say if you were Bill Belichick.

25
by Caw of the Seahawk :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 8:13pm

I thought the same thing. I think it's because s*** is always read as "shit."

And yes, like you, I pictured Belichick saying "shit my dick" with a sneer. And I laughed and re-read it a few times until eventually I realized that I was wrong. But it was better the first way.

3
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 10:26am

"Thirty-seven points on the best defense in the league, s--- my d---." -- Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, to his son after beating the Jets (New York Post)

A line very much like that one got a prof at Duke in a lot of trouble.

9
by Purds :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 11:22am

Yeah, but BB said it in a classy way. BB's all class, whereas the professor was in class.

19
by are-tee :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 2:36pm

Doesn't Belichick know that they only scored 30 points on the defense? 7 points came off a pick-6.

5
by John (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 10:51am

ON THE OTHER HAND, HE DOES HAVE EXPERIENCE COACHING COLLEGE-LEVEL TALENT

Lo, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Must FO kick us while we're down?

10
by AnonymousA (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 12:19pm

You may or may not be aware, but Aaron Schatz is a Patriots fan.

As a Pats fan, myself: prepare for additional slings and/or arrows. A decade of success based on being lucky enough to fail at the right time has earned you them. Who knows, maybe the current fail is also well-timed. I'm told there's another big QB prospect coming up in some draft soon...

12
by Keith(1) (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 1:05pm

A decade of success based on being lucky enough to have a draft pick from the sixth round actually become a valuable contributor...

We can do this with every team.

15
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 1:45pm

How's that decade of success based around convincing Roger Goodell to burn the tapes been? How many titles since you stopped cheating?

30
by Intropy :: Tue, 11/22/2011 - 8:00pm

That was 2007, wasn't it? So... zero.

17
by snoopy369 :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 2:16pm

Perhaps you might want to pick a better year to be an insufferable Pats fan, than the year where they have one of the worst defenses in the league, and will only make the playoffs due to the incompetence of every other team in their division... and you didn't even lose an important player to injury :)

23
by Rivers McCown :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 6:42pm

I'm a Texans fan. I harbor no ill will towards any other team but Tennessee. And they know why.

28
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Mon, 11/21/2011 - 1:20am

You should hate KC, too.

29
by Intropy :: Tue, 11/22/2011 - 7:58pm

On the bright side, they'd definitely be a top 10 college team.

11
by Dr. Video Games and Stuff (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 12:25pm

Jack Thompson, nooo! I guess disbarred attorneys can still coach football.

31
by Intropy :: Tue, 11/22/2011 - 8:02pm

Video games, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

13
by justanothersteve :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 1:26pm

Nice to know Haynesworth is still the gift that keeps on giving.

14
by John (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 1:29pm

Lessons on endearing yourself to your new fan base, 101: boast loudly how you won't be applying yourself with total dedication to your new gig.

21
by TC (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 4:59pm

PS, you spelled Aaron Rodgers's name wrong.

24
by Rivers McCown :: Fri, 11/18/2011 - 6:42pm

Thanks.

26
by Anonymous(not that one) (not verified) :: Sat, 11/19/2011 - 12:46am

I'm pretty sure Rodgers was talking about Stephen A. Smith

27
by Kevin from Philly :: Sat, 11/19/2011 - 12:24pm

I'm pretty sure the only one talking about Stephan A. Smith these days is Stephen A. Smith.