compiled by Rivers McCown

SINCE HE LED THE LEAGUE IN QB KNOCKDOWNS THE LAST TWO YEARS, IT SHOULD BE NO SURPRISE THAT IT CONTINUES OFF THE FIELD AS WELL

"Man, I thought we was gonna get [David] Garrard so you can't be nothing but happy." -- Raiders defensive lineman Tommy Kelly, on the acquisition of Carson Palmer (Twitter)

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE REXLESS MIND

"To me, I went from Baltimore to here [the Texans]. I don't know what you're talking about when you mention that other place, but this place here I'm excited about." -- Texans wide receiver Derrick Mason, on his time in New York (New York Post)

WE WILL STICK TO REWIND OR REGULAR DVR VIEWING

"Would not be shortcutted." -- LSU coach Les Miles, on how the team will deal with the process of suspending Tyrann Mathieu, Spencer Ware, and Tharold Simon for marijuana use (The Times-Picayune)

IF I FOUGHT SOMEBODY I WOULD SAY "HEY LOOK." THEN THE GUY WOULD LOOK. THEN I WOULD HIT HIM. THAT'S A MENTAL GAME.

"That's what we tried to do, 60 minutes of unnecessary roughness. Just glad it didn't get called every snap." -- Michigan State defensive coordinator Pat Narduzzi, on how he coached his team to take care of Michigan. (Lansing State-Journal)

"ALSO, THE COACHES TRY TO CHANGE MY GAME BY TELLING ME I'M NOT A STARTER ANYMORE. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?"

"They teach you growing up that you’ve got to be violent and put the fear of God in people, but when you get to the league that you’ve been dreaming about your whole life, they tell you to change your game 100 percent or get money taken from you." -- Bears safety Brandon Meriweather, on the increasing prevalence of fines for defensive players (CSN Chicago)

PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO RE-NEGOTIATE YOUR CONTRACT TO BRING THEM BACK? NO? WELL OKAY THEN

"Here's the one small thing that everyone forgets about when Kurt (Warner) was here, We had this other guy, what was his name? Oh, yeah. Anquan Boldin. I think he made a couple Pro Bowls or something. He was a decent player around these parts. I wasn't here by myself. I had some talented guys around me." -- Cardinals wideout Larry Fitzgerald, on Arizona's struggles this year (The Arizona Republic)

OHHHH, SO IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT IS "FUNNY", OFFENSIVE, AND STUPID. LIKE JEFF DUNHAM

"I’m stupid. I don’t even realize sometimes when I’m out there that anyone’s out there; the TVs or anything." -- Packers linebacker A.J. Hawk, on his "inside joke" of sticking the middle finger at his own sideline (AP)

"COACH, DOES THIS SUIT MAKE ME LOOK FAT?"

"You all create so many problems ... I hate to start on this, but whether guys are going out for the draft that shouldn't even be thinking about that right now, whether we're worrying about the Heisman Trophy, now we're worrying about playing Missouri instead of Tennessee sometime down the road ... I could give a s*** about all that, excuse my French. I mean, come on. Let's talk about the game." -- Alabama head coach Nick Saban, on SEC expansion (Mobile Press-Register)

LOSING IS HOW YOU SPELL "NEW MEXICO LOBO HEAD COACH HOUSTON NUTT"

"It’s not fun. Winning is how you spell fun. You can imagine that it’s not a good feeling because you want to win. That’s all you try to do each and every Saturday, and it’s difficult." -- Ole Miss head coach Houston Nutt, on losing nine SEC games in a row (The Clarion-Ledger)

UNLESS CRAIG JAMES SAYS IT -- IF HE DID, I'D WATCH MY FOOT IF I WERE YOU

"Fortunately ESPN doesn’t make that decision. I make that decision. I practiced today, felt great and I will be out there on Saturday." -- Wisconsin wide receiver Nick Toon, on ESPNU declaring him out for Saturday's game against Michigan State (Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel)

ONE WIN?

"Now you know the difference between a first-class organization like Indy, and a sorry organization like the Jags. Indy gave their QB a contract even though he couldn't play all season. ... David was told his back was fine. So he took them for their word." -- Agent Al Irby, on the Jaguars "withholding information" about the severity of client David Garrard's back injury. (Florida Times-Union)

SHUT UP, TED

"Hell, no. Ain’t no way. There’s no way. Never. Ever. Ever. No, no, no, no. I’m not sitting out. For what? No, it’s not going to happen. Not going to happen." -- Dolphins linebacker Karlos Dansby, on the potential of the Dolphins throwing games to get Andrew Luck (South Florida Sun-Sentinel)

NICE TRY, NO RYAN HAS EVER BEEN AFRAID TO COMMENT ON ANYTHING

"I’m afraid to comment on wideouts. Apparently, I don’t know anything." -- Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan, when asked about Patriots WR Wes Welker (Fort Worth Star Telegram)

EVEN GREATER THAN THE SAMKON GADO FOR VERNAND MORENCY SWAP?

"The greatest trade in football." -- Raiders coach Hue Jackson, on the Carson Palmer trade (USA Today)

ELITIST SNOB ... PLEASE COME SAVE MY FRANCHISE?

"I am aware of it. A couple of guys told me about it. I think it’s stupid. Simply put." -- Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck, on the "Suck for Luck" fans (New York Times)

OH HE HIT ME, BUT IT DIDN'T REALLY HURT, I JUST THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, THROW THE GUY A BONE ... EVERYONE NEEDS A LITTLE VICTORY, DON'T WANT THE GUY TO HAVE A COMPLEX WHEN HE GETS OLDER

"I pancaked you on a passing play.....sooo uh just be quiet go home play with your kids and go to bed" -- 49ers right tackle Anthony Davis, to Clint Avril on Twitter after San Francisco's victory in Detroit (Pride Of Detroit)

"lol that's real professional homie... Well meet again and see what's up" -- Avril's response to Davis (Pride Of Detroit)

OH NO, THEY REVIVED PALMER! LOOKS LIKE IT'S BACK TO JAIL FOR ME! HO HO HO

"He walked out on the field yesterday and everybody kind of looked at everybody and said, ‘You know what? This is a real quarterback.’ That was the comment made by a couple people as they watched him throw. It just depends on how quickly he feels comfortable in what we’re doing and that shouldn’t take too long." -- Raiders offensive coordinator Al Saunders, on how sick everyone was of watching Kyle Boller throw (Pro Football Talk)

I CAN'T DO NUTTIN' FOR YA MAN

"I think he’s a better route runner than he was in his previous years. But I didn’t realize how big he was until I met him. I see why they call him Megatron. You know, 6-5, 240/235, runs a 4.3. You can’t do nothin’ with that, man." -- Texans wide receiver Andre Johnson, on Lions receiver Calvin Johnson (Official Houston Texans Site)

AS AN NCAA PLAYER, OF COURSE, BROYLES WASN'T ALLOWED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE CONCEPT OF SOMEONE VALUING FOOTBALL-RELATED ARTIFACTS MONETARILY

"I fumbled that ball, and I needed a new pair. I'm superstitious. I didn't even think about it." -- Oklahoma wide receiver Ryan Broyles, on throwing away the gloves he wore when he set an NCAA record for most career receptions (The Oklahoman)

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Posted by: Rivers McCown on 21 Oct 2011

22 comments, Last at 22 Oct 2011, 9:30pm by Noah of Arkadia