compiled by Rivers McCown

SOMETIMES WHEN LOVE LIFTS US UP TO WHERE WE BELONG, IT'S TO UNEMPLOYMENT AND OAKLAND, RESPECTIVELY

"Oh no. I think you always have to treat the young people under your care with love and I will never change that. That’s always going to be the way. To me, love conquers all." -- Former Ohio State coach Jim Tressel, on if he'd change how he dealt with Terrelle Pryor in retrospect (Sports Radio Interviews)

THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN GET AWAY WITH EQUATING BRETT FAVRE TO VIN SCULLY IS VIN SCULLY

"I hate to make a big deal out of it, I'm not trying to be a Brett Favre or whoever else." -- Dodgers broadcaster Vin Scully, on announcing his return to the booth for a 63rd season (Chicago Tribune)

I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU BOTH GOOD LUCK. WE'RE ALL COUNTING ON YOU

"I will tell you this. I've not seen -- I've not physically seen Skip Bayless since that time. That was in '95. And I still kind of wonder what I might do to him when I do see him." -- Ex-Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman, on Skip Bayless' book that questioned Aikman's sexuality (Dallas Morning News)

ONE WAY TO CARE LESS: NOT FEELING COMPELLED TO ADDRESS RANDOM INTERNET COMMENTERS

"Can these fake Titan fans STFU on my timeline I don't have a regular job so don't compare me to you and I can care less if uthink I'm greedy" -- Titans running back Chris Johnson, before he received his extension on Thursday (Twitter)

ED BLOCK COURAGE AWARD WINNER TEDY BRUSCHI, EVERYBODY!

"You know what I'm going to like also, as a defensive player, if this is his hamstring? Noting that the sore spot, the white spot that he calls 'anti-awesomeness' right there, is in the middle of the hamstring. As I'm getting up off of a pile, maybe I push. Maybe that's where I push to get up, because I know that's exactly where it is, and I give it a little dig, I give it a little twist, and I get off of the pile. Maybe I do that." -- Ex-Patriots linebacker Tedy Bruschi, on Arian Foster's hamstring injury (Shutdown Corner (congrats Doug!))

THOSE SNOWBOARDS DO TAKE A POUNDING

"The right guard ... got beat ... like a stepchild." -- ESPN color commentator Chuck Cecil, on a Villanova offensive lineman (Sports Grid)

NEITHER DOES JIM IRSAY

"I don't know what HIPAA stands for, but I believe in it and I practice it." -- Colts quarterback Peyton Manning, on questions about his health status (ESPN AFC South Blog)

BOLD STRATEGY COTTON, LETS SEE IF IT PAYS OFF FOR THEM

"I would expect it would be Jarrett Lee. That would be my best guess." -- ESPN "analyst" Matt Millen, on who Miami will start in the place of Jacory Harris at quarterback (Sports Grid)

CLEARLY MEANT TO GIVE IT TO KEVIN KOLB, AS IT WOULD PROVIDE BETTER PROTECTION THAN LEVI BROWN

"Damn I almost brung my 'ROCKET' into work this morning like gilbert arenas. But mine was by accident it was in my book bag. Kept sayin to myself why is my book bag so heavy, looked in side it was Big pookey 'nickel plated Glock 40' trying to come to work w/me! Smh" -- Cardinals defensive lineman Darnell Dockett, lover of Arizona's relaxed gun laws (Twitter)

KEEP THIS UP INSTEAD OF PROPOSITIONING SUZY KOLBER AND WE'LL GIVE YOU A GUEST ESSAY IN FOA 2012

"I'll be surprised if Burress and (quarterback Mark) Sanchez click well and I'll be even more surprised if Burress, after being laid off for two years and change, is going to make it through the season." -- Former Jets quarterback Joe Namath, on the state of the Jets offense (ESPN New York)

A DEFENSE MORE HALF-HEARTED THAN REGGIE KELLY'S RETIREMENT

"I know people talk about him not being professional, what can I say? He may have not liked the scheme, but he came in and worked, he was placed in the pass-rush situations. ... As a man, he was upfront and honest about the scheme, that this was not what he signed up for. That's him being a man, being upfront and blunt." -- Patriots defensive end Andre Carter, on the Albert Haynesworth tenure in Washington (NFL.com)

I DUNNO, THINK OF THE EIGHT VIEWERS THE LONGHORN NETWORK WILL HAVE THIS WEEKEND

"I don’t know about any of that. You can have any perception, and rarely is perception correct. But at the end of the day, if they are it isn’t being run very well, right?" -- Oklahoma head coach Bob Stoops, on the perception that Texas is running the Big 12 (Sports Radio Interviews)

THEY WANT THE BALL, AND THEY'RE GOING TO SCORE

"We're a young team, but we're guaranteeing the playoffs." -- Buccaneers wide receiver Mike Williams (Sun Herald)

AT LEAST SNYDER STILL HAS A NOSE TO CUT OFF

"The facts on the public record suggest that [Snyder] is as likely to prevail on the merits here as Voldemort is to prevail over Harry Potter in their final battle," -- ACLU court filing on Dan Snyder's libel lawsuit of Dave McKenna and the Washington City Paper (Washington Examiner)

TO BE FAIR, LEON KOMPOWSKY DOES RESIDE IN OWENS' HOMETOWN

"Happy Birthday Michael Jackson!!" -- Unemployed wide receiver Terrell Owens, on a deceased pop idol (Twitter)

THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT SPORTSMANSHIP WAS UPHELD

"He had no idea and nor would he have and I don’t think the officials can bring in that type of emotion to what they call on the field…His interpretation was that we called attention to ourselves after the touchdown was scored and during the celebration we did draw attention to ourselves and that is against the rules." -- Louisville (Ohio) High athletic director Rich Venuto, after a late post-TD celebration to honor a deceased ex-teammate was flagged for excessive celebration. Their opponents would then kick a game-winning field goal as time expired (Sports Grid)

WHICH IS WHY HE'S SO BIG ON TEAM SPEED, IT TAKES A LOT TO CATCH UP

"You're waiting for [owner Al Davis] to wake up and come to work at 2 o'clock in the afternoon to make decisions that the rest of the league is making at 6 o'clock in the morning." -- USC head coach Lane Kiffin, on his tenure with the Raiders (ESPN (Page 2))

AH, THE NAIVETY OF YOUTH

"Yes. Yes he can. The things that have occurred over the first seven years of Alex’s career have been good. There has been some tough times, but all those experiences I believe lead to success." -- 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, on new quarterback Alex Smith (Sports Radio Interviews)

I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU BOTH GOOD LUCK. WE'RE ALL COUNTING ON YOU.

"Did you want to be a critic as a child? Or did your dreams die with your humility?" -- Texans running back Arian Foster, responding to Colin Cowherd (Twitter)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 02 Sep 2011

31 comments, Last at 05 Sep 2011, 8:44am by Athelas