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» Scramble for the Ball: The DVOA Schism

Mike and Tom try to figure out what kind of secret sauce Arizona is feeding the media to sit at the top of the power rankings and in the middle of our DVOA rankings.

30 Apr 2012

The Month In Quotes: April 2012

compiled by Rivers McCown

REACHINGBALL

"When you get two people in their mid-20s that are married and have wonderful wives, they're kind of like me because I think they were able to over-marry." -- Jaguars GM Gene Smith on how their respective wives played a role in the signings of Laurent Robinson and Chad Henne (Wall Street Journal)

"He’s the player in that round at your pick that you feel can upgrade your football team. I think that’s an easy decision for me, to get a starter in the third round." -- Smith on spending a third-round pick on California punter Bryan Anger (ESPN AFC South Blog)

MERLIN HAS A PHONE! EVERYBODY! MERLIN HAS A PHONE!! BURN HIM! BURN HIM!

"The infrastructure needed on campus is significant. That's a factor. That's just one example of the intricacies that are part of this." -- BCS Executive director Bill Hancock, on possible discussions to put playoff games on campus (CBS Sports)

HARD TO NEGOTIATE WITH A MAN WHO CAN CHANGE TENSES THAT FAST

"When I’m on the football field, I’m giving you everything. Do the Ravens know that? Yes they do. Did Ozzie know that Ed Reed was going to be playing against the Pittsburgh Steelers regardless of negotiating his contract? Yes he did. Did Ed Reed get the respect that he deserves? No he did not. Am I gonna get it? Probably won’t. Hopefully he do. If I don’t, then, hey man, I’m alright with me." -- Ravens safety Ed Reed, on his lack of monetary respect from the front office (Ravens.com)

NOT COMPLETELY TRUE, THEY DO SAVE SOME OF THEM FOR NEW MEXICO STATE

"I don’t know. I sort of always liked playing them that second game because you could always count on them having two or three key players suspended." -- South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier, on playing Georgia later in the season (ESPN SEC Blog)

HALLOW VACUUM CHECK THE OXYGEN TANKS

"'Early retirement' sounds wonderful. It certainly did that cold night in Pittsburgh. I was going to use my time to conquer the world. Boy, was I wrong. Now I find myself in music chat rooms arguing the validity of Frank Zappa versus the Mars Volta. (If the others only knew Walkingpnumonia was the screen name for a former All-Pro football player and not some Oberlin College student trying to find his place in the world.)" -- Former Broncos and Jets tackle Trevor Pryce, on the life of a bored retired athlete. (New York Times)

SWAGGER, COINCIDENTALLY, IS ALSO THE NAME OF THE LSU OFFENSIVE PLAYBOOK

"I'm not bitter. I'm glad he stayed there. I really mean it. Here's the truth: If you don't have some swagger to you and you can step into this stadium and be able to know the advantage that you're playing with the Tigers and you're leading the program that has some real weight and clout, then you really need to stay home with your brothers." -- LSU coach Les Miles, on top quarterback recruit Gunner Kiel's decision to go to Notre Dame. Again. (CBS Sports)

I THINK I'M A DOCTOR, BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME A DOCTOR! THESE FANCY CLOTHES DO!

"I came to the Combine for football, and I didn't see any football questions on the test. So I didn't finish it. That test doesn't tell me who I am." -- New Cowboys cornerback Morris Claiborne, on his poor Wonderlic score. (Sports Illustrated)

RUFF? YOU'VE BEEN PITCHING THAT ALL MORNING!

"I thought we had a lot more precision in skell, then came down here and it's like [Leach pants and looks around like an excited puppy]." -- Washington State head coach Mike Leach, on his receivers' performance in spring practice (CougCenter)

WELL, AT LEAST YOU WEREN'T COACHED BY THE CLEMSON DEFENSIVE STAFF

"I know y’all heard I’m a one-trick pony, but the crazy thing is I got 23 sacks in two years and I’ve never been coached on any of that –- that’s all athletic ability. If I get a little coaching in me, just imagine what I can do." -- New Seahawks defensive end Bruce Irvin, on his ability to improve in the pros (The News Tribune)

SO THE PLAYERS ARE TIN MEN, AND THIS ANALOGY IS PLAYING THE ROLE OF STRAWMAN SCARECROW

"I would be discouraged at myself if the first part didn’t happen. It’s far from perfect now. Let me just say we don’t have a bunch of tin soldiers that everything is perfect. I’ve already had to get on them about this class, starting to drowse off and things like that. I get all those reports, and they’re all addressed. ... But I’m looking at a direct correlation, if we can get (academic performance) fixed, then we can get (football performance) fixed." -- Kansas head coach Charlie Weis, on improving the Jayhawks (KUSports.com)

THIS IS THE WORST KIND OF DISCRIMINATION: THE KIND AGAINST ME

"Let's not pretend they're making it safer for everybody. It's safer for offensive players. I mean, a wide receiver or tight end can still motion from the outside in on a pass play and just absolutely blindside a defensive end across the formation. We can still hit running backs pretty much any which way we want." -- Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, on the NFL's emphasis on player safety (Sports Radio Interview)

"One thing I’d get rid of is the penalties, certain penalties. I can do without them. You have a guy that’s making $30 million a year, but you can’t touch him. C’mon, let’s be for real now. Me as a defensive lineman, it’s OK for somebody to hold me up, and another guy to come and chop my legs, and I can’t protect myself. I can do without that. That’s probably the main thing. Being able to hit a quarterback good. We need that. We need that back right there. But you hurt the franchise of your team if you’re allowed to tee off on the quarterback. Cuz you know, quarterbacks are wimpy." -- Patriots defensive tackle Vince Wilfork, on the problems of being a defender (Pro Football Talk)

"THE HEART WANTS WHAT IT WANTS." -- WOODY ALLEN

"The simplest response I have is: I’m sorry. These two words seem very inadequate. But that is my heart." -- Former Arkansas head coach Bobby Petrino, on being fired for carrying on and lying about an affair (ArkansasSports360.com)

STRIP CLUBS ARE FOR SUCKERS -- JANORIS PREFERS THE REAL THING

"I mean, no, because I never shot up a strip club or nothing like that," -- New Rams cornerback Janoris Jenkins, on comparisons to Adam "PacMan" Jones (Pro Football Talk)

THE MONTH IN TEBOW

"It’s a business decision. I ain’t going to say I was sad because the only thing they remember is that pass. You gotta go back and look at the rest of the games. I wasn’t getting no balls and you had to make some of these plays where some players were open and he is not making the throws, but I don’t want to talk bad about Tim, but hey I am happy we got Peyton." -- Broncos wideout Demaryius Thomas, on if he was sad about the loss of Tim Tebow (Sports Radio Interviews)

"We were NOT saying, 'Tebow is a better football player than Allen.' We are suggesting that Tebow has more star power. He has more than lived up to the hype that was built around him in college. His Heisman buzz has carried over into everything he has done in the NFL –- the Senior Bowl, the Draft, the Denver Broncos, and now the New York Jets. He is a phenomenon –- and some might say, a phenomenal player. Many NFL fans are thrilled with the Tebow product, and they want more of him. Others ... not so much. He has even been called one of the most influential people in the world. I’m pretty sure Allen and Campbell never held that title." -- NFL Films' Greg Smith, on placing Tebow above players such as Marcus Allen and Earl Campbell on The Top 10 Heisman Winners In The NFL (NFL Films Blog)

"Well, I would eff Tebow to take his virginity." -- Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski, being Rob Gronkowski (Sports Grid)

AND HEY, YOU WERE ALMOST DRAFTED

"My body has changed a lot over these last three months. I almost have a six-pack now. The team that drafts me will see that my work ethic isn't questionable at all." -- New Bengals linebacker Vontaze Burfict, on the changes he's made to try to get drafted (Scout.com)

HIS PLAYMAKER SCORE IS NEGATIVE-80

"We really think this guy has a huge up-side. He is a big, big man; long arms. He didn’t catch a lot of balls for them. But he is kind of a late bloomer who has really come on. And we think this guy is kind of a JPP of tight ends. We like these kind of people." -- Giants general manager Jerry Reese, on fourth-round pick Adrien Robinson (New York Times)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 30 Apr 2012

39 comments, Last at 04 May 2012, 6:14pm by tuluse

Comments

1
by Thunderbolt of ... :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 12:45pm

So Adrien Robinson is going to vastly outperform his mediocre TE-SEER score?

32
by Kal :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 12:15pm

Silly. There's no TE-SEER.

The TE metric for gauging players is the Tight End Adjusted By Available Games score. This focuses primarily on how often a TE could have had a chance to catch a ball vs. how often they stayed into block, and projects them on two angles - the pass catching availability and their run blocking skill.

Gronk had one of the highest TEABAG scores in recent memory for passing; Watson had one of the better scores as a blocker. It's very simple.

2
by Karl Cuba :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 12:52pm

If you'd waited a day then you'd have been able to include John Harbaugh's two peachy comments on the Pats, Spygate and their superbowl wins:

“In the end, everything is brought before the light of day,” Harbaugh said. “Even the thing in New England, no matter whether those things had any impact on whether they won their championships or not, they got asterisks now, it’s been stained. So to me, it’s never worth it. You’ve got to figure out ways to use the rules to your advantage.”

and

“If you’re cheating, in the end, you’re going to get discredited,” Harbaugh said. “It’s just not worth it.”

Not so much with the funny but fully capable of imploding the discussion boards with the density of angry comments.

4
by nat :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 1:51pm

Maybe Harbaugh is right, and cause and effect can flow backward in time.

If so, this comment made him a moron for years. It probably made his distant ancestors stupider. He's got third and fourth cousins wandering around today who bought extended warranties on all their appliances.

edit a few minutes later:
"My reference was to the perception out there that came as the result of the league’s actions," Harbaugh said. “I could have been more clear that I was referring to those viewpoints. I totally believe that the Patriot and Saint coaches and players earned those championships. Bill [Belichick] and Sean [Payton] both know that." - Harbaugh, trying to save his cousins from financial ruin.

6
by Karl Cuba :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 2:28pm

Doesn't that second statement give off the aroma of being put together after a frantic phone call from the Ravens' PR staff?

(I'd like to make it clear that I only put the quote up because it's an interesting remark that was made today and makes more sense for it to be here today rather than in a months time when the next TWIQ is compiled.)

10
by North Coast (not verified) :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:12pm

Harbaugh's comment is absolutely accurate.

As he describes, if you get caught cheating, whether as an author making up quotes, a trader profiting from insider info or a spouse philandering, people will absolutely have doubts as to whether any of your behavior is truly clean or if other indiscretions have simply been buried.

The indelible reputational hit that comes from being caught cheating is a big reason why many people don't do it. When it comes to reputation, accuracy is only one piece of the puzzle since the public at large doesn't care to dig into which of your actions are clean vs. which aren't. Just ask Pete Rose.

Not sure how Harbaugh's family comes in for your criticism...

16
by foolsonthehill (not verified) :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 5:04pm

That makes about as much sense as asterisking the Giants' two most recent SB wins because of Eli's negotiating shenanigans with the team that drafted him.

17
by tuluse :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 5:09pm

Harbaugh is not asterisking anyone, he's saying other people than him now view the Patriots as tainted and he doesn't want to be viewed as such.

I think this is a perfectly reasonable position to take, though I can't image why he was ever talking about the subject.

18
by North Coast (not verified) :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 5:15pm

Exactly. (Said much more succintly than my previous post).

26
by foolsonthehill (not verified) :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 8:27am

Talking about other people? That's ridiculous. He should have manned the fuck up and said that he himself feels that way or said nothing.

33
by dcaslin :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 12:50pm

"Talking about other people? That's ridiculous. He should have manned the fuck up and said that he himself feels that way or said nothing."

So here's what happened. He was doing a throw-away interview on a local radio station, they raised Bountygate and asked him whether he wants to cheat to get "that edge". He then said (paraphrasing), sure you always want that edge but look at NO and NE and how they've been stained by those problems, that's something you really want to avoid. Then he was asked if anyone cheated against them, and he said sure stuff happens sometimes, but he didn't want to go into detail b/c he didn't want Profootballtalk to explode.

This strikes me as a coach trying to blandly answer a question without stirring up controversy and failing badly at it. I think he was worried about the second part of his answer leading to mild controversy, but never imagined the first part would be quoted anywhere. There's probably a PR lesson in there somewhere...

35
by chemical burn :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 4:01pm

Yeah, it's exactly like Eli's comments about being in the same class as Brady getting blown out of proportion last year - guy gets asked a question, tries to give bland answer, says something that can be construed as disrespectful/arrogant, a controversy ignites.

36
by tuluse :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 4:05pm

You're right he probably should have said nothing.

37
by chemical burn :: Thu, 05/03/2012 - 1:04pm

That's ridiculous - he was making a likely contractually obligated radio appearance and the interviewer asked him specifically about the scandal and penalties. Pulling a "no comment" in that situation is exceptionally unlikely considering that he had a reasonable, uncontroversial answer: I wouldn't cheat, if only for the reason that cheating has the side effect of staining whatever you accomplish. (The implicit "even if you accomplished something legitimately and weren't helped by the cheating" that he didn't emphasize enough is what hurt him. He easily could have helped himself by saying more, not less.

19
by Karl Cuba :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 5:25pm

I'm not so sure why you think it was me that started talking about Harbaugh's family...

20
by North Coast (not verified) :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 6:10pm

Nope, not you- I was referencing Nat's comments.

22
by nat :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 6:59pm

It was a time travel joke. Like killing your own grandfather. Except Harbaugh made his great-greats stupider by being so stupid himself.

Jeez. The man realized his own idiocy and walked it back. So his fourth cousins can be smart again.

3
by Drunkmonkey :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 1:44pm

I usually only read this article to find the Futurama quote, but once I've found it, I find that I'm finding more reasons to stay and find something to re-quote out to my friends.

24
by Bnonymous (not verified) :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 11:47pm

You mean someone actually gets his references?

30
by Podge (not verified) :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:53am

This week we have two Futurama ("I THINK I'M A DOCTOR, BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME A DOCTOR! THESE FANCY CLOTHES DO!" and "THIS IS THE WORST KIND OF DISCRIMINATION: THE KIND AGAINST ME"), one Simpsons (I think: "RUFF? YOU'VE BEEN PITCHING THAT ALL MORNING!) and one At The Drive-In ("HALLOW VACUUM CHECK THE OXYGEN TANKS") reference that I caught. I normally read the quotes and then play spot the references. They are usually pretty apt, although mostly obscure. Unless you happen to be able to spot a quote from a Matt Groening cartoon at 20 paces.

5
by Will Allen :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 2:09pm

Big name college football coaches really have a high likelihood of being contemptible human beings, relative to other people making 7 figure incomes in the sports entertainment industry. Bill Belichick is a Ghandi-like figure by comparison.

"Nick Saban, Les Miles, and Bobby Petrino are stranded in a lifeboat in the open ocean......"

......is a great opening line to a joke, except the punchlines are predictable.

(edit)It goes without saying that the lifeboat should be larger.

7
by Whatev :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:31pm

Not necessarily.

"Nick Saban, Les Miles, and Bobby Petrino are stranded in a lifeboat under the open ocean..."

8
by Will Allen :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:34pm

Yes, that is an improvement.......

21
by Thok :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 6:41pm

is a great opening line to a joke, except the punchlines are predictable.

But I don't know which one should be shot twice to be sure.[/joke]

25
by Mr Shush :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 8:26am

The boat.

9
by Hurt Bones :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:09pm

"Now I find myself in music chat rooms arguing the validity of Frank Zappa versus the Mars Volta."

Is this really due to early retirement or one too many concussions.

11
by commissionerleaf :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:15pm

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Arguing about Zappa, I mean.

12
by commissionerleaf :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:16pm

The Greg Smith quote is everything that is wrong with the NFL.

13
by tuluse :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:20pm

Only if he's opinions are caused by dementia brought on from repeated head injuries.

23
by Drunkmonkey :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 7:44pm

I find his quote to be not only mentally handicapped, but his reasoning is so far-fetched, that I totally believe he was trying to justify something that he really believed.

First of all, stop. Just freaking stop. Tebow is in no way more influential than those guys, if you take into account the lack of Twitter, Facebook, ESPN, world news coverage, the popularity of the NFL, the outreach of the teams and their community programs, and most of all the internet. Seriously, WTF?!?!?!?!?

Secondly, that's not what the list is for. You know it. I know it. My mother, who read the quote and laughed, knows it. Everybody knows that you don't mean that. I even watched the show, just so I could know what you were thinking, and even though I still don't know what you're thinking, I do know that's not what you meant.

And lastly, there's a reason people have stopped watching your top ten lists, and adding Tebow isn't going to make them watchable unless he truly deserves to be on the list.

38
by commissionerleaf :: Fri, 05/04/2012 - 6:05pm

"Top 10 First-round Draft busts"?

39
by tuluse :: Fri, 05/04/2012 - 6:14pm

He wasn't picked high enough for that.

14
by sundown (not verified) :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:35pm

"I thought we had a lot more precision in skell, then came down here and it's like [Leach pants and looks around like an excited puppy]." -- Washington State head coach Mike Leach, on his receivers' performance in spring practice (CougCenter)
___________________________________

What is "in skell"? By chance was it supposed to be "and skill"? I went to the CougCenter site and it's "skell" there, as well.

The only definiton for skell I found was a vagrant drug addict. I'm hoping that's not what he was expecting from his receivers!

15
by North Coast (not verified) :: Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:37pm

Could be "skell" as in skeleton, aka drills with no defenders or non-live drills.

27
by Ewout (not verified) :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 8:50am

"Skell, as a stereotypical or archetypal designation, refers to a person who is homeless, vagrant or derelict. It is often used to connote such a person who is habitually engaged in small-time criminal activity, especially by one working as a con artist or panhandler."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skell

28
by markus (not verified) :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 10:16am

Thanks Mr. Dictionary. Now care to explain how that makes sense in the context of the quote?

29
by sundown (not verified) :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 11:05am

Thanks, North Coast. That makes sense.

31
by Theo :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 12:05pm

Skelly is a drill without the linemen (and sometimes only secondary vs receivers.)

34
by dcaslin :: Wed, 05/02/2012 - 12:54pm

I can honestly say I never expected to hear a football player who played after 2000 (or maybe ever) saying that they argue about the validity of Frank Zappa's music in their spare time. And if someone swore that it was true, DL is close to the last position I would expect it to come from. Kudos to Trevor Pryce