compiled by Rivers McCown

SHOULDN'T YOU GUYS BE LICKING TOADS INSTEAD?

"I failed that bitch for sure. [It's not a big deal because] there would be about 60 people being screwed." -- TCU linebacker Tanner Brock, on a drug test, to an undercover agent (Everyday Should Be Saturday)

I'M NOT NOT TAMPERING

"We’ve offered -– I don’t know if we’ve offered it yet -– but we’re in negotiations of offering a lot of money." -- Ravens coach John Harbaugh, on the free agency of guard Ben Grubbs (Baltimore Ravens.com)

"I kind of think the Lions will try to do the right thing, I guess. A lot of teams don't think the Lions will let me hit free agency. But a few have called to express interest." -- Lions defensive end Cliff Avril, on whether he thinks he'll still be a Lion next year (Detroit Free-Press)

DON'T GO THERE!

"We hired the best coach and we went out and got the best kids so get a life," -- Ohio State president E. Gordon Gee, on recruiting criticisms by other Big 10 coaches (The Lantern)

"I wouldn't want to necessarily leave if Tennessee makes me feel at home."
"Cha-ching." -- Titans safety Jordan Babineaux, on if he was planning on staying in Tennessee, and what would make him feel at home (ESPN AFC South Blog)

THE REST OF THE DOMINOES WILL FALL LIKE A HOUSE OF CARDS. CHECKMATE!

"This is still a Cruz and Nicks game. I know we're right on them. It's tight but those are still the guys. Make them go to Manningham. Make them go to (Bear) Pascoe. Let's make sure we get Cruz and Nicks." -- Patriots coach Bill Belichick, on the sideline before the final drive of the Super Bowl (New York Daily News)

JUST IMAGINE IF HE DIDN'T WANT TO REDSHIRT YOU

"There were 105 letters from Alabama. I counted! And I took pictures. I was shocked. I didn't expect there to be that many in the mailbox. When I opened it, it was overflowing and some of them fell out." -- High school running back Alvin Kamara, on being recruited. (TideSports.com)

THIS MEANS MAX HALL IS CURLY

"We've got two guys that we feel like can play. They've shown at times that they can do things very well, they’ve shown at times that they are knuckleheads and it's our job to get the players that are there on our team to play better. That's what we're going to do and we're excited about that." -- Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt, on John Skelton and Kevin Kolb (NFL.com)

YOU'D REALLY THINK ALL THAT TIME ON A COLLEGE CAMPUS WOULD TEACH A COACH THAT VODKA IS THE DRINK TO GO CHEAP ON

"Nothing wrong with me that a little Grey Goose won’t cure." -- North Texas head coach Dan McCarney on his stroke. (Des Moines Register)

M4M CRUISING ONLINE WASN'T ENOUGH PUB FOR YOU?

"Early in the season, there was a game when Kyle [Orton] got hurt and the coaches were calling for me to go in, but Kyle got up and finished the game out. So I was the second-string guy. Then, a few weeks later, they decided to put Tim in. I felt like the fans had a lot to do with that. Just 'cause they were chanting his name. There was a big calling for him. No, I didn't have any billboards. That would have been nice." -- Broncos backup quarterback Brady Quinn, on life behind Tim Tebow (GQ)

THE LEWIN PROJECTION SYSTEM JUST HAD A BED OF ROSE PETALS DELIVERED TO HIS ROOM. YOUR MOVE, CLEVELAND

"I hope somebody falls in love with me —- other than my fiancée," -- Baylor quarterback Robert Griffin III, on if he hopes the Browns fall in love with him (Pro Football Talk)

I'M SUCH A BABY YEAH THIS OFFENSE MAKES ME CRY

"To say that it’s similar to what we did last year or similar to New England or similar to Miami, it’s probably more similar to what Miami ran than anything else," -- Chiefs head coach Romeo Crennel, on how new offensive coordinator Brian Daboll will operate (Pro Football Talk)

HE TAKES RECRUITS OUT IN THE SPRUCE MOOSE. HOP IN!

"I went to Oregon. (Coach Chip Kelly) is a friend of mine. He’s bizarre, very bizarre. But the thing I admire about his approach is, it’s unique, but everybody (in the program) is aligned, from the secretaries, to the equipment people, to the coaches, everyone." -- Ohio State head coach Urban Meyer, on Oregon coach Chip Kelly (The Columbus Dispatch)

IT'S NOT A LIE IF YOU BELIEVE IT

"The last two or three years relatively I was quiet, knowing that everybody was saying that I had a character issue, I'm disruptive, there's a lot of hype that comes with me, they're saying I'm a distraction here and there. That's all hearsay. If you ask a bunch of my teammates, a lot of it is basically blown out of proportion, the media making me into a fall guy. Overall, will I ever admit that I was a bad teammate? Never. I wasn't a bad teammate. Was I disruptive. No I wasn't disruptive." -- Allen Wranglers wideout Terrell Owens, on his post-NFL life (The Dallas Morning News)

15 CHANCES AT FAME

"Obviously, we had our head-butts in the past. Looking back on it, I was a hard-headed kid. I wish I would have listened to him about the little things like shaving and wearing the right clothes and looking the part. I didn't do that stuff and that pissed him off." -- Former South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia, on his relationship with Steve Spurrier (Scout.com)

HACKNEYED LESSON, TINIEST BIT OF MOTIVATION, JOHN STAMOS, SOUNDS LIKE WE'VE GOT THE FULL HOUSE REUNION IF MOSS CAN SELL THOSE OVERALLS

"Naw, the only way I'm gonna moon the crowd again is if I'm back at Lambeau and Joe Buck and Troy Aikman are callin' the game." -- Free agent receiver Randy Moss, on his U-Stream account (Shutdown Corner)

"Who is John Stamos? I don't know who that is but somebody told me to say what's up. Whatsup, whatsup, Stamos?" -- Moss (Shutdown Corner)

"The one thing you have to address with Randy Moss is not a conditioning thing. It's not an age thing. It needs to be addressed. I believe it's the elephant in the room. It's that thing called quit." -- Retired wideout and teammate Cris Carter, on Moss' potential comeback (ESPN NFC North)

LITERALLY!

"The coaches kind of messed me up. I didn’t know if I would start a game or be benched. It hurt me, but I tried to fight through it." -- Arizona State linebacker Vontaze Buridct on his problems at Arizona State (CBS Sports)

BUT SAFE HOUSE TAUGHT ME THAT THE WHISTLEBLOWER ALWAYS WINS!

"Well, with McElroy’s comments, absolutely." -- Jets head coach Rex Ryan, on if the Jets were looking for an upgrade at backup quarterback (Fifth Down Blog)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 27 Feb 2012

20 comments, Last at 05 Mar 2012, 5:16pm by TreeRol