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06 Aug 2012

The Month In Quotes: July 2012

compiled by Rivers McCown

ROGER GOODELL HAS FINED BOWEN 15 GRAND FOR THIS OUTRAGEOUS STUNT

"The minute I got off the phone (after agreeing to terms with the New Orleans Saints), I changed Bowen's poopy diaper, then I went downstairs and did a load of whites in the washer and then I went upstairs and put Baylen's lunch away in the refrigerator." -- Saints quarterback Drew Brees, on how his contract did not change him at all (NFL.com)

GIL BLUE TOLD ME I WAS PLAYING FOR TEXAS AND THAT WAS FINAL

"When I decommitted, it was crazy. I got death threats on Twitter. A couple cars in my neighborhood we didn't know would drive by house real slow. I live in the country, so the cars that do drive by, you know who's in them." -- Class of 2013 recruit Ricky Seals-Jones, on what happened when he decommitted from Texas (ESPN Recruiting Nation)

WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH THE OFFICIALS

"The officiating trainers have not been fired. They are seasonal employees who have decided not to work at this time. We asked for their NFL-issued laptops back so that those who are working right now can use them." -- NFL Spokesman Michael Signora, on the league confiscating laptops from trainers who refused to train replacement officials (Pro Football Talk)

NFL TO WEIS: YOU CAN HAVE HIM BACK

"Go back and look at those numbers for the two years he played for me, He was great. He wasn’t good. And I know if I had him as a quarterback, I would have felt very comfortable that I could have won no matter where we were." -- Kansas coach Charlie Weis, on Brady Quinn (Kansas City Star)

AH, WE'VE ENTERED GOODELL'S NEW AGE OF INJURY ACCOUNTABILITY

"One of them, it was up there more than once, was about speaking about injuries. [Head trainer] Mike Ryan talked about it, I had it up there more than once. Coordinators were told prior to that meeting every two weeks, two to three weeks I want you to stand in front of that room and tell them we’re not going to talk about injuries. Even if mom says, 'How are you feeling?' If you tell you mom, go call coach Mularkey. I’m going overboard." -- Jaguars head coach Mike Mularkey, on keeping injury information from the media (The Florida Times-Union)

NOW, NOW, YOU AREN'T MISSISSIPPI STATE

"We're still the redheaded stepchild coming in." -- Missouri wideout T.J. Moe, on his team's first year in the SEC (Twitter)

THE LIFE SANS OXYGEN WITH LARRY FITZGERALD

"They put together a phenomenal year -— 5,000 yards by Stafford —- so I would definitely take Megatron and Matthew Stafford. They've got it going. We have some questions right now in Arizona. We've got to work training camp out to figure out who our starting quarterback is going to be. So as of today, I think that's the safe choice." -- Arizona wideout Larry Fitzgerald, on which receiver he'd pick first in a fantasy draft. (Shutdown Corner, via SportsCenter)

"I want to go into orbit. But it costs a million dollars right now and that’s out of my budget. In a couple of years, when that (price) comes on down a little bit, I will do that and try it out, but right now, it’s on my bucket list. It’s just not feasible right now." -- Fitzgerald, on his plans to visit outer space someday (Cardinals.com)

APPARENTLY RECYCLING HAS YET TO HIT TENNESSEE

"Obviously, his accuracy isn’t where it needs to be. He missed the trash can." -- Tennessee coach Derek Dooley, on Tyler Bray's throwing beer bottles off his balcony. (The Tennessean)

BENNETT HAS ALSO SPENT TRAINING CAMP WORKING ON HIS "SHRILL TV SPORTS TROLL" GAME

"I just want to kick those guys’ asses. That’s what it’s all about. We’re cool but we ain’t that cool. I’ve kind of got some ill feelings toward them overall. But it’s a game. Every game is the same where I kind of hate everybody, honestly, in the NFL." -- Giants tight end Martellus Bennett, on the Dallas Cowboys (New York Post)

TEN THOUSAND TWEETS ABOUT GETTING UP EARLY AND GRINDING HARD ARE GONE FOREVER; HOW WILL THE PLANET SURVIVE?

"Twitter is a privilege. When you represent an organization you have to represent it very well or we don't represent it. When we are responsible enough to deal with it, we'll deal with it (return to Twitter)." -- Florida State head coach Jimbo Fisher, on why he banned his Seminoles from using Twitter (WarChant.com)

"We're going to fix this whole Twitter thing. I can't wait for that. I'm sick and tired of it, and our guys don't understand how to use it, and we're going to fix it. But more is made of it than anything." -- Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis, on potentially keeping his players off Twitter as well (USA Today)

'MERICA

"A bald eagle..... with a mullet."-- USC quarterback Matt Barkley, on what kind of animal he'd prefer to be (Reddit)

GOSH, IF ONLY THE NATIONAL MEDIA GAVE THE COWBOYS ANY LOVE

"It is a reminder that I've been here when it was gloryhole days and I've been here when it wasn't. And so having said that, I want me some gloryhole." -- Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, on the glory of the past (YouTube)

YOU'LL NEVER HAVE SEC SPEED IF YOU ONLY AIM TO BEAT CONFERENCE USA

"We were trying to force the issue. We were trying to stay a step ahead of Conference USA." -- Sun Belt commissioner Karl Benson, on a proposed superconference of less-desirable schools (CBS Sports)

CAN WE CROWN YOUR ASS IF THEY PERFORM MUCH BETTER?

"We have really good talent. We started figuring it out at the end. I’ll be crushed, hell, I’ll quit if it ain’t a whole lot better. They can even fire my ass if we’re not a whole lot better. We should be a lot better. Trent Cole had no idea what we were doing when we started this last year. Babin had some idea. I got good players. Tell you what. Said it before. This ain’t no company line. But the Eagles will get you players. I’ve been other places where if you lost a player, you were dead in the water. Somebody said you got a great player, I said no, we got a whole bunch of good ones. I’d rather have a whole bunch of good’uns than some average ‘uns, wouldn’t ya’all?" -- Eagles defensive line coach Jim Washburn, on the Eagles struggles last year (CSN Philly) -- You really do need to read this whole interview, I could make a TMIQ just entirely off of his quotes.

TRYING TO COERCE JOURNALISTS TO ONLY SAY POSITIVE THINGS? WHERE IN AMERICA COULD HE HAVE LEARNED THIS FROM?

"If you guys want to be, and this is for the New York media, if you guys want to be a part of our team and want to feel so important, be there to support us, not to try to break us down. Because [there’s] not one day that we all step in that locker room and we try to break each other down, that we talk bad about the way that person played because it affects the team the way one person plays if they don’t play to perfection. If the New York media wants to be a part of our team and wants to continue writing about us, write positive things, stay away from the negative because it doesn’t do anything good for our team that you want to report all the negative things that happen and that’s all you want to talk to us players about. We live for one thing and that’s to play football and not to entertain you people in the media." -- Jets receiver Santonio Holmes, on how the Jets media must treat him with kid gloves (Newsday)

I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT NATIONWIDE OUTRAGE THAT ENSUED WHEN A.J. JENKINS WAS DRAFTED

"A.J. Jenkins was an outstanding football player when he got here. His progress has been very, very good and exceeded expectations. For those scribes, pundits, so called experts, who have gone as far to say that he is going to be a bust, should just stop. I recommend that because they are making themselves look more clueless than they’ve already did. To go on record, A.J.’s going to be an outstanding football player." -- 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, on rookie first-round pick A.J. Jenkins (Twitter)

WHEN YOU'RE READY TO QUIT PLAYING FOOTBALL, THE FO OFFICE IS HERE TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR PHYSIQUE

"That dude, I was just watching him run at minicamp, and that dude has got muscles on top of muscles, and he eats like two quarts of Cold Stone a day. I have one bite of pizza and I put 13 pounds on. It’s just ridiculous. This guy’s got two percent body fat, shredded. I’m leaving my shirt on at the pool. It sucks." -- Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, on the enviable body of teammate Adrian Peterson (Pro Football Talk)

CURTIS MARTIN: NOT A FAN OF THE NEIL O'DONNELL SIGNING?

"I didn’t like New York at all. As a matter of fact, beyond not liking New York, I didn’t like the Jets. The Jets were the one team in the entire league, I think it was the Jets and the –- who else was there? –- the Jets and Tampa Bay at the time, I was just like, those were the two teams I didn’t want to play for. The only thing that changed that was the fact that Parcells was here. Because again, I wasn’t the biggest football fan to begin with, but if I was going to play, I didn’t want to play for what was in my mind the worst team ever." -- Hall of Fame running back Curtis Martin, on his decision to join the Jets (New York Times)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 06 Aug 2012

18 comments, Last at 12 Aug 2012, 11:41am by eddy

Comments

1
by Quixzlizx (not verified) :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 12:01pm

How did you include Martellus Bennett and miss this gem (click name for link):

Bennett: "I'm kind of bigger than I was. I'm more muscular than I was in the past. I actually started lifting weights really, really hard. But I'm in the best shape I've ever been. Ask any of the guys in the camp, I'm stronger than I've ever been, I'm faster than I've ever been. I could run all day. I'm kind of like a black unicorn out there. It's amazing to watch. You go out there and you see a big, black guy running down the field, it's usually me. So I'm pretty good out there. It's been great so far."

A couple of others:

Bennett: "That was like 10 weeks ago. My hamstring feels good. You want to touch it?"

Bennett: "I usually get along with a lot of people. Eli's a real laid-back guy. He's easy to talk to. Just ask him what he wants. It's not like, sometimes like your wife, you never know what she wants. You ask and she's like, 'Well, I don't want chicken.' You're like, 'Well, do you want steak?' She's like, 'No, I don't want steak.' You know Eli knows if he wants chicken or steak."

3
by Anonymous23 (not verified) :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 12:51pm

Haha, yesss.

2
by Karl Cuba :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 12:18pm

To defend Jim Harbaugh for his AJ Jenkins quote, there were quite a lot of articles criticising Jenkins after he looked gassed during the later stages first day of the 49ers minicamp. They also said he lost a race with Chris Osowu, which isn't that fair as the ex Standford player is pretty rapid.

To put this into context, Aldon Smith was so crushed by his first workout with the 49ers players during their lockout camp at San Jose State that he threw up a few times and Isaac Sopoaga was laughing at him for days about it. The media reports the most trivial nonsense during the offseason.

6
by bravehoptoad :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 2:35pm

I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT NATIONWIDE OUTRAGE THAT ENSUED WHEN A.J. JENKINS WAS DRAFTED

Yah...the snark doesn't work very well because Rivers must indeed have missed the slew of negative reports on Jenkins out of training camp.

7
by chemical burn :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 2:40pm

There was no national media attention paid to this player. There might have been significant local media attention, but just to put that in some context: what kind of camp is Dion Lewis or Michael Kendricks having?

13
by jimbohead :: Tue, 08/07/2012 - 12:30pm

True, there was no national attention, but Harbaugh was berating the local beat guys in a press conference, not calling into sports center with some choice words for the hosts. And lets be clear, some of our local guys need a good tongue lashing every once in a while.

14
by chemical burn :: Tue, 08/07/2012 - 3:50pm

That's fine - I'm just saying the criticism of the snark what "this snarky guy doesn't know what he's talking about!" Whereas in reality, the quote is funny because why is Harbaugh getting so worked up and devoting so many words to a guy who nobody has heard of?

(And I'm a Philly fan, so don't talk to me about unreasonable local media.)

15
by Karl Cuba :: Tue, 08/07/2012 - 5:56pm

Deleted comment, not worth the effort.

17
by chemical burn :: Thu, 08/09/2012 - 1:28pm

It is probably better if you relax about something that's a totally harmless joke. Repeat to yourself "it's a football comment board, it's a football comment board."

18
by eddy (not verified) :: Sun, 08/12/2012 - 11:41am

I think at least half of the national draft recap stories were critical of the jenkins pick. No doubt in san fran it was worse. Stop being so snarky about this.

4
by Hurt Bones :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 12:52pm

please change the tag after FITZGERALD to a closing tag.

5
by Exy (not verified) :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 1:48pm

Curtis Martin, from that to this quote: "The Jets have been good to me, and I appreciate them. I like it here. It's my kind of place. I'd rather play here than with the Colts right now. I don't know what my role will be here next year, but I'd rather be here than anywhere else. I'd rather lose with the Jets than win somewhere else.'' Obviously back when the Colts were still great...

<3 Curtis Martin greatest Jet ever <3

8
by RichardD (not verified) :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 2:57pm

Jerry Jones. I knew there was something funny about that guy.

9
by billsfan :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 3:13pm

Technically in August, but Chris Kluwe answered some thoroughly ridiculous questions submitted by the Internet at large, and had some pretty good responses:

http://deadspin.com/chris-kluwe-deadspin-chat/

(I also like the Eagles)

10
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 3:47pm

Re: Phil Loadholt --
"Bigger. He is a very large individual, and it's not fat or anything, it's like if you clicked magnify on a normal person."

I remember having that similar reaction working with offensive linemen. They look like normal people, only if normal people were 7 ft tall instead of 6 ft tall.

11
by horn :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 6:59pm

Didn't know Santonio went to classes with Carney.

12
by akn :: Mon, 08/06/2012 - 9:55pm

There should be a death threat button in Twitter by now. You know, sitting right next to the retweet button.

16
by bengt (not verified) :: Wed, 08/08/2012 - 8:44am

Enough already with the boldface...