compiled by Rivers McCown

JOB SECURITY FIT FOR A KING

"Until they ship him out of here or shoot me dead in my office, the guy's the starting right tackle." -- Jets offensive line coach Dave DeGuglielmo, on maligned offensive tackle Wayne Hunter (Twitter)

YEAH YEAH YEAH, CURSED, GOT IT, WHATEVER

"You ever been to College Station? It'll be the only time you go." -- Florida head coach Will Muschamp, on visiting Texas A&M (The Gainesville Sun)

IF THEY ALL ONLY HAD TO GET DOWN TO 350, THEY'D PROBABLY CANCEL THE SHOW

"I feel like I’m on Celebrity Fit Club." -- Ravens tackle Bryant McKinnie, on showing up to the voluntary strength and conditioning program. (Ravens.com)

(THAT MEANS THEY'RE GONNA LOSE)

"The reasonable expectation for us in Year 1 is for us to compete passionately for this university for 60 minutes. And whatever that scoreboard says at the end of that 60 minutes we’ll have to live with." -- Ole Miss head coach Hugh Freeze, on expectations for his first year (ESPN)

DON'T TRY TO KNOCK THE S*** OUT OF HIM -- IT'S TOO LATE

"This is 100 percent true. And Larry would be so mad at me if I said that this did not happen, because he takes ultimate pride in this whole deal." -- Patriots wideout Wes Welker, on Larry Izzo soiling himself during a game. (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

AND PAYING THEM MONEY, RIGHT? ...HELLO?

"I really think what's happened, that is fantastic, is taking smart people plus computers plus too much free time. There are a lot of people doing outstanding work on the Internet." -- Texas defensive coordinator Manny Diaz, on statistical analysis (Scout.com)

LOOKING FORWARD TO THE "I'M NOT LEBRON" POLITICAL ADS

"I’m kind of old-school when it comes to that thought. I’m not LeBron trying to leave the team. I’m more like the era of Magic and Lawrence Taylor, who stayed with that same team for their entire careers win, lose or draw. They were married to the city they were drafted in. You go through the tough times and great times with them, and that’s it. That’s what I’m looking forward to." -- Colts defensive end Dwight Freeney, on loyalty (FOX Sports)

FIGHTING THE FEAR IS EASY: JUST THROW YOUR POISON DART FROGS SO HE LOSES STAMINA

"I think some left because they maybe allowed the fear ... the fear made the wolf a little bigger than it was. I think some left just because professionally they thought it would be a good growth situation." -- Tennessee head coach Derek Dooley, on the turnover on Tennessee's coaching staff (Chattanooga Times Free Press)

WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON'T HURT ME

"I was punch drunk. It was a facade, what I was living. I still wanted to give people the impression that I was big-time. I'd see the guys who were still in the league in the night clubs, and I had to look the look. I was in character." -- Former Steelers and Jaguars lineman Leon Searcy, on his financial ruin (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

AT LEAST IT'S AN ETHOS

"(Hoke) has more of the kind of Midwestern ethos." -- Michigan president Mary Sue Coleman, on the success of Brady Hoke as compared to Rich Rodriguez (MLive)

HEY ... THOSE ARE HOT DOGS. ARMOUR HOT DOGS!

"The repetitive amount of hits we take, day in and day out — this, to me, is a PR stunt ... If you get hit in the legs, you're doing something wrong. You're either getting cut or standing there. Usually, when guys are aggressive and they're hitting back, the legs aren't usually getting hit." -- Chargers linebacker Jarrett Johnson, on the NFL passing new rules requiring pads to be worn (San Diego Union-Trbiune)

YEAH, WHO WANTS TO REWARD THAT "EVERY WEEKEND IS A PLAYOFF" IDEA BY MAKING SURE IT STILL EXISTS ANYWAY

"I think you're going to get a lot of real complaining if we have a four-team playoff and we go through all this that we're going through to try to implement this and execute it and, all of a sudden, next year we have the No. 1 team, the No. 3 team, the No. 7 team and the No. 11 team being the four teams in the playoffs. There's going to be a mutiny on the ship, there's no question about that." -- Alabama head coach Nick Saban, on the idea of having to win your conference to reach a playoff (Dr. Saturday)

...NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

"We ate a burrito together. Not the same burrito." -- Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III, on his relationship with fourth-round quarterback Kirk Cousins (NFL.com)

AMERICA IS GOOD, BECAUSE AMERICANS ARE GREAT

"I think my opinion is consistent with most of the rest of America's. This is illustrated by a poll done in the Dallas Morning News where people were asked who they would vote for senator: Mike Leach or Craig James. I got 96.5 percent of the vote." -- Washington State head coach Mike Leach, on how much he hates Craig James (Reddit)

JOKES ON ME, YOU'RE RIGHT; YOU SHOULD USE A MITRE-JOINT THERE

"It’s a feel. My center in college was about my height and he’s real low in his stance. So it made me have to kinda duck down a little bit. It’s hard to get out of center. Scott Wells — my previous center — (and) Jeff Saturday: great height. Great butt height." -- Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, on the importance of butt height (Sports Radio Interviews)

SOMEBODY SHUT THE WINDOW -- THERE'S A BAD DRAFT

"You try not to think about the window. But obviously, we're realists. We understand where it's at. I feel great and we're playing great. But it's about now. I think that's how this whole organization thinks, from owner to head coach to veteran players to rookie players. That's the way this league works." -- Cowboys tight end Jason Witten, on how much longer the Cowboys have (Dallas Morning-News)

"It's not closing. I think there's a sense of urgency every year that you play, whether it's your first year in the league or your 22nd. You never know when all that stuff is going to happen, so you just play every year as if it's an urgent day. Forget about thinking about the end of the year or two months away. You've got to get better today. Whether you're a rookie or an 11-year veteran around here, you've got to do that same approach." -- Tony Romo, on the window (ESPN Dallas)

"There is an urgency. It's my perception that decides when the windows are and where they are. With that in mind, I'm saying that we need to get out here, get down to business, get in some playoffs and get knocking on the door." -- Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, on owning all of the windows (Sports Grid)

MY MOM NEVER WHINED ABOUT HER CONTRACT THREE OFFSEASONS IN A ROW. JUST SAYIN'

"Happy Mothers Day LeSean McCoy! Enjoy your special day!!" -- Giants linebacker Osi Umenyiora, unprompted (Deadspin)

YOU'LL NEED ALL OF THAT HERO MENTALITY YOU CAN GET TO KEEP GUY WHIMPER OUT OF THE STARTING LINEUP THIS YEAR

"I'm still trying to work out how to do it, but I want to do a multi-part show with the epic poem 'Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.' It's like 80 pages, so I could do four consecutive shows with the story. It will have music, too, and be oriented around bravery and heroism." -- Jaguars tackle Eben Britton, on his NPR radio show (ESPN Sounds Blog)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 05 Jun 2012

33 comments, Last at 24 Jun 2012, 3:22am by Harris7