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» The Week In Quotes: October 24, 2014

We all love Peyton Manning, but Peyton Manning doesn't love us all. Plus, coaches talk fake punts and prank calls, owners talk binge drinking, and Golden Tate talks getting punched in the face.

31 Aug 2012

The Week In Quotes, August 31, 2012

compiled by Rivers McCown

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN YOU REALIZE THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST OCHOCINCO QUOTE YOU GET TO RUN IN THIS COLUMN

"That awkward moment when you realize you're not on Madden 13 and have to create yourself..." -- Former Dolphins receiver Chad Johnson, on his disappearance from the popular video game series (Twitter)

THE BIKERS ARE REALLY RUNNING THE ASYLUM

"My intent after we got to talking and watching, and practicing and thinking every night, I finally came up with a deal that ‘I’m not going to play him (until the game).’ And then he vetoed me. And that’s perfectly honest." -- Arkansas head coach John L. Smith, on injury concerns to running back Knile Davis (Arkansas Democrat-Gazette)

DEFLECTING CRITICISM WITH A MONETARY STANDARD FEW CAN LIVE UP TO? TALK ABOUT A CHEAP TRICK

"If u don't like it buy ur own team and try to make the playoffs 9 seasons n a row n put together 7 straight 12 win seasons n a row as Owner!" -- Colts owner Jim Irsay, on criticism regarding his Twitter account (Twitter)

OR ELSE THE NCAA WILL SHOW UP AND TELL US THAT THERE WERE NO VIOLATIONS OF THEIR STANDARDS

"We do go to class here at NC. We have syllabuses and instructors that show up, so [the players] better be there." -- North Carolina State coach Tom O'Brien, referencing UNC's academic scandals (Dr. Saturday)

NFL CUT DAY DOESN'T LOOK SO BAD COMPARED TO THE NEWSPAPER INDUSTRY

"You guys aren't bad people, you just have bad jobs." -- Injured Steelers offensive lineman David DeCastro, on a reporter trying to snoop out information on said injury (Twitter)

I DUNNO, MICHAEL FLOYD PICKED UP A FEW DUI'S AND THAT DIDN'T SEEM TO HELP

"I've always felt like, to have a successful team, you gotta have a few bad citizens on the team. You look at the teams that have won in the past. They always have a couple of criminals. I mean, that's how Ohio State used to win all the time. They would have two or three guys that were criminals. That just adds to the chemistry of the team," -- Notre Dame broadcaster Allen Pinkett, on successful college football teams (Deadspin)

SO THAT SOMEONE MIGHT THINK YOU'LL SCORE AN OFFENSIVE TOUCHDOWN THIS SEASON?

"Rex and I just had a long discussion. That’s assuming that we’re even doing any of this stuff and when we’re going to do it and how we’re going to do it. Just because we have a player in the building here that has some history running the football, not really in the Wildcat by the way, doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s exactly what we’re going to do. All that being said, we know there’s going to be some version of something, I think that’s been said. With that being said, we just had a good discussion about it. We talked about the pros and cons, putting it out there or not putting it out there. If it is something that we’re going to do, should we put it out there? If it’s not, why waste time putting it out there?" -- Jets offensive coordinator Tony Sparano, on the existence of strange formations in New York's playbook (Pro Football Talk)

"FOR INSTANCE, JUST LOOK AT THE RAPID RISE OF FIREARM-RELATED INCIDENTS SINCE THE INTRODUCTION OF THE PHRASE #YOLO"

"I don’t have a issue with it. Right now we’re on a Twitter ban because I think we abused the responsibility. And I think it is a responsibility because you’re representing yourself, your family and the organization, and you have to do things the right away and you gotta understand the ramifications of words. Words are the most powerful thing we have, and as soon as they’re associated with your name — no matter if you retweeted them, if you tweeted them, no matter what happens — that’s stuck to you for life. And I think we’re constantly trying to educate our guys, understand the power of it. There’s some great things that happen, but also there’s detrimental. … It’s like a loaded gun. A gun is not a bad thing — people who use guns the wrong way are the problem. Guns have been in our society forever. If you’re educated about them and use them properly, they’re one of the great things in the world. But if you don’t and you use them carelessly, they’re one of the most dangerous things in the world. And I know that’s probably a bad analogy to a point, but in a weird way that’s kind of what it is." -- Florida State coach Jimbo Fisher, on social media (Sports Radio Interviews)

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE AGGIE WHO WAS TAP DANCING?

"I wasn't a huge pro fan growing up; I wasn't loyal to any one team, so I don't really know the divisions, and even really conferences. I know most of the conferences but some of those, I really have no clue. And they don't make sense. You have the AFC East, and we're freaking in the bottom of the map, and the directions don't make any sense where the teams actually are." -- Dolphins quarterback Ryan Tannehill, on guessing that the Giants were in the NFC North, while the Chiefs inhabited the NFC East in Hard Knocks (Shutdown Corner)

ONE DAY WE'LL BE SMART ENOUGH TO ALL DRIVE SAFETIES ... ERR I MEAN ELECTRICS

"I think that’s a cool word, you know what I mean? I get told by recruits, ‘Hey, I’m a hybrid.’ I’m like, ‘Do I plug you in at night and get better gas mileage?’" -- Texas defensive coordinator Manny Diaz, on "hybrid" players (Austin-American Statesman)

WE'VE NOTICED

"I think you can never have too much Tebow." -- Jets owner Woody Johnson (New York Daily News)

A COUPLE OF EVIL DOLLS POPPED OUT OF THE CRATES, BUT A FEW SODA CAN BOMBS TOOK CARE OF THEM

"The rent was the right price and the neighbors were quiet." -- Houston coach Tony Levine, on his living arrangements with a funeral home during his first coaching job (Twitter)

THE WEEK IN TELLING QUOTES ABOUT REPLACEMENT OFFICIALS

"Frankly, it's kind of embarrassing." -- Vikings punter Chris Kluwe, on replacement officials (Livingston Daily)

"They haven't been very good. That's the honest opinion. Before preseason started, I think you're optimistic. But it's almost like a young guy coming into the NFL. The game goes too fast for them." -- Packers defensive back Charles Woodson, on the replacement refs (Pro Football Talk)

I WAS WORKING MY WAY UP TO LAFAYETTE

"I tell recruits and their parents when I meet with them that my two goals in college were to play football and to drink every beer in Muncie, Indiana." -- Michigan head coach Brady Hoke, on coaching's role in making his life a better place (Grantland)

AH YES, I REMEMBER JOHN SKELTON'S MVP DAYS OF 2002

"Well Doug I don’t remember it being that clear back in 2008 when we made the decision to go with Kurt Warner. At that time there was a lot of different opinions about that, so I think this year is similar from that standpoint." -- Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt, on the Arizona quarterback situation (Sports Radio Interviews)

THESE DAYS, STATED INTEREST IN THE BIG EAST MAY BE CONSIDERED IMPLIED CONSENT TO LET THEM ADD YOU TO THE ROSTER

"Sure it is, where else? That's been our goal since the beginning. We're not going to go in Conference USA, I'll tell you that." -- Florida Atlantic ambassador Howard Schnellenberger, on his stated goal of joining the Big East (USA Today)

SOMETIMES THEY EVEN MAKE RAP VIDEOS ENDORSING A PIZZA DELIVERY CHAIN

"I don’t think so, but people do a lot of things for money." -- Former Redskins tight end Chris Cooley, on if he'd consider playing for the Cowboys (D.C. Sports Bog)

OH WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS KENTUCKY!

"They don't have any slow dudes like they used to," -- South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier, on Vanderbilt following a narrow victory on opening night (Dr. Saturday)

SLOW CLOSEUP, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC, CREDITS

"8-8 is unacceptable ... that was a really unacceptable outcome." -- Eagles owner Jeff Lurie, cryptically referencing Andy Reid's future (Pro Football Talk)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 31 Aug 2012

18 comments, Last at 06 Sep 2012, 8:06am by wyatt

Comments

1
by Sifter :: Sun, 09/02/2012 - 2:28am

Nothing like citizens of a capitalist country hating on a guy because of his bank account. If you don't like financial success and enterprise (let alone being proud of one's wealth), North Korea's just over that way folks...

Yes I'm baiting :D

2
by The Ninjalectual :: Sun, 09/02/2012 - 2:38am

How did this quote not make it? I submitted it, so I know it wasn't because they didn't know about it:

Jets offensive line coach Dave DeGuglielmo on Wayne Hunter earlier in the offseason:

"This guy is the starting right tackle," DeGuglielmo said in an interview with reporters today. "Until they tell me otherwise, until they ship him out of this building or until they shoot me dead in my office, that son-of-a-gun is going to be the starting right tackle. And he's going to play well."

3
by coboney :: Sun, 09/02/2012 - 8:05am

Maybe because it was earlier this offseason and not this week ?

4
by Shattenjager :: Sun, 09/02/2012 - 10:27pm

It was in The Year in Quotes in FOA, quoted in the Jets chapter of the book, and in the Month in Quotes for May 2012.

8
by Rivers McCown :: Mon, 09/03/2012 - 11:27am

Yeah, I probably would have explained what was said to you above about said quote had I not been spending the majority of last week on my flu bed.

5
by MJK :: Mon, 09/03/2012 - 1:19am

I don't blame Tannenhill for division confusion. While the new divisions are better than the old ones were, there's still some really weird stuff that goes on. Like, if we really want geographically sensical divisions, don't we have to swap Cincy and Indy? And that would be just the beginning...

6
by chemical burn :: Mon, 09/03/2012 - 8:29am

Yeah, it seems totally reasonable to me, not just for the geographical illogic either - I don't follow college football and I couldn't even guess who is in the SEC, let alone the PAC-10 and those groupings more or less make geographical sense, right? I guess if you gave me a team and asked me which division they're in I could get some guesses right, I'd likely miss on a bunch of them...

10
by Marko :: Mon, 09/03/2012 - 8:30pm

I think you proved your point regarding not following college football in that the "PAC-10" has been the "Pac-12" since last year.

7
by Zac :: Mon, 09/03/2012 - 11:23am

According to a paper by Dr. John Mitchell of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, the divisional breakdowns that would minimize intradivisional distances would be (I have given them a theoretical name):
Southeast Division: Miami, Jacksonville, Tampa Bay, New Orleans
Mid-South Division: Atlanta, Carolina, Tennessee, Cincinnati
Northeast Division: New England, New York Jets, New York Giants, Philadelphia
Capital Division: Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Washington, Baltimore
Great Lakes Division: Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago, Indianapolis
Midwest Division: Green Bay, Minnesota, Kansas City, St. Louis
Southwest Division: Houston, Dallas, Denver, Arizona
Pacific Division: Seattle, Oakland, San Francisco, San Diego
I'm not sure how you divide up conferences. You could East vs West but the way these divisions are, you'd most likely end up with New Orleans in the East and Cleveland in the West.

That decreases those intradivisional distances by almost half. He also shows that if you insist on keeping the quasi-historical conferences, then the optimal NFC has St. Louis to the North, Detroit to the East, and Dallas to the West, while the optimal AFC moves Baltimore to the East, Indianpolis to the North, and Miami to the South. He goes on to posit other scenarios, like if you decided that certain long time rivals must remain in the same conference with each other.

9
by jamie_k74 :: Mon, 09/03/2012 - 8:16pm

Or you could do away with all the geography. Even if it got sorted out, all it takes is one team to move and it's out of whack again. I remember seeing a proposal several years ago. Can't remember who created it or where I read it, but from memory it went like this.

AFC (Animal Football Conference)
Bird Div.
Cardinals
Ravens
Eagles
Falcons

Big Cat Div.
Bengals
Lions
Jaguars
Panthers

Herbivore Div.
Bills
Colts
Broncos
Rams

Misc. Div.
Dolphins
Bears
Seahawks
Browns

NFC (Non-animal Football Conference)
Industrial Div.
Jets
Packers
Steelers
Texans (Oilers)

Old West Div.
Redskins
Cowboys
Chiefs
49ers

Fighting & Pillaging Div.
Vikings
Raiders
Buccaneers
Patriots

Mythical Div.
Giants
Titans
Saints
Chargers

11
by Intropy :: Mon, 09/03/2012 - 8:37pm

Swap the Cardinals and the Seahawks and the bird division becomes the raptor division which is a little more specific.

Move the Chargers to the herbivore division, the Browns to the mythological division, and the Bills to misc. A brownie is a mythological pixie-like creature. A charger is a type of horse. And the Bills are technically named after Buffalo Bill Cody, a person, and would best fit the already full Old West division, but since we need balance and at least they have Buffalo in the title they can stay AFC.

15
by jamie_k74 :: Wed, 09/05/2012 - 2:13am

Yeah, I wasn't sure where the Browns ended up; see what I said re. several years ago & doing it from memory. I do remember the original writer semi-justifying whatever division they shoe-horned the Browns into by throwing in a "What on earth is a Brown, anyway?", or words to that effect. The Chargers, now; I wasn't sure if they shouldn't be in Industrial, as I take that lightning on the helmet and their name to be electrical references (plus the "Bolts" tag). That lets you take the Texans out, as they aren't Oilers anymore, but then where do you put them?

The whole thing is just a bit of a laugh, plus I do find it amusing that you can get the 32 teams into more-or-less logical conferences & divisions based purely on their mascots without *too* much straining. If it makes you smile, I'm happy.

12
by Dean :: Tue, 09/04/2012 - 10:07am

Why do people think divisions and conferences are/should be based on geography?

They're based on money. For example, utting those jackasses with the stars on their helmets in a division with New York, Philly, and Washington is a much more lucrative practice then putting them in a division with Denver, Houston, New Orleans or Arizona.

Even the conferences are divided in such a way as to be semi-equal not in terms of talent but in terms of market share.

14
by LionInAZ :: Tue, 09/04/2012 - 6:02pm

I don't believe for a minute that the NFL would somehow be less lucrative if the Cowboys were to be moved out of the NFCE. It's all a bunch of bunk about 'historic rivalries'. Although moving Dallas might mean they wouldn't be talked about as much, boo-hoo (/sarcasm).

16
by Dean :: Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:26am

So then why don't we take the Lions out of the NFC and put them in a division with Indianapolis, Cincy, and Cleveland?

18
by wyatt (not verified) :: Thu, 09/06/2012 - 8:06am

historical tradition

The Cowboys were always in the NFCE. Detroit was always in the NFC, and prior to that, the NFL. The Colts and Browns went over in the merger some forty years ago. The Bengals were always in the AFC/AFL.

The geographic redistribution was not purely based on geography and that was never claimed by the NFL. It was always going to incorporate tradition as well as geography.

13
by Will Allen :: Tue, 09/04/2012 - 2:00pm

Something is causing comments to disappear, if Aaron and Co. are not yet aware.

17
by Rivers McCown :: Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:59am

Yeah, that's just because we are getting hit with a ton of spam right now and I'm having to spend an hour-and-a-half each morning getting rid of it all. And making mistakes in the process. We're working on better solutions.