compiled by Rivers McCown

$50 MILLION GUARANTEED CAN BUY A LOT OF TISSUES

"You gotta laugh to keep from crying." -- Cardinals wideout Larry Fitzgerald, on Arizona's offense (Cardinals.com)

THE PART WHERE THEY DIED WAS REALLY INSPIRING

"Going into it, I had a chance to watch the movie "300" on the way from the hotel to the stadium, and kind of put in my mind the idea of going up an immovable and incredibly talented, just a force of a team. And kind of being the underdog, as we were played out to be, watching that movie really helped me get my mind straight. And I sent out a tweet before the game that I kind of thought would be scrutinized if we won after. … You knew it was going to be a special day." -- Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel, on his feeling coming into the Alabama game (Sports Radio Interviews)

ESCAPE GOAT LETS YOU FLEE THE BATTLE, BUT IT ONLY BRINGS YOU BACK TO KEVIN KOLB FOR SOME REASON

"Two sides to every story! But everyone needs a escape goat! Everyone need to point the finger at some one. It won't be first or the last!" -- Cardinals defensive lineman Darnell Dockett, on a report that he spit on Kerry Rhodes; he'd later admit that he did (Twitter)

SOUNDS LIKE A SPICY BOWL GAME OPPORTUNITY! THE REJECT BOWL, LIVE FROM EAST ST. LOUIS!

"Nobody turned a bowl bid down. We asked for more time to vet two other opportunities that we had that we felt good about." -- Louisiana Tech athletic director Bruce Van de Velde, on not going to a bowl because it took too much time deciding (AP)

"This had nothing to do with what happened on the field. It had to do with money. It had to do with how many people would go to the game for (WKU) versus us. It’s unfortunate to sit here knowing we put our blood, sweat and tears into making a bowl game, and it didn’t matter." -- Middle Tennessee State quarterback Logan Kilgore on Western Kentucky getting a bowl bid over them despite a worse record and a head-to-head loss to MTSU (The Tennesseean)

AND WHEN THEY GO HUNGRY FOR WINS, LIONS MUST TURN ON THEIR OWN TO FEED

"We've moved on from him. He wants to be an asshole, let him be an asshole. It's not my problem." -- Lions center Dominic Raiola, on Titus Young (Twitter)

"Unless he doesn't show up for it." -- Lions coach Jim Schwartz, on upcoming knee surgery for Young (Twitter)

OH C'MON, KARDASHIANS AREN'T GOING TO SETTLE FOR COLLEGE KIDS -- THEY DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY

"He runs through more players than a Kardashian." -- ESPN analyst Desmond Howard, on Alabama running back T.J. Yeldon (Awful Announcing)

SPARE SOME SALT, TUBBY?

"They tough. They talk just as bad as anybody else. I’ve heard every fat thing in the world so that doesn’t bother me too much. Sticks and stones, man, I know I’m fat it ain’t no big deal. There’s one fan, I don’t know his name but we go at it every year. He brings me a hot dog out and everything. He takes care of me. That’s my guy. ... After the first couple of times seeing there was nothing wrong with it. It’s pretty good. Just plain, before the game I don’t want to upset my stomach too much. I just eat it plain. Usually, I’ll put ketchup and mustard on [a hot dog] though. A little gatorade with it, it’s good." -- Steelers nose tackle Casey Hampton, on the treatment he gets from Baltimore fans (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

YEAH, HOW DARE YOU ASK A RELEVANT QUESTION AT A PRESS CONFERENCE

"I really wish I could undo the last 90 seconds of my life." -- Atlanta radio host Chuck Oliver, on indirectly asking Mark Richt what he thinks of "people" who'd say that Richt and Aaron Murray can't win the big games (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

"I'M PLANNING ON PLAYING THIS GAME WITH ROCKY ROAD ON MY SHOULDER," COMES NEXT

"Sunday I’ll have a double chip on my shoulder, I’ll let the game come to me and play hard." -- Bengals cornerback Adam Jones, on how things worked out in Dallas (Bengals.com)

ENDLESS LOOPS OF THE DREW BREES PEPSI COMMERCIAL GET HIGHER RATINGS THAN IT, TOO

"A soda inside the acc championship game costs more than a ticket" -- South Carolina defensive end Jadeveon Clowny (Twitter)

YOUTUBE POOP IDEA: HARBAUGH'S PRESS CONFERENCES AND THIS EPISODE. GO!

"A lot of people have been mentioning that lately. I don’t know why it’s become so popular. My wife told me about it, and a few players did. So they’ve been making quite a bit of sport of me over that." -- 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh, on his appearance on Saved By The Bell (Pro Football Talk)

CLEARLY THEY NEED A FOOTBALL COACH WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO CHECK E-MAIL. IS LOU HOLTZ AVAILABLE?

"He said the expectations had changed. But the input didn't change, so how do you expect things to change on Saturday?" -- Morgan State head coach Donald Hill-Eley, on accidentally receiving an email from school brass about looking for his replacement (Baltimore Sun)

BUT WHAT IF THEY ACTUALLY ARE YOUR HANDS? THAT'S WHAT WE'LL FIND OUT WHEN ROBO PASSRUSHER IS COMPLETED

"If you have tennis rackets in your hand, it's hard to rush the passer." -- Texans defensive lineman J.J. Watt, on reports that the Patriots are practicing with rackets to simulate batting passes down (Twitter)

GEORGIA TECH HASN'T SEEN SUCH SCRUTINY SINCE THE DAYS OF MARVIN GRIFFIN

"Georgia Tech!? El Paso, Texas!? New Years Eve!? FML," -- USC linebacker Tony Burnett, on his team's bid to the Sun Bowl (Dr. Saturday)

"What is lacking is the willingness to enforce NCAA policy and that is regrettable. All the Mid-American Conference asks is that the rules that have been approved by the member institutions of the NCAA be enforced. That did not occur in this instance." -- MAC commissioner Jon Steinbrecher, on Georgia Tech being granted a waiver to play in a bowl game even if it lost the ACC Championship to drop under .500 (Dr. Saturday)

JUST DON'T EVER TAKE ADDERALL, THAT STUFF IS AWFUL!

"Hopefully, they’re super duper drunk. So drink liquor, not beer. I would say morning drinking. Why not? You could pull an all-nighter. Then you’d have the drunk, tired guys who will really be obnoxious." -- Vikings linebacker Chad Greenway, on having the crowd ready for the Bears game this weekend (Minneapolis Star-Tribune)

THE POLITE THING TO DO IS TO AT LEAST WAIT ANOTHER TWO DAYS

"It was a distraction for our program. It was a distraction for our fans," Strong said late Friday after the win. "It was testing me. I am trying to get a football team ready to go play, and I am chasing another job so I am not taking care of the job I have? Then I don't have the respect of the players. When they respect me and they do everything I ask them to do, and then all of a sudden I am going to turn my back on them and go interview for a job two days before a big game? Come on, seriously?" -- Louisville head coach Charlie Strong, on being rumored to be in the running for the Auburn job (Coaching Search)

BACK LATER; BUSY HUGGING EVERYBODY I KNOW

"When it happened, I was thinking, 'What could I have done differently?' When you ask someone how they're doing, do you really mean it? When you answer someone back, are you really telling the truth? We live in a society of social networks, and Twitter pages and Facebooks, and that's fine. But we have contact with our work associates, our families and friends, and it seems sometimes that we're more preoccupied with our phones than the relationships going on in front of us. Hopefully, people can learn from this and try to figure out that somebody's battling something deeper on the inside than maybe they're revealing on a day-to-day basis." -- Chiefs quarterback Brady Quinn, on the Jovan Belcher tragedy (Shutdown Corner)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 07 Dec 2012

14 comments, Last at 09 Dec 2012, 12:10pm by jsmith2