compiled by Rivers McCown

LET HE WHO IS NOT IN THE PROCESS OF PILFERING SOME OTHER CONFERENCE'S TEAMS CAST THE FIRST STONE

"Missouri made a very selfish decision. It's been very disruptive. Missouri gave us notice in November [of 2011] and it's pretty difficult to move forward then." -- Big 12 commissioner Chuck Neinas, on the difficulty of releasing a schedule (Big East Coast Bias)

AKIU, WHAT IS CHEF IRELAND MAKING?

"He doesn’t know what he’s doing in my opinion. He’s real disrespectful, he doesn’t know how to deal with people and the whole Dez Bryant (situation) kind of showed to the world what he’s about, but guys in the building know what he’s really about." -- Former Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder, on Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland (NFL.com)

"You’ve got some guys in the draft, but there’s not too many guys out there just walking the streets. Matt is available. We’ve talked. I reached out to him. I get it from Ray Lewis. Around this time of year, players talk to players." -- Dolphins receiver Brandon Marshall, on the availability of Matt Flynn (NFL.com)

MAYBE COLLECT THEIR BUSINESS CARD TOO

"I went through it from high school to college and I’ll go through it again, and if someone says I’m too short, smile at ’em and maybe remember the name." -- Boise State quarterback Kellen Moore, on his poor measureables (Idaho Statesman)

THIS IS REAL, THIS IS ELEMENTARY DEAR, ELEMENTARY WATSON

"My plan is to go out there and be just as nasty as any player or any nasty person in this world. Just go out there and be one of the nastiest, most ferocious people you've ever seen in your life." -- Giants running back Brandon Jacobs, on his plan for the Super Bowl (Shutdown Corner)

MULTI-BALL! MULTI-BALL! BLERN! BLEEEEERNNNN!

"He's talented. His confidence on the field is impressive. He wants the football. We're going to have to talk to our conference about seeing if we can use more footballs because he's going to want the football every play." -- Houston coach Tony Levine, on pilfered Notre Dame recruit Deontay Greenberry (FOX Sports Houston)

WELL HE CAN LEAVE ME HELPLESS AS A CHILD

"I don’t know what it is that he does, but it’s something that he’s doing that really gets under my skin. Because I’m not that type of guy, you know what I mean? He’s probably the only person I’ve ever fought on a football field." -- Giants defensive lineman Osi Umenyiora, on his fights with Matt Light (CSN New England)

"Yeah, Matt Light. Please get well soon. I hope to see you on Sunday. You are one of my greatest friends." -- Umenyiora at media day. (Shutdown Corner)

ONCE AGAIN, WAFFLE FRIES ARE THE DECIDER

"Um, kinda the environment, and like, you know, and plus they had no Chik-Fil-A on campus." -- Auburn recruit Cassanova McKinzy, on selecting Auburn over Clemson (TigerNet)

WHEN TOLD OF THIS INTERVIEW, BLAINE GABBERT FLEW BACKWARDS FOR A SEVEN-YARD LOSS

"I should have an offline conversation with you, OK? I’m going to absolutely talk your ear off. Some of the stuff might not be politically correct, but I share your sentiment. I think, when is the next time Jacksonville is going to have an athlete like Tim Tebow?" -- Jaguars owner Shahid Khan, on if he would have potentially selected Tim Tebow in the draft. (Pro Football Talk)

SO OUR THREE QUARTERBACKS BATTLING FOR THE JOB THIS YEAR WILL BE BUSTY ST. CLAIRE, HOOTIE MCBOOB, AND CHESTY LARUE

"There was a gentleman from Indiana that thought about coming to the Bayou State. He did not necessarily have the chest and the ability to lead a program, so you know." -- LSU coach Les Miles, referencing Notre Dame signee Gunner Kiel (Dr. Saturday)

THE NATIVES AGGRESSIVENESS INDEX GOES DOWN AS YOURS GOES UP

"I never had too much hospitality here until I went for it on fourth-and-2. Since then I’ve been greeted in a lot more friendly manner than I was in the past." -- Patriots coach Bill Belichick, on the hospitality of Indianapolis (Pro Football Talk)

IF YOU TAKE ME OUT ON ONE MORE DATE YOU CAN SEE MY ILLEGAL BENEFITS

"He was kind of like the girlfriend that’s just like, ‘This is just a phase you’re going through, you really don’t want to break up with me,’" -- No. 1 overall recruit Dorian Green-Beckham's mother, on Lane Kiffin (FOX Sports)

I ALWAYS KNEW DEEP DOWN THAT ME AND TOM BRADY WERE ALIKE IN A SMALL, MEANINGLESS, WAY

"“Last year, I was rehabbing my foot in Costa Rica watching the game on an illegal Super Bowl website and now I’m actually playing in the game, so it’s pretty cool." -- Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, on his journey to the Super Bowl (Pro Football Talk)

UNLESS OF COURSE MY SON HURTS HIS FINGERS WHILE PICKING COTTON, IN WHICH CASE THE FLAMETHROWER COMES OUT

"I don't feel uncomfortable at all in Lubbock ... I've owned ranch land, I get it. I understand the culture of West Texas." -- Texas Senate "candidate" and former ESPN announcer Craig James, on his perception of how Lubbock feels about him (Awful Announcing)

THE WORST PART OF GOING TO THE PRO BOWL IS ... HAVING TO WATCH THE PRO BOWL

"I'll be honest with you. I was a little bit disappointed. I felt like some of the guys on the NFC side embarrassed themselves." -- Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, on the Pro Bowl (ESPN NFC North)

THIS SHOULD SPAWN FIVE MORE COMMENTS IN THE SACKSEER THREAD

"All players are risks when you draft them. It's not science. Sometimes, they can play at a high level in college for four years, and it can look like a duck, quack like a duck, walk like a duck. Then you get them out on Sunday in the National Football League, and it's not a duck, even though it looked just like a duck when you scouted it." -- Giants GM Jerry Reese, on Jason Pierre-Paul (Philadelphia Enquirer)

PATRIOTS FANS CAN TAKE SOLACE IN THE FACT THAT EDELMAN IS NOT DUANE STARKS

"I hope he’s out there when we play them. I don’t want to sound like that, but you know what I mean. To our advantage, I hope he’s out there." -- Giants wide receiver Mario Manningham, on Julian Edelman, cornerback (Boston Herald)

STOP OBJECTIFYING THE LOMBARDI TROPHY

"Being here, man, it's like watching porn. There's nothing bad about it at all." -- Patriots reciever Chad Ochocinco on the Super Bowl (Twitter)

WHEN YOU COME TO THE FRANCHISE QUARTERBACK IN THE ROAD, TAKE IT

"It’s like déjà vu like in 1998, starting off with a new general manager, a new head coach and a new quarterback," -- New Colts offensive coordinator Bruce Arians, strongly hinting at the possiblity of some turnover at the quarterback position (Colts.com)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 03 Feb 2012

23 comments, Last at 07 Feb 2012, 1:46pm by Steve in WI