compiled by Rivers McCown

BRETT FAVRE CONTINUES TO HAUNT THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS, EVEN WHEN ACTUALLY RETIRED

"It's like being runner-up at the prom. The crown just doesn't mean as much." -- Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, on finishing just shy of Michael Strahan's sack record (1500 ESPN)

AFTER ALL, PLAYERS OF ALL WEIGHTS HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON: THEY CAN SCORE AGAINST CLEMSON

"I don't care who they are. We're not going to change our offense due to the fact that one guy weighs more than the other guy. It's about going forward with the football." -- West Virginia head coach Dana Holgorsen, on replacing injured starting running back Dustin Garrison before the Orange Bowl (WVU Gazette)

HIS GNOSIS MEANS HE CAN SURVIVE THE UMBRA

"More like a Lycan wolf ninja -– like a ninja who been bit by a werewolf and then he’s still a ninja but then transforms to the wolf come game time. And the wolf is the dog. And y’all know I got the dog, too." -- Texans defensive end Antonio Smith, on what kind of ninja he upgrades to during playoff time (HoustonTexans.com)

WHAT BETTER WAY TO BALANCE YOUR KICKER THAN TO MAKE HIM THINK WITH HIS THIRD LEG?

"Every time we were struggling in kicking, coach tells me to think about girls on a beach or brunette girls. So that's what we did. Made the kick." -- Michigan kicker Brendan Gibbons, on hitting the game-winning field goal against Virginia Tech (Dr. Saturday)

RAHEEMING IS JUST LIKE TEBOWING, EXCEPT EVERYONE QUITS HALFWA--

"Last year, you could say we overachieved. This year, you could say we underachieved. But I don't worry about what's going to happen. You've got to keep trucking. Don't worry about it. Don't blink." -- Buccaneers coach Raheem Morris, prior to his firing (NFL.com)

"I almost pulled it off. I almost did it. I almost got us winning again. At the end, though, I had nothing to stand on. The last 10 games — you can't do that." -- Morris, after the fact (The Tampa Tribune)

I MEAN, IT SOUNDS INTERESTING ... BUT NEITHER OF THEM REALLY HAVE SEC SPEED

"If it's fresh water, I think grizzly bear. If it's salt water, I'm going to go with a great white. Grizzly could tap that joker on the head pretty good. But those great whites can get 10 yards long. That would be fun to watch. Can you arrange that? We'd all like to check it out." -- Washington State head coach Mike Leach, answering an online chat question about who would win a fight between a grizzly bear and a shark in waist-deep water (The Seattle Times)

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL ONLY GIVE UP A SECOND-ROUNDER NEXT YEAR FOR CARSON PALMER

"I'm pissed at my team. At some point in time, as a group of men ... you can say whatever you want about coaches, but [players] win the game. Here's your time. Here's your time to make some plays. We didn't get them stopped, and we didn't make enough plays. So, yeah —- I'm pissed at the team. Like I always tell them, I put it on me as well, but I am also pissed at my team. Because when you have those kinds of opportunities, you have to do it. And we didn't do it." -- Raiders coach Hue Jackson, on coming up short in the playoff race (Shutdown Corner)

BRINGING ME BACK TO ... OWNING LAND AND PEOPLE. WHAT A DRAG!

"They're classless. That's the way I'd put it. I've never seen more people swing at our players and call us racial slurs. I've never been called a 'cracker' more in my life than I have today. So I don't really have much respect for them in terms of that but they're a good team. They came out and outplayed us today." -- Ohio State linebacker Tyler Moeller, on the team's loss to Florida in the Gator Bowl (Dr. Saturday)

NEXT YEAR, LET'S JUST PUT CARLOS MENCIA ON THE COVER

"No doubt about it. Things haven't worked to my favor this year. There's a few things that happened that made me believe in curses. Ain't no doubt about it." -- Browns running back Peyton Hillis, on if he now believes in the Madden Curse (Cleveland Plain-Dealer)

NO, I HAVE A DUTY NOT TO LOOK. BUT THEN AGAIN, I PROMISED THE COIN I WOULD.

"I'm going to pull it out of a hat on game day. Whatever I pull that's going to be it. It's kind of crazy and then it's not because both schools are good. There are no bad choices." -- California HS recruit Tee Sheppard, on his solution to deciding between USC and Notre Dame (Rivals.com)

ARE THERE REALLY DAYS WHERE CHAD OCHOCINCO ISN'T FETCHING PEOPLE COFFEE?

"Wes you got fined for a hat? You're the 1st white receiver to get fined. Welcome to the club, Starbucks on me tomorrow." -- Patriots reciever Chad Ochocinco, on Wes Welker getting fined for wearing an unauthorized hat (Twitter)

THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A MUCH HARDER DECISION HAD YOU NOT BEEN FACING UCLA

"We all have opportunities to go elsewhere. So, if they want the bowl game to be coached, they better decide they want to treat us the right way." -- Illinois offensive line coach Joe Gilbert, on Illinois sneakily inserting clauses that shortened the school's commitment to its assistant coaches (Sports Illustrated)

OH HOW THEY ROCK, IN KEDS AND TUBE SOCKS

"But in a way it kind of is exciting. Most people, you would call them dirt bags. But it is what it is. We got to make sure we do our job and if we are doing our job well, then they will be upset and they will be trying to do things to get us off our game and we got to take that as a compliment. But in the same sense you got to protect yourself and hopefully the referees have 20-20 vision this week." -- Giants defensive end Justin Tuck, on facing the "dirty" Atlanta Falcons (ESPN New York)

YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, IT WOULD PUT THEM ON THE MAJESTIC MAPP

"The Clemson Tigers, champions of the ACC, take on another team from the state of Virginia ... West Virginia..." -- ABC announcer Brad Nessler, during a promo for the Clemson-West Virginia game (Awful Announcing)

SHAPE OF ... THE GIANT TROLLFACE

"Like the Marvel heroes who pull off last minute victories, Tim Tebow has fans around the world on the edge of their seats and believing that in our own lives when time is running out and all looks lost, we can dig deep inside and use our various strengths to triumph over insurmountable odds." -- Marvel editor Bill Rosemann, on a new comic book featuring Tim Tebow (With Leather)

IF HE DOESN'T STICK THE THROW, WE INFECT HIM WITH THE OMEGA VIRUS

"There is a play that we have, 'Red Alert,' that he called on his own, which is fake-spike it, then throw a touchdown — or he better throw a touchdown, put it that way. He did that completely on his own." -- BYU coach Bronco Mendnhall, on Riley Nelson's Dan Marino impersonation (Dr. Saturday)

AND I DON'T CARE HOW MANY TOP-10 PICKS I HAVE TO SPEND ON JOHN BECK TO MAKE IT SO

"Hey, about an hour ago, all right, their coordinator told us, told Foerster, that the Giants would have lost last week, they were in the playoffs. He didn’t mention that they had to beat us today. F-–k him, f-–k these guys. In 2012 the Redskins are gonna be the NFC East champions, and that starts right f–-king today." -- Redskins offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan, during pregame warmups (CSN Washington)

UNIQUELY QUALIFIED TO REACH TODAY'S COLLEGE STUDENTS

"If it wasn’t training table or happy hour, I didn’t eat. That’s serious." -- Ohio State coach Urban Meyer, on his college diet of free egg rolls (New York Times)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 06 Jan 2012

28 comments, Last at 09 Jan 2012, 1:38pm by Chainsmoker