compiled by Rivers McCown

ANOTHER THING YOU COULD TRY: ACTUALLY CATCHING THE BALL WHEN IT'S THROWN TO YOU

"Both of us need to just go out, maybe have a drink or two and just spill everything. It sounds easy, but it's not. He's throwing it to who he's comfortable with. I think (Randall) Cobb's taken my position from '09. I want to line up where Cobb's lining up because I know the ball's coming there. But me and 12 just ain't been on. He's had some guys come through this year, and he's gone to them instead of me. And really, it's out of my hands at the end of the day. If I could throw myself the ball and run under it, I'd do it every play because he's just not throwing me the ball like he used to." -- Packers tight end Jermichael Finley, on his communication problems with Aaron Rodgers (Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel)

THERE'S AN EATING GRASS JOKE IN HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I SAVED YOU FROM

"My point to you is, is there's no such thing as a flop that takes the field for our football team. Just so you know. Proud of those men. How frickin easy it would've been to say it's their night. How f*ckin easy, excuse my language. Spectacular group of men. You go find them. you throw your arms around them, you give em a big kiss on the mouth. If you're a girl." -- LSU head coach Les Miles, on his team's effort in defeating Ole Miss (YouTube)

OUR MESSAGE, NATURALLY, BEING THAT IT'S ONLY OKAY TO SUCK IF YOU ARE ON OFFENSE

"Looks like it worked pretty well, didn’t it? Like I said, it was consistent with our message to the team and I think our team rallied behind that. Our team played hard today." -- Arizona Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt, on reducing Adrian Wilson's role (AZCardinals.com)

BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN ... WAIT, THEY WERE IN OUR CONFERENCE?

"Sorry to see them go. I don’t know how much it will affect our conference. I don’t think it will have a great impact on our conference. ... I’m sure financials were involved." -- Virginia Tech head coach Frank Beamer, on Maryland leaving for the Big 10 (The Virginian-Pilot)

"This doesn't have any impact. It has absolutely zero impact. It wouldn't change anything about our decision-making process. If we were going to engage in (an ACC move) again today, it wouldn't change it at all." -- Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbick, on Maryland's move (Baltimore Sun)

ANOTHER REPEAT OFFENSE: A LEAGUE WAY TOO FOCUSED ON TRYING TO LEGISLATE THE INTENT OF DEFENSIVE PLAYERS

"I have determined that your actions were egregious and warrant significant discipline. However, I do not believe that your actions were so egregious as to subject you to a one-game suspension without pay. Player safety is the league's primary concern in the formation of playing rules and all players are expected to adhere to those rules or face disciplinary action. I hope in the future you will focus on ensuring that your play conforms to the rules." -- Appeal board member Ted Cottrell, on overturning Ed Reed's suspension (Shutdown Corner)

"Well, Ed Reed is a repeat offender, and the burden is on the defender to alter his target in situations like that, where a [receiver] is defenseless. Here's the bottom line for us -- hits to the head and neck area are potentially life-altering, as well as career-altering. We believe that, and we have enough to show us that. Illegal hits to the head and neck area are our biggest concern, and we are absolutely intent on getting those out of the game." -- NFL executive vice president of football operations Ray Anderson, on Reed's hit (Shutdown Corner)

WE WERE ONLY FRESHMAN

"I'm a redshirt so I'm here for 4 more years. If u gotta problem with me come talk to me and i'll shove that lax stick up ur ass." -- Akron offensive lineman Michael Casimos, to a random Twitter user who lamented the possibility of an Akron-Maryland football game (Deadspin)

HE'S ALSO A SHOTCALLER, AND HAS A NUMBER OF BLADES ON HIS IMPALA

"It's no secret, bro — that dude can play ball. It was too much for them. Colin's a baller. That's one dude I know I don't have to worry about." -- 49ers receiver Michael Crabtree, on (reported) new starting quarterback Colin Kaepernick (Yahoo!)

THEN HE CLEANED UP OUR VOMIT BEFORE IT EVEN HIT THE FLOOR

"Then soon after that we vomited." -- Iowa State head coach Paul Rhoads, on watching West Virginia wide receiver Tavon Austin's game tape (Twitter)

WHITNEY "MING THE" MERCILUS IS NEVER GOING TO CATCH ON EITHER, DON'T FEEL TOO BAD MIKE

"You know, he’s kind of like Cool Hand Luke. He doesn’t get too upset about anything. He just handles himself, and goes about his business, and works extremely hard to prepare for a game. And he knows how to avoid distractions, because he focuses on his job, and doesn’t seem to let anything bother him. And that’s why he has the success that he has, because he is very disciplined, and very determined, and he works at it." -- Redskins coach Mike Shanahan, on Robert Griffin (Washington Post)

"He must be pretty cool. That was good, yeah. I don’t know who that is." -- Griffin, on Cool Hand Luke (Washington Post)

BUT WHAT OF CHAD OWENS? HE LEADS THE CFL IN RECEIVING YARDS!

"Marquise Lee is the best receiver in football, including the NFL." -- Former Titans running back and FOX studio analyst Eddie George, on USC's wideout (Awful Announcing)

I'M OFFENDED. THAT YOU CALL HIM "J-CUT." HIS NICKNAME SHOULD BE CAT-RELATED

"Jason's black and Jay's white, You know what, it's the opposite. You would think Campbell would be like [Michael] Vick. But ‘J-Cut’ is like Vick, and Jason is more of a pocket guy, I would say. Cut likes to run around a little bit, so that's a little opposite. But because of the picture we paint on black quarterbacks, it's supposed to be a guy who runs around a lot, but Jason does a good job in the pocket, really reading coverage, really taking control of the offense." -- Bears reciever Brandon Marshall, on the differences between Jay Cutler and Jason Campbell (CSN Chicago)

DON'T SELL THIS MAN ANY SHED MATERIALS

"Yeah, our offseason is going to be one for the ages. We're going to get after it pretty good." -- Washington State head coach Mike Leach, on a remedy for his team's performance next season (USA Today)

NO "KEEP BATTLING?" HOW ABOUT "WE'RE FIGHTING OUT THERE?" "KEEP CHOPPING WOOD?" OH WAIT, YOU'VE BEEN DOING THAT

"When you're at six games to go, what you have to do is say, 'That's it, from now on I can't say, OK, we're making strides, let's do this.' There has to be a very determined effort on us and our staff to make sure that we do have, always, chip help answers, slide answers, two guys on one guys answers. Because I've found unfortunately that you can't take for granted that we're going to have [a consistent] level of play." -- Bears offensive coordinator Mike Tice, after Monday's disaster against the 49ers (ESPN NFC North)

YOU MEAN A SYSTEM WHERE THE COACHES ARE MULTI-MILLIONAIRES AND THE PLAYERS BARELY GET MEAL MONEY ENGENDERS ACRIMONY? STUNNING

"Well, Jerry Kill, I don’t choose to believe I’m a dime a dozen. My parents raised me in the most honorable and noble way possible, they never took from me. They never lied to me, or hurt me. There weren’t any "fucked up" things that happened to me growing up and it’s a disgrace to the effort my parents put forward every single day they were around me to insinuate anything of that sort. My parents and friends are extremely proud of me. They don’t view me as screwed up. In honor of everyone I associate myself with, I will not accept your ruthless attempt to degrade and belittle me." -- Former Minnesota wide receiver A.J. Barker, on quitting the program (Tumblr)

"Nobody wants to see a kid not play or get his dreams or those kinds of things. But at the same time, I can't let him do something different than everybody else. You can't be having a confrontation with an adult trainer and it's OK. That's not what we ask of everybody else." -- Minnesota head coach Jerry Kill, on Barker's accusations (ESPN)

99 PERCENT EFFECTIVE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, DAVID

"When you say show more, do more, you wonder, ‘Where?’ I mean, I work hard at practice and do my plays when I’m in and, so, (I’m) waiting." -- Giants running back David Wilson, on his lack of carries (Newark Star-Ledger)

JUST PAT THAT TURKEY BELLY, DON'T LET HIM GET TO YOU

"The way that they approach their whole world is completely different. They're energy givers now. They sapped every ounce of energy we had back in January and February. They were overweight, sloppy guys." -- Ohio State head coach Urban Meyer, on the physical regimen that helped his offensive line lose a lot of weight (Sports Illustrated)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 23 Nov 2012

21 comments, Last at 27 Nov 2012, 6:14am by the K