compiled by Rivers McCown

RUST IN THE MOUNTAINS, RUST IN THE BRAIN

"I just told them to maybe give Manning-to-Stokley a chance, maybe before Prater-to-Beadles." -- Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning, on a failed John Fox trick play (Denver Post)

THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO SPARE YOU THE INDIGNITY OF HAVING TO WATCH BIG 10 FOOTBALL

"We had tape cut off all week, where they changed the tape, I’m not gonna lie to you. They send you tape and they’ve got it all cut off and you don’t get to see shifts or motions or anything else." -- Michigan State defensive coordinator Pat Narduzzi, accusing Ohio State of doctoring their game tape (Detroit Free Press)

"You're supposed to send whatever you film out. I guess there was some problem in the Big Ten? Nebraska called for our tape. I don't know what's going on there. You're supposed to show everything. What happened was you're supposed to show from the huddle out so you see everything taking place. I guess some people are cutting out some motions and things like that. They're showing the end result, not the beginning of how he got to that." -- Central Florida head coach George O'Leary, on problem's with Nebraska's game tape (Rivals)

TARGETING HIM EARLY GETS YOU SOME ENERGY, BUT BY THE FOURTH YOU JUST FEEL BLOATED AND WINDED

"That’s the candy bar." -- Steelers wideout Antonio Brown, on Eagles nickelback Brandon Boykin (Observer-Reporter)

"It's up to me to do what I got to do to make sure they don't treat me like a candy bar, or whatever they said." -- Boykin, on Brown's comment (The Tennesseean)

OH TO SPEAK ON ONE'S FEET, TO BEAT ON ONE'S BRAIN

"Floyd, what do you think about this? What has it been like in Minnesota this year? I can't hear you. Do you have a preference on what sideline you'd rather be on?" -- ESPN sideline reporter Lewis Johnson, interviewing a statue of a pig (Awful Announcing)

DON'T YOU DARE SWOOP IN ON BRANDON WEEDEN'S RACKET

"You know, I have always enjoyed dressing up like a pirate, wearing an eye patch I think would be awesome and would add some legitimacy to my toughness. It would have been sweet to go back in the game with an eye patch and lead us to victory. People aren’t wearing eye patches as often anymore. What is up with that?" -- Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, on possible comeback options against New Orleans after he was poked in the eye (ESPN Milwaukee)

THE PG VERSION OF THIS COMMENT IS LEAVE IT TO BEAVER

"I'm not big on the Beavers right now, I know David Pollack is big on the Beavers, he's sipping that Beaver juice." -- ESPN analyst Desmond Howard, on his co-worker boosting up Oregon State. (Awful Announcing)

TEBOW I'VE GOT A NEW IDEA FOR ESPN ANCHORS: THE TEBOW GAME

"I was told specifically, 'You can't talk enough Tebow.' I would jokingly throw it into a segment. 'I gotta find 15 seconds here to talk about Tebow, all right let's move on and talk about Major League Baseball.'" -- Former ESPN host Doug Gottlieb, on instructions from above to mention Tim Tebow (Deadspin)

"Uh meow, it's just because we, you know, get along so well. We know we can play off each other." -- Falcons safety Thomas DeCoud, turning an ordinary SportsCenter interview into the meow game (Shutdown Corner)

IT'S ALMOST LIKE THEY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO GET ONE THEMSELVES

"This happened in Las Cruces one time and we were in there 2 1/2 hours, and I went out and bought turkey legs. So as soon as we get in there, I talked to the players about adversity, we've been here before and all this kind of stuff. They're saying, 'Where are our turkey legs?'" -- UTEP head coach Mike Price, on keeping his players fed during a delay (Dr. Saturday)

DENIAL FLOWS FROM NEW YORK TO TENNESSEE

"Let’s see what happens when he goes through surgery. Because if there’s that 0.0002% chance that he can play in the Super Bowl, why would take the option away from him?" -- Jets head coach Rex Ryan, on the possibility of a Darrelle Revis comeback in the playoffs. (New York Daily News)

"He's not anything special...I locked him down most of the game except those 2 plays." -- Titans guard Leroy Harris, on J.J. Watt (Twitter)

AND BELIEVE ME, WE NEED A LOT OF SECURITY WITH ALL THE PEOPLE I TRY TO THROW UNDER THE BUS

"Today’s practice was closed because we didn’t have proper security. I’m not going to jeopardize what we’re doing as a football team because of the incompetence of some people." -- UCLA head coach Jim Mora Jr., on his school's SID department (Larry Brown Sports)

BUT MAINLY, IT'S THE WIFE YELLING AT ME

"You feel bad about that. Obviously, I don't want to get a penalty, for starters, to hurt our team. I certainly don't want to get a fine, because my wife will yell at me. And I don't want to hurt Calvin. I don't want to hurt anybody." -- Vikings linebacker Chad Greenway, on his big hit against Calvin Johnson (1500 ESPN)

WHAT'S ACTUALLY AMAZING IS THAT THEY BOTHERED TO COVER YOU AT ALL

"Team slammed by our own school newspaper. Amazing! No problem with opponents paper or local media. You deserve what you get! But, not home!" -- Kansas head coach Charlie Weis, on unfavorable coverage in the school newspaper (Twitter)

I WOULD HAVE GONE WITH THE MARLBORO MAN AND GEORGE MCJUNKIN, RESPECTIVELY

"Jay Cutler, he reminds me of Josey Wales ... remember Clint Eastwood? Tony Romo, I'm telling you he's a modern-day John Wayne" -- ESPN analyst Jon Gruden, Texas-izing Monday Night Football(YouTube)

WELL, IF IT'S BETWEEN THAT OR WATCHING ALABAMA AND LSU BATTLE TO A 3-3 DRAW...

"I just think there's got to be some sense of fairness in terms of asking is this what we want football to be?" -- Alabama head coach Nick Saban, on the no-huddle offense (Alabama.com)

MY BIGGEST COMPLAINT IS WHATEVER THEY DID TO SEATTLE'S JERSEY, BUT I GUESS THIS IS A PROBLEM TOO

"I just wish it was a little bit longer. [It routinely gets untucked] and I don't even play much." -- 49ers guard Leonard Davis, on the new Nike jerseys (Wall Street Journal)

WILD HORSES COULDN'T KEEP ME AWAY ... INVISIBLE ROBOTS!?

"No. They’re still using human beings." -- Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, on if teams are blocking him differently this year (Pro Football Talk)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 05 Oct 2012

29 comments, Last at 07 Oct 2012, 7:14pm by Jerry