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05 Oct 2012

The Week In Quotes: October 5, 2012

compiled by Rivers McCown

RUST IN THE MOUNTAINS, RUST IN THE BRAIN

"I just told them to maybe give Manning-to-Stokley a chance, maybe before Prater-to-Beadles." -- Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning, on a failed John Fox trick play (Denver Post)

THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO SPARE YOU THE INDIGNITY OF HAVING TO WATCH BIG 10 FOOTBALL

"We had tape cut off all week, where they changed the tape, I’m not gonna lie to you. They send you tape and they’ve got it all cut off and you don’t get to see shifts or motions or anything else." -- Michigan State defensive coordinator Pat Narduzzi, accusing Ohio State of doctoring their game tape (Detroit Free Press)

"You're supposed to send whatever you film out. I guess there was some problem in the Big Ten? Nebraska called for our tape. I don't know what's going on there. You're supposed to show everything. What happened was you're supposed to show from the huddle out so you see everything taking place. I guess some people are cutting out some motions and things like that. They're showing the end result, not the beginning of how he got to that." -- Central Florida head coach George O'Leary, on problem's with Nebraska's game tape (Rivals)

TARGETING HIM EARLY GETS YOU SOME ENERGY, BUT BY THE FOURTH YOU JUST FEEL BLOATED AND WINDED

"That’s the candy bar." -- Steelers wideout Antonio Brown, on Eagles nickelback Brandon Boykin (Observer-Reporter)

"It's up to me to do what I got to do to make sure they don't treat me like a candy bar, or whatever they said." -- Boykin, on Brown's comment (The Tennesseean)

OH TO SPEAK ON ONE'S FEET, TO BEAT ON ONE'S BRAIN

"Floyd, what do you think about this? What has it been like in Minnesota this year? I can't hear you. Do you have a preference on what sideline you'd rather be on?" -- ESPN sideline reporter Lewis Johnson, interviewing a statue of a pig (Awful Announcing)

DON'T YOU DARE SWOOP IN ON BRANDON WEEDEN'S RACKET

"You know, I have always enjoyed dressing up like a pirate, wearing an eye patch I think would be awesome and would add some legitimacy to my toughness. It would have been sweet to go back in the game with an eye patch and lead us to victory. People aren’t wearing eye patches as often anymore. What is up with that?" -- Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, on possible comeback options against New Orleans after he was poked in the eye (ESPN Milwaukee)

THE PG VERSION OF THIS COMMENT IS LEAVE IT TO BEAVER

"I'm not big on the Beavers right now, I know David Pollack is big on the Beavers, he's sipping that Beaver juice." -- ESPN analyst Desmond Howard, on his co-worker boosting up Oregon State. (Awful Announcing)

TEBOW I'VE GOT A NEW IDEA FOR ESPN ANCHORS: THE TEBOW GAME

"I was told specifically, 'You can't talk enough Tebow.' I would jokingly throw it into a segment. 'I gotta find 15 seconds here to talk about Tebow, all right let's move on and talk about Major League Baseball.'" -- Former ESPN host Doug Gottlieb, on instructions from above to mention Tim Tebow (Deadspin)

"Uh meow, it's just because we, you know, get along so well. We know we can play off each other." -- Falcons safety Thomas DeCoud, turning an ordinary SportsCenter interview into the meow game (Shutdown Corner)

IT'S ALMOST LIKE THEY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO GET ONE THEMSELVES

"This happened in Las Cruces one time and we were in there 2 1/2 hours, and I went out and bought turkey legs. So as soon as we get in there, I talked to the players about adversity, we've been here before and all this kind of stuff. They're saying, 'Where are our turkey legs?'" -- UTEP head coach Mike Price, on keeping his players fed during a delay (Dr. Saturday)

DENIAL FLOWS FROM NEW YORK TO TENNESSEE

"Let’s see what happens when he goes through surgery. Because if there’s that 0.0002% chance that he can play in the Super Bowl, why would take the option away from him?" -- Jets head coach Rex Ryan, on the possibility of a Darrelle Revis comeback in the playoffs. (New York Daily News)

"He's not anything special...I locked him down most of the game except those 2 plays." -- Titans guard Leroy Harris, on J.J. Watt (Twitter)

AND BELIEVE ME, WE NEED A LOT OF SECURITY WITH ALL THE PEOPLE I TRY TO THROW UNDER THE BUS

"Today’s practice was closed because we didn’t have proper security. I’m not going to jeopardize what we’re doing as a football team because of the incompetence of some people." -- UCLA head coach Jim Mora Jr., on his school's SID department (Larry Brown Sports)

BUT MAINLY, IT'S THE WIFE YELLING AT ME

"You feel bad about that. Obviously, I don't want to get a penalty, for starters, to hurt our team. I certainly don't want to get a fine, because my wife will yell at me. And I don't want to hurt Calvin. I don't want to hurt anybody." -- Vikings linebacker Chad Greenway, on his big hit against Calvin Johnson (1500 ESPN)

WHAT'S ACTUALLY AMAZING IS THAT THEY BOTHERED TO COVER YOU AT ALL

"Team slammed by our own school newspaper. Amazing! No problem with opponents paper or local media. You deserve what you get! But, not home!" -- Kansas head coach Charlie Weis, on unfavorable coverage in the school newspaper (Twitter)

I WOULD HAVE GONE WITH THE MARLBORO MAN AND GEORGE MCJUNKIN, RESPECTIVELY

"Jay Cutler, he reminds me of Josey Wales ... remember Clint Eastwood? Tony Romo, I'm telling you he's a modern-day John Wayne" -- ESPN analyst Jon Gruden, Texas-izing Monday Night Football(YouTube)

WELL, IF IT'S BETWEEN THAT OR WATCHING ALABAMA AND LSU BATTLE TO A 3-3 DRAW...

"I just think there's got to be some sense of fairness in terms of asking is this what we want football to be?" -- Alabama head coach Nick Saban, on the no-huddle offense (Alabama.com)

MY BIGGEST COMPLAINT IS WHATEVER THEY DID TO SEATTLE'S JERSEY, BUT I GUESS THIS IS A PROBLEM TOO

"I just wish it was a little bit longer. [It routinely gets untucked] and I don't even play much." -- 49ers guard Leonard Davis, on the new Nike jerseys (Wall Street Journal)

WILD HORSES COULDN'T KEEP ME AWAY ... INVISIBLE ROBOTS!?

"No. They’re still using human beings." -- Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, on if teams are blocking him differently this year (Pro Football Talk)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 05 Oct 2012

29 comments, Last at 07 Oct 2012, 7:14pm by Jerry

Comments

1
by MilkmanDanimal :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 11:57am

I can't wait for someone to give Gruden a coaching job just so I don't have to hear him anymore.

3
by DEW (not verified) :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 12:02pm

So true. Even my wife, the epitome of the casual fan that the MNF team is supposedly trying to broadcast to, wishes that Gruden would just shut the hell up.

4
by Dean :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 1:09pm

I would much rather hear him than Kornheiser. Or Thiesmann.

6
by Will Allen :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 1:12pm

Yeah, and I'd rather have my pinky finger, instead of my thumb, chewed off by a rabid wolverine.

2
by DEW (not verified) :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 11:58am

The pig statue interview may qualify as the most insightful piece of sideline reporting this year. After all, the statue's answers were no less predictable than those of the coaches dishing out canned answers to meaningless questions.

10
by Hurt Bones :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 2:16pm

So I'm betting Desmond Howard takes his Beaver juice straight up, rocks off with a twist. Dare I ask the difference between Beaver juice and Beaver Kool-Aid?

P.S. Rivers please note the incomplete closing tag after Gruden's name.

11
by dryheat :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 2:25pm

Dare I ask the difference between Beaver juice and Beaver Kool-Aid?

Pretty sure you don't want to repeat Beaver juice 3 times.

18
by evenchunkiermonkey :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 4:35pm

Or do I?

21
by Rivers McCown :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 5:52pm

Noted.

22
by Hurt Bones :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 6:09pm

Thanks, though it did embolden me.

27
by The Ninjalectual :: Sat, 10/06/2012 - 5:50pm

You mean embiggen? That wor's more cromulent.

28
by Hurt Bones :: Sun, 10/07/2012 - 10:40am

Thank you, Principal Skinner. However in discussing the relative cromulency in regards to the text formatting problems, embiggen refers to font size while embolden was the more cromulent choice in this case.

26
by The Ninjalectual :: Sat, 10/06/2012 - 5:49pm

Beaver Juice is the real thing, squeezed from actual beavers. Beaver Kool-Aid is the fake powdery stuff that's mostly artificial.

5
by Will Allen :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 1:10pm

Nick Saban is the biggest phony in college football, now that Bobby Petrino isn't in college football. That's pretty big.

(edit) Advice to the next defensive-oriented head coach who wants to whine about it not being "fair" that the offense refuses to huddle; get off the field in three plays and it doesn't matter much.

Jared Allen is pretty funny. The Vikings really need to get back (sigh) to the Super Bowl before he retires, because he'd be better on media day than most.

7
by Dan in Philly (not verified) :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 1:19pm

Yeah, 3 NCs is pretty much proof of phonyness, isn't it?

8
by commissionerleaf :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 1:39pm

Well, that's not quite fair. You can be a big phony and still be a good (or great, in Saban's case) coach. Saban is probably the single best defensive coach working today; Alabama is a great school because he's there.

But his comment about the no huddle is a bit funny. Reading between the lines:

"Well, my defense allowed a few points this week, so we're trying to figure out how that happened. I just think there's got to be some sense of fairness in terms of asking is this what we want football to be? I mean, if my defenders are tired, or have to play more than one play every forty seconds, there are that many more opportunities to miss an assignment. And since there is no drama about whether we win or lose, I have to make side bets about how many yards we give up to keep things interesting."

9
by RichardD (not verified) :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 1:57pm

Quibble: Alabama is a great football program because he's there. Then again, for just about everyone except the faculty, that is the definition of school greatness. So I guess you're right after all.

16
by Will Allen :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 3:42pm

Saban is no doubt a great coach, but the worst thing about football, other than the injuries, is the Cult of the Coach, where any guy with a good to great winning record has his words hung on, like they are some damned sage on a mountain top whose wisdom we are all blessed to have been showered with, no matter how transparently ridiculous the utterance. I'll say this much for Belichik; he keeps his mouth shut as much as possible, which, given is track record and profession, is pretty admirable.

17
by dryheat :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 4:18pm

I agree re:Belichick. In a profession proliferated by blowhards, he could care less. Compare to Brad Childress, who was a head coach about 1/15th of the time Belichick was, and said about four times as much.

He even manages to make Parcells look like a gasbag.

25
by JonFrum :: Sat, 10/06/2012 - 4:35pm

"could >not< care less."

Implies that he cares so little that he could not care any less.

12
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 2:34pm

Barry. Switzer.

14
by Will Allen :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 3:25pm

How does logic work on your planet?

13
by sundown (not verified) :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 2:57pm

Not sure what Saban was drinking before letting lose with that set of comments, but it must have been quite a bender. The quote listed above was actually one of the milder things he said. He also questioned whether no huddle offenses should be banned in the name of player safety.

15
by Will Allen :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 3:34pm

He's reached that higher plane, where extreme phoniness is married to an audience of fawning synchophants, resulting in a Faulkneresque stream of consciousness, with a nonstop flow of nonsensical self serving assertions. He probably isn't even aware, at this point, of what a transparent gasbag he is.

19
by sundown (not verified) :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 4:45pm

The thing that would be REALLY safe is no football at all. I wonder if Nick realizes how close that really is? Seems like every day there's another report on the dangers of head injuries. Saw an article the other day worrying about young soccer players...needless to say that's a far safer sport than football.

And the "player safety" mantra is reaching such levels with football that CollegeFootballTalk's weekly rundown this past week took officials to task for allowing a game to take place during a heavy rainstorm.

20
by Kyle D. (not verified) :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 5:37pm

Was thinking along those same lines. When coaches start arguing integral parts of the game aren't safe for the players, they run the risk that people might actually believe them.

23
by Jerry :: Fri, 10/05/2012 - 6:20pm

Do I want to know what the "meow game" is?

24
by evenchunkiermonkey :: Sat, 10/06/2012 - 4:25am

Yes you do. Watch Super Troopers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXPeLctgvQI

29
by Jerry :: Sun, 10/07/2012 - 7:14pm

Thanks. I think.