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This week: Josh Shaw lies, Steve Smith intimidates, Le'Veon Bell relaxes, Matt Simms dances, and Clint Trickett kisses and tells.

05 Jun 2013

The Month In Quotes: May 2013

compiled by Rory Hickey

I AM BLOWN AWAY BY THIS NEWS GUYS!

"Just to let you know, we have some great news that we'll be sharing tomorrow! I'm really excited about it! Stay tuned... " -- New singer of NBC's Sunday Night Football theme song Carrie Underwood, the day before it was announced she would be taking over from Faith Hill (Twitter)

WITH THE No. 4 PICK IN THE 2013 NBA DRAFT, THE CHARLOTTE BOBCATS SELECT… ROBB STARK!

" The only thing he told me was 'stay out of trouble"… "Hearing it come from him … He is a strong voice. His opinion matters." -- Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant, relaying the advice given to him by NBA Hall of Famer Michael Jordan (ESPN Dallas)

A) NOTHING COULD MAKE THE PRO BOWL MORE WATCHABLE B) DOUBLE DARE

"…Make it so every single minute of the game has some sort of thing that’s going to keep fans interested and engaged."
Breer added that the NFL doesn’t "feel the need to keep the integrity of what a normal football game is."
-- NFL Network’s Albert Breer, on the NFL considering some ideas inspired by TV game shows in order to make the Pro Bowl more watchable. (Pro Football Talk)

HEY SEAHAWKS PLAYERS: YOU GUYS SHOULD ALL EAT SKITTLES. PROBLEM SOLVED.

"We have to grow up and move past that,"…"That's pretty much the message right now, growing up and not making the same mistakes over and over." -- Seahawks strong safety Kam Chancellor, after defensive end Bruce Irvin's four-game suspension. He also said that the team had a meeting after Irvin’s suspension. Irvin was the fifth Seattle player to be suspended for using banned substances since 2011, the most in the NFL in that time. (ESPN)

IT SEEMS RUDE NOT TO ACCEPT A FREE SANDWICH, ESPECIALLY SINCE DUCK IS EXPENSIVE

"He sucks." ... "I wouldn't let Mark Sanchez throw me a paper bag sandwich." -- Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith, on WFNZ-AM offering his opinion on the embattled Jets QB. (NFL.com)

HEY LEBRON MY WIFFLE BALL TEAM NEEDS A PITCHER AND THERE ARE 48 AND 49 YEAR-OLD WIFFLE BALL PITCHERS

"I would love to work him out and also serve as his agent. I’ll go wherever he wants this summer. He could play another four years in the NBA before seriously trying the NFL. … There are not a lot of 38- or 39-year-old basketball players, but there are 38- and 39-year-old quarterbacks, so there’s always time for him." -- Former NFL quarterback Joe Theismann, telling Fox Sports’ Chris Tomasson that he would work with LeBron James if he’s interested. (SI Wire)

I HAVE A MILLION AND ONE QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS

"I’m not really speaking on that. I just think that’s a very personal issue… [As far as] Jay-Z and Roc Nation and all that other stuff, I’m really not entertaining any of that right now. I’m just focused on having a great season and the time is right I’ll be picking another agent. Right now is not the right time for that." -- Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson , regarding his agent change, according to Tim McManus of Phillymag.com (Shutdown Corner)

ALSO STOP WEARING LEATHER SHIRTS AND SUNGLASSES INDOORS

" I live in Calabasas too and @justinbieber needs to slow his ass down. " -- Retired running back Eric Dickerson, reacting to this story (Bieber Vs. Keyshawn INTENSE SHOWDOWN At Singer's Mansion) (Twitter)

YEAH PEOPLE IN THE MEDIA SUCK. BUT SO DOES TIM TEBOW

"Here's the truth as I see it: Many coaches let pride or fear of media and fan scrutiny affect the decisions they make about star players." -- Analyst for NFL.com and NFL Network Akbar Gbaja-Biamila, as cited by Chuck Norris in regards to why Tim Tebow is not the quarterback of the Jacksonville Jaguars (NewsBusters)

FIRST OFF, F*** YOUR [BLEEP] AND THE CLIQUE YOU CLAIM ... OH IS THAT NOT WHAT THIS IS?

"Keep reporting bull[bleep] on me n see the next time I do a interview wit u yo [bleep] is lies get the facts 1st Cook b4 u say [bleep]" -- Buccaneers offensive tackle Donald Penn, upset at the report by Mark Cook of PewterReport.com that he had failed to meet his target weight at the majority of his recent weigh-ins for the team (National Football Post)

SO I GUESS HE WON’T BE GOING TO ANY YANKEES GAMES, RIGHT MARK TEIXEIRA?

"Like I told them, I got chased by a pony when I was younger on a field trip. I don't know if he was actually chasing me, but he came my way. I don't know what his intentions was." -- Chiefs safety Eric Berry, to Deadspin about his fear of horses, which differed from his telling of the story on NFL Live (Awful Announcing)

THAT’S GOOD, BY SEPTEMBER HE WILL DEFINITELY BE FAST AND FURIOUS

"My body is what helps me to make money. Whatever there is that I need to do to try and make myself better or get myself healthy, I’m going to do it. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to say that I spend anywhere between $400,000-$600,000 on body work, as far as taking care of my body, year-in and year-out. -- Bengals linebacker James Harrison, giving us an estimate on how much he spends on his body during his introductory press conference with the Bengals (Shutdown Corner)

THAT’S FUNNY, I’M THE SAME AGE AS BJORN WERNER AND WHEN I WAS 12, 13, AND 14 I HATED THOSE COLTS TEAMS

"I knew every NFL star probably when I was 12, 13 or 14. I learned every team, every player in the game and I always created my little All-Star games, All-Star teams. I was just telling a few people when I was 12, 13, 14, I played with Robert Mathis and Dwight Freeney. They were like the dynamic duo for years. Now I’m going to play with Robert Mathis. He’s going to be my veteran. I can ask questions, I can look up to him. This is just so amazing and so unbelievable." -- Colts first-round pick Bjorn Werner, explaining how he learned about the NFL by playing "Madden" (Sports Radio Interviews)

COULD VON MILLER GIVE US A YES OR NO ON THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG CAUSALITY DILEMMA?

"Got my first chickens—38 chickens. I’m pretty excited about it. You’ve got to start somewhere. As you guys all know, getting into the poultry industry is something that I always wanted to do. I just didn’t want to go out and buy a [chicken] house and do all this stuff and throw money at all that stuff. I really wanted to get to the fundamentals, get back to just raising chicks, and I’m just going to go from there. I raised chicks in college in class and stuff, but now it’s just a project for me to do it on my own and see where I go with it. I’m pretty excited about it. The chickens are not out here in Denver—the weather is fluctuating way too much right now. I’ve got them back in Dallas. I’m pretty excited about it. It’s a start for Miller Farms right now." -- Broncos outside linebacker Von Miller, discussing his chicken farm. Von Miller majored in poultry science at Texas A&M, which seems like an awesome major. Why didn’t I choose that? (Shutdown Corner)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @HunkyDoryRory

Posted by: Rory Hickey on 05 Jun 2013

19 comments, Last at 02 Jul 2013, 5:31pm by Intropy

Comments

1
by theslothook :: Wed, 06/05/2013 - 6:08pm

Seriously...I never knew you could major in something that specific as an undegraduate. My goodness, I wonder what the course curriculum was like.

3
by Hang50 :: Wed, 06/05/2013 - 6:32pm

At Oregon State, you can major in Rangeland Ecology and Management. I'm sure other Ag schools have similar region-specific sorts of degree programs.

6
by Revenge of the NURBS (not verified) :: Thu, 06/06/2013 - 9:41am

I guess it's a good thing that he actually got something out of his time in college. He's not one of those "scholar" athletes who just chose whichever major afforded him the most time for football.

7
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Thu, 06/06/2013 - 10:56am

Also, he loves the cock.

\graduated from an ag school

13
by bravehoptoad :: Thu, 06/06/2013 - 6:01pm

Yeah, my grandma, born in the 19th century, had a degree in poultry science. I imagine they were (relatively) more popular once upon a time.

2
by Dean :: Wed, 06/05/2013 - 6:24pm

Akbar Gbaja-Biamila?

5
by justanothersteve :: Wed, 06/05/2013 - 9:23pm

KGB's younger brother.

4
by DEW (not verified) :: Wed, 06/05/2013 - 6:40pm

I used to waver between laughing at Joe Theismann and wishing he'd just shut the heck up. But now with the new information about the effects of concussions coming out over the past few years, I really can't help but wonder...

8
by Dan in Philly (not verified) :: Thu, 06/06/2013 - 11:51am

Fresh eggs >>>>>>>>>>>>> store bought eggs, I recently discovered for myself. Just sayin...

11
by mathesond :: Thu, 06/06/2013 - 12:41pm

I've been buying fresh duck eggs for about a couple of years now. Can't recommend them enough.

14
by bravehoptoad :: Thu, 06/06/2013 - 6:06pm

Yeah, and free-range eggs >>>>> grain-fed fresh eggs >>>>>> store-bought eggs.

Once we had a taste test. One egg from the chickens roaming our back yard eating insects, one from the farm down the street, one from the store, all three frying sunny-side up in the pan.

Store-bought egg: yellow yolk.
Farm egg: orange, almost red yolk.
Our egg: yolk a rusty brown.

The darker the yolk, the more flavor it had, big as the difference between wild trout and stock.

15
by theslothook :: Fri, 06/07/2013 - 9:48pm

Hmmm...I'll definitely have to give them a try!

I have tested the difference between corn fed beef and grass fed beef...and honestly, I guess it depends on your preference but I like corn fed beef better. Corn fed typically has a much larger degree of marbling that means much juicer flesh. Of course, corn fed beef possess far more environmental issues so maybe I should go for organic grass fed on that principle.

16
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Tue, 06/11/2013 - 12:53pm

...organic grass? As opposed to inorganic grass? Is that a thing, now?

(Putting aside that corn itself is a grass)

17
by Gridiron Grammarian (not verified) :: Tue, 06/18/2013 - 9:17am

As opposed to grass treated with chemicals like pesticides and fertilizers.

19
by Intropy :: Tue, 07/02/2013 - 5:31pm

Inorganic grass is carbon-neutral(!)

18
by Intropy :: Tue, 07/02/2013 - 5:30pm

The difference between cows fed corn vs (non-corn) grass is pretty significant. But it's not the kind of difference where I prefer one over the other. Both are good, but not at all the same. It's kind of like the difference between pop with sucrose vs pop with glucose/fructose. They taste different, but neither is better. I get that everyone is going to have a different preference, but I think people get all worked up because one is far less common rather than over some real quality difference.

9
by ClemsonMatt (not verified) :: Thu, 06/06/2013 - 12:11pm

Speaking of regional majors, Robert H. Brooks of Hooter's fame was a dairy science major at Clemson. Can't make this stuff up.

12
by justanothersteve :: Thu, 06/06/2013 - 3:44pm

Not surprisingly, you can get a PhD in Dairy Science at Univ of Wisconsin.

10
by Kevin from Philly :: Thu, 06/06/2013 - 12:25pm

Odd, but the fist thing I thought of while reading James Harrison's quote was "Is this a Michael Jackson joke?".