compiled by Rivers McCown

STILL SLIGHTLY LESS CREEPY THAN BRENT MUSBURGER...

"Aye @_KatherineWebb hit me (240) 464-4150 when game over, lets go to wing stop then King of diamond," -- Cardinals defensive lineman Darnell Dockett, hitting on Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron's girlfriend during the National Championship Game (SB Nation)

LET'S JUST EXPLOIT ALL THIS EXCESS

"Chip will make up his own mind. I won't have much to say about it. We'll talk, I'm sure, but he'll make up his own mind." -- Oregon booster and Nike co-founder Phil Knight, on Chip Kelly's NFL chances. It was later reported that Knight was a big reason why Kelly chose to stay (Dr. Saturday)

(prompt) command trollaboutlackofplayoffsuccess

"We’ve got the MacBook under center. That dude’s a frigging computer, man. He’s one of the best." -- Ravens safety Bernard Pollard, on facing Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning (Twitter)

WELL, AT LEAST YOU HAVE THAT

"I don’t think I did a very good job, but I did a good enough job that I won the competition." -- Notre Dame defensive tackle Louis Nix III, on a "Gangnam" competition against Alabama's Christion Jones (Ledger-Enquirer)

"Being in South Bend, we don’t really have a lot of good weather, obviously. It’s very cold there, it’s snowing, so just to be able to be in the sun and just to go out there and have our shirts off and walk in the sand is the world to us." -- Notre Dame running back Theo Riddick, on Miami life (Dr. Saturday)

THOSE JON GRUDEN SELF-ESTEEM TAPES HAVE REALLY BEEN PAYING OFF WELL FOR THIS GUY

"I enjoyed my time here. I have no hard feelings. But it doesn't matter if I coach here or not. I will find another spot. I'm too damn good." -- Former Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan, on his ouster from Dallas (USA Today)

""I inherited a team that was 31st in the league in defense and made them better. I (expletive) made them a hell of a lot better. I'll be out of work for like five minutes." -- Ryan (USA Today)

YES, HE JUST HAS TO KNOW HIS ROLE. HEY, HOW WERE YOU AS A HEAD COACH AGAIN, MIKE?

"If they can keep him out of jail or keep him eligible, he’s gonna be pretty good." -- Oklahoma defensive coordinator Mike Stoops, on Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel (Twitter)

OH NO, IT'S BECOME SELF-AWARE! HIDE ALL FIRE-ABLE COACHES!

"I obviously have had too much of both." -- New Chiefs head coach Andy Reid, on whether he prefers cheesesteaks or barbecue (Deadspin)

YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T BACKDOOR INTO THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME WITHOUT PLAYING IN YOUR CONFERENCE TITLE GAME? I THINK WE'LL LIVE

"You can’t sneak yourself in." -- Alabama head coach Nick Saban, on college football's upcoming playoff system (Twitter)

BEST CUSTOM RAIDERS JERSEY EVER

"That is my name," -- Raiders linebacker Rolando McClain, on signing a citation with "f*ck y'all" (Decatur Daily)

YOU'D THINK A GUY WHO DITCHED HIS TEXAS TECH RECRUITS AT DINNER WOULD SHOW A LITTLE MORE RESPECT FOR THE PROCESS

"The thing is, we’ve talked to some other kids committed to Cincinnati. They say the same thing, that they haven’t heard from the staff. Basically (Tuberville) isn’t calling anybody, he’s trying to get the kids to de-commit on their own. It’s a bad situation." -- Bryant Monday, father of Cincinnati recruit Demetrius Monday, on how new head coach Tommy Tubberville is handling Butch Jones recruits (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

IF THE CREEK DOES RISE, OF COURSE, HE WILL BE REQUIRED TO PLUG THE DIKES AS WE ARE OUT OF SANDBAGS

"God willing and the creek don’t rise, he’s going to play," -- 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh, on the availability of Justin Smith on Saturday (Detroit Free Press)

THIS MAN WILL MAKE A GREAT COLLEGE FOOTBALL COACH ONE DAY

"This is about my family and finances. It’s a good time to take it to the next level. I enjoyed my time playing for Texas and it meant a lot to me. I can be a big play, deep threat. I can stretch the field and run good routes and move the chains. I can also return kicks and punts. I want to show the scouts everything I can do." -- Texas wide receiver Mike Davis, before deciding that he'd return to school (College Football Talk)

WHEN I SIT ON ROB GRONKOWSKI'S BACK THOUGH, IT MAKE THINGS MUCH EASIER

"It’s like when you talk to the Navy SEALs and those guys about when they go on a mission, how they talk about, ‘Alright, so we get there and we practiced going over a six-foot wall and the wall is 30-feet high.’ Well, that’s the way it is in the NFL. You practice for whatever -- you think you’re going to swim across a 200-yard lake and the lake is 800 yards across. You have to get across it. " -- Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, on the playoffs (ESPN AFC South)

LIFE ENDS AT (MIS)CONCEPTION

"It’s tough to leave because this is my home, this is the place I wanted to play since I came out of the womb. But, I feel it’s best for me and my family to take my talents to the NFL at this time." -- Clemson wide receiver DeAndre Hopkins, on his decision to jump to the NFL (College Football Talk)

"I was the face of the defense and he thought my age would hurt recruiting and he thought players wouldn’t play for me." -- Oklahoma State defensive coordinator Bill Young, on getting pushed out the door by Mike Gundy (Tulsa World)

NFL EUROPE COULD BE RE-STARTED AS NFL TEBOW, NO?

"It was a mess. It was an absolute mess." -- Former Jets special teams coach Mike Westhoff, on the Tim Tebow situation (The Fifth Down)

"I can't imagine a scenario where Tim Tebow would be Jacksonville Jaguar." -- New Jaguars general manager David Caldwell (Twitter)

"I'M HAPPY WE GET TO EXPLOIT HIS TALENTS FOR ANOTHER YEAR!"

"He could’ve come out of high school, probably, and gone straight to the NFL and played. He’s just one of those rare guys who has tremendous strength and quickness and explosiveness. And he likes playing. He’s a good guy, he’s really a good teammate also." -- South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier, on Jadeveon Clowney (Pro Football Talk)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

Posted by: Rivers McCown on 11 Jan 2013

10 comments, Last at 15 Jan 2013, 11:23am by Noah of Arkadia