Tom and Mike have climbed to the top of the Hill of Nonsense and unleash another wave of insane wagering on the world.
20 Sep 2013
compiled by Rory Hickey
"He keeps telling me, and it gets me upset, he keeps telling me ‘I’m all right.’ If he’s all right, then why is he making these decisions? But that’s the type of kid he is. He’s very relaxed, so I’m like, ‘What did you see? Why’d you do that? That’s not the read.’" -- Buffalo Bills head coach Doug Marrone, on quarterback EJ Manuel’s sometimes-irritating unflappability (The Buffalo News)
"Coach Rivera cannot run a route, catch a pass or even throw. He can't cover anybody. He's the head coach. The unfortunate part is he's going to get the blame for it that we aren't this, we aren't that." -- Carolina Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith, bemoaning the fact that head coach Ron Rivera will get all the blame for the team’s 0-2 start (NFL Nation Blog)
"I feel like as a linebacker or a D-lineman, any cut, it’s a man sport – be a man, hit me up high. Hit like rams. You don’t see a ram going and cutting another ram’s legs. They hit head to head, pad to pad."
"I feel like that’s something the league should look into more. You see some of that stuff, and it’s uncalled for. You have a guy who’s 300 pounds cutting a guy who’s 250 pounds. Do physics to that. Hit the man up high. It should be a good collision." -- San Francisco 49ers linebacker Patrick Willis, after defensive lineman Ian Williams suffered a broken ankle when he was hit with a legal cut block (CSN Bay Area)
"There are a lot of pundits and ignorant idiots who thought, ‘Oh, the Seahawks are gonna lose this game.’ Well, please, please don’t doubt us again. Every time you doubt us, you look stupid." -- Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman, in an interview with NBC’s Michele Tafoya after the Seahawks 29-3 win over the San Francisco 49ers (Pro Football Talk)
"I think me and Coach Trestman are probably the only two people who understand each other. I always say Coach Trestman reminds me of the first Willy Wonka. Not the Johnny Depp one; the Johnny Depp one was really cool. But the first one. Before that. The 1943 version."
"If you really look at Coach, he’s a genius. And a lot of times when you’re around really, really smart people, you don’t really understand them. I thought Willy Wonka was brilliant. I mean he had all kinds of candy. Who doesn’t like chocolate and candies? Everybody wanted a Gobstopper. Ya know? I just think he’s brilliant." -- Chicago Bears tight end Martellus Bennett, explaining his relationship with head coach Marc Trestman and the brilliance of Willy Wonka (Shutdown Corner)
"We apologize for any inconvenience." -- An Orlando television station, WKMG TV, issuing a scrolled message as to why it was airing the Jaguars game as opposed to the Denver Broncos-New York Giants game (AP)
"I’m the highest jumper in the league, hands down. It’s just always something I’ve been doing my whole life. It’s a skill I’ve mastered. When I was younger, I used to always try to touch the wall above the doorway with my hand. My handprints would always be on the wall and my mom used to kind of get on me. But I guess it kind of paid off." -- Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Jerome Simpson, declaring himself the highest jumper in the league (Star Tribune)
"Probably punch him in the face. I don’t want his money." -- San Francisco 49ers right guard Alex Boone, when asked what kind of fine he would give Packers linebacker Clay Matthews, who was fined $15,000 for his late hit on 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick (CSN Bay Area)
"After letting it sink in for about four hours I'm still struggling. It's time to get rid of the defensive play caller, the Dc, lb dl and db coaches. I hate saying this but this crap is getting old. How in the hell do you not make adjustments or put your players in the position to compete? If this is what is going to happen for the remainder of the season, count me out. I don't care if we lose a game but the way we are losing is just not what #Nebraska fans deserve. I have fought, bled, and cried over this program. I didn't do all that for the program to become what it has today. Time for change!" -- Former Nebraska quarterback Tommie Frazier, venting his frustration after the Cornhuskers 41-21 loss during which Frazier was honored at halftime (Dr. Saturday)
"Excuse me, everybody wants to know where you got that polka-dot shirt?" --Oakland Raiders offensive lineman Andre Gurode, asking quarterback Terrelle Pryor a question during media availability in the locker room following Oakland’s victory over Jacksonville
“He’s jealous.” -- Pryor (NFL Nation Blog )
"It’s gonna be about what we do in this little 53 yard by 100 yard triangle right here." -- Alabama head coach Nick Saban, explaining how he planned to control Johnny Manziel (YouTube)
"He’s just another guy, a talented dude, but he puts his helmet on just like me. I am not going to give him any more credit than he deserves. He’s a talented player. But everybody has a weakness, and he does too." -- Tennessee Titans guard Chance Warmack, on Houston Texans defensive lineman J.J. Watt, after Watt recorded two sacks on Sunday (The Tennessean)
"You have a certain number of symptoms. We had our diarrhea. We had stomachache, nausea; all that kind of stuff. Then in the fourth quarter, we started feeling better." -- Chicago Bears rookie guard Kyle Long, attempting to describe the volatile nature of the Bears 31-30 win over the Vikings (NFL Nation Blog)
"You know I can't really say speaking for other games. I know this game he played with an intent to hit. I don't know if it was so much to try to take people out but he was playing to trying to make plays for his teams and it kind of cost one of our players and himself obviously. I think you have to really play with that edge but you have to be smart about the plays you make." -- Green Bay Packers wide receiver Randall Cobb, discussing Redskins safety Brandon Meriweather who knocked out two players with concussions, including himself and yet was not suspended (Eye on Football)
"It's really not hard to switch allegiances. It's about where I'm making my money. If you go to a different newspaper you're not going to be loyal to your other one, are you?
"Y'all can't seem to understand that concept. It's a job. Yeah, I enjoyed the guys I worked with. I'm thankful for everything they did for me and the Rooneys did for me. But right now, I'm with the Bengals and I'm going to put everything I have into helping the Bengals win just like I did when I was with the Steelers." -- Cincinnati Bengals linebacker James Harrison, saying that it has not been difficult to make the transition to the Bengals from his old team the Steelers (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)
"I have like an animalistic aggressiveness on kickoffs. One of the things I tell myself when I go back there is, 'Lick your chops now. Get really excited. Go try and destroy this ball.' So I do give a glance to the stands before a kickoff, because that's where I want to hit it. I don't always do it, but that's my attitude anyway." -- Green Bay Packers punter Tim Masthay, explaining his new approach to kickoffs (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)
"We haven't practiced today. We've just been sitting in a meeting. He looks great sitting in a meeting." -- New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, when asked about the status of tight end Rob Gronkowski on Wednesday morning (NFL Nation Blog)
"Yeah, some people call me the black Tim Tebow."
“Yeah, I am a virgin. I’m not ashamed to say that.” -- New York Giants cornerback Prince Amukamara, in an interview with Muscle & Fitness magazine (Muscle & Fitness)
"Beating them last year and knowing that we're going to beat them again this year ... two years ago when they beat us 50-0 we owe them a little bit when we come to the Coliseum. There, they embarrassed us, this year we're going to try to embarrass them."
"It's so much fun to see them struggling like we used to struggle, and now they're struggling so it's awesome to see that." -- UCLA wide receiver Shaq Evans, rubbing a little salt in the wounds of rival USC (Dr. Saturday)
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