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» Seventh Day Adventure: Week 13

The biggest game this week is the Iron Bowl, where the playoff hopes of Alabama, Auburn, and Georgia hang in the balance.

28 Aug 2015

The Month In Quotes: August 2015

by Rory Hickey

DAY-TO-DAY: FLESH WOUND

"It's a leg. I don't know, just one of them. I don't know. I know it's one of the two. And there's a lot of leg there too, so I don't know that it's a knee. It's in the leg, so I don't know. Anyway."

-- University of Florida head coach Jim McElwain, discussing the extent and severity of offensive tackle Martez Ivey's leg injury quite eloquently. (Twitter)

I'M PRETTY SURE SOMEONE TOLD HIM BY NOW…

"I'm not sure the commissioner understands there is a CBA."

-- U.S. District Judge David Doty, saying that he does not believe NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has the legal expertise to properly enforce the league's collective bargaining agreement. (USA Today)

THAT'LL CLOSE THE BOOK ON WATERGATE… OH WAIT

"I didn't have a concussion. I guess it was perceived wrong. I did not have a concussion. I was saying that I had been consistently drinking the water for a month and a half -- five, seven times a day. And I was like, 'Man, maybe this stuff is helping me out.'"

-- Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson, attempting to end the controversy about Reliant Recovery Water, in which he is an investor. (ESPN)

A BENGAL DOESN'T CHANGE ITS STRIPES

"When I first came in, they didn't expect us to win a game and we won nine and made it to the playoffs and made it to the Pro Bowl, so there wasn't any negative then. It's just because time has gone on. I think it just comes down to the whole playoff thing."

-- Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton, breaking down why there is so much criticism directed towards him and his teammates. (NFL Nation Blog)

THIS SEEMS LIKE A SOCIETAL ISSUE

"Quarterbacks get protected more than any other player. I mean, he gets hit in his knees and he's about to cry. 'They hit me in my legs.' Everybody gets hit in their legs. Every play somebody tries to hit me in my legs. So what makes him different? What makes his life better than mine? I've got kids. I've got stuff I like to do on the weekend. But because he gets hit in his legs, he gets a flag. He gets up with a sad face like the world just ended because he got hit. I mean, you got hit in an NFL game. Who cares? Get back up and be like, 'Good job.'"

"There's some mediocre quarterbacks in the NFL that make a lot of money. You take a guy like Sam Bradford -- he's never played really in the last three years, but he's made more money than most guys in the NFL. Quarterback is the only position in the NFL where you could be mediocre and get paid. At every other position, you can't be mediocre."

-- Seattle Seahawks defensive end Michael Bennett, speaking his mind once again, this time about average and overpaid quarterbacks. (CSN Philly)

2015: FOOTBALL OUTSIDERS INTRODUCES VARB, VALUE ABOVE REPLACEMENT BUTT

"None. Their butts are about the same."

-- Arizona Cardinals head coach Bruce Arians, when asked how much input quarterback Carson Palmer will have on starting center battle between A.Q. Shipley and Lyle Sendlein. (Eye on Football)

I MEAN I ONLY GO TO DR. PEPPER IF I NEED A LITTLE PICK-ME-UP, BUT THIS GUY DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A REAL DOCTOR…

"I honestly had never heard of Dr. Dre but enjoyed the movie."

-- Miami Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin, after taking his team to see August movie release Straight Outta Compton. (Twitter)

NO ONE DESERVES TO EVER GET HIT, BUT SCREW LAPS THOUGH

"Well, first of all, I will say this: No one deserves to ever get hit. But if I continue to talk about it, my teammates are going to make me run laps. We made a covenant in the locker room that if we continue to talk about anything that can potentially distract the team, guys have got to run laps. So I will talk about it if you want me to run three miles after practice, after I've already ran like three to five miles."

-- New York Jets wide receiver Brandon Marshall, defending quarterback Geno Smith for Smith's role in getting punched in the face by current Buffalo Bill IK Enemkpali. (NJ.com)

GOD TOLD STEVE NOT TO TAKE JORDY NELSON IN THE FOURTH ROUND OF THE FANTASY DRAFT, SO WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?

"I hated Jordy got hurt, but in my beliefs, and the way I believe, it was -- God meant for Jordy to get hurt. If he wouldn't have got hurt [on Sunday], if he wouldn't have played in that game, if he wouldn't have practiced anymore, and the next time he walked on the field would have been opening day, I feel like he would have got hurt opening day."

-- Detroit Lions safety Glover Quin, commenting on Green Bay Packers wide receiver Jordy Nelson tearing his ACL in a preseason game. (MLive.com)

OHIO HIGHWAY PATROL DOESN'T MESS AROUND

"I would equate what [Tom Brady] did to driving 66 [mph] in a 65 speed zone, and getting the death penalty."

-- Cleveland Browns left tackle Joe Thomas, discussing the penalties from Deflategate. (ESPN)

I'M PRETTY SURE JEREMY ROENICK SAID SOMETHING SIMILAR AT THE NHL'S ROOKIE SYMPOSIUM

"Just in case y'all not going to decide to do the right thing, if y'all got a crew, you got to have a 'fall guy' in the crew."

-- ESPN analyst and NFL Hall of Famer Cris Carter, during the 2014 NFC Rookie symposium, telling rookies to make sure they have a fall guy in their crew because every guy in the NFL has a crew and you are probably going to do something stupid if you play in the NFL. Carter recently apologized for these comments that he made last year. (Eye on Football)

NOT ONLY WAS SHE A 5, BUT THE BAR WAS NOT VERY FULL EITHER

"He was the only one available, too."

-- New York Jets head coach Todd Bowles, giving one of the secondary reasons why the team opted to sign free agent quarterback Matt Flynn, the first being that he was familiar with the team's system. (NY Daily News)

I MEAN YOU COULD EAT A SALAD TOO…

"I listen to it a little bit. I read some articles. I kind of have to be up to date so when I come up here, I'm aware of what's going on… I really dislike the guy that called me a fat ass. That really ticked me off. I don't mind you critiquing my coaching style, but to make fun of my weight, that's unfair. I'm only 225 [pounds]. But other than that, man, it's football. If you win, you usually get positive reviews as a coach. And if you lose, no matter who you are: my brother, Bill Parcells, the greatest coaches of all-time have taken our share of abuse when you don't produce. That's the nature of the business. That's what I signed up for, and that's what I've understood growing up as the son of a football coach, and that's the way it's going to be. I've got to accept it. But the fat thing, I don't have to."

-- Washington Redskins head coach Jay Gruden, talking about outside distractions and saying that he can handle pretty much anything, except being called a fat ass. (Washington Post)

NOT TO HAVE A MASCULINE DECATHALON, HOWEVER AWESOME THAT MAY BE

"We're here to get better. We're here to play football. Not to wrestle. Not to fight. Not to box. Here to play football."

-- New England Patriots linebacker Dont'a Hightower, on why there were no fights or shenanigans during the joint Saints-Patriots practices. (Comcast Sportsnet New England)

I MEAN I WAS TAKING A NAP, BUT IT'S STILL TECHNICALLY A DREAM RIGHT?

"It's quite the dream come true. Two weeks ago I was just sitting on the couch waiting for a call and now I can possibly start an NFL game. It's what I asked for so now it's up to me to do something with it."

-- Undrafted Buffalo Bills rookie running back Bronson Hill, on starting the Bills' recent preseason game against the Cleveland Browns. (BuffaloBills.com)

Posted by: Rory Hickey on 28 Aug 2015

9 comments, Last at 01 Sep 2015, 11:03pm by LionInAZ

Comments

1
by TomKelso :: Sat, 08/29/2015 - 10:11pm

I can't be the only one who remembers all those Driver's Ed movies ("Blood on the Highway!") produced by... the Ohio Highway Patrol!

2
by Bright Blue Shorts :: Mon, 08/31/2015 - 4:42am

Jay Gruden's comments took me back to Buddy Ryan's response to Jimmy Johnson in the fallout of the original Bounty Bowl ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hh_A9YCS0XQ

Best way to deal with critics, laugh it off. Gruden has surely now given opposition teams or fans a way to distract him given that his weight seems to be a trigger point for him.

3
by jtr :: Mon, 08/31/2015 - 8:08am

If I were an opposing player, I would say something to him about his weight every time I was near his sideline and out of earshot of the referees. You would think a guy in his business would understand the need for a thick skin and to not let anyone know they're bothering you. But then again, you would also expect him to know not to give a point-by-point dissection of everything his QB screwed up in a press conference.
Brings us back to the ultimate chicken-and-the-egg problem: is the guy terrible because he's in Washington, or is he in Washington because he's terrible?

5
by Paydro :: Mon, 08/31/2015 - 3:55pm

You sound like a real great guy.

4
by Rich A :: Mon, 08/31/2015 - 12:24pm

I'm surprised no one mentioned the fact that Gronkowski claimed to be a virgin last week when asked about his sexual partners!

6
by PatsFan :: Tue, 09/01/2015 - 5:31pm

Aren't TMIQ items supposed to have at least a shred of believability?

8
by Jerry :: Tue, 09/01/2015 - 10:36pm

The quotes just have to be accurate. Some of the best are the least believable.

9
by LionInAZ :: Tue, 09/01/2015 - 11:03pm

I think you have it exactly backwards.

7
by Steve in WI :: Tue, 09/01/2015 - 6:15pm

The Jets would be a less annoying team if Brandon Marshall was the one with his jaw wired shut and not Geno Smith.