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» Scramble for the Ball: With All the Fixings

An idiot's (two idiots'?) guide to Thanksgiving football, prepped and primed for the monsters-in-law who only watch these three games in a year.

19 Aug 2015

The Month In Quotes: July 2015

by Rory Hickey

(Note: This ultra-super-late coverage of the best quotes of July is brought to you by e-mail server malfunction. Still, better late than never. -- The Editors)

NOT GOOD UNLESS IT'S COMING FROM A TODDLER

"I don't know how many fingers he has."

-- New York Giants co-owner John Mara, on the extent of his knowledge on defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul's hand injuries suffered during a Fourth of July fireworks accident. (Eye on Football)

RYAN TANNEHILL IS GONNA BE SO JEALOUS WHEN HE HEARS ABOUT THIS

"No one really likes their ex-girlfriend just after a breakup."

-- Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, responding to former teammate Brandon Marshall's negative comments towards him. (Eye on Football)

*BUFFALO BILLS STAFFER GETS FIRED WITHOUT EXPLANATION*

"I'm glad I'm getting paid what I get paid, but when you look at this you'd do it for a heck of a lot less; way, way, way less. My agent wouldn't be happy with it, but I'm telling you it doesn't get much better."

-- New Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan, in a press conference after the first day of Buffalo Bills training camp. (Democrat and Chronicle)

IS THERE ANY SOLID FOOD IN THIS LAND OF YOURS?

"If you're in the land of milk and honey like we are there's a lot to eat."

-- Washington State head coach Mike Leach.

"OK, moving on to our next team."

-- Anonymous moderator ending a conversation after Leach's interesting analogy to describe the Cougars' situation in his final remarks at Pac-12 Media Day. (Twitter)

BEEN THERE, BRO

"... For the record there was no big orgy or anything."

-- Buffalo Bills running back LeSean McCoy, talking to reporters about his cancelled "females only" party which -- let's be honest -- we're all disappointed didn't happen. (Sporting News)

WHAT'S THE CATCH?

"I just want to hug your neck. I'm so proud. Congratulations. Let's just win five Super Bowls in a row, how about it?"

-- Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, calling wide receiver Dez Bryant after Bryant and the team reached an agreement on a five-year, $70 million contract. (Sports Illustrated)

DON'T GET MEEK MILLED

"Too many people. I'll let them decide."

-- Philadelphia Eagles linebacker Mychal Kendricks, revealing that many people say he looks like Canadian rapper Drake. (TMZ Sports)

USUALLY I JUST STAND ON THE SHORE AND CAST A LINE

"I'm ready for whatever. I go fishing and the forecast says it isn't going to rain, but it might rain. Guess what: I got me a 100-mile-an-hour Bass Pro Shop dry suit right next to me, right in the drop storage hatch and I can easily walk to the front of my boat, pull it out and put it on and be ready for the occasion."

-- Chicago Bears defensive lineman turned linebacker Willie Young, making an interesting fishing analogy while describing his mentality towards his position switch during the upcoming season. (Chicago Sun-Times)

*JAMES HARRISON TAKES AWAY EVANS' PARTICIPATION TROPHY*

"Last year, I think we were the best 2-14 team ever."

-- Tampa Bay Buccaneers wide receiver Mike Evans, asserting -- no, proclaiming -- that the 2014 Tampa Bay Buccaneers were the best 2-14 team in NFL history. (The Tampa Tribune)

(Editor's note: Because we know some of you are going to ask: the 2014 Bucs had a DVOA of -28.3%, which ranks fifth of the 20 2-14 teams since 1989. The best were the 2001 Lions at -22.5%; the worst were the 2009 Lions at -51.6%.)

LOOK, NUMBERS IN THE 30S ARE MORE AESTHETICALLY PLEASING

"I'm obviously not a fan of the fifth-year option. Agents and teams know a lot more than I do, but it does kind of seem like a weird deal for the first-rounders. I just think that part of the CBA was poorly done."

-- Minnesota Vikings safety Harrison Smith, voicing his displeasure with the fifth-year option in rookie contracts for first-round picks, which means Smith (in his fourth year) might not be a free agent until 2017. (Minneapolis Star-Tribune)

IF YOU'RE SIGNING TERRELLE PRYOR, HOW HIGH IS THAT HYMNAL?

"When you look at the roster moves we've made, from the beginning here, though this past draft and even adding Terrelle Pryor here, right up to some of the things we're doing now around camp, we're singing from the same hymnal virtually on every decision. To say we agree on everything would not be accurate, but to say there's a rift or a power struggle or a tug of war, that would be completely inaccurate."

-- Cleveland Browns head coach Mike Petine, stressing that he has a great relationship with general manager Ray Farmer, disputing a report by ESPN claiming otherwise. (Cleveland Plain-Dealer)

GIRL POWER

"I didn't even dream that it was possible. And I think the beauty of this is that though it's a dream I never had, now it's a dream that other girls can have. I guess if that makes me a trailblazer, then I'm honored."

-- Arizona Cardinals coaching intern Jen Welter, who is the first woman to work on an NFL coaching staff, on being a trailblazer at her introductory press conference. (Pro Football Talk)

JIMMY GAROPPOLO HAS HIS FIRST VICTIM

"Yes, of course. The competitor in you wants to see the best team out there and why not beat Tom Brady in Gillette Stadium on a Thursday night game?"

-- Pittsburgh Steelers defensive end Cam Heyward, who is among a number of Steelers who said they hoped Brady prevailed in his Deflategate appeal so he'd be on the field against them in the September 10 opener (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

'OH COME, I'LL SHOW YOU MY FAVORITE FOUNTAIN IN THE CITY!'

"I'd like to drink from the same fountain as Vernon drinks from because he's not a 31-year-old athlete. This guy takes care of his body, he can really run, he's athletic and still very, very explosive. For me, what's neat is I don't have any knowledge of what happened in the past. When I came in here, it was a blank slate."

-- San Francisco 49ers tight ends coach Tony Sparano, heaping praise on the conditioning of 31-year-old tight end Vernon Davis. (San Francisco Chronicle)

WITHOUT THE OTHER THREE TEAMS SURE, I'LL TAKE THE RAIDERS

"Goal No. 1 is to win our division, and I don't see why not."

-- New Oakland Raiders head coach Jack Del Rio, setting the modest goal of winning the AFC West, something the franchise has not done since 2002. (Raiders.com)

WAIT... WERE YOU AT THE COLTS/PATRIOTS DEFLATEGATE GAME?

"I think I actually did OK playing at the weight that I played at in college. I was 235, 240 pretty much my whole college career. I've heard people say that I played bigger than my actual weight. I think if people actually sit down and watch game film, they'll see that I don't actually get pushed around as much as people say I do. I think people just assume, 'He has a light body. He's a pass rusher. He must not be a good run defender.' But I think if you ask anybody on the staff, Coach [Rod] Marinelli or anybody else, they'll tell you I'm doing a good job setting the edge and added weight is only going to help me. So I'm planning to add more."

-- Dallas Cowboys defensive end Randy Gregory, on playing well without extra weight, as he did in college, which is a good skill to have considering Gregory also said that he can "lose two pounds breathing air." (Bleacher Report)

Posted by: Rory Hickey on 19 Aug 2015

9 comments, Last at 23 Aug 2015, 1:44am by tuluse

Comments

1
by big10freak :: Thu, 08/20/2015 - 9:59am

I saw Gregory play quite a bit. He definitely is a talented guy, and I wish him the best in his career.

But having watched guys like KGB of Green Bay get shoved around by decent and better tackles I just don't have a lot of confidence in a guy light in the shorts holding the edge. Sure he might pick up some sacks but overall guys like this tend to be a net negative.

The counter is that he is being coached by the defensive line wizard of our age, Rod Marinelli. If anyone can maximize Gregory's skillset it's Marinelli

2
by Independent George :: Thu, 08/20/2015 - 10:53am

It's possible, but not easy. Strahan dropped down to 240 in his last season, and was still pretty good about keeping contain, but:

(1) He was no longer an every-down player at that point, and
(2) Strahan was really, really good at diagnosing a run vs pass before the snap.

Also, it's probably a little unfair to expect him to match the technique of a HOF end.

7
by LionInAZ :: Sun, 08/23/2015 - 12:48am

Marinelli was the guy who thought Jordan Dizon would be a great linebacker.

9
by tuluse :: Sun, 08/23/2015 - 1:44am

I wonder how much you can blame any coach for the Millen Lions. He was an excellent coordinator for the Bears.

3
by MilkmanDanimal :: Thu, 08/20/2015 - 11:26am

"Best 2-14 team ever" is like "most pleasant case of dysentery" or "least-painful stab wound to the stomach". It's a matter of really unpleasant degrees, Mr. Evans.

4
by Joseph :: Thu, 08/20/2015 - 12:04pm

Spell check QB names! (Tannehill, Garrappolo)

5
by Vincent Verhei :: Thu, 08/20/2015 - 2:41pm

I'm blaming that on the email servers too. Fixed.

6
by SFC B :: Thu, 08/20/2015 - 6:40pm

Let me guess, they're hosted in the bathroom of some apartment in Colorado?

8
by LionInAZ :: Sun, 08/23/2015 - 12:51am

1. Kristen Cavalleri must be wondering about Jay Cutler now.

2. Leave it to the Lions to be both the best and worst 2-14 teams of all time.