Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

01 Jun 2015

The Month In Quotes: May 2015

by Rory Hickey

PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, I'M A MAN OF WEALTH AND TASTE/I'VE BEEN AROUND FOR A LONG, LONG YEAR, STOLE MANY A MAN'S SOUL AND FAITH

"Here's what I don't like. I don't like what Roger Goodell is doing. He has so much power that he can almost shut people down. I just don't like him."

"And I don't like that on draft day these kids don't know that they're hugging the devil. I hate to see kids that are lost and then happy but they really don't know that the man they're hugging will rip their throat apart. If he has an opportunity to take money from them, or there's a situation where they're guilty before they go to court, he'll rip them apart. And there's nothing no one can do about it. If the owners are happy with Roger Goodell, the fans, the media, no one can take his job from him. I hate it."

-- Former New Orleans Saints wide receiver Joe Horn, when asked for his thoughts on the current state of the NFL. (ESPN)

MARILYN MONROE. ANDY WARHOL. BONO. TOM BRADY.

"[Tom's] a great American hero. A cultural icon. The greatest quarterback in the history of the game. He will go on to probably win at least two more Super Bowls, the only quarterback to ever win six, appear in eight. And you've got to see him in 'Ted 2.' We break into his house. Ted wants to have a baby but he obviously doesn't have a male appendage, so we try to figure out what would be the best version of a baby for Ted. So we break into Tom Brady's house and try to steal his sperm so Ted can have a super baby."

-- Actor and Boston native Mark Wahlberg, explaining why Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is a great American hero as well as Brady's role in Ted 2. (Eye on Football)

HOW MANY DEFLATED FOOTBALLS WERE IN THE HOUSE THOUGH?

"We believe in second chances, but when we signed Ray we were very clear what our expectations were if he was to remain a Bear. He was not able to meet the standard and the decision was made to release him."

-- Chicago Bears general manager Ryan Pace, in a statement, on the release of troubled defensive end Ray McDonald, who was arrested on domestic violence and child endangerment charges on May 25. (Sports Illustrated)

WHAT ABOUT MAN-ON-TELEVISION VIOLENCE? BECAUSE THAT'S MOST COWBOYS FANS

"I wouldn't really enjoy being in the locker room with someone I knew was a domestic violence person. That's how I feel. I would have really had a hard time with a teammate that you look at as a courageous, tough guy on the football field... to abuse a woman in any shape or form, there's just no excuse for it. "

-- Former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Roger Staubach, saying that he would not be comfortable in a locker room with someone who had committed domestic violence. The Cowboys signed defensive end and domestic violence person Greg Hardy this offseason. (Dallas Morning News)

ONE DOCTOR WILL BE ASSIGNED TO EACH TEAM TO PROTECT THE SHIELD

"The league would look completely different if they followed just the basic medical guidelines, because you wouldn't have [injured] players coming back to play that soon. The only reason they play is because they are heavily medicated."

-- Lawyer and former NFL player Mel Owens, commenting on the NFL's drug policy, which now states that controlled substances will no longer be stored at NFL stadiums, and the NFL has created a visiting team medical liaison, an emergency physician from the local area certified to practice medicine and prescribe controlled substances in that state. (VICE Sports)

WELL LeBRON WILL BE FREE IN A COUPLE WEEKS…

"The big thing for us now is we'll finish the spring with a very large inventory. We have to determine at some point to start to trim that down to what we are. What do we do best? And then, what do we not do well? That's something than can kind of fall by the wayside. But we need to come up with what our identity is on offense and I feel we are right on pace to do that."

-- Cleveland Browns head coach Mike Pettine, explaining that the Browns need to find their identity on offense. (Quote copied from the last ten years). (ClevelandBrowns.com)

THEY REALLY JUST SHOWED LANE RANDY COUTURE'S CAMEO ON "ENTOURAGE" ON A LOOP

"First of all, Lane is an elite athlete, and he got right into the program. He was awesome. What we do have is we will grind you out, and grind you and grind you until somebody just says 'get Randy Couture off me [in the ring].' And that's what we kind of do is utilize that, so a guy like Lane who threw up nine times in the first three days because he's never been through something like this. So he came to us at 310 pounds, and he left at 310."

-- FOX NFL analyst and co-founder of MMA Athletics Jay Glazer, on Philadelphia Eagles offensive tackle Lane Johnson's experience at MMA Athletics. (PhiladelphiaEagles.com)

I PRESENTED THE EVIDENCE, ELOQUENT AS THE PRESIDENT/EVIDENT IS THE EMPHASIS, I DESERVE ME ANOTHER CHAMPIONSHIP

"I don't think getting hurt has anything to do with it. I really believe Robert thought he was more of a dropback quarterback. In college he didn't have a route tree, didn't have a playbook, [which] does take some time. He hasn't done things the NFL asks you to do. It does take some growing pains. You better really work on it inside and out."

-- Former Washington Redskins head coach Mike Shanahan, continuing to comment on Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III for some reason. (CSN Washington)

PEYTON COULDN'T HANDLE THE COLBERT BUMP ANYWAY

"I love David Letterman. Always have. I consider myself a Letterman guy, because I've never done any other late-night show but his. I've been a big fan of comedy my whole life, and when I watch him, I've just always felt that he hits the right note -- all the time. He sure has been a big part of my life."

-- Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning, in an excerpt of a letter to outgoing late night host David Letterman. (The MMQB)

OOMPA, LOOMPA, DOOM-PA-DEE-DO/I HAVE A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU/OOMPA, LOOMPA, DOOM-PA-DEE-DEE/WHY NOT RUN MARSHAWN TIMES THREE?

"It's like playing for Willy Wonka. He's crazy. He wants to be young. He just is one of those guys who's always upbeat, wants to have a good time, and lets you be yourself."

-- Seattle Seahawks defensive end Michael Bennett, comparing playing for Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll to playing for Willy Wonka. (Tacoma News Tribune)

'TOO BAD KYLE ORTON RETIRED' IS SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY

"Now, we just need that quarterback to manage a game. We don't need him to come in and win seven, eight games like some of the other quarterbacks in the league. We need him to manage a game -- not make those crucial mistakes at crucial times. We have all the other pieces to the puzzle. The big question mark is at quarterback."

-- Former Buffalo Bills quarterback Jim Kelly, proclaiming that the Bills are one quarterback who can manage the game away from answering all questions. (Eye on Football)

'OH AND BY THE WAY EDDIE LACY'S A FREE AGENT IN TWO YEARS'

"Congrats, you just cost me a lot of money."

-- Seattle Seahawks general manager John Schneider, in a phone call to Ryan Tannehill's agent Pat Dye regarding keeping quarterback Russell Wilson after Tannehill's $96 million deal drove up the market cost of quarterbacks. (Twitter)

SOMEONE GET PAT DYE ON LINE ONE

"If you're not going to dream big, then why dream? I want to compete. Andy's our starter, I know that. I love Andy to death. Andy's always been there for me. He's been like a big brother to me. But I'm going to compete and try to push him the best I can and have his back -- always. He's our starter, I know that, but I want to make him better in every way that I can. Like I told him, hopefully one day me and him can be retired and look back on it and we're both 100 million-dollar guys. That's my dream. And I'll always be that way. So that's what I want to do."

-- Cincinnati Bengals backup quarterback A.J. McCarron, backing Bengals starter Andy Dalton while also dreaming of the day when the two of them will make over $100 million. (Cincinnati Enquirer)

WHEN IS THE MARKET FOR PUNTERS GOING TO EXPLODE?

"Well today's market showed that a [23]-25 record gets you 96 million American dollars... Andrew's about to own a team I think #Tannehill #Luck"

-- Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee, throwing shade at Miami Dolphins quarterback Ryan Tannehill's new contract while speculating about his teammate, quarterback Andrew Luck's next contract. (Twitter)

I'LL BE THE ONE TIED TO THE GOALPOST AFTER PRACTICE

"For all the rookies, let me get this out of the way: Yes, I am one of your teammates."

-- Falcons kicker Matt Bryant, addressing the incoming class of Falcons at the Atlanta Falcons Rookie Club. (AtlantaFalcons.com)

KEVIN OWENS DOESN'T NEED THE MONEY

"Well, a lot of us have bonuses in our contracts."

-- Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, explaining why veterans come to voluntary offseason workouts. (SB Nation)

THE LINEBACKER SITUATION AND THE CATERING TABLE ARE NOT UP TO SNUFF!

"When I look back on it, I looked at when I should've been more upfront with the owner. I think that was a big thing: 'Look, we got some issues, this needs to be resolved.' I knew what was gonna happen. We all knew it. But now, there's no way in hell [that happens again]. If I'm going down, I'm going down swinging. And if it happens, it's gonna be, 'Here's some issues we need to fix.' And hit them head on."

-- New Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan, reflecting on mistakes he made with the Jets while vowing there is no way they will happen again in Buffalo. (NFL.com)

LA, LA, LA, LA, WAIT 'TIL I GET MY MONEY RIGHT/THEN YOU CAN'T TELL ME NOTHING, RIGHT?

"Trying to get the contract right. I'll be there shortly. I don't know when I'll be there. Depends on the team and stuff. See how it works out."

Somewhere near the top seven at my position, top eight at my position. Not a lot of guys play inside and out. Not a lot of guys do what I do. So I feel like I should be somewhere near there… I just want to be in the realm of the guys that play like me. There are only so many guys that do what I do, and I would love to be like somewhere in there where they are at."

-- Seattle Seahawks defensive end Michael Bennett, on when he will show up in Seattle for voluntary OTAs and what his target compensation is. (Seattle Times)

THIS IS HOW SYLVESTER STALLONE STARTED…

"I want to play another six years. I'm seeing guys at 37 or 38 still playing football in the trenches and that's somewhere where you don't want to play. So I just want to change the game with the running backs. I want this to last longer and then when I retire, I'll be happy with where I end my career at."

"Football is changing, sports are just changing. You can see basketball, like Kobe Bryant, he is still playing at 36. You see Tim Duncan. I think back in the days you couldn't play for long because there were a lot of people that didn't know the fundamentals of hitting, running people over. That's not my form."

-- 28-year old Kansas City Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles, claiming that he wants to play another six years in the NFL. I'll set the over/under at three. (KCChiefs.com)

Posted by: Rory Hickey on 01 Jun 2015

32 comments, Last at 19 Jun 2015, 12:34am by LionInAZ

Comments

1
by MilkmanDanimal :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 1:22pm

So, if the over-under for Jamaal Charles' future career is three years, that means he's either playing until he's 30 or 32. I'm going to guess the "Under" portion of that is going to be considerably more popular.

3
by tuluse :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 1:48pm

It's pretty good line I think. A lot of guys manage to hang on a year or two longer than they're useful.

Also, not a lot of miles on Charles. He's never had 300+ carries in a season.

4
by jtr :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 1:51pm

Plus, Charles seems to be planning on emulating Kobe, which means sticking around for a few seasons of being actively harmful during his breaks between devastating injuries.

9
by barf :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 4:30pm

Charles reminds me of Marcus Allen - doesn't seem to take the big hits like other backs and is sneaky strong for being kind of small. As a Chiefs fan, if he can produce at the same level for 6 more years, I'm freaking ecstatic. Realistically, the offensive line would need to be much better for this to happen. So I'll go with the over, but just barely.

2
by jtr :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 1:31pm

Saying Tom Brady is already the greatest QB off all time because he's going to win two more Super Bowls is the most Boston thing ever

5
by Theo :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 2:14pm

Bono?

7
by chemical burn :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 3:02pm

Yeah: what the hell?

8
by Kevin from Philly :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 4:25pm

Sonny, I assume.

14
by Rory Hickey :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 9:38pm

I'm Irish so I felt like I'd be betraying my culture if I didn't include him. That and this way he won't put another CD on my iPod

"You play to win the game" - Herm

17
by ChrisS :: Tue, 06/02/2015 - 1:07pm

Two people are icons and two are not

6
by mehllageman56 :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 2:30pm

If I am Tom Brady, I'm already telling Mark Wahlberg to shut up. Of course, when people do that in film or in real life they get beat up pretty bad.

15
by Temo :: Tue, 06/02/2015 - 8:27am

In case anyone doesn't get the reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Wahlberg#Arrests

10
by johonny :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 4:50pm

Do you think Roger Staubach ever read North Dallas Forty?

12
by chemical burn :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 6:04pm

Maybe he's just ok with alcohol, drugs, gambling and sexual debauchery?

16
by Temo :: Tue, 06/02/2015 - 12:11pm

To be fair, all those are better than domestic violence.

13
by Jerry :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 8:33pm

Staubach arrived in Dallas the year after Gent left, so to some extent he lived North Dallas Forty.

11
by johonny :: Mon, 06/01/2015 - 4:50pm

Do you think Roger Staubach ever read North Dallas Forty?

18
by Vincent Verhei :: Tue, 06/02/2015 - 5:45pm

Hi everyone. I just cut out a dozen posts or so debating the Vietnam War. Please remember: we want to keep our discussions politics-free. Thanks!

19
by Will Allen :: Tue, 06/02/2015 - 5:52pm

No, thank-YOU.

20
by MC2 :: Tue, 06/02/2015 - 8:27pm

I'd really appreciate it if either FO would refrain from posting the sorts of things that tend to turn political (e.g. off-field stuff that does not directly affect the game, like Staubach's comment) or at the least, enforce the "no politics" rule a bit less arbitrarily. As it is, I get the feeling that FO is perfectly content to allow political discussions, and in some cases even encourage them, just as long as they approve of what's being said.

21
by Vincent Verhei :: Tue, 06/02/2015 - 9:28pm

We want to keep our site a politics-free zone, but we don't want to be draconian about it. We are human beings who make the best decisions we can and are not always right. We also get busy and miss stuff sometimes. If you see a comment or group of comments that seems to have gone off the rails, please send us a line at fomailbag@gmail.com.

22
by Vincent Verhei :: Tue, 06/02/2015 - 9:38pm

As it pertains to Week (or Month) In Quotes, and this piece in particular, the whole point of the story is to collect reactions to news stories and occurrences around the league. Greg Hardy's arrival in Dallas is news, so there's a reason to list Staubach's comments (or those of any other well-known player, really) concerning that move here, and Hardy's off-field behavior would be fair game in the ensuing discussion thread. That same discussion would be quickly axed if Hardy was being discussed in something like Film Room.

23
by MC2 :: Tue, 06/02/2015 - 9:43pm

So, to clarify, if O.J. Simpson had made the same comment that Staubach did, and I pointed out the hypocrisy in that, would that also violate the "no politics" rule?

24
by BDC :: Tue, 06/02/2015 - 10:30pm

Roger Staubach stood trial for murdering his ex-wife?

25
by MC2 :: Tue, 06/02/2015 - 10:46pm

Worse. Unfortunately, I can't go into any more detail, as it would (apparently) violate the "no politics" rule.

31
by ChrisS :: Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:48am

I made some comments and they got cut and I am fine with that. What I had seen was more philosophical than political (maybe controversial) but it is a judgement call and the stakes are very low so cut as you wish.

26
by BDC :: Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:33am

Well without breaking the rule about politics (and really, there isn't any need to get into politics anyway), I couldn't find anything about him committing violent acts towards a woman. What am I missing?

27
by Will Allen :: Wed, 06/03/2015 - 1:23am

Don't ask, unless you want to discuss American forgeign and military policy in the mid 20th century, and the role of a citizen in a republic. Seriously, drop it.

28
by chemical burn :: Wed, 06/03/2015 - 1:45am

If I'm understanding things correctly, he murdered O.J. Simpson's ex-wife.

29
by MC2 :: Wed, 06/03/2015 - 3:30am

He was responsible for a lot of violence against a lot of women. I would explain what I mean by that, but it would just get deleted again.

32
by LionInAZ :: Fri, 06/19/2015 - 12:34am

Well, he did say 'domestic' violence. It's a fine point, to be sure.

30
by dharrell :: Wed, 06/03/2015 - 8:33am

Love the "Banana Clipper" reference. Doubly appropriate since RG3, in the past few years, has been moving with the elegance of an African elephant.