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» Scramble for the Ball: With All the Fixings

An idiot's (two idiots'?) guide to Thanksgiving football, prepped and primed for the monsters-in-law who only watch these three games in a year.

16 Jan 2015

The Week In Quotes: January 16, 2015

YOU'RE RIGHT, RAY, THAT WAS TOM BRADY'S ONLY PLAYOFF WIN EVER

"The only reason we know who Tom Brady is, because of a tuck rule! There's no such thing as a tuck rule! If the ball is in your hand, and I knock it out your hand, whether it's going backwards, forwards, lateral, sideways, however it's coming out, that's a freaking fumble! But guess what we created? We created a freaking tuck rule!"

-- ESPN analyst Ray Lewis, claiming that no one would know who Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is if the Raiders had won in January 2002. (Extra Mustard)

SAYS THE MAN WHO GOT IN A TWITTER FIGHT WITH THE JAGUARS' MASCOT

"It was [Cardale] Jones that made it a big deal. It was Jones that made it an unnecessary distraction and attention grab. And it will be Jones who'll have to live this one down."

-- Pro Football Talk editor Mike Florio, admonishing College Football Playoff National Championship-winning Ohio State quarterback Cardale Jones for holding a press conference to announce he will return to Ohio State -- even though Peyton Manning did the same thing way back when. (Pro Football Talk)

CHARGING $85 FOR A STEAK IS CHEATING PEOPLE

"I just think it's flat-out disrespectful. I always have respect for Don Shula. I don't think that Bill Belichick deserves that. People make mistakes and do things, but Bill Belichick has proven that he's the greatest coach of all time. You can look at the last decade of what he's done, what he's been able to accomplish. But it's one of those things where as a coach, another well-respected coach; you don't come out and say those things like that about another coach. I think it's flat-out disrespectful."

-- NBC analyst and former Patriots safety Rodney Harrison, reacting to Dolphins head coaching legend Don Shula referring to Patriots head coach Bill Belichick as "Beli-cheat." (Pro Football Talk)

READ A FREAKING BOOK, MAN

"Maybe those guys gotta study the rule book and figure it out. We obviously knew what we were doing and we made some pretty important plays. It was a real good weapon for us. Maybe we'll have something in store next week."

-- New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, responding to Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh's comments that the Patriots using four offensive lineman and an ineligible receiver was something he had never seen before. (For The Win)

NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE, DEZ

"What am I supposed to do? I'm just reaching for the goal line. I don't understand."

-- Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant, commenting on his late-game catch being controversially overturned in the Cowboys-Packers divisional round game. (Twitter)

EARL THOMAS THINKS WE FAKED THE MOON LANDING

"I'm not buying into this leg issue. I'm not buying into it. I saw him scramble close to the goal line on the Cowboys, so he's not fooling me with that."

-- Seattle Seahawks safety Earl Thomas, not buying what Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers is selling when it comes to Rodgers' leg injury. (Bleacher Report)

'CHICKEN PARM, YOU TASTE SO GOOD' -- PEYTON, THIS SUNDAY ON HIS COUCH

"I guess I just can't give that simple answer."

-- Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning, when asked if he will return next season following the Broncos loss to the Indianapolis Colts. (Twitter)

THIS ONE'S FOR JOHN! (ME, OBVIOUSLY)

"I'd like to start the press conference with a thank you to John Elway ... er, John Fox."

-- Denver Broncos vice president John Elway, starting off his press conference with a Freudian slip, thanking himself instead of just fired head coach John Fox. (Bright House Sports Network)

THE REPORTER WAS JUST BEING A GOOD LITTLE FOOT SOLDIER

"How much are you salivating to get your hands on that D?"

-- An awkward question asked by a reporter, to new Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan during his introductory press conference. (VICE Sports)

REX WINS THE PRESS CONFERENCEā€¦ AGAIN

"Is this thing on? Because it's getting ready to be."

-- New Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan, delivering his opening line at his introductory press conference, and nailing it in true Rex fashion. (NJ.com)

OH, ARE WE CARRYING THE SUPER BOWL THIS YEAR?

"The decision to suspend initially Ray Rice for two games was a mistake. Roger Goodell has admitted that. But I never once in all my dealings with the commissioner ever doubted his integrity, and I think that came out in the report as well."

-- NBC color commentator Cris Collinsworth, discussing the Mueller Report and commissioner Roger Goodell's integrity during Saturday's Ravens-Patriots game. (Twitter)

I HOPE THERE'S AN EARMUFFS CARD FOR THIS SUNDAY

"At first we're like, 'What the hell is this? Brick? Wool? What kind of game is this?' But that quickly faded. We are completely addicted to it, we play it whenever we can."

-- Green Bay Packers center Cory Linsley, describing the Green Bay Packers' affinity for the game "Settlers of Catan." The game's object is to build settlements on the board using "resource" cards. The author says to think of it as a fantasy version of Monopoly, and I will take his word for it. (Wall Street Journal)

THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO THINK

"You guys heard that? ...It doesn't mean anything."

-- Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, when asked by a media member what the call "New York Bozo" meant. (Twitter)

GET OUT MORE? YOU MEAN LIKE TUMBLR?

"why are you worried about who is following you on twitter? More important shit is happening in my world than Kyle Long's tweets"

"I don't need this form of social currency maybe you do. If a follow from me is going to make you feel wealthier socially, then u need to get out more. I prefer our day to day interactions in person. But that's just me. You have my number. Stop the bullshit"

-- Chicago Bears tight end Martellus Bennett, responding to teammate Kyle Long, who felt slighted that Bennett had unfollowed him on Twitter. (VICE Sports)

DID YOU INVENT A TIME MACHINE?

"I've maintained a level of endurance and kept myself in a little bit of shape in case someone needed a receiver. I know I could add some value there at the receiver position, considering the way the league is now. I guarantee you I could at least be an 1,100- to 1,200-yard type of receiver."

-- Out-of-work wide receiver Terrell Owens, claiming that he could be even better than a 1,000-yard wide receiver right now. If only someone would give him a jobā€¦ (Sports Illustrated)

NEXT STEP: DUMPING SKITTLES INTO PUGET SOUND

"As a 12, I am calling on the NFL to revise its media policy so that all players are given equal and fair rights as a human being without fear of financial intimidation.

"As a fan, I have witnessed enough harassment and undeserving consequences regarding Marshawn Lynch due to his very obvious anxiety interacting with the media. I feel, and many agree, that what you are doing is wrong. You advocate against bullying and domestic violence, but force your players into uncomfortable situations? With a fine attached? There are other players willing to talk to the media and it should be a personal choice.

"Your rules state 'Reasonable cooperation with the news media is essential to the continuing popularity of our game and its players and coaches.' I don't feel your rules are reasonable as they read currently, considering the only benefit 'popularity' wise the NFL gets by bullying Marshawn is money out of his paycheck. This is not ok. And it needs to change because its unnecessary and cruel, as well as hypocritical.

"Enough is enough!"

-- Part of a petition from a Seahawks fan, requesting that the NFL stop forcing reporters to interview Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch (Eye on Football)

Posted by: Rory Hickey on 16 Jan 2015

9 comments, Last at 16 Jan 2015, 5:51pm by ChrisS

Comments

1
by Guido Merkens :: Fri, 01/16/2015 - 12:31pm

If Earl Thomas is a conspiracy theorist, he's been taught by the best:
http://deadspin.com/is-pete-carroll-a-9-11-truther-513149713

2
by MilkmanDanimal :: Fri, 01/16/2015 - 1:01pm

"You advocate against bullying and domestic violence, but force your players into uncomfortable situations?"

If anybody needs me, I'm going to go slam my head into my desk for about five hours.

3
by Insancipitory :: Fri, 01/16/2015 - 2:02pm

TO might be able to be a 1000+ yard guy. It'd just take him 500 targets.

4
by jtr :: Fri, 01/16/2015 - 2:47pm

I'm having trouble separating the objective component from the knee-jerk-Patriots-hating component in my objections to Harrison calling Belichick the GOAT. I'm thinking Bill Walsh has a very big edge on Belichick since Walsh ran all-time great teams with two different QBs, whereas with Belichick has only had success with Brady. I think Paul Brown might also be above Belichick, depending on how much you value innovation (running the first team to really treat pro football like a profession, recruiting black players) and how much credit you give a guy for dominating the '40s and '50s. Belichick-vs-Lombardi seems about a wash to me.

5
by Bright Blue Shorts :: Fri, 01/16/2015 - 3:44pm

Which two QBs are you referring to Bill Walsh as having run all-time great teams with? Montana was his starting QB from 1980 through 1988 ... Steve DeBerg threw about 900 passes in 1979-80, Jeff Kemp threw 200 in 1986, Steve Young totalled 170 in 1987-88.

I think it's a little premature to name Belichick the GOAT but he's up there with the others you name. My reservation is that his best results have all been achieved in the past 15 years with the Pats. His Cleveland days are average. However 3 SB wins, 9 conferences game appearances in 14 years is not to be sneezed at. The most impressive thing about his coaching is that he seems to take any group of players and gets them to play near their peak.

6
by Vincent Verhei :: Fri, 01/16/2015 - 4:14pm

Mike Florio is insufferable. I liked Cardale Jones for trolling the media anyway; I like him even more now for ruffling Florio's feathers.

9
by ChrisS :: Fri, 01/16/2015 - 5:51pm

What about a press conference does one have to live down, what a twit

7
by ibanez_ax :: Fri, 01/16/2015 - 4:17pm

I like Sports On Earth Matt Brown's take on Cardale Jones better than Florio's:

"For those criticizing the decision to hold a press conference: Get over it. Reporters have been speculating and asking about it for three days, so he decided to stand up and answer questions, publicize the high school that has meant a lot to him and talk about wanting to finish his college education. Terrible, right?"

8
by jacobk :: Fri, 01/16/2015 - 5:25pm

Weren't we recently evaluating Flacco's playoff chops by excluding everything after the completion over Raheem Moore in 2012? Doesn't seem fair to jump on Ray Lewis because he's trying to apply the cutting edge analytic methodologies deployed here on football outsiders in new contexts.