Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

28 Oct 2016

The Week in Quotes: October 28, 2016

by Rob Eves

KICKER'S LEAGUE

"But, my brother.. All of us pro ball kickers LOVE old men who get on TV & act like douchebags while wearing makeup.. Let's hug it out."

-- Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee, replying to Fox Sports broadcaster Skip Bayless' tweet that he "despises field-goal kicking." (Twitter)

NEW OVERTIME PROCEDURE: CATCH THE SNITCH

"Five quarters of football is pretty tough but Quidditch, y'know, the beaters, the chasers, y'know, trying to find the golden Snitch, things like that, that's tough."

-- Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman, comparing the challenges of football to those of Quidditch, the fictional wizards' sport in which teams of broomstick-riding competitors score points by chasing a series of balls around an oval-shaped pitch, culminating in the capture of the golden Snitch. (Seahawks Twitter)

EXPLANATIONS IN COMMENTS PLEASE ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"One more and I got 69 touchdowns. You know what I mean."

-- New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski, celebrating his 68th career touchdown reception, scored in the Patriots' 27-16 win over the Pittsburgh Steelers. (Jeff Howe, Boston Herald)

CASUAL RACISM

"I had a favorite quote while I was there. Don't laugh at me… 'Would you fancy a spot of tea?'"

-- New York Giants defensive tackle Damon Harrison, working on his British accent before the Giants flew to London to take on the Los Angeles Rams at Twickenham Stadium last Sunday. Perhaps aided by a mild caffeine buzz, the Giants came away with a 17-10 lead. (New York Post)

PLAYOFFS?!

"Never. Next question."

-- Detroit Lions head coach Jim Caldwell, dismissing reporters' questions about as to whether Caldwell would begin to discuss the possibilities of the Lions making it to the postseason this year. (Detroit Free Press)

NOT EVEN CLOSE

"We possibly have one of the best teams in the NFL, easily. Hands down."

-- San Francisco 49ers linebacker Aaron Lynch, feeling good about the team's chances to improve on its 1-6 record, minus-75-point differential, last-place ranking in yards per game, last-place rush defense… (CSN Bay Area)

TRY OLD SPICE"

"Right now, I just stink."

-- New England Patriots kicker Stephen Gostkowski, lamenting a subpar season in which he has already missed three field goal attempts and two extra points, already exceeding his combined 2015 total. (Providence Journal)

METRIC OR IMPERIAL?

"I'm not all that big on all that. I'm still waiting for my win total to exceed my weight. That's going to be a couple more wins."

-- Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid, enjoying his 300th game, and 176th win, as an NFL head coach. (Kansas City Star)

READS THE ROOM LIKE HE READS DEFENSES

"Missed you guys… That's a joke."

-- Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, reintroducing himself to the media as he prepares to return to the Bears' starting lineup this week after five games out with a thumb injury. ( Zach Zaidman, Chicago Bears Radio)

"He doesn't have a choice, I guess, at this point."

-- Cutler, highlighting the harsh realities of the Bears' quarterback situation as he answers reporters' questions as to whether he has the trust of head coach John Fox. ( Zach Zaidman, Chicago Bears Radio)

SEAHAWKS CAN CONFIRM

"I think it's just playing better with what you have… I mean, what are you going to do? There's not much you can do. It's not like you're not going to go down to Carl's Jr. and find somebody."

-- Minnesota Vikings guard Alex Boone, dissecting the Vikings' offensive line issues this season after allowing six sacks in the team's 21-10 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles. (Star Tribune)

FASHION STATEMENT

"Start getting to bed earlier each night, getting up earlier, wearing sunglasses at night, little things just to try to make that adjustment as quickly as possible so I don't feel it this weekend when we get there."

-- Washington quarterback Kirk Cousins, making some adjustments to his nighttime dress-sense in order to get used to the famously sunny British nights, as the team prepares to travel to play at London's Wembley Stadium against the Cincinatti Bengals this Sunday. (NFL.com)

SPORTSBOOKS TAKE NOTE

"When you hear the atmosphere of when we step out on the field, when we go to punt or before halftime when Blake [Bortles] takes a knee and you hear the booing, it's kind of funny to me… It's funny that we get our best home-field advantage when we go to Wembley."

-- Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Allen Robinson, throwing a jab at the Jags' home fans for booing during the team's 33-16 loss to the Oakland Raiders. (ESPN)

DEFINITELY NOT THE FIRST

"I think somebody's got to tell the truth, so I might as well be the first to say it: I think they're ugly as hell… I'm not a big fan of the mustard. I think they could have done a better job, and I think they should choose a different color."

-- Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Blake Bortles, critiquing the Jags' mustard yellow "Color Rush" uniforms the team donned for their Thursday night clash with the Tennessee Titans. (ESPN)

SURELY CAN'T HURT

"If pissed off is going to stop the turnovers I'm more than happy to have pissed him off the whole time."

-- New York Jets head coach Todd Bowles, sharing the secret to getting quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick to play turnover-free football. Fitzpatrick played in Sunday's 24-16 win over the Baltimore Ravens after being benched for Geno Smith last week, as Smith tore his ACL during the game. (Brian Costello, New York Post)

FORTUNATELY NOT

"Jon Gruden hasn't coached in a while, has he?"

-- Denver Broncos defensive coordinator Wade Phillips, responding to reports that ESPN commentator and former NFL head coach Jon Gruden believes the Broncos should run more Spider 2 Y Banana the Broncos should play more zone defense. (Ryan Koenigsberg, BSN Denver)

MICHAEL LEACH, COME ON DOWN!

"One of the most screwed up things about this country is to do anything, to cross the street, we have a committee. I said screw the committee, we only need one guy who's smart enough to call head or tails, that's it.… Well, Jamal Morrow was on The Price is Right, he was very lucky, he went to the final round and almost won the sucker. I figured, well, Jamal Morrow's a lucky guy, he's got pretty good energy… Jamal goes out and did have an amazing knack for winning the toss."

-- Washington State Cougars head coach Mike Leach, explaining why running back (and The Price Is Right contestant) Jamal Morrow is the team's only designated captain. Morrow is 5-2 calling tosses for the season. (Jacob Thorpe, The Spokesman Review, Aaron Levine, Fox Sports)

#GRANDPAGATE

"The first time I met Brett was on the practice field, and I could barely get a sentence out of, 'Hello, my name is Aaron.'… Did I call him 'Grandpa' at any time during the three years together? Probably. But it's in the same joking way that my man Brett Hundley called me 'Grandpa' three weeks ago on the field when we were doing a competitive drill… The end."
-- Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, denying reports that he called former Packers quarterback and Hall-of-Famer Brett Favre "Grandpa" the first time he met him at practice in 2005. (ESPN)

HERE YOU ARE ALL EQUALLY WORTHLESS

"First meeting, no practice, like everybody and he's going on and he's at Tom's head. And I'm like, 'Is this a joke? Are we being punk'd?'… Like everything was perfect, like, remember Full Metal Jacket? Remember the beginning of Full Metal Jacket? That's what it's like being there, everything is on point, and Bill is that drill sergeant."

-- Former New England Patriots wide receiver Chad Johnson, remembering the time head coach Bill Belichick roasted quarterback Tom Brady in front of the team. (SB Nation)

THE WEEK IN GIFS

"I'm sure we'll talk to the league, and get some kind of explanation that's bullsh-t like normal."

-- Arizona Cardinals head coach Bruce Arians, demanding an explanation for the no-flag on Seattle Seahawks linebacker Bobby Wagner for hurdling the Cardinals' line in an attempt to block a late overtime field-goal attempt, potentially unsettling kicker Chandler Catanzaro, who could only hit the uprights from 24 yards out. Arians was furious…

…but the game eventually ended in a 6-6 tie as the Seahawks missed a chip shot of their own in the final seconds.

(Will Brinson, CBS Sports)

Posted by: Rob Eves on 28 Oct 2016

24 comments, Last at 31 Oct 2016, 10:29am by Noah Arkadia

Comments

1
by Dr. Mooch :: Fri, 10/28/2016 - 7:07pm

No question, the 49ers are definitely somewhere in the top 40 or 50 best teams in football.

2
by Bright Blue Shorts :: Sat, 10/29/2016 - 3:43am

I imagine Gronk is referring to the classic scene from Bill and Ted's ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsC8zEgZEfo

14
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 8:21am

That movie came out three months before Gronk was born.

17
by Bright Blue Shorts :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 9:01am

I feel old

20
by Vincent Verhei :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 4:48pm

WHAT?

21
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 8:15pm

Gronk was born on May 14, 1989.

B&T came out February 17, 1989.

22
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 8:16pm

Hell, he was 10 when Keanu did The Matrix.

23
by The Hypno-Toad :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 11:28pm

It's slightly more depressing than that. The Matrix came out on March 31st, 1999 (I always thought it was April 1st. Glad I fact-checked before posting). Gronk was anxiously counting down the six weeks until his 10th birthday. Ugh.

3
by wardh2o :: Sat, 10/29/2016 - 10:22am

It wasn't the greatest week of football, but it was a great week of quotes.

4
by Noah Arkadia :: Sat, 10/29/2016 - 11:19am

Thanks for filling my request with the Carrol gif! That's just so funny. Cognitive dissonance at its best.

15
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 8:24am

Cognitive dissonance is the stress caused by simultaneously believing two antithetical ideas.

What Carroll is experiencing is disbelief, the first stage of grief. If anything, disbelief is the opposite of cognitive dissonance.

Disbelief is incredulousness. If anything, cognitive dissonance arises from being overly credulous.

24
by Noah Arkadia :: Mon, 10/31/2016 - 10:29am

FWIW, from Wikipedia:

"In psychology, cognitive dissonance is the mental stress or discomfort experienced by an individual who... [blahblahblah or] is confronted by new information that conflicts with existing beliefs, ideas or values."

16
by Aaron Brooks Go... :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 8:26am

Double post caused by malicious redirect ads from this site. On an iPhone. Getting redirects to app survey go.

5
by JohnxMorgan :: Sat, 10/29/2016 - 6:05pm

Funny with some excellent titles, and I cast my vote for more gifs.

7
by Theo :: Sat, 10/29/2016 - 8:08pm

seconded, gifs of the week can become a keeper

12
by Bright Blue Shorts :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 5:53am

Like the GIFs but would like the ability to pause or stop them, like the ones in the Film Room. Otherwise they start to overpower my laptop.

19
by Rob Eves :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 11:35am

I was thinking the same actually; will lobby for it this week. edit: am glad you got a laugh out of it!

6
by Theo :: Sat, 10/29/2016 - 8:02pm

69 is a sexual position where cunnilingus and fellatio happen at the same time.

8
by LionInAZ :: Sat, 10/29/2016 - 8:29pm

Thank you for that duh moment.

9
by rich006 :: Sat, 10/29/2016 - 9:04pm

Well, you're assuming opposite genders.

10
by ChrisS :: Sat, 10/29/2016 - 10:23pm

I hope you were trying to be funny. Cause I laughed

11
by serutan :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 1:10am

And here I was thinking it was 70 - 1.
______
Was wr

13
by Bright Blue Shorts :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 6:01am

Have to say I can't believe what a complete jock Gronk is with that comment.

His turn as a Lyft driver was good though ... http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2671792-rob-gronkowski-goes-undercove...

18
by Rob Eves :: Sun, 10/30/2016 - 11:31am

Ah thank you, NOW I get it!